Fic: Seeing Red (part 5/7) W/B C/X NC17

["TheBear!" <thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Seeing Red

Author: The Bear

Rating, Pairing, Spoilers, Disclaimer, Summary and such in part 1

***

Part 5

Willow and Giles walked into the library, talking.  

Willow asked, ?So, where do we start??

Giles sounded distracted as he responded, ?Hmm? Oh, I don't know. Maybe
look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of
thing.?

Willow stopped and looked at the watcher for a moment, ?I'm sensing a
little less than full committal here.?

Giles stopped walking over by the counter and leaned against it. ?Oh,
I-I suppose so. Cordelia may be?? he pondered on the most appropriate
adjective. ??homerically insensitive, but she may also be right.?

Willow looked skeptical.

Giles defended his, unusual for him, position. ?Death and disease are,
are things, possibly the *only* things that, that Buffy cannot fight,?
he explained. ?It's only natural for her to try to create a-a
defeatable opponent. Especially now, after recent events??

Willow gave Giles a sad smile, thinking of Jenny, as she thought he must
be. She knew her girlfriend was anything but infallible, but she also
considered where they were. ?That's true,? she acknowledged. ?But, on
the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a monster.

Giles tipped his head in acknowledgement, and began to walk back to the
stacks. ?What, a monster that grown-ups can't see? Doesn't ring a
bell.? He suddenly stopped, as an idea came to him, ?Unless...?

Willow jumped up to sit on the table. ?Unless?? she asked

Giles walked back toward her, explaining, ?Well, sometimes small
children *do* see something we adults don't? Us. Our true selves, our-
our... our hidden faces.?

Willow?s brow crinkled in thought, ?So the kids might be afraid of a
regular person?? she asked slowly. Realization dawned on her and her
face lit up, ?Like the weird doctor!?

Giles agreed, ?Stanley Backer was his name, no??

Willow jumped down from the table and went to her backpack. ?Let's look
him up,? she said as she grabbed her laptop.

***

It only took Willow a couple of minutes to set up and start surfing for
information on her laptop. 

During that time Giles stood back and watched her, thinking about her
and Buffy?s new relationship. It was quite amazing how, in such a brief
time- only a matter of a few days really- Willow had changed so much.
Oh, she was still Willow- the brilliant, funny, somewhat shy girl she
had been, though her shyness was dissipating at a rapid rate as her
self-confidence grew. Now, though, there was an allure? a sexiness that
was new. Giles had always thought Willow was a very pretty girl, but
now? He felt somewhat embarrassed to find that he was attracted to the
lovely redhead. Nothing to worry about, he didn?t fancy himself to be
in love with her or any such nonsense- but now when he looked at her, he
didn?t see a young girl, he saw a desirable woman.  

Giles was not yet entirely comfortable with the concept that this
desirable woman was in love with the girl he thought of as his daughter-
Buffy. He realized that he was somewhat stuffy when it came to
sexuality; frankly it was probably a reaction to- an overcompensation
for- his hedonistic youth. Giles certainly didn?t condemn the two girls
for their relationship, he genuinely wanted the best for his surrogate
daughter and the girl he sometimes fancied as his protégé.

He just wasn?t completely at ease about it? yet.

Willow suddenly said, ?Got it!? startling Giles out of his reverie.

He went and stood behind her looking over her shoulder as she brought up
Dr. Backer's medical database file comes up on the screen. ?Our Dr.
Backer has something of a rap sheet,? he observed.

Willow began to read off some of the low points. ?Reprimands for
controversial experiments, risky procedures, a malpractice suit. Looks
like it was dropped suddenly.?

Giles took off his glasses and said, ?Factor in Buffy's observation that
he gives her the, um, uh, Wiggins...? He turned away to think.

Willow looked up over her shoulder at him, asking, ?This may be our
death guy??

Giles turned back towards her and said, ?I just wish I knew what he was
doing to these children.

It was that moment that Xander and Cordelia walked in with the little
girl?s file.

***

Giles and Willow were avidly scanning the file while Xander sat,
impatiently waiting for Cordelia to get back from the restroom. He was
nervous. He was planning on telling her his feelings for her. Honest
discussion of his feelings, was something he had never really done
before. Frankly it scared the hell out of him. But, he had decided
that Cordelia was worth trying for a real relationship. He thought they
were ready to move to the next level- being in love.

God! Just the word, or the thought of the word, was frightening. He was
going to try and tell Cordelia Chase, Queen C, most popular girl in
school- known to some as the biggest bitch in the school- that he was
falling in love with her.  

Xander was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up
and saw Willow looking down at him, confusion clearly written on her
face.

Willow had noticed that Xander seemed to be working himself into a
state. She excused herself from Giles for a moment and walked over to
her best friend, putting her hand on his shoulder.

?Jeez, Xander, you?re awfully jumpy?? she said, trying to incite an
explanation.

Xander laughed nervously, ?Jumpy? Me??

Willow gave him a ?don?t try to fool me, mister? look and said, ?What?s
wrong??

Xander knew he didn?t stand a chance at fooling Willow. She always
could read him like a book. ?I just? I?m? Cordy and me?? he stuttered.
He knew she was going to be upset with him, but he also knew she would
support him. ?God, relationships suck!? he thought uncharitably. That
was unfair, he knew. But he wished they could be simpler at least.

Willow considered her friend for a minute. Either he was breaking up
with Cordelia? she felt slightly guilty at the hopefulness of that
thought. Or?

?You?re in love with Cordelia?? she squeaked, shocked at the idea. Teen
lust she understood, but love? How unfair was that; that she should
feel hurt by this, especially when she was in love herself, and- in love
with the girl Xander had wanted since the day they met.

Xander saw the hurt, confusion, and guilt in his friend?s eyes and stood
up, taking her in his arms. ?I know, I know. It?s weird,? he said.
?I?ve been thinking a lot. I wanted to make sure it wasn?t because of
you and Buffy? but yes- I?m falling in love with Cordelia Chase.? He
pulled back and looked down into her eyes. He gave her one of his
lopsided smiles and asked, ?Think you?ll ever forgive me??

Willow laughed at that. Only Xander Harris would ask her to forgive him
for falling in love. She sobered and said, ?You really think??

Xander interrupted her. ?You guys don?t see her like I do. You don?t
see what she?s like when she drops the bitch act. She?s?? he trailed
off, lost in thought for a moment. ?Yeah, I?m sure, Will.?

Willow saw his certainty in his eyes. It was something she hadn?t
really noticed before, but it seemed like Xander was maybe a little more
mature now than he had been only a little while ago. Like he was making
some mature decisions, rather than just reacting- badly- to things that
happened.

?Be happy for me?? Xander asked, just a little hopeful apprehension
peeking through.

Willow chastised herself for her selfishness. Xander deserved happiness
too. He accepted and supported her relationship with Buffy- despite the
pain it must cause him. She owed him the same. Putting on a- mostly-
genuine smile, she said, ?Of course I?m happy for you Xander. You?remy
best friend- and if Cordelia makes you happy, then you have to go for
it.?

?Even if you don?t understand it,? Xander said, finishing what he
imagined was her unspoken thought.

Willow chuckled again, ?Even then.?

Xander pulled her into a hug once again, whispering, ?Thanks, Will.
You?re the best!?

She broke away, teasing, ?Sure, *now* you realize that??

Xander would have responded, but Cordelia walked through the door at
that moment and cleared her throat upon seeing him and Willow in a loose
hug.

Xander stepped away from Willow and walked over to his girlfriend, who
was giving him a slightly icy look- one hand on her hip. He took her
hand and laced his fingers with hers, saying, ?Come on Queen C, let?s
get outta here.?

Cordy gave a slightly disapproving ?Hrmph,? but allowed herself to be
led out.

***

?Where do you want to go?? Cordelia asked, still a bit stiff after
seeing Xander and Willow holding each other like that. It wasn?t so
much that she thought they would be actually doing anything, as it was
the easy comfort those two shared. She was actually jealous. Not that
she?d ever tell Xander that. She hated the fact that she was falling
for Xander Harris, king of losers. But, despite the fact that she hated
it, it was still happening.

?Someplace quiet? I- I didn?t have anyplace specific in mind. We could
go to my house, I guess. The parents are probably passed out by now,?
he said, the bitterness clear in his voice.

They never really talked about it. She knew his parents were
alcoholics, and she got the impression that Xander?s home life was?
unpleasant, but he never gave her any specifics. She softened her
attitude a little bit, and offered, ?We can go to my house. Mom and Dad
are in LA for the week- some charity event or other.?

?Ok,? Xander said. The rest of the ride was made in silence; each
wrapped up in their own thoughts.

***

Xander turned down Cordelia?s offer of something to drink. He led her
by the hand into the plushly appointed living room and sat them down on
the couch, facing one another. He didn?t relinquish her hand as he
began to speak.

?You remember that night when the werewolf attacked us in your car??
Xander asked.

Still having no idea where any of this was going, Cordy said, ?Uh, you
mean one more night where I almost died since I started hanging out with
the ?Scooby Gang?? How could I forget it??

Xander ignored the gibe; ?You accused me of caring more about Buffy and
Willow than I did you; of spending my time thinking of them, when I
should have been focused on you.? Xander was having a hard time meeting
her gaze. ?You were right,? he admitted.

Cordelia failed to strangle a little gasp. ?Oh my God! He?s going to
break up with me?? she asked herself incredulously. She pulled her hand
away from his and back into her own lap. ?This can?t be happening! I
thought we were?? his next words interrupted her line of thought.

Xander had his hands clasped in his lap, his fingertips turning white as
he wrung them together. ?I?ve spent too much time thinking about Buffy,
when I was with you. I owe you an apology for that, Cordy. It was
unfair to you, and really to us both. I- I?? Xander finally stiffened
his backbone and looked up into her eyes, which were wide and shiny.
?She?s shocked that I?m apologizing?? he wondered. He continued on, ?I
want to make it up to you? kinda? well, not really starting over or
anything, but like, maybe?? he trailed off, frustrated that he couldn?t
find the words to express his feelings.  

Ok, now she was seriously confused. ?Doesn?t exactly sound like a
breakup?? she thought.

He tried a different tack- ?Look, I?m not saying this very well, so I?m
just gonna say it: I?m falling in love with you. Hard. I- I miss you
when you?re not around. I even miss arguing with you over stupid
things. I? you make me happy when you walk into the room? and when you
smile at me- really smile? I kinda wish I could freeze time and just
stop right there.? He reached up to cup her cheek, saying ?You?re so
damned beautiful when you smile.?  

?Oh my God!? she thought again, her face breaking out into one of the
smiles he was talking about.

He noticed his hand was shaking as he touched her skin. ?And, it
terrifies me,? he continued, ?To feel like this, to say this to you? I
thought about it, and I think you might be falling for me, too. But
there?s a little voice in the back of my mind that has been screaming at
me not to say anything, not to risk it.?

Cordy managed to choke out one word from her suddenly dry mouth, ?Why??

Xander smiled, his eyes shiny with tears as he said, ?In my dreams, you
tell me that you love me too. In my nightmares you? laugh as you?? he
had to pause and swallow as he felt like his heart was trying to climb
out his throat. ??as you stomp my heart under your foot like a grape.?

Cordelia could clearly hear the aching tenderness in his voice- she
could see the hint of fear showing through his unshed tears. She was
too choked up to speak herself. She got up and stood before him,
pushing him back into the couch. She straddled his lap, one knee on
either side of his hips. She pressed her body up against his and
whispered, ?You are *so* going to get lucky tonight!? She immediately
began to kiss him with all the unrestrained passion she could muster.

After she had kissed him breathless, she sat back upright and started to
untuck her shirt. Xander?s eyes dilated in lust. It took a great deal
of effort for him to reach out and grab he arms, stopping her. His
voice was hoarse as he said, ?Cordy, I didn?t tell you I love you to
make you sleep with me??

She smiled another of her thousand-watt smiles, her feelings heightening
even further at his restraint. Especially when she could feel his
denim-covered excitement pressing into her now wet center. She ground
against him a little as she said, ?Xander, this isn?t because you said
you love me. This is because I love you too.?

?Oh God!? Xander squeaked when he felt Cordelia rub herself against his
erection. His mind was on the edge of a cliff. One more step and he
thought would utterly give way to instinct and emotion. There was only
one more hurdle before he gleefully threw himself into that chasm. He
had yet to let go of her arms as he choked out, ?Protection! I- I don?t?
I didn?t??

Cordelia smiled. Under the circumstances, Xander was being quite the
gentleman. Most guys would have thrown her on the ground and screwed
her brains out the moment she straddled their lap. ?Must really be
love,? she thought with a giggle.

Xander?s eyes widened even further when Cordelia giggled; she leaned in
and he heard her seductive whisper in his ear, ?Xander, I went on the
pill a month ago.? The thought that she had, as much as a month ago,
started planning on having sex with him incited him wildly. His mind
kicked down the last barrier and threw itself into the abyss.  

Cordelia was shocked when she heard Xander?s almost feral growl. She
laughed in excitement when he grabbed her ass and stood up, keeping her
up against his body. She wrapped her legs around him, hooking her
ankles in the small of his back and her arms around his neck as he
carried her out of the living room and made his way through the house to
her bedroom.

Xander made it to her bedroom, despite the distraction of her sucking on
his neck the whole way. When he got into the room, he slammed her into
the wall- not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to heighten the sense
of danger and loss of control.  

Cordelia gasped as she was pressed against the wall. She felt wild and
uninhibited as Xander attacked her mouth with a searing kiss while
rubbing himself against her in a simulation of the act they were about
to engage in.  

Her sex felt swollen and heavy with hot moisture as she felt the
friction of their jeans against their most private parts. She broke off
the kiss, panting, ?Need? skin?? She moaned as he began assaultingher
neck with lips and tongue. She started clawing at his shirt, trying to
get it down over his shoulders while trying to pull the t-shirt up and
off at the same time.

Xander must have gotten the hint at last because he pulled her away from
the wall and went over to the bed. He threw her back on the bed and
grabbed at his t-shirt, yanking it and his shirt over his head at once.
He toed off his shoes and tore at the fly of his jeans.

Once he had them open, he pulled them and his boxer s off at the same
time. While he was bent over, he tore his socks off as well.  

Cordelia was breathing hard as she watched her soon to be lover
frantically undressing. When he stood back up before her- his smooth,
broad chest heaving, she couldn?t help but ogle him for a moment. When
her eyes made it down to his flat stomach she saw the trail of hair
below his navel and followed it down to, ?Ye Gods!? she thought.
Thought it was the first she had ever seen ?in the flesh? as it were,
Cordelia had sneaked a peek at her mother?s play-girls a time or two.
Xander wasn?t the largest she had ever seen, but he looked awfully big,
with it sticking straight out from his body like it was pointing right
at what it wanted- her.

Xander grinned when Cordy started staring at his erect cock. His
amusement changed to hot, dripping lust when she licked her lips. He
groaned out loud, ?Cordy!?

Hearing her name groaned out like that pushed Cordelia?s already
overwhelming excitement right into the red zone. She looked up at
Xander?s wild eyes and gave a little moan herself when he said in a
commanding tone, ?Cordelia, take off your clothes.?

Xander was frozen to the spot as he watched Cordelia scramble to get
naked. Shoes went flying in random directions as did her blouse and
pants. He let out an unrestrained moan of arousal when she freed her
generous breasts from their black lace confinement. She slid her
panties off her legs and laid back before him completely unclothed.
?You? are *so* unbelievably hot, Cordy,? he breathed out.

Cordelia whimpered. She drew her knees up and let them fall out to her
sides, opening herself completely to him. ?Xander, I need you. In me.
Now!?

Xander didn?t need to be asked twice. He quickly crawled until he was
face to face with her. He reached down and grabbed his cock, rubbing
the head up across her wet slit, inciting a moan from both of them.
This was his first time, but he had done plenty of research to be ready
for this day, not knowing when it might come, but wanting to live by the
Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared! His research had given him a basic lay of
the land, and an understanding of the task before him.

?God! Cordy you?re so wet!? he said with a groan. 

His groan was echoed as he dragged across her clit. ?Xander!? she
whimpered urgently. ?Please!?

Xander lined himself up and slowly eased into Cordy?s tight heat.
?Ooohhhhh Goooodddd? Xander moaned out as he sank into her.  

Cordelia cried out in sheer pleasure, ?Xaaannnnnddeerrrrrrrr!? as he
bottomed out. ?Don?t move for a second,? she breathed out sharply.

Xander was instantly concerned, ?You ok?? he asked.

Cordelia gave him a sultry smile, ?Oh yeahhh. Just need to adjust a
bit.? Instinctively knowing that any guy would take it as a complement,
she smirked at him, adding, ?You?re kinda big.?

Xander smiled at the complement. He adjusted himself, putting his
forearms under her shoulders, carrying his weight on his elbows he
pressed the length of his torso against hers, feeling the delightful
sensation of her big breasts squishing against his chest, her long, hard
nipples poking into him. He leaned down and kissed her for a moment.
He asked, ?I didn?t??

She looked at him strangely.

?It didn?t? hurt??

Cordelia realized what he was asking. ?Oh, no. Cheerleader, remember?
High kicks, splits?? 

He got it. ?Oh? good!? He looked into her eyes and said, in all
seriousness, ?I love you, Cordelia.?

Cordelia had tears of happiness in her eyes as she said, ?I love you
too.? She wiggled her hips a bit, letting him know she was ready for
him to move.

Xander got the message. He slowly withdrew from Cordy?s heat, causing
them both to suck in a breath and the beautiful sensation. Xander began
to move within his love, long deliberate strokes. They were both
extremely excited, buzzing on the brand new love they had revealed for
each other, not to mention the incredible feeling of being inside and
around each other for the first time.

It was completely indescribable, the awe-inspiring feeling of giving
this gift to each other, their first loves. How rare and precious was
that? Both still virgins both physically and emotionally.  

Cordelia clutched him to her, wanting maximum contact as he moved inside
of her. She couldn?t believe how good he felt inside of her, stretchy
and burning, but feeling oh, so wonderful as his swollen glans slid
along the her tunnel walls. The hair surrounding the base of his fat
cock rubbed against her swollen clit as he bottomed out with each
stroke. She felt her hips reflexively pushing up to meet his downward
thrusts, the impact creating a slapping sound as their bodies met with
each stroke.  

Xander kissed her as he moved, kissing her lips, her face her neck,
latching onto her pulse point and sucking hard. She ran her hands up and
down his back, reaching down to grab his ass and spur him on.

It was soon too much for Cordelia to stand and she came upon that one
perfect moment, where she felt loved throughout her whole body and
spirit at once. It wasn?t her first orgasm, but it was her first orgasm
brought about by someone other than herself. The difference was
incredible. She felt like she was sinking into warm water on a cold
day. Waves of pleasure rippled through her body again and again as
Xander continued to move inside her slick heat. She cried out his name,
not screaming but more like a loud victory cry.

Xander felt himself slipping away as Cordelia?s tight sheath squeezed
and pulsated around his hard length. He came hoarsely shouting his
lover?s name and it felt like his soul was pouring out of his body into
his beloved. He could never have dreamed how much better this was when
it was shared with another, specifically with the woman he loved. To
put it in Xander-terms it was like comparing Prime rib from Ruth?s Chris
with Salisbury steak at the high school cafeteria. One was almost
edible, the other was almost a religious experience.

He rested his forehead against Cordelia?s and said, ?I just found my new
favorite place in the whole world to be.? Locking her eyes with his he
whispered, ?Inside you.?

Cordelia couldn?t help a delighted laugh, ?That?s the corniest thing
I?ve ever heard, Xander.?

He laughed along with her, realizing it did sound like a bad romance
novel. Not that he?d ever read one of those. No sir! He?d heard
rumors, that?s all.  

?Yeah, well. It?s still true,? he said with a smile.

Cordelia arched her brow and teasingly said, ?Oh yeah? Think you can do
it again??

Xander was surprised, but quickly smiled and said, ?Give me a couple
minutes and I?ll see what I can do!?

***

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