FIC: Summer Confessions 2/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang, thanks so much for all the feedback :)

Here's the second part.

~~
Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Wouldn't I love to own em! But of course I don't, how much does 
that suck? Everything herein belongs to Mr. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, yada yada 
yada.
Rating: PG-13. What can I say, I still haven't gotten up the courage to try 
my hand at naughtiness
Warning: If the idea of two grown woman in a loving romantic relationship 
gives you the squicks, well then you better avert your eyes.
Distribution: If you want it, feel free. Just drop me an email to let me 
know where it's going.
Feedback: Always welcome and appreciated.
Spoilers: Almost anything is fair game with me. But nothing past mid Season 
5 I don't think.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow
Summary: Buffy wrote letters to Willow, but never sent them. What happens 
when the letters find their way into Willow's hands? 
Author's Note: Ok, I wrote this in a completely different way than I've 
written anything. I started it back at the end of May and just wrote bits 
here and there when the mood struck me. And I've switched POV's back and 
forth between Buffy and Willow a little bit. Hopefully it won't get you too 
confused and hopefully it doesn't feel all that disjointed. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy and I got loaded up and out of the dorms a lot quicker than I had 
anticipated. Of course Slayer super strength and all that played a 
significant role, what with the 3 boxes at a shot that she carried down the 2 
flights of stairs to the parking lot. I swear sometimes she does that just 
to try and impress me. Flashing me a sweet, almost cocky grin before 
grasping up another heavy pile and heading out into the hallway. Doesn't she 
realize that no matter what, no matter how strong she is, how many piles of 
clothes and other knick knacks she can carry, she's just Buffy to me. 

Sure she's the Slayer, and believe me, that fact has saved my keister on more 
than one occasion, not to mention the entire known world. But it's the 
complete package that makes her my best friend. I guess she's just so used 
to having to pretend being someone else with Riley that she doesn't realize 
she doesn't have to do that with me. She never used to, I knew her better 
than I knew myself at times. When did all that change?

Actually I don't really need to ask myself that question, I already know the 
answer. Riley. Oh who am I kidding, Riley AND Tara. I didn't think that 
when we started dating people that weren't within our little close knit group 
that we would drift so far away from each other. But that's exactly what 
happened. And I can't help but curse both Riley and Tara a bit for that. 
Even when I know it's my fault more than anyone's. 

I hid Tara. I hid our relationship away from everybody who matters the most 
to me. And as much as I'd love to say I don't know why I did it, I know with 
certainty the reason. I was scared. Completely and utterly terrified. 

Of Buffy's reaction.

I always had suspected there was more to Faith and Buffy's relationship than 
Buffy let on. Not that I think they slept together or anything, because the 
fleeting thought that they did would be enough to make steam come out of my 
ears. No, it was more the fact that Faith had this sensuality about her, she 
oozed sex appeal. And more than once I could have sworn I saw Buffy's eyes 
glazing over when all of us would be out at the Bronze. Of course it was a 
rarity in and of itself that Faith would actually hang out with all of us at 
one time. She usually either spent all her free time with Buffy, or with 
none of us at all. I remember asking Buffy about it once and she gave me 
this rather disgusted look and shot down the notion that she could ever be 
attracted to Faith. It had calmed my fears that Buffy was interested in 
Faith. But it didn't make me feel any better about my own feelings for my 
best friend. Because when she brushed away the thought of her and Faith 
together so brusquely I took it to mean all woman in general, including 
myself. And given the fact that Faith was walking sex appeal, even if it was 
of the skanky variety, if Buffy wasn't attracted to her, she wasn't attracted 
to any woman at all, myself being at the very bottom of that barrel.

I remember being so nervous when I told her that all I could do was clutch 
onto my pillow and very barely meet her gaze. And at first, I thought for 
sure she was going to run out screaming into the hallway. She had looked 
confused , then when realization set in about what I was telling her, I 
swear I saw a thousand different emotions play across her gorgeous green 
eyes. Hurt, confusion, but the one that really caught my attention at the 
time, was the jealous green spark that flashed for longer than any of the 
others. And it both raised my curiosity and my hopes. And then the guilt 
set in. I was with Tara, yet I couldn't help but have a little bit of hope 
that my new girlfriend was the key to winning Buffy's heart.

How horrible am I?

And my guilt just gets worse, because I'm actually rather glad that Tara left 
to go back East. Things weren't all that great at the end of the year 
anyway, I think she was beginning to pick up on the fact that my emotions 
were divided between her and Buffy. And as wonderful as Tara is, and as much 
as I do love her, it's not the same kind of connection that I have with Buffy.

It's not the same kind of love I feel for Buffy.

And therein lies my problem. For 4 years I've been completely in love with 
my best friend. 

And now we have the entire summer to spend together. Tara is back home, 3000 
miles across the country, and Riley is off getting debriefed who knows where. 
Not that it's that unusual for Buffy and I to be together a lot during the 
summer. Last year we spent a ton of time just hanging out. With Xander gone 
on his little road trip into the great unknown, and with Angel in LA, we had 
plenty of girltime. But with Oz's presence constantly in the background, 
even if he did manage to make himself rather scarce with all the gigs 
Dingoe's managed to nab, it kind of put a damper on things. Not that I would 
have ever worked up the courage to come clean to Buffy in the first place. 
Especially not right after what had happened with Angel. She was heartbroken 
that day in her bedroom, and I was not about to add to her emotional stress 
by admitting that I've been hopelessly in love with her for almost the entire 
time we've known each other. Nope, that was a definite thing of badness in 
my book. But last summer had been fun. We really had some good times, 
movies in the afternoon followed by tons of summer shopping. Then even more 
movies at night, with lots of slumber party sleepover goodness. 

Last summer was probably the best of my life. And now that I think about it, 
I know exactly why. It was the first summer I had ever spent with Buffy. So 
I must be trying to press my luck, because Buffy and I alone together in 
Malibu on the beach is bound to kick my hormones into high gear. Which 
around her, is never the best thing. Sure I adore the feeling of pure and 
unadulterated love and passion that courses through my veins whenever I'm in 
her presence. Suppressing it so she doesn't realize is a completely 
different story. But I can't help hoping that this summer brings us together 
as lovers, the way last summer brought us even closer as the best friends 
that I hope no matter what happens, we always will be.

And as much as I have guilt for leaving the thought of my girlfriend in the 
back of my mind, I can't wait until Malibu. Buffy in a bikini is more than 
enough to send me running for a cold shower. But it's the thought that I 
might finally work up the nerve to tell her how much I really do love her 
that has me the most excited. Visions of Buffy holding me close, as we sit 
on the beach under a star filled sky dance in my head as I drift off to 
sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Buffy, my god, how much stuff do you have down here?" 

"Come on Will, it's not that bad! Besides, I have a very good excuse, I've 
been gone all year long, how am I supposed to clean out my closet when I 
don't even live here most of the time?"

I crawl out of the back of Buffy's closet for a moment to shoot her an 
exasperated glare, but the second I turn to look at her my heart stops 
beating in my chest. She's modeling one of the new bikini's she bought when 
we went to the mall last week in preparation for our week of sun and sandy 
surf fun. She had showed me the small, barely there purple iridescent number 
on the hangar and I immediately loved it. But on her, words can't accurately 
describe how incredibly gorgeous it looks. I have to actually shake my head 
to clear my vision, I honestly think I was seeing doubles of her out of 
repressed desire or something equally naughty.

At the present moment Buffy has me digging through her closet for her duffel 
bag and beach towels. But I think I'm fighting a losing battle, because all 
I seem to be up to my waist in is shoes and the occasional stuffed animal.

"Well when was the last time you used it? Because I can't seem to find 
anything in here besides shoes and plenty of bunnies, both of the dusty and 
furry variety." And the fact that some of the dust ones are bigger than the 
stuffed ones really should worry me I think.

"Umm, I think probably the summer before last. When I left 
after.................." She stops because I imagine she saw the pain flash 
across my face. The summer between our Junior and Senior year of high school 
isn't one of my favorite topics. I spent dozens of sleepless nights 
wondering, praying to any deity that would listen, that Buffy was safe. That 
she wasn't in a ditch somewhere, or worse yet, sucking the life out of 
someone as an immortal Vampire Slayer. The emphasis always on the vampire 
part. That entire summer I felt like I was completely lost without her, like 
part of my soul was taken along with her on her journey, and I didn't find it 
again until that night I saw her alive and well in that alley. It sounds 
melodramatic even to me, but that's exactly how I felt. So every mention of 
the summer we spent apart like that just opens the wound a small crack and 
lets the hurt seep in just a bit. And Buffy knows that. Hence the contrite 
look she's sending my way.

"Will, I'm sorry, I know, really sore subject. You know how my mouth has 
this tendency to not cooperate with my brain sometimes." She stops adjusting 
herself in the mirror, and quickly crosses the distance between us and grasps 
me up into a warm, loving hug. 

Eek!

Ok, normally Buffy hugs are the most soothing thing in the world to me. This 
time is a tad bit different. Cause you see, she still has on the purple 
string bikini. And her very barely covered body is now squishing into me in 
all the wrong places. Actually the real problem is, she's squished into all 
the right places. And it's suddenly gotten extremely hot in her bedroom. I 
can feel the blood rush to my cheeks as I wrap my arms around her hesitantly, 
searching for a spot that won't add any more friction to my already 
electrically warm body. I settle for the middle of her back, but I quickly 
spring my hand up to her shoulder the minute the thought of just simply 
untying the knot she has keeping her bikini top in place crosses my hormone 
induced mind.

Bad Willow! I'm a very, very bad girl! What in the world has come over me? 
I'm thinking like a sex starved teenage boy. Oh god! I'm starting to think 
like Xander!

"Will, are you ok?" Huh? Oh man, she must have noticed how strangely I've 
been acting. Just great, I'm ruining everything before we even get out to 
Malibu. Funny, I didn't even realize she had pulled away to look at me. And 
why not, I'm staring at her, why shouldn't she be looking at me too. Of 
course she's not looking at me the way I'm looking at her, cause well that 
would mean she wants me the same way that I want her, and I'm pretty sure 
that's not the case.

Oh god! Somebody please, just shut me up! I even babble internally!

"Yeah, I'm ok Buffy."

"Are you sure, because it kinda felt like you tensed up when I hugged you?" 
She has this subtly hurt expression floating across her eyes and I kick 
myself mentally more than once. I hate that look, it's a cross between 
wounded puppy dog and confused. Separately I think that she's adorable 
wearing them. But combined it just tugs at my heart.

"No, no, I'm fine Buffy, I was just surprised I guess. I think I'm just 
getting readjusted to your hugs again. I mean this past year we weren't 
really all with the huggies and I really kind of missed it, and you, and 
well you know this already, and it's not like you haven't hugged me recently, 
cause you have, but that was for the first time in ages. And I guess I just 
need to get used to you hugging me more often again. Not that it's a bad 
thing, cause it's way up there on the goodness scale, top of the charts 
really. And can you just shut me up now?" Oh god, what's happening to me? 
I haven't babbled that much in ages. I'm reverting back to my high school 
self. What happened to cool confident college girl? Buffy turned her into a 
pile of hormonal mush with one hug, that's what. Scratch that, one bikini 
clad, almost naked Buffy hug.
Buffy reaches up and pushes a errant strand of my auburn hair back behind my 
ear and gently smiles at me. Melting again here. "Actually Will, I kind of 
like it when you do that. You get the cutest expressions when you go into 
one of you little spree's there. In fact, the first time I saw you do that I 
had to fight such an urge to just wrap you up in the biggest hug. It was the 
most adorable thing I'd ever seen."

Awww. She's so not helping my melting condition. Because that was one of 
the sweetest things she's ever said to me. "Well now you know I'm a big 
fan of your hugs, so no need fighting the urge anymore, right?" Ok, well 
that was not subtle in the least bit. Hey, look at me, I just asked for 
Buffy huggies, yay on me!

She laughed a little before sobering up a bit and just gazing at me through 
sparkling green eyes. No way did I just see a spark of desire flash in those 
eyes, no way. "Well Will, you know I'm not the most restrained person on good 
days, so glad to hear." She leaned forward and took me into her arms again, 
turning her face into the crook of my neck and softly nuzzling my hair. Ok, 
wait. Nuzzling!? Buffy is nuzzling my hair? She sighed contentedly, or at 
least I think so, and tightened her hold on me.

"Buffy?" I was getting rather confused, because the way she was holding me, 
so lovingly, so.......possessively, certainly seemed to be going out of the 
best friends ballpark. And as much as I was enjoying all the closeness, I 
didn't have a clue what was going through her mind. She pulled her head up 
from my shoulder and caught my gaze in her own. For what seemed like forever 
we just stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, gazing into emerald green 
depths.

"Will........" She leaned closer and closer, her forehead now resting 
against my own, both our breathing becoming somewhat labored. I was positive 
she was actually about to kiss me, when I heard Joyce's loud voice echo in 
through the open bedroom door.

"Dinner's ready girls! Don't want it to get cold, come on!" 

We snapped apart like someone had shocked us and just stared at one another 
for a brief moment before Buffy turned back around to her closet and grabbed 
a white t-shirt and a pair of cutoffs and quickly slipped them on. She 
turned back around to face me, gave me a shy sweet smile and grasped my hand, 
pulling me along with her downstairs to dinner. 

And I'm sure the goofy grin stayed on my face throughout the entire meal.

TBC Soon......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy:"I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than 
after a shift at the Doublemeat."
Willow:"Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day."
-'Normal Again' Shooting Script