FIC: Dispelling the Darkness (2/?) PG-13

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Dispelling the Darkness
Author: Red Willow
Email: reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, and all them other peeps, i'm just using them to make my own fun.
Some dialogue taken straight from the show. Love between two women... you
no like... you no read.
Distribution: Ask me first... and i'll probably say yes. Please credit me.
Pairing: B/W
Rating: PG-13 (May contain some language and adult themes. Nothing
explicit.)
Summary: Takes place directly after the S6 finale. Quotes from some S3,4,5,6
shows. Buffy and the rest of the gang are trying to find a cure for a
mysterious illness that has waged war on Willow's body.. Meanwhile, Buffy
must also confront her true feelings for the redhead while living with the
guilt that she's known Willow's true feelings all along. Part 2 of ?
< and > stand for thoughts. [ and ] contain flashbacks.
Feedback? I thrive on feedback! Hope you enjoy.

*******

?Any change??
Giles soft British voice nudged her out of a light sleep, making Buffy groan 
at the twinge of discomfort in her neck from where it had rested on her 
friend?s bed side.
She shook her head shortly before casting her eyes up at the man she knew 
more as a father than Watcher. He looked tired, they all did, but Buffy had 
never seen Giles look quite this way. He was unshaven, hair tossled, his 
shirt wrinkled. Buffy eyed him quizzically for a moment. They needed to 
talk, she could see that.

Giles had not donned any of the required articles for to visit someone with 
such a high level of infection as Willow had, and so he stood in the hall, 
only a sliver of his face blocked by the thick glass of the doors.

She stroked Willow?s arm tenderly before leaning over and planting a soft 
kiss on her head.
?I?ll be right back.? Buffy whispered to the noisy sleeper.
Buffy had become used to the groans and sighs that Willow released after 
only a few days of sitting vigil, learning not to jump up and check her 
every time.

The Slayer stepped out into the hallway and stripped off the mask, gloves, 
and apron already too used to this routine every time they moved in or out 
of the room. Aprons could be reworn if left just inside the room, but masks 
and gloves were to be disposed of, new ones used every time upon entrance in 
the protected room.

Watcher and Slayer headed down the hall, silent until they reached the large 
double doors that led to the waiting area and the safer parts of the 
hospital, not reserved for those who were most sick.

?So what?s up Giles?? She turned to him and took in his appearance again. 
Before she could let Giles answer, she spoke again. ?You really look rough.?

He smiled weakly and nodded, looking down at himself.

?Let?s uh, go in here.? Buffy offered, holding her arm out to indicate a 
?quiet room.?

It was a small room, dark save for a small lamp in the corner on a table. 
There were two chairs and a small love seat that was more of a bench than a 
sofa. Buffy had noticed an older woman and a priest in there the day before 
on her way to the restroom, praying and crying together. From the looks of 
it, she thought maybe the priest might have also been family, the woman?s 
son perhaps.

Buffy took a chair, leaning forward with her elbows on thighs, her head 
cradled in her trembling hands. Giles looked at the love seat distrustfully 
before sitting down. He groaned as he eased back, obvious discomfort in his 
back.

?Are you okay??
?Yes, yes, just??
?Up all night again??
?Um? yes, actually.?
Buffy gave him a sympathetic look then brought her hand down in front of her 
to study them. They were both quiet for a few moments before Buffy began to 
speak.
?Giles? I need to know??
?I know??
?Will she???
Giles shook his head slowly, not sure where to start.
Buffy looked at him with desperate eyes.
?Buffy, I uh? I?ve been researching around the clock, with Xander and Anya?s 
help too??
?I?m sorry I can?t help.?

Buffy felt weak. She should be with the other Scoobies, researching, trying 
to fix Willow instead of moping around the hospital, willing her friend to 
wake up and be ok.

?No, no? I think you?re quite right to stay by Willow. She needs to know we 
are here for her, especially after everything that?s happened.?
?But I could help you? I could? but I? I can?t leave her Giles.? Buffy felt 
defeated and was sure that whatever horror awaited her that night on patrol 
would surely be her ruin.
?No Buffy?? Giles leaned forward and took her hands in his. ?I think that, 
maybe in the beginning, we were wrong for trying to get you to go home. 
Now? now I think it?s more beneficial for you to be by her side.?
?You? you really think that??
?Oh yes, quite so. Now more than ever.?
?Wha-? Why?s that??

Giles closed his eyes and cleared his throat, getting all his thoughts 
together. He took off her glasses and began cleaning them as he told her 
all that they had found.

?Buffy? we know that what the doctors are doing, well it?s, it?s all they 
can do. This fever, infection? this thing that?s raging inside Willow? we 
were right Buffy. It is fueled by magicks.?

Buffy took all this in, nodding slowly to show she understood and to urge 
him to continue.

?When Willow harnessed that black power it wanted to consume her, make her a 
living agent of its evil. Willow let it until she took good, pure magic from 
me. The forces struggled inside her, that is why Xander was able to get to 
her, to stop her, to show her his love and touch that bit of humanity left 
in her. When he did that, the black magicks she had let run through her 
body were forced out, drained if you will. But unfortunately, what was left 
behind was an infection, fueled by mystical power true, but a deadly 
infection eating through her none-the-less.?

Buffy was stunned. They all had figured it was something to do with the 
powers she had harnessed, either that or the guilt over what she had done, 
hence the steady research to explain their friend?s quick downward decent 
into illness.

And when it was clear that Willow wasn?t getting better, that this was not 
just about a fever, headaches, and nosebleeds, they took her to the 
hospital. The doctors were perplexed, still were, hooking her up to 
machines, running tests, giving her antibiotics, speculating on whether they 
were dealing with a form of cancer or leukemia that hadn?t been discovered 
before.

Buffy was numb during most of this. Allowing Willow back into her home 
where she had shared a room with Tara, but trying desperately to not let her 
back into her heart. She couldn?t be mad, couldn?t kick her out, or yell at 
her even for what she had done, had tried to do to them all. She loved her 
and knew she was in pain. But she was numb, so very numb all over like when 
she first had been pulled from the earth by the same person who tried to put 
her back.

They had set Willow up on the couch in the living room, knowing it wasn?t 
wise for her to see the large blood stain in the carpet from Tara?s bleeding 
body. Giles stayed over, setting up a cot not far from the living space. 
Xander stayed too, sleeping on the floor, in a chair, or not sleeping at 
all. He stayed beside Willow for those first few days as if the world 
depended on it. And Buffy knew it was true, he had saved them all. He had 
done the simplest, easiest thing. He had loved Willow, their entire lives he 
loved her and would no matter what. He gave her truth, light, hope, and 
love, and Buffy was numb with guilt because she hadn?t.

?Giles??
Giles looked up into a tear-streaked face.
?How do we stop it? How do we heal her??
?That I don?t know yet. I do know that, if what we?ve been able to find out 
is correct, then, like I said before, what the doctors are doing, the 
antibiotics, the platelets and such, it?s helping her. They?re fighting the 
infection with the best they can.?

Buffy nodded, not wanting to accept that what they had been doing the last 
two weeks here in this damned hospital was the only thing they could do. 
She wanted answer. She wanted solutions. She wanted a cure for her best 
friend and she wanted it now.

?Okay.? She finally said, weakly. She got to her feet and looked at Giles, 
knowing the Watcher was in as much pain over Willow as the rest of them.
?I need to get back to her.?

Giles stood and nodded in understanding. Buffy began to turn but Giles 
stopped her.

?Buffy? there?s one more thing I need you to know.?
?What?s that??
?I em? I must leave? go back to England again.?
?What?! Giles! You can?t!?
Giles shook his head, knowing he had to say something quick or his Slayer 
would lose it.
?Buffy.? He started sternly. ?It?s for Willow.?
?It is? Wh- How?? She looked towards him for reassurance, for answers.

?The witches, the powerful coven in Devonshire I told you about? the ones 
who imbued me with their powers and sent me to help Willow? I?ve been 
talking with them? but communication is slow? there is?? He took off his 
glasses again and looked at them. ?There is much more we can find out if I?m 
there with them, I?m afraid.?

Buffy took this in. Giles was leaving again. Things had gone so wrong 
before, so horribly wrong when he left. Now they were facing the aftermath 
of all that and he was leaving again. She wanted to shout at him, to fling 
her fists and him and beg him to stay. But she knew too that if it would 
help Willow there was no other choice. He wasn?t leaving because he wanted 
her to be an adult, to take care of her own problems. He wasn?t leaving 
because he missed England. He was going to help Willow and that was all the 
explanation Buffy needed.

?When are you leaving??
He bowed his head for a moment. ?Tomorrow morning. I made the arrangements 
before I came here.?

Buffy nodded, slowing accepting this new turn in events. She hugged him 
then, fiercer than she had when he walked in on Willow trying to turn her 
and Anya into scrap body parts.

?Help her.? Was all she said before breaking the hug and making her way out 
the ?quiet room? door and back through the double doors that housed rooms of 
death.


[ ?I can?t believe the school?s gone.?
?I know??
?I-I mean? the school Buffy? our school??
?Calm down Will, you?ll have a whole new world from which to educate that 
mind of yours in a few weeks.?
?I know? it?s just that??
?I know? I know? the school?s gone. Give it up Will, we graduated? alive I 
might add? one dead worm-mayor and another apocalypse avoided? we?re free 
for the summer and then we?re starting our very first fun filled year at UC 
Sunnydale. You won?t be getting sympathy from me.?
?Grumble grumble.?

Buffy laughed lightly, holding the phone to her head with her shoulder as 
she struggled to open a carton of left over Chinese food.

?Besides?? Buffy continued. ?If I have to be okay with Angel leaving? you 
can at least forget that the school has a big gaping whole in it.
?Oh Gods, Buffy?? Willow slapped herself upside the head. ?H-how are you 
doing??
?I told you? I?m? okay.? Buffy stabbed a strip of Beef and sucked it into 
her mouth. Chewing, she said, ?I knew he was leaving? I love him? I miss 
him? but I can?t change that, I can?t bring him back? and it would only lead 
to bad things if I did.?
?Oh? yeah?? Willow looked at her still empty fish tank. She hadn?t been 
able to bring herself to get new fish since she had found the others dead on 
a string. She had simply drained the water out and left the tank on the 
floor in the corner.

Neither of them said anything for a few moments but Willow could hear Buffy 
chewing.

?What are you eating?? She asked.
?Hmmm?? Buffy looked at the half-congealed mess in front of her. She hadn?t 
bothered to heat the dish up. ?Beef and Broccoli.? She concluded.
?Oh? sounds yummy. Maybe I?ll get Chinese for dinner.?
?Are you?re parents home yet??
?Oh? uh? no? they??
Willow wasn?t really sure where her parents were. They had called and left 
a message on the answering machine saying they were going to be in Budapest 
for another two weeks. Then a similar message was left saying they had a 
change of plans and would probably be in Rome. Probably? Probably?

Buffy knew the routine. She had spent many, many nights with Willow either 
at the Rosenberg house or her own because her parents were out of town. 
Summers were the worst for the red head, Buffy knew. Willow?s parents would 
leave for weeks at a time and leave Willow alone with cash and a charge card 
to take care of herself. Buffy thought that in all the time she had known 
Willow, her mom had never shown so much concern for the welfare of her 
daughter until she was willing to burn her at the stake. Buffy just 
couldn?t figure that out, even if her own mother was under the say delusion.

?How ?bout I come over, Will? Bring a few movies??
?Um? okay.?
?Alright.? Buffy put the half eaten leftovers back in the fridge. ?Be over 
in a bit!?
?Bye!? Willow smiled to herself. She loved having sleepovers with Buffy. 
She always felt so much closer to her then.


Three hours and a pizza later, the two girls were laying across Willow?s 
bed, stomachs down and legs lazily bent upwards, watching Steele Magnolias 
for the upteenth time. Movie boxes were haphazardly strewn in front of the 
TV/VCR combination and several empty Cokes were crumpled up near, but not 
in, the garbage.

Buffy turned to Willow suddenly, desperately needing to ask a question that 
had been burning in her head for several months now.

?Hey Will??
?Yeah Buffy?? Willow glanced over at the blonde briefly.
?Um? can I? uh? well there?s something I?ve been wanting to ask you.?

Willow turned, supporting herself by propping on her elbow. She studied 
Buffy?s face, searching for a sign as to if this question was going to be 
good or bad. A light fear washed over her as she saw the struggle in 
Buffy?s eyes.

?W-what is it?"

Buffy smiled warmly, more to herself than for Willow?s sake. Was she really 
going to ask her about this? How long had it been now that she tried to 
figure out Willow?s thoughts while being telepathic?
Buffy sighed deeply before she spoke. ?Will? what did you mean? that day I 
could hear your thoughts? you remember??

<Oh Gods!> Willow thought, the fear increases several knots. Her palms 
began to sweat and her stomach made several loops.

?W-what are you talking about?? Willow whispered. She didn?t mean to 
whisper. She meant to sound as if she really had to clue what Buffy could 
be talking about. That didn?t work though. The crack in her voice betrayed 
her and Buffy caught it.

?Hey Will? this is me here. You know you don?t have to hide anything from 
me.? Buffy wanted answers, but she also wanted to reassure her friend that 
there was nothing in the world that would stop her from being her friend. 
She remembered Willow thinking that if Buffy knew that she wouldn?t want to 
be her friend anymore. <But knew what exactly?>

?Uh? um? w-what was the question again?? Willow was blushing from head to 
toe and knew exactly what Buffy was referring to. She was actually 
surprised that it had taken her friend this long to ask. Buffy could be so 
nosy sometimes, hence the reason she thought the telepathy thing was so cool 
at first.

Buffy raised herself up, sitting Indian style with her hands in her lap.

?Okay Will. That day in the library? I kept hearing you say? or erm, think 
things? things like ?don?t think about it, don?t think about her? and that 
if I found out I wouldn?t want to be your friend anymore? which is so far 
from the truth!?
?You don?t know that.? Willow said simply. She sat up and faced Buffy, 
sitting in the same style. She couldn?t meet Buffy?s eyes though, scared 
that her friend would see the truth in her eyes.
<But I have to tell her. I know her, she won?t let this drop until she 
knows. Great. Grumble Grumble.>
?No, I Do know that Will. I told you, nothing could ever happen to make me 
stop loving you.?

Willow?s head shot up and caught Buffy?s eyes. Her heart fluttered at 
first. But she knew Buffy only meant as a friend and it saddened her more.

?I uh?? Willow started.
?Willow?? Buffy urged her friend on.
?Ah? uh? o-okay? I-I?m going to tell you this because I know you won?t let 
it go? and it?s going to be really embarrassing and you?ll probably hate me? 
run off to L.A. even? and I?m only doing this ?cause you want me to? so if 
you don?t like what you hear? a-and I know you wont-?
?Will! Babble much??
?I-I? oh? crap. Okay? here goes.?

Willow took a deep breath, bracing herself for whatever negative reaction 
Buffy was going to have.

?I um? I?m?? She took another deep breath and let it out slow. ?O-okay? you 
know I love Oz right??
?Well yeah? I mean hello! You?re practically stuck at the hip.? Buffy mused.
Willow smiled, thinking <yours too it seems? at least that?s what Oz says.>
?Yeah? right? so. Okay, well I kind of like um? well I-I don?t just like 
guys, Buffy.?

Buffy took this in, some questions already confirmed.

?So?? The blonde started, ?are you telling me you?re into? girls? too??
Willow looked down, her head in her hands.
?I know I know? I?m awful??
?What? NO! Will??

Buffy moved to put her arms around her best friend. <God I didn?t know this 
was going to be so hard on her.>

?Willow? shh? it?s okay. It?s okay.? She tried to reassure her now crying 
friend, running her fingers through her soft red hair.
?But Buffy?? She shook her head and retreated from Buffy?s arms and wiped 
the tears from her face with the back of her hand. ?That?s not? I mean? 
there?s more.?
?Oh??
?I-I mean? okay? me liking girls too, okay so I guess I?m bisexual right??
?Yeah? I mean? guess.? <Have you ever been with a girl Will? What? Did I 
just think that? Do. Not. Ask. Her. That!>
?Yeah? I-I mean I?ve kind of dealt with that? just haven?t? I never told 
anyone though.?
?Not even Oz??

Willow shook her head. She was scared if she told him that he?d get a 
bright idea for a threesome. At least that?s what Xander would probably 
say.

Neither said anything for a few moments. Willow could feel the tension in 
her build. She knew she had to follow through and tell Buffy everything. It 
felt good, she realized, to tell Buffy her deep dark secret, as she had 
referred to it over the last year. She wasn?t sure if it would feel this 
good after telling Buffy she was in love with her though.

?So okay? you?re bi? good for you Will.?

Willow looked up at a smiling Buffy.

?A-are you serious??
?Well yeah.? Buffy put her hand on Willow?s knee and squeezed gently. ?It?s 
not a bad thing, ya know. It?s okay? I?m just glad you got it off your 
chest.?
?Yeah??
?But um? Will??
?Yeah??
?There?s more? isn?t there??

Willow eyed her curiously.

?Buffy you don?t have your telepathy back do you??
?Huh? No way? why do you say that??
Willow shrugged. ?Just felt like you were wandering around in there or 
something.?
?So? there is more then??
?Oh yeah.? The redhead nodded, not believing what she was about to do.
?Okay? I know you think me being bi is okay and all but I?m pretty sure 
you?re going to hate me after I tell you this and all I ask is that you 
don?t kill me? Slayer powers and all??
?Will?? Buffy began to wind.
?I know, I know? starting to babble again.
Buffy nodded. <Just tell me Willow.>

<Just tell her Willow.> She took a deep breath, running her hand through her 
hair. <Okay. Just going to say it, get it over with.>

?I-I?m uh?? She froze, having to take another slow deep breath. 
?IthinkI?minlovewithyou.?
<Okay was that English and? what? Did she just say??>
?Okay first? slow down. And second? say that again.?

Willow put her head in her hands and groaned. <Again?? She wants me to 
actually say it again?>
Willow kept her head in her hands, shaking it from side to side slowly. 
Buffy put her hand gently on her best friend?s shoulder.

?Willow??
?I said?? She began, not lifting her head, but pronunciating her words so 
that Buffy could hear her. ?I think? no? I?m pretty sure I know??
?Know what?? <You?re torturing her. You know damn well what she?s going to 
say.>
?That I? I?m in love with you.?

There was complete silence for a few seconds and briefly Willow wondered if 
she had missed Buffy sprinting for the door.

Buffy for her part was not as shocked as Willow thought she should be. 
Buffy thought way too much, and ever since that day she had thought a lot 
about what Willow?s thoughts could have meant. She didn?t want to push 
things, didn?t want to hurt her best friend in all the world, but she knew 
she couldn?t return those feelings. As much as her brain was telling her to 
never question Willow, never make her confirm her suspicions, her curiosity 
had gotten the better of her per usual and so there they were, silently 
sitting on Willow?s bed as Buffy rolled her words carefully around in her 
mouth and Willow waiting for the inevitable sledgehammer to drop.

?Are you sure?? Buffy finally asked the embarrassed and equally petrified 
red head in front of her.
?Huh?? Willow looked up, a mix of shame and shock on her face. She couldn?t 
believe Buffy was still there, still talking to her.
?Are you sure? that you are? are you know? in love? with me??
Willow couldn?t meet her eyes, simply looked at Buffy?s chin, her hair, 
anywhere but those questioning, soulful eyes.

She wrung her hands. <Yes! Of course! But maybe, maybe I just think I am? 
maybe I?m not really in love with her? it?s not like we?ve talked about it, 
or kissed? or? but I know how I feel damnit!>

?I? yeah.? Willow squeeked out, nodding her head slowly. A single tear fell 
from her face to the back of her hand and she quickly moved to wipe her 
tears away.

Buffy beat her to it though, moving her own hand up to Willow?s cheek where 
she brushed the backs of her fingers across the smooth warmth of damp 
cheeks. Willow?s eyes shot to Buffy?s and her breath hitched. They locked 
eyes for only a second before Buffy moved her hand away and diverted her 
gaze. It lasted only a second, but it was more than enough time for the 
familiar zing of energy to zip through the red head?s body.

Buffy decided to give Willow some space. She lifted herself off the bed and 
moved to look out the door window at the setting sun. Soon she would have 
to go on patrol. The plan was for her to take Willow and they would do a 
few quick sweeps of the surrounding cemeteries. Things had been slow 
lately, very slow, and the Slayer figured that it wouldn?t be a big deal.

Willow continued on as she was, sitting cross legged, her head hung low, 
wringing her hands in her lap.

?Buffy?? She looked up to see the blonde at the window.

Buffy didn?t turn around. <I think we just messed this up, big time.> She 
thought. <We couldn?t have just let it rest? Now Willow is hurting and 
embarrassed and scared I?m going to stop being her friend, all because she 
can?t help how she feels.>

?Buffy? I?m so sorry!? The redhead pleaded, fear creating an uneasy tone in 
her voice that Buffy hadn?t heard before.

The slayer finally turned, taking in the sight of her friend, practically 
broken, pleading with her eyes for forgiveness, for understanding.

?Oh God Will?? Buffy started. She moved in front of Willow, kneeling beside 
the bed. ?You don?t have anything to be sorry for okay??

There was no response.

?Will? Willow, look at me.? Buffy reached out, and with a gentle touch, 
urged Willow?s chin up, bringing there eyes back into contact.
?This changes nothing.?
?But Buff-?
?Nothing.? Her tone was stern, unrelenting. ?So you love me, you can?t help 
how you feel.?

Willow shook her head in disbelief.

?I-I?ve tried? tried not to.? Willow tried to explain. How many nights had 
she lain in bed awake, trying to think of Oz alone, and not the firm toned 
features of the blonde, or how soft her lips might be when she kissed them.
?Oh honey, you gotta listen to me. I?ll admit this is? ah? a little weird 
for me? but.? She held up her hand as if to emphasize. ?It still doesn?t 
change how much you mean to me, or our friendship. You, Xander, Giles? you 
guys are as much a part of my family as my Mom and Dawn.?
?Oh Buffy??
?Listen, don?t feel bad? okay? I mean? actually I?m kind of flattered, and 
maybe I?m the one who should feel bad.?
?Huh??
?Well? here you are? in? love? with me? and I? I can?t return those feelings 
Will??

Even though she was already well aware of this fact, hearing the words made 
it all too real and sadness washed over Willow?s face.

?I?m sorry Willow.? Buffy wanted to hug her friend but not sure if it would 
be appropriate.

<Oh God? will I start thinking she?ll take every gesture of affection the 
wrong way? Wait? I can?t start that. This is Will and I love her? just not? 
that way right? So I can hug her and even if she does like me? or okay? if 
she loves me that way? we can still hug right? I-I mean? Xander had a 
thing? or has? Well anyway, he did and we still did and so I can still with 
Willow? nothing changes, I said it myself.>

Buffy shrugged and moved forward to wrap her arms around Willow. She 
stiffened at Buffy?s touch at first, then relaxed into the Slayer as she had 
so many times before. <Maybe things will be okay after all.> She thought.

?Don?t hate me Buffy.?
?Shh, don?t talk like that. Of course I don?t hate you, I love you Willow. 
I?m just sorry I can?t be the one to make you happy.?
?That?s okay? I do still have Oz you know.?
?Yup.?

The Slayer held her red headed best friend in her arms, mixed emotions 
plaguing her as she felt the soft beat of Willow?s heart against her own. ]



?Hey you.?

Buffy softly brushed red hair away from a pale cheek. Willow smiled wanly, 
slowly opening and closing her eyes, trying to wake up.

?Hey?? Willow tried. Her voice was but a whisper and had Buffy not been a 
Slayer would have probably missed it.
?Shhh? you don?t have to talk.?
?No?? The red head closed her eyes for a few seconds. She was extremely weak 
and hurt all over. Her mouth was dray and she desperately needed some 
water.
?W-water??

Buffy was up in a heartbeat, grabbing the cup of ice she had just refilled a 
few minutes earlier.

?Sorry sweetie, no water. Have some ice.?

Willow nodded that she understood and opened her mouth slightly, allowing 
Buffy?s fingers to ease the cold sphere between her lips.

Neither of them spoke. Buffy held Willow?s hand just as she did every 
single minute she was in the room, while Willow slowly sucked the ice, 
allowing the cold liquid to ease down her throat.

?H-how long?? She didn?t finish, but knew Buffy would know what she meant. 
It was difficult to talk. She still had cottonmouth even after Buffy fed 
her a few more ice chips and her throat hurt. Her entire body ached and she 
felt as if she needed to go back to sleep.
?Um? well. That?s hard to say. What?s the last thing you remember??

Willow thought for a moment. She knew she must have been here awhile 
already. The first few days she was in and out, but her body began to give 
out, she got weak, not able to keep her eyes open, and she also knew that 
she had been having hallucinations. <Unless of course the walls melting and 
the bugs crawling on my skin were all apart of the treatment.

?Um?? She cleared her throat and winced at the pain. ?Xander and? no? wait?? 
<You were holding my hand and crying.>
?It?s okay Will, you don?t have to? umm??
?No? you were here??
Buffy smiled warmly. ?I?ve been here the entire time sweetie.?
?I-I think? I know that. I remember you? crying? holding my hand? and crying 
my name.?

Buffy was surprised. She had tried her best to stay strong for Willow, for 
all of them, only allowing herself to cry when she took a break to go to the 
bathroom. But the night before had been different. Willow hadn?t come 
around for almost two whole days. At least not where she made sense. She 
had been hallucinating, alternating between groans of pain, and shouts of 
fear as Buffy held her hand and tried to soothe her. She couldn?t hold her 
pain in anymore. Willow had finally calmed down, and though her sleep was 
fitful, she wasn?t trying to tear herself from the bed.

Buffy broke down then, weeping softly into the mattress beside her dying 
best friend?s slim frame until her cries became almost too much to bear and 
all she could do was chant Willow?s name over and over as if her secret 
mantra would help dispel whatever darkness was raging inside her.

?You heard me? You remember that? last night??
?I-I guess? that?s? the last? I remember.?
?Well that?s? that?s good.?

Buffy leaned forward and tenderly kissed Willow on the cheek. While still 
near her ear, she whispered ?I love you.?

Willow smiled. As soon as she did though, the current turn of events 
flooded her memory and she felt sick with guilt and shame. <How could she 
love me after all I?ve done?>

?B-but?? She started but the swelling lump in her throat made it impossible 
for her to continue. Hot tears fell from her eyes, flowing in even lines 
down her cheeks.
?Wha- Will? are you okay? Do you need something? A-are you in pain??

Buffy stood up, but never letting go of Willow?s clenched hand.

Willow shook her head, ignoring the steady pulse in her temple as she felt 
the thick black calling her back to sleep.

?I-I did? so many? evil things? how could? you? still love??

She wasn?t able to finish, sinking deeper into the dark oblivion of her 
illness.

?Buffy sat back down, wiping the tears off of her friend?s cheeks even as 
her own made their slow descent.
?I?ll never stop loving you.? She whispered softly, closing her eyes and 
pressing her forehead against the back of Willow?s unresponsive hand.



tbc...

"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


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