FICL Desperate Measures 2/3

["wizathogwarts" <mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title ? Desperate measures.
By mike (mcronin24@xxxxxxxxx)
SPOILERS: Everything.
RATING: R. angst and frivolity. 
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to 
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. 
FEEDBACK: Constructive comments are encouraged. 
SUMMARY: (Buffy/Willow) Buffy and Willow are both devastated over 
their battle and the loss of their friendship. Now they have a 
chance to resolve their differences.
Authors Notes: What happened after all the BS of the season from 
hells finale. Just my take on one possible scenario.

Dangerous measures
Chapter 2
Intercourse.

"Done"

Willow felt the transition, aware deep down of the powers that were 
at work creating a private world and placing the estranged friends 
in the middle of it. Her magical senses were tickled but not 
uncomfortably. The transition completed and Willow gazed around 
slowly.  

Directly in front of her was a wall of rose streaked marble. From 
the marble protruded all the items making up a shower with one of 
those large circular shower heads. Her gaze slowly traveled around 
taking in what looked like a kitchen and eating area, a toilet with 
a bidet next to it. A large Jacuzzi and nothing else but marble 
walls. The room was circular, no corners or edges at all and 
everything exposed to the room which appeared to be about thirty 
feet in diameter. And in the center of the room was Willow, sitting 
up on a bed.

As her senses finally adjusted to the new environment, the sound of 
nearly silent weeping reached her ears. She looked down for the 
source of the heart breaking sounds. Next to her with only her head 
exposed, the rest of her body deeply buried in blankets and 
comforter was her long time friend.  

With trepidation, Willow slowly laid her hand on the soft blond hair 
and stroked it gently. After a few strokes the sobs quieted.

Without moving Buffy quietly spoke. "Thank you Dawn, but I think I 
just want to be alone for awhile."

Willow withdrew her hand. "Buffy, it's not Dawn. It's me, Willow."  
Willow spoke softly, knowing that the slayer was about to be 
surprised to say the least.

Buffy had rolled over and was now staring at Willow. Buffy's face 
was completely frozen in total wonderment. Willow patiently waited 
for Buffy to adjust to the situation by keeping an engaging smile on 
her face. One of her patented Willow smiles.

Buffy was looking at the face of her long time friend, lost in the 
beauty of her smiling face. It brought out memories of seeing her 
being castigated by Cordelia at the water fountain. Greeting her at 
a bench in the quad. Sidling up to her at the bronze. The frozen 
expression on her face as she assimilated the information about 
vampires and demons and Buffy's role as the slayer.

And the tears began to flow, the extreme emotion of remembering the 
best times of her life flooded her body like a knife to the gut 
because she knew this wasn't real. She knew she had finally gone 
completely insane. Desire and denial had finally culminated in a 
retreat into insanity. Knowing that this was just her imagination 
only accentuated the utter depths she had sunk to. 

"Oh God, this hurts too much." Buffy gasped and clenched her eyes 
tight to the vision of her insanity. Buffy curled herself into a 
tight ball around the pain in her chest. A pain that was spreading 
through her body like a cancer which no amount of pain killer could 
combat.

Buffy's memory played like a Sci-Fi marathon without the 
commercials. The cold pit in her stomach as she saw Willow leave 
the Bronze with the vamp. The utter destitution on Willow's face 
when she discovered the bodies in the school. The restrained fear 
as Angelus held her neck, so close to snapping. The anger in 
Willows voice when she confronted her at the party from hell when 
she returned from LA. The look of determination and certainty when 
Willow told her they would be going to UC Sunnydale together and 
here Buffy's mind halted.

"It's a good fight Buffy, and I want in."

"I kinda love you." Is that what she really meant. I kinda love you. 
I kinda love you. I kinda love you.

A warm press of exquisite nature halted her descent into spiraling 
madness. Like a safety switch, the press of Willows lips to Buffy's 
cheek completely halted all her thought processes.  

All except one new one. 'That felt like Willow's kiss on my cheek.  
Can't be, this is just my imagination. I couldn't really have felt 
something that I didn't imagine, or did my subconscious imagine it. 
And what..WOHHHHH."  

Willows lips now pressed into the corner of her mouth and Buffy knew 
she didn't imagine that. Slayer curiosity overcame dreams of 
insanity as Buffy's eyes once again opened to see the incredible 
visage of her friend.

"Willow?" Buffy practically croaked from her tear wracked throat.

"Yea Buffy, it's me." Willow gently brushed the hair from Buffy's 
face. "Dawnie made a surprise for us. When you're ready, I'll try 
and explain. OK?" Willow said gently and then laid another kiss on 
Buffy's cheek.

As Buffy kept her gaze on Willow, her mind slowly unfroze. More 
recent memories began to impose themselves. Willow with black hair 
standing over her in the hospital. Willow flinging her arm and 
knocking her and Xander to the ground. Willow standing in front of 
Warren as the skin from his body was literally ripped off and then 
what remained was incinerated in a flash. Willow threatening Dawn.  
Willow telling her that she, Buffy would rather be dead. Willow 
saying how she, Buffy needed her ass kicked and then doing a pretty 
good job of doing so. Memories of a Willow that frightened her more 
than she could comprehend. More that she could conceive.

Buffy sat up quickly. "I thought you were with Xander." Buffy's 
voice was now even and cool. All emotion gone. This is how we 
protect she knew deep down. Can't expose anything now. Can't let 
her know because there is nothing to know. Don't even think about 
it. Can't let her know, can't let her even have a clue. It would 
ruin everything if she knew. It's wicked if I even think it. Can't 
let her know. Can't think it. But isn't it already ruined? She 
asked herself quietly overriding the strident voice.

"Buffy, you and I are alone here. Dawn set things up with Anya so 
that you and I would be alone together until we resolved our 
differences. I know this is another something done without your 
permission but Dawn did have your best interests at heart and I was 
so totally depressed I just went along with it. I'm sorry if this 
is making you uncomfortable, but I thought I was just placating 
Dawnie. Well not completely, the idea of you and I working out our 
problems and being friends again did cloud my judgment. I hope 
you're not too angry."

Willow finally stopped and took a big breath. And Buffy had finally 
decided on her first question.

"Where are we?" Buffy asked as she slowly began to take in her 
surroundings. Buffy's scan was quicker than Willow's. Her slayer 
instincts took in everything quickly. She noticed everything that 
was there and things that were not like doors and windows.

"I think Anya created an alcove in reality and placed us in it. I 
passively sensed the transition. I don't think anything exists 
outside these walls. It's like our own private universe." Willow 
had softly placed her hand over the slayer's and gently stroked the 
back as she spoke.

Buffy didn't move her hand but she gazed at Willow's face intently.  
Why was she here with Willow? Why didn't she wish for Tara? And 
while Willow didn't look happy, she wasn't fall apart super 
depressing either. Buffy tried to formulate in her mind how to ask 
these questions and only one thing came out.

"Why me and not Tara?" Buffy spoke softly, knowing full well the 
possible effect the mention of the gentle wiccans's name could have 
on the redhead.

Willow's eye closed. Her brow furrowed and a small intake of breath 
were the only hints at the tremendous wave of sorrow that washed 
across her. Willow reclaimed control quickly and opened her eyes.

"Because Tara is dead." The words were barely whispered. "To 
restore Tara would have required resetting time prior to the event.  
And there is no guarantee that it just wouldn't happen all over 
again. And if I was able to prevent it from happening, it would 
create a branching line, not replacing the original. These events 
would still exist on the original line where my Tara is dead and her 
soul is someplace it can't return from." Here Willow stopped for a 
moment and after taking a big breath and letting it out slowly she 
continued.

"I have this hole in me. It's so large, it seems to fully encompass 
me. That's where I got lost and became something very dark and 
ugly. I hurt so bad, it was the only place I could hide. I hid 
behind the darkness and just let it take over. That hole is where 
Tara was in my life. Dawn felt that rekindling our friendship would 
help me fill that hole. And there is a desperate part of me that is 
hoping that maybe you can fill that dark hole in me somehow." 
Willow's slight emphasis on the 'can' conveyed something of her hope.

In silent recognition of Willow's pain, Buffy reached up with her 
free hand and tenderly stroked Willow's cheek. Then memory of the 
pain of their last encounter flooded back and she pulled her hand 
back.

"But you tried to kill me. I can't seem to get past that. And that 
you said I need my ass kicked and then went ahead and did it." The 
hurt in Buffy's voice conveyed her pain, confusion and fear.

"Buffy, if I really wanted to kill you, I would have rather than 
sending you after the bouncing fire ball. And as for the ass 
kicking, I remember it more as a draw. And don't forget, with all 
my magically enhanced strength, magic that I could have used to just 
cause your heart to stop beating if Anya was chanting protection 
spells off in the corner, I still needed to use magic to gain the 
upper hand." Willow watched the sad face before her to see if 
anything she had just said helped. Buffy's face relaxed just a 
little. Her eyebrows unscrunched just the littlest bit.

"I guess my pride was hurt, huh?" Buffy's concession to this obvious 
fact caused Willow to smile just a little.

"I think also being on the receiving end of your 'Big Gun' and best 
friend had to hurt pretty bad too. I can't believe that I would do 
those things but I did. I totally understand Faith now. Don't know 
if I would ever trust her, but I do understand how easy it is to go 
over." Willow's small voice trailed off into a river of guilt and 
regret.

"Willow, it wasn't easy to go over. It took the most horrific event 
of your worst nightmares to cause you to seek the power necessary to 
exact your vengeance. I think it's the vengeance thing you need to 
work on." Buffy's voice got soft but remained clear. "Anytime 
someone hurt you, your first impulse was soaking up magic and 
seeking vengeance. There was Oz and Veruca. Glory hurting Tara and 
then the final act by the misogynist king. You throw these 
incredible tantrums because you have the power to do so. Any idea 
why you react so violently?" Buffy rolled her hand over, clasping 
Willow's in hers and gave an affectionate squeeze.

"Kinda funny question coming from you, don't you think?" Willow's 
grin took any sting out of the question.

"Yes, I respond to threats and attacks with violence. But I don't 
kill humans. And if you had caught Warren and handed him over to 
the police battered and peeing in his pants but alive, I would have 
been the first to tell you how proud I was of you." The emotion in 
Buffy's voice was compelling. It didn't challenge or plead, it 
merely conveyed a fact that was irrefutable.

Willow hung her head low until she felt the gentle touch of Buffy's 
fingers under her chin, slowly encouraging her to lift her head and 
resume eye contact. What she saw broke her heart. Tears were 
flowing down each side of her exquisite nose. Tears from eyes 
brimming with caring and something else that gave her hope.

"Was I always like that? And if not, where did I go wrong?" Willow 
brought her forehead to rest against Buffy's. The slayer did not 
pull away as Willow sobbed her questions and joined Buffy's rain of 
tears.
 
Sometime later, no telling how much later as the light was the same 
and there were no clocks and they couldn't see outside to see if it 
was night or day, two tear drained young women began to slowly stir 
from a deep and exhausted sleep. They began by slowly making note 
of touch. Touch told them that they were warm, the kind of warmth 
that makes you feel all comfortable and safe. Touch also conveyed 
that their body's and limbs were all tangled up and each felt the 
soft warmth of each others breath on their cheeks. Eye's slowly 
opened. One pair of green and one pair of hazel. Eyes unable to 
focus as each others face was mere centimeters apart. 

"I think we're all tangled up." Willow whispered a little awed by 
their positions and Buffy not immediately jumping away.

"It does appear so." Buffy spoke so softly Willow barely heard.

"Any idea how it happened?" Willow continued the conversation while 
relishing the heat being generated where their body's meshed so 
tightly.

"Nope, does it matter?" Buffy still hadn't budged.

"Guess not. Are you uncomfortable? Because if you are, we can work 
on untangling ourselves but only if you are because I'm not 
uncomfortable at all." Willow succeeded in stopping before the run 
away mouth on track twenty-nine got away from her.

"Nope again, I'm definitely in the comfortable camp." Buffy then 
took a slow deep breath, inhaling Willow's scent finishing with a 
contented sigh and closing her eyes again. She even gave the red 
head a gentle squeeze with her encircling arms because it felt so 
natural to do.

Willow returned the affectionate embrace which brought their already 
close mouths even that much closer together. So close that Willow 
could feel the corner of Buffy's mouth against her lips. The urge 
was just too great. Willow pressed her lips into Buffy in a soft 
tender kiss.

Buffy pulled her head back slowly. When she had achieved enough 
separation to focus on Willow's face she reached up with her hand 
and slowly brushed soft red strands that felt like silk away from 
her face.

"I'm not her Will." Buffy spoke softly. Convinced that her friend 
was seeking some kind of replacement for her lost love.  

"I know. And she was never you." Willow's words confused the 
slayer completely. Not understanding or not wanting to understand.  
She suddenly felt the need to get out of bed.

"As incredibly good a snuggler you are I think we can probably focus 
better after freshening up." With this Buffy slowly untangled 
herself and rolled away to stand next to the bed. Standing up she 
looked towards the shower marveling at its beauty while frowning at 
the lack of privacy. She took a couple of steps towards the shower 
but quickly reconsidered as nature made its needs more imminent.  
She turned to gaze apprehensively at the equally exposed toilet.  

"Uh Will, I need to use the bathroom but we don't seem to have one.  
Just one big room that looks like a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen 
combo. What is with this anyway." Buffy said just staring at the 
exposed facilities.

"It's Anya. Don't know if it's the demonic sense of humor but more 
likely that she never considered the embarrassment factor since the 
word is not in her vocabulary." Willow was watching Buffy with a 
tiny grin on her face.

"But don't worry Buffy, go ahead. I'm not going to watch you." 
Willow kept her voice friendly and encouraging.

"Yea, your right. Nothing to worry about. We're all alone except 
for each other. Best friends." Buffy gave her a big grin and 
walked towards the porcelain goddess.

Willow gave Buffy one last look and then got up, walking over 
towards the shower for a closer inspection. The shower area was 
about six feet wide by ten feet long. Sunken about six inches.  
There was this very large shower head that just hung about seven 
feet up and 3 feet from the wall. To the side were marble columns 
with gold nozzles, about 5 nozzles on each of the four columns.  
Willow felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped a little. "Pretty 
impressive. Have you found the instruction manual?" Buffy quipped 
only half jokingly.

"I think were just going to have to experiment." Willow said softly 
as she also noticed a little shelf protruding from the wall about 
three feet long and seven feet up.

"Going to watch me shower?" Buffy spoke, hoping the line would 
cause her friend to understand her desire for privacy.

"Oh, if you don't mind, I would love to see how everything works."  
Willow responded enthusiastically.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Buffy gazed at her friend fully aware 
of Willow's innate curiosity.

"Oh, not if it would make you uncomfortable." Willow blurted out 
finally realizing Buffy's true intent.

Buffy shook her head whimsically and gave a slight 
chuckle. "Actually I think it might be OK. I might need your help 
figuring things out anyway. Just remind me to strangle Anya when we 
get back." Buffy gave Willow's shoulder a gentle squeeze and then 
removed the sweat pants and halter top she had worn to bed and 
placed them on a cushioned bench that was next to the shower.

Buffy stood to the side of the oversized shower head and turned the 
knobs that looked like the hot and cold water but nothing happened.  
There was a gold lever on the other side so Buffy raised it slowly 
and still nothing happened. She looked back at Willow and she was 
just as mystified.

"This isn't a vengeance demon thing is it? Create a beautiful 
shower and not hook up the water." Buffy asked Willow exasperated.

"I don't know. Anya is very materialistic. I wouldn't think she'd 
miss something so obvious." As Willow spoke, her helpful nature 
caused her to step into the shower just to see if there was anything 
she could do. As she crossed into the area of the columns, water 
came pouring out of the shower head, cascading over the shelf in a 
water fall and shooting out of the jets in the columns. Both girls 
screamed and Willow jumped back. As soon as Willow left the 
immediate area, all water flow ceased. Buffy had been standing 
right under the water fall, so she was completely drenched but that 
had been her intent. Willow on the other hand was completely 
dripping in the peach silk pajama's of Anya's that Xander had given 
her to wear.

"That bitch!" Willow yelled holding her arms out as her soaked pj's 
clung revealing to her slim form.

Buffy noticing the attractive curves had some appealing thoughts 
cross her mind and before her long time fears could override her 
innate desires those desires voiced themselves innocently.

"Yes she's a bitch. The shower only works if we're both in here and 
since you're already wet you might as well strip and get your pretty 
little butt in here." Buffy started laughing at the sight of her 
friend's furious expression while looking like a drowned rat.

Willow noticing the gorgeously wet body jiggling delightfully to her 
laughter grinned wickedly. 

"Laugh at me will you?" Willow disrobed quickly and left the 
dripping garments on the floor by the bench. She then entered the 
shower zone and the water began pouring again.

Buffy was standing under the shower watching Willow's approach.  
Seeing the mischievous look on the red heads face she couldn't help 
but respond in kind. A little water fun might be just the thing she 
thought. Yea, fun with water and Willow. Do you really want to do 
that. You could go too far and reveal what you dare not reveal.  
But she's so gorgeous. I want to touch her. Touch her all over and 
kiss her. I want to kiss her. Those lips were made for kissing.  
But you can't, it wrong. You only desire men. A woman can never 
please you. It's unnatural. It's not who you are. You are the 
slayer. A slayer can't be with a woman or the world will end. Be 
with a woman and the world will end. Be with a woman and the world 
will end. The refrain played over and over in Buffy's mind and her 
face turned to one of horror and grief then finally into pain. A 
pain she couldn't escape. It was crawling inside her head devouring 
her. She looked up as her legs crumbled and her eyes rolled up.  
Buffy merely whimpered in pain as she collapsed, Willow catching her 
just as she slipped into unconsciencness.