FIC: The Spaces Inbetween (10/?) NC-17

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: The Spaces Inbetween
Author: Red Willow
Email: reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant 
Enemy, and all them
other peeps. I'm just using them to make my own fun. Casey and Claire are 
mine though. Girl on Girl action.. you know like.. you no read.
Distribution: Story belongs to me. If ya want it, just ask and credit me.
Pairing: W/B with a little bit o' Tara and a smidge of Spike
Rating: NC-17 (up to)
Summary: part 10 of ? S6 and veering off into AU land. Tara's left Willow. 
Buffy slept with Spike. Willow's trying to keep
away from magicks. The spaces inbetween refers to the time between one
relationship and another.... the fight and the makeup, the time spent in 
reflection, dreams...
alone time....
Feedback? I thrive on feedback. Hope you enjoy!
******
Song featured: 'Blues for Angel' by Soul Minor's Daughter 1995
******


?Buffy??
I gently slid my hand from her wrist to her elbow, where I shook it gently, 
trying to wake the sleeping Slayer up.
?Buff? we need to get up.?
?Gnnnn??

I smiled, she was so cute. I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the 
cheek.

?Come on Buffy, we need to go see Giles.?

More groans in protest, and then she turned her head further into the 
pillow.
I heard Dawn moving around in her room and was thankful I wouldn?t have to 
wake another Summers sister. They were always stubborn when it came to 
getting out of bed, especially on a Saturday.

?Buffy?? I tried again, drawing my voice out in what I thought might be a 
good imitation of stern. It didn?t last however when she curled her nose up, 
shook her head slightly, and said,
?Don? wanna.?

How do I resist that? I resigned myself to let her sleep a few more minutes 
while I took my shower. Hopefully when I tried again she would be more 
willing to join the living. I watched her for a few minutes before escaping 
the tight hold of her arm, lifting myself out of the bed, weary of what 
protests my head might make. None came but a slight ache though, and I was 
grateful.

I made my way to the bathroom where I ran into Dawn, literally.

?Ooomphf!?
?Oh! Owww? sorry.? Dawn said, hopping back from me on one foot.
?Oh! Dawn!? I realized I must have stomped on her foot. ?A-are you okay??
?Oh yeah, didn?t need that foot anyway.? She responded sarcastically. ?S-see 
I?m okay with one foot.?
She proceeded to hop past me toward her room.
?Sorry Dawnie.?

She giggled, looking back at me before adding, ?I-its okay, I guess we both 
were kind of distracted.?
?Yeah?? I looked back toward my room, still trying to convince myself that 
yes, Buffy was sleeping in my bed, had held me the whole night, and I was 
feeling extremely frisky. It would be best for all to let me have my cold 
shower so I could function the rest of the day.

?A-are you okay? How?s your head??
?Oh well? a dull pain, or? not even pain really? mostly bordering on 
annoying. It?s okay though, it?s fine? I?m fine.?
?Good? that?s good. I was worried.?
?No more worrying? I?ll be fine.? I said with a smile.
?Oh!? Started Dawn, finally putting her foot down. ?I almost forgot. Giles 
said not to bother going to the shop until about 1 because some stuff came 
up that he has to take care of? whatever that means.?
?Ohh, grr.? I leaned against the doorframe, wrapping myself up in my arms. 
?I so could have slept longer.?
?Uh, sorry. Guess I should?ve told you earlier? Oh! Oh, but then I would?ve 
woke you and you would still be awake? so??
?True.? I agreed. But snuggle time with Buffy would have been nice. 
However, snuggle time might have led to something else, and I still wasn?t 
sure if that was something we needed to cross this soon, but God how I 
wanted her.

Neither of us said anything for a moment and she was about to turn to go 
back into her room when I kicked myself and thought to ask her about Spike.

?Hey??
?Yeah?? She turned back towards me.
?A-are you okay??
She was confused for a moment, then brightened. ?Oh yeah, don?t worry about 
it? see?? She took a step toward me. ?Good as new.?
She thought I was talking about her foot. Maybe this was a good thing. 
She seemed to be rather cheery.
?Oh, uh? no I-I was? I was talking about? um, a-are you okay about? ya 
know, last night, a-and? Spike??
Her face fell. Score another one for the home team. Way to go.
?Oh well, yeah, sure. I-I mean he was a vampire right? A-and he hurt you? 
so? a-and he was trying to hurt Buffy??
?Oh, I?m sorry Dawnie??
?No, no really? I mean I liked Spike. He was? he was my friend? but? I 
mean, I guess I?m okay about it. I know she wouldn?t have done it if she 
had another choice? right??
?Yeah?? I said, looking down. I didn?t think it was right to let Dawn 
believe Spike?s chip didn?t work. But I also realized how difficult the 
whole situation would be if she knew the truth. I just wasn?t sure if we 
were going to tell everyone else the same thing.
?I guess I should shower?? I said, giving her a half smile that I meant to 
be reassuring, sympathetic even.
?Okay?? She said and slipped back into her room without another word.

***

It must be her tongue I feel sliding up the inside of my thigh, soft and 
velvety and oh, it feels so good. Her hands caress my stomach, my sides, my 
hips, where she tugs lightly, playfully, and I slide my body closer to her. 
I?m aware that I?m naked and extremely turned on. Where did my clothes go? 
It doesn?t matter because she demands my total focus, my total love and 
devotion and I give it without will to think, only feel, feel her and her 
small soft hands, her wet mouth, her body, sliding up on top of mine.

Hey, I was enjoying that tongue! She smiles at me lovingly and whispers 
something I can?t quite make out, but it?s okay because somehow my heart 
understands and skips a beat. I?m lost in the deep depths of her brilliant 
green eyes and I can?t look away, only stare and lick my lips in 
anticipation of anything and everything that may come.

And then, I?m aware of some sexy rhythm and blues floating around us, 
something familiar I know I?ve heard before. I wonder where it came from, 
but I only hear, not able to pull my eyes away from her.

Now everything I do leads me to something
and everything I want, I get with time
but see, since I?ve been wanting you
there?s nothing I can do,
to get you off my mind tonight?

She kisses me, feather light flutters across my chest and up my neck until 
she finds my pulse point, which by now is a rapid, demanding thudding 
through my body, from my ears to my toes, and every inch wants the privilege 
of her touch, her love. Her teeth, those perfect white stones that 
accentuate her beautiful smiles, scrape my neck and I can?t help the low 
moan that stretches itself out from my throat to my mouth and into her hair. 
She nuzzles my neck gently before attacking, catching the skin under my 
ear in her teeth and running the tip of her tongue over it before sucking it 
into her mouth. I think my body would jerk off the bed if not for her 
smooth body outstretched on top of mine. I grip her tightly, holding her 
close with my arms, as if I ever thought she?d leave.

If beauty?s in the eye of the beholder
then you?ll wanna be holding me
?cause I?ll jump back and kiss myself
R e d h o t hot for you, to see

She shines in the candlelight, which I hadn?t noticed before, but still I 
can?t look away from her, I only guess by the flicker of soft yellow hues on 
her skin. I trail my fingers down her neck and she shivers in response, 
easing up on my bruising neck, opting instead to kiss my jaw line, my ear. I 
continue my own inspection, down her shoulder, her arm, her back and side. 
She giggles, giving up control for only a fraction of a second, before 
grabbing my hand, raising it above my head, and holding me there. I realize 
that I would do anything for her. I worship her, every inch of her body, 
mind, and soul. I?m in love and I don?t want to be in control if it feels 
this good not to be.

Her voice is at my ear again, tickling the inside, making me smile at the 
closeness, the familiarity that I?ve never experienced except in dream and 
fantasy. She asks me what I want, how I want it, where I want it. And I 
don?t say anything in response, merely think what I?ve been thinking since 
this began, I?m hers. Whatever you want I want, whatever you need, I need, 
don?t ask me, just take me and show me. She smiles as if she?s heard me and 
I wonder if she really hasn?t.


its time you let me be your inspiration
let me move you in a way that moves you most.
?cause see since you?ve been wanting me
I?ve become your trinity
you father, son, and damn near holy ghost.
(Blues for Angel)

And then she?s moving again, slinking her way down my body, kissing the 
entire way down. Warm lips and a wet tongue on my nipples, the undersides of 
my breasts, my stomach, around my bellybutton, the tops of my thighs and I?m 
in heaven again, washed in the light of her body and sex, drawing out sighs 
and moans from me with tender fingers and firm kisses. She spreads my legs, 
and I open freely, my wet center fully exposed for her, inviting her, 
allowing her total access to my body and I?m sure if she were to sink deep 
enough, drive hard enough, she?d touch my soul.

?Willow??

I?m moaning and my hips are moving and she?s moving above me, between me, 
inside me and I?m filled with this sense of near completeness as a sweet 
tension swells and expands from her fingers and mouth up through my stomach, 
warming and intoxicating until I can hardly see, hardly hear, only feel. 
Every ounce of my being is drenched and charged in electro-light fuses of 
wanton desire emanating from the force of her passionate thrusts and grunts 
and all I can do is hold on to the headboard above, and let her take me over 
the edge, control me, ride me, fuck me, love me.

But something else is happening, something strange and unwanted, pulling me 
from her. I?m losing the touch, the light, and that sweet force within 
begins to dissipate until loneliness takes over and I?m searching for her, 
faintly aware that I can only hear her soft voice, not see or feel her, 
because somehow, the bed is melting underneath, melting into darkness, 
taking me with it until there?s nothing left but dim white?

***

I left the bathroom, wrapped in a light terry cloth towel, still toweling my 
hair. I heard the muffled voices of cartoon characters and an occasional 
Dawn giggle from the living room and was once again glad for a chirpy Dawn 
as opposed to a depressed, scared, and rebellious one. I hoped that we were 
finally through all that, and from what I had gathered from our conversation 
the night before, I was confident that Dawn was maturing and would become a 
strong, independent woman.

Buffy was still asleep, and it didn?t surprise me one bit. I decided to 
let her sleep just a little longer while I got dressed and straightened out 
the room since we didn?t have to meet Giles so soon.

I dressed quickly, stupidly self-conscience that Buffy might wake up and 
see me naked. Not like she hadn?t before, but this was different. This was 
sexual, intimate. The circumstances had changed, and neither of us could 
pretend we didn?t care or weren?t interested, because we both knew better. 
And okay, sure we both admitted we wanted to do it last night, no doubt 
about it, I never thought I?d calm down, and I knew by the way she was 
holding me, shifting around, that she wanted it just as bad as I did, if not 
worse, but, I was still self-conscience and a little nervous about the whole 
thing.

I popped a cd on, turning it down a bit from last night?s blasting level, 
and made my rounds with the laundry, notebooks, research, etc. I kept 
stopping by the side of bed to look at Buffy. Goddess, how beautiful she 
is. It always surprises me how every time I allow myself a longer, 
lingering look, how I?m still caught off guard by her beauty. There are 
just certain aspects that really grab my attention, drawing me in, and if 
I?m not careful I will become lost there forever. I had really worked hard 
at protecting myself from discovery, and it occurred to me that she must 
have too, if what she told me the night before was any indication.

I was thinking about all the good times me and Buffy had spent together 
over the years. Too many to recount them all of course. Sleepovers, 
Bronzin? it, fighting the good fight together, sharing a dorm room. Okay so 
the last part was good except for neither of us really being there, and 
maybe that whole year wasn?t that great. Of course I did meet Tara, but 
we?re not talking about her. She left me, good reasons sure, but she left 
and now Buffy knows how I feel and she feels the same and Oh Goddess I hope 
this works.
I was standing at the foot of the bed, watching her sleep and thinking 
about the past six years, both the good and the bad times, swaying to the 
music, when I noticed that she was moving in her sleep. Moving her hips and 
moaning actually. Now what could that mean?

I walked over to the side of the bed and leaned closer to her, curiosity 
getting the better of me. In her movements, the sheet that previously was 
wrapped around her had been pushed down to reveal her breasts, straining 
against the satin of her bra. Her chest was rising and falling, and one 
hand clutched the sheet at her abdomen while the other was thrown above her 
head. Her lips were parted only slightly and as I leaned closer, thinking 
it would be fun to waken her from what ever erotic dream she was most 
definitely having, with a kiss, I heard her moan something that stopped me 
dead in my tracks.

?Willow??

Huh? Did she moan my name?

That meant she was dreaming about me. Having an obviously very seriously 
erotic dream, a sexy dream, a dream about sex with me in it. A dream about 
sex with me. I was stunned, flattered, even turned on. No, I was very 
turned on. Buffy Summers, the woman I loved, had loved for approximately 
six long years, the woman I?ve lusted over through two other relationships, 
the woman who?s saved my life and been my best friend, the Slayer was 
dreaming about me, dreaming of having sex with me.

Of course I could have been wrong. She might have been dreaming about some 
evil demon succubus thingy and maybe she moaned my name because I was in 
danger and she couldn?t get to me and save me like so many times she?s had 
to in the past. Or what if I did something to make the succubus attack Buffy 
in the first place and she was just moaning my name because she couldn?t 
believe I had gotten us in yet another mess.

Breath, take control, and breath. In, out, in out.

I decided that given the state of affairs the night before, especially the 
turn on of us snuggling so close, that she probably was having a ?wet dream? 
and I wondered just how wet she was. Of course this brought my train of 
thought around to my own body which was responding rather embarrassingly 
considering I had started to rub tiny circles on my stomach just where my 
shirt ended, sending tiny shivers down to my already awake and wet center. 
I was really hoping to have quelled that since last night, but I found that 
I was either going to have to take care of the problem myself, which, I had 
earlier decided I didn?t want to do, or, I could jump Buffy and hope I was 
well received. Choices, choices.

Slowly, I slid the sheet the rest of the way down her body, easing the 
sheet out of her clenched hand. I marveled at the tanned and toned long 
legs that greeted me. I followed the lines and curves of her body with my 
eyes from her cute little toes to her muscled thighs, to the white satin 
triangle between her legs, over the flat of her stomach, again the swell of 
her breasts, the curve of her neck, the wet tip of her tongue, barely 
visible between her parted lips, all the way to the splash of dark blonde on 
my pillow.

I licked my lips and decided that I would give Buffy more than just a good 
morning kiss. I closed and locked the door before removing my midriff and 
jeans. Taking a deep breath, I crawled onto the bed, kissing her belly 
button softly before carefully straddling her, placing my hands at either 
side of her head. I smiled down at her, watching her eyes move behind heavy 
lids.

I leaned down to her ear, extremely aware of the proximity of our bodies, 
and attempted to rouse her from sleep.

?Buffy??

I kissed her ear tenderly and nuzzled the spot right behind it with my 
nose.

?Buffy? come back to me.?

The music moved on in the background and I lowered my body more, pushing my 
breasts against hers. The sensation stirred a deep ache that caused my 
breathing to increase and I still couldn?t believe she hadn?t woken up yet. 
Apparently her Slayer senses were taking a short break.
?Buffy? wake up sweetie? I tried again.

I ran the tip of my tongue along the ridge of her outer ear causing her to 
finally stir.
?Mmmm??
Her arms jerked up and grabbed mine.
?Huh??
?Buffy, i-it?s me.? I said, hoping she wouldn?t toss me across the room.
Instead she eased up on her grip and opened her eyes wider, trying to 
figure out what was going on no doubt.
?Will??
?Yeah? Morning.?
She smiled up at me before looking down at our position, and I think 
finally realizing just where I was, and how close we were.
?Uh? uh? Will??
I lowered my head to her ear again and caught her earlobe with the tip of 
my tongue, sucking it into my mouth.
?Ohh? um? oh?? She started, but already I felt her give in to the 
sensation, her hands sliding up to my shoulder, then down my back as I 
continued sucking, licking, and kissing her ear and neck.
?Willow?? She moaned and I smiled, knowing I wasn?t going to get any 
protests.
?Buffy,? I said in response. ?I want you.?
?Uh huh? okay.? She nodded in agreement before turning her head and 
bringing her lips to mine.
The kiss was soft and affectionate, only lasting a few seconds before she 
broke off.
?Wait.?
I pulled back in disappointment. I had just known we were going to make 
love and now she was stopping.
?What?? I asked, the frustration evident in my voice.
?Oh, no, nothing. I just?? She didn?t finish.
?What Buffy? I-I thought? I thought you wanted this too.?
?Oh God, no Will, I do? I do? Believe me I do.? She rolled her eyes before 
continuing. ?I um? could I brush my teeth first??

I was stunned into silence for a minute. Here I was making my move, totally 
turned on, audibly so, and she wanted to brush her teeth. I couldn?t help 
it, I started to laugh.

?Hey!? She cried.
?I-I-I?m sorry!? I tried to stifle my laughter. ?I-it?s just that? you? you 
want to? brush your teeth!?
?W-well yeah? um?? She was trying to cover her mouth now, fully aware that 
I was still close to her mouth.
?No no? it?s? here I was making my move and? you?re worried about??
?Morning breath, Will??
?I-I know? but??
?I?m sorry? I don?t want to gross you out!?

I stopped laughing and just looked at her. I?ll admit, her breath wasn?t 
minty fresh this morning, but I didn?t care at that point.

?Buffy? nothing about you could gross me out.? I told her in total 
seriousness.
I could barely make out her smile behind her hand.
?You?re sweet Will, but really? I?d feel much? um, better? and um? I could 
uh, pee too.?
I nodded, remembering many morning sexcapades with Oz or Tara interrupted 
by the need to pee.
?Okay?? I finally gave in.

I slid off her, lying beside her with one forearm over my eyes, sighing 
deeply. After a moment a warm hand on my stomach startled me. I looked over 
to see Buffy eyeing me with a large smile plastered across her lips.

?W-what??
?You are so beautiful.? She looked at me as if for the first time, soaking 
up every inch of my body with her eyes before meeting mine.
?Do you know that??
?Uh? um??
?You are Willow, God?? She continued to run her eyes down the length of my 
body, her hand stroking my stomach.

She met my eyes again and held them, bringing her hand to my cheek where she 
caressed lovingly.
I put my hand over hers and smiled back at her.

?You?re not too shabby yourself.?

She leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on my nose.

?You?re too cute.? She whispered.
?Hmmm? I?ve been told that before.?
?Do you really want to???
?Yes.? I said, cutting her off. ?I wouldn?t have stripped and straddled if 
I didn?t want to.? My brows creased, wondering if maybe I had misjudged. 
?Do? you? not want to??
?I do. Most definitely. Let me, uh?? She glanced toward the door to the 
bathroom.
?Well, go on then? hurry it up!? I tried to sound demanding, but I couldn?t 
quiet the giggle that erupted from my throat.
?Be right back!?

She hopped over me and off the bed, slipping through the door to the 
bathroom.

All of a sudden I was a bundle of nerves. The confidence I had when I 
decided to jump her was nowhere to be seen and I shifted restlessly on my 
bed, trying to figure out how I should lay. As I was, or under the covers? 
Seductively or lazily? With my bra and panties on or off?

I was brought out of my nervous shifting by the sound of the water running. 
She was taking a shower! We were so going to have to talk about this.

***

?Be right back!? I said happily before jumping over her and off the bed.

I finished brushing my teeth and stood in front of the mirror, looking at 
myself. My hair was messed up pretty bad and I had bags under my eyes. 
Definitely not attractive, I decided. Plus I was pretty sure that if we 
were going to make love for the first time, I did not want to be 
scary-skank.

I ran the water, letting it get very hot and stripped my bra and panties 
off, tossing them in the hamper in the corner. The water felt good, coming 
down in a hard spray across my shoulders, neck, and back. I stood there for 
a few quiet moments, with my head down and my eyes closed, relaxing in the 
therapeutic heat.
I thought about Willow, about our friendship and the hidden love I had had 
for her for so very long. I thought about our time spent together, good and 
bad, just as I had done so many times before. She was my life. Every thing 
I did, somehow, I did for her, even if I didn?t realize it at the time. I 
lived for her, fought for her, defended her, I had died for her twice, okay 
so not directly, but in the back of my mind I knew, knew that I had a job to 
do and it would save Willow. Every thought I had was related to how I felt 
for her, and I never realized it until our lips met the night before, until 
we kissed and I felt the spark between us blossom and glow.

Each time I reflected back on the last six years spent with Willow and 
Xander, I would realize that for all the hell we had been through, for all 
the apocalypses we thwarted, for all the turmoil we put each other through, 
I would never want it any other way. They were my life, a part of my family 
and I loved them with every ounce of my being.

I was alive again, brought back by the woman I loved, by my friends, and I 
knew I had to fix and put a stop to then tension, the worries, and the 
unspoken doubts and resentment hiding in the halls between them and me.

Then and there, in the solitude of the hot water and white tiles, I decided 
that I would live for them, live for Willow, and for me.

I washed my body down with a thick lather of soap, suds sliding down my 
arms, my legs, my stomach, imagining Willow?s hands doing the same in a few 
minutes. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had thought about 
making love to her for years, but those hows were in no way comparable to 
actually doing it and I was scared I wouldn?t do it right, wouldn?t make her 
feel good, disappoint her.

The more I thought about it, the wetter I got, the more my hands shook, and 
the more my stomach performed Olympic style flips. How could I be so turned 
on by the image of her straddling me, looking down at me with obvious lust 
in her eyes, and still make myself sick with worry and doubt?

?Buffy??
?Huh?? I jumped back, almost slipping on the soapy floor of the shower, 
stunned out of my thoughts by a certain red head peering at me around the 
curtain.
?Willow!? I shouted, trying to cover myself.
?S-sorry? I just? I thought maybe??
?I-I-I?? I stammered, not sure what to do and wondering why I was so 
nervous about her seeing me naked.
?I-I?m sorry? I?ll go?? She said, sadly, disappearing from my view.
?Wait!?

I let my arms fall away from my body, and pulled the curtain back slightly. 
The sight that greeted me sent a pure bolt of electricity straight thru me, 
stopping my heart before landing directly between my legs.
My mouth dropped open and I was speechless.

She was standing in front of me entirely nude and I finally let myself look 
at her completely, instead of sideways glances while we were changing for 
gym, in the dorm, at the pool house. I took in every curve, every line, 
every crease, birthmark, hair, and freckle. I had seen plenty of naked 
women, in all shapes and sizes and nothing compared to what I saw in front 
of me. She glowed. She was beautiful. I took in the amused curve of her 
lips, before moving on to her small breasts with their dusty peaks, stiff 
and inviting. I ran my eyes down the length of her stomach, noting how a rib 
stuck out slightly on one side, down to the light red fur of her sex.

I licked my lips and tried to clear my mind enough to speak, but words were 
nothing I remembered, only outright desire, a deep need clawing at me from 
inside, aching to get out.

I glanced up at her and saw she was smiling at me. I blushed, realizing 
how long I must have been staring. I wanted her so bad that I was clutching 
the shower as if it was my lifeline.

?Uh?? Was the only sound I could manage.

It must have spoken volumes to her though, because she smiled wider than I 
had seen in quite awhile, before she stepped up to me, putting her finger on 
my wet lips.

?Can I come in?? She asked, her voice taking on a seductively husky tone.
I nodded, still stunned.

She broke my death grip on the curtain and gestured for me to move over as 
she stepped into the steady hot stream of water. She wrapped her arms 
around me, pulling me close and we just stood like that for a few moments, 
basking in the water, steam, and heat of our bodies.

******


"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


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