FF: Shadowwalker 1/? Repost

[Carol.Clarke@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Title: Shadowwalker
Rating: PG-13 now, later? 
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own it all 
Summary: Buffy died but it's not the end. 
Warning: Story does not resemble Shakespeare or anything remotely in the
English language.
Thanks: Cheryl Hill
Spoiler Notes: Spoilers for Gift. 
Note: I began this story the summer after season five. So I never had season
6 in mind when it was written.

Shadowwalker

I remember dying. I remember the bright light, the whole tunnel thing. I
wasn't afraid. I understood that this was my gift, my gift of death. I felt
relieved when I jumped into the vortex. You might even say I felt released.
This was what my life had led up to; this was the culmination of my
existence. And then I died.

Only I never made it into the light. I was walking in the warmth of the
tunnel looking into the light. Walking toward heaven or maybe it was hell, I
never arrived so I don't really know what was at the end of the tunnel. 

I don't remember being dug up. I don't remember Nada and Kalib, digging up
my grave. I don't remember them carefully fixing the grave so it looked like
I was still buried in the grave. I still haven't seen it, Josh tells me the
epitaph reads, "She saved the world - A lot!" Got to love Xander, I know
that was his idea.

In truth I don't have many memories of what happen after I died. I just
remember being turned away from the light, and then being turned away from
the dark. I was forced back in to my lifeless body. 

Just a word of caution, if you might get pushed back into your body, don't
let them pump out the blood and do the formaldehyde thing. It took me months
to get that problem taken care of, if I were still human it would have
really sucked. 

I remember being returned to my body, and how painful it was, but I couldn't
make anything work. I couldn't even open my eyes. I think I must have been
in the car going to LA, but I am not sure. I just felt my body moving and
then I just kind of passed out. 

Next there were just sensations. Touches here and there, my body being
moved; blood pumped into my veins; oxygen forced into my lungs. I could feel
bits and pieces of these sensations but mostly they were too much for me and
I would slip back into dreamland. 

I knew they cared for me. I don't know how I know this, I just do. My first
steady memory was of Kalib bathing me in the bathroom. They had a plastic
board with holes on it that fit into their tub. I was laid across the board
and Kalib washed me with the shower massage. He cleaned all my intimate
parts along with the whole of my body, but he was gentle and kind. There was
nothing sexual in his touch. Even this first time, I knew he was just
cleaning me. 

After I was clean he dried me and then put a diaper on me. Finally, he put a
large button-shirt on me backwards. I realized the buttons in the back
served the same way a hospital gown would have worked. I could only watch
him work. It was all I could do to hold my eyes open.

I was bathed daily. Either Kalib, Nada or Josh bathed me each day. They also
fed me, changed me and turned me several times each day. Feeding was the
worst part of each day. They had to use a tube cut into my stomach to feed
me. Nada would put ice chips into me mouth for a few seconds but she was
careful to not let too much water go down my throat. They were all careful. 

It was hard at first to just stay wake. But I would force myself to stay
awake. I went into a kind of slayer spy mode. I tried to learn everything I
could about my caregivers.

Kalib was 19 and worked at a warehouse somewhere in town. He had a
girlfriend named Cindy. He didn't want his family to meet her just yet. He
was really afraid she would learn that he was half demon. He was also afraid
to hurt his mother by not bringing Cindy around to meet her. 

Nada was 17, and Kalib and Josh's sister. She was gay and Kalib wasn't
dealing with that well either. Kalib felt he was the man of the house now
that his father was died. Nada and Josh missed their father but thought
Kalib's need to be the man of the house was full of shit. Nada also wanted
to go to college. She was going to get a scholarship to go to college. Nada
worked at a bowling alley. 

Josh was 16 and shy. He was into computers and science fiction. He often
read to me at night. He worked at Taco Bell. He had a crush of Brook Wilson
who sat two seats up from him in Physics. 

Kalib, Nada and Josh are the three oldest children of a family of seven.
Their father Adam Romanoff was killed two years earlier on the job. He was a
police officer. He was also Roma or Gypsy. Their mother is a Xen Kil Tra
Demon. 

If you considered the time I spent with them I honestly knew little about
why I was there. The big question went unanswered. Why was I here and not
dead? Why were they caring for me? Why did the light reject me? And were
Dawn, Willow and the others doing all right? So many question and if I
thought too long I just put myself to sleep.

Then one night Nada was changing my diaper and she walked in, Madelyn. She
was taller than her children, maybe five nine or five ten. She was
beautiful. She had long red hair that reminded me of Willow. And a kind
gentle smile. If she didn't have the third eye in the middle of her forehead
she would have seemed completely human. 

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))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((

"Mom, she is awake, maybe you shouldn't be in here." Nada said quietly as
she carefully rolled Buffy to the side to fasten the clean diaper in place.

"I see her kidneys are starting to work properly. We should start trying to
feed her baby food in a day or two. The Shadowwalker will be healed before
we know it." Madelyn said helping her daughter roll Buffy onto her other
side to fasten the other side of the diaper. 

When that was done Madelyn used pillows to sit Buffy up a little. "Nada, why
don't you leave us alone for a little while and go check on Jona and
Thomas." The demon told her daughter. 

Once the girl had left the room Madelyn sat down right in Buffy's line of
sight. "I know you can hear me, and soon you will be able to speak again
Shadowwalker. My children took a huge chance to dig you up and help you. If
they had left you in the grave then it would have been years before you were
strong enough to rise on your own. I don't think the world can wait that
long. The world needs you." The three-eyed demon said evenly looking at the
one time slayer.

"I work for the Powers That Be from time to time. They sent me the message
that you were both still needed on Earth and still alive. I sent my
children. They are good kids. I want you to understand something about my
children. I love them. And as you start to wake up completely I will not
allow you to harm them. Do we understand each other?" Madelyn asked moving
closer to Buffy and staring her in the eye. 

"Good." The demon said slowly, still looking at Buffy. "It is going to be an
uphill battle for you to get back all your power. Going through the vortex
drained you completely. You are going to have to start completely over,
learn to eat, drink, walk, everything. It is not going to be easy. And to be
honest I don't have a lot of money. So you are going to have to learn all of
this here, with only our help. But the less people who know about you now
the better. You may not be able to die, but you can be hurt. You must
understand that you are immortal but your body is still much like your body
was as a slayer."

"We have replaced your blood with O negative blood. I may give you a few
more booster pints. We gave you oxygen treatments until you started
breathing on your own. You don't need to breathe but your body doesn't stay
conscious unless you breathe. Or at least that is the way it seems in your
weakened state. You may be able to do things without breathing when you are
stronger, I really don't know what you are capable of doing." Madelyn
explained carefully.

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)))))))))))))))))))))))

As Madelyn was telling me all the things they had done to get me back I just
sort of really wanted to know ...... and I began to concentrate all my
power. I don't know how I did it but I managed to whisper the one word I
really needed to know.

"Why?" 

"Little one, I honestly don't know. Why bring you back and not my husband.
Why? It is a good question, but I am nothing more than a pawn in the same
game you play. Sleep now. Why will come later ..... If at all." 

With that I found myself slipping into a deep sleep, speaking that one word
had taken all my energy. 



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