FIC: Summer Confessions 4/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang. Thanks to everyone for the wonderful feedback, I appreciate it so 
much! :)

Anyway, here's part 4, hope you enjoy :)
~~~~~
Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Wouldn't I love to own em! But of course I don't, how much does 
that suck? Everything herein belongs to Mr. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, yada yada 
yada.
Rating: PG-13. What can I say, I still haven't gotten up the courage to try 
my hand at naughtiness
Warning: If the idea of two grown woman in a loving romantic relationship 
gives you the squicks, well then you better avert your eyes.
Distribution: If you want it, feel free. Just drop me an email to let me 
know where it's going.
Feedback: Always welcome and appreciated.
Spoilers: Almost anything is fair game with me. But nothing past mid Season 
5 I don't think.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow
Summary: Buffy wrote letters to Willow, but never sent them. What happens 
when the letters find their way into Willow's hands? 
Author's Note: Ok, I wrote this in a completely different way than I've 
written anything. I started it back at the end of May and just wrote bits 
here and there when the mood struck me. And I've switched POV's back and 
forth between Buffy and Willow a little bit. Hopefully it won't get you too 
confused and hopefully it doesn't feel all that disjointed. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wow Willow, you're parents really go all out!" Buffy sounded so in awe. 
Me, I've gotten to the point that materialistic type things don't impress me 
so much anymore. Being Buffy's best friend for 4 years, seeing all the 
things she's accomplished, all the things she's had to learn how to deal 
with, that's what really impresses me. But I'm glad that I can seem to make 
her happy, even if it is with my parents buyoff's for never being around. 
And I do have to admit, the condo really is spectacular. A spacious living 
room, with a tan leather couch, and what had to be at least a 60 inch TV 
tucked away into a cabinet on the far side. A kitchen area with bar seating 
and the biggest refrigerator I've ever seen, well, next to the commercial 
one that we found Dr. Gregory in back in 10th grade that is. 

Eww! Bad visuals Willow, bad bad visuals! Although I do distinctly remember 
sitting behind Buffy on the stairs of the library later on in the day, gently 
massaging her shoulders trying to calm her down and ease the tension out of 
her taut muscles a bit. If I really think about it now, I'd probably guess 
that I was already head over heels for her, even way back then. Which is 
actually a rather scary realization.

"Oh my god Will, you have got to see this view!" Buffy comes rushing back 
over to me and grabs my hand, dragging me back towards the sliding glass 
doors that lead out onto the deck. We continue through the doors and I 
involuntarily gasp, fully absorbing the view Buffy is so crazy about. She's 
right, it's absolutely amazing. The deck itself leads down onto the sandy 
beach, and about 100 feet out is the shoreline. And with the moon reflecting 
off the water, and the star filled sky glistening above us, I don't think 
I've ever seen anything more beautiful. Buffy pulls me into a sideways hug, 
wrapping her left arm around my shoulder and grasping me around my waist with 
her right, and finally settling her chin on my shoulder. "This is like 
paradise isn't it?" She looks up at me, the moonlight dancing in her 
excited green eyes, and I can't do anything but stare at her and nod my head 
in agreement. 

It IS paradise. My paradise. 

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the moon and stars shining 
brightly overhead, and Buffy's arms wrapped around me. I can't think of a 
more perfect utopia.

"So, are you up for a little naughty fun?!" I blink my eyes a few times to 
refocus, caught up in my own Buffy centric world for more than a moment. Ok, 
did she just mention naughty fun? I think my hormones are definitely in 
control again, because a thousand different scenario's are playing out in my 
mind, and I'm sure they're all 10 times more naughty than what Buffy had in 
mind. Before I have a chance to ask her just what exactly she meant, Buffy 
pulls away from me and starts taking her shorts off

"Uh, what?" Oh yes, very coherent there Willow. Of course I do have 
extenuating circumstances. Namely a half naked Buffy in front of me, for the 
second time in under a week.

"Come on Willow, tell me you've never skinny dipped before?"

Oh. My. God.

She is so not doing this to me! I have plenty of self control. But if she 
honestly thinks that I can control myself with both of us naked and dripping 
wet she's completely out of her mind. Of course the fact that she has no 
clue how much I desperately want her probably has a tad bit to do with her 
driving me completely crazy. 

Before I ever realize it she's completely stripped down to her bra and thong. 
Wait a second, since when does Buffy wear thongs? Not that it's really 
important, because I'm sure as soon as we get closer to the water that's 
gonna go the way the rest of her clothes did. And I'll be in just as much 
trouble either way.

"Come on Willow, you can't go skinny dipping wearing all that!" Buffy starts 
tugging on my shirt, trying to pull it overtop my head. That's the last 
straw, Buffy trying to undress me snaps me out of my naked Buffy induced haze.

"Buff, I really don't think this is such a good idea. I mean, uh, well, what 
if someone sees us?" Somehow while I desperately tried to reason with her 
she managed to get my shirt over my head and now I'm standing there in 
nothing more than my shorts and bra. I quickly realize what the sea breeze 
is doing to my exposed top half and cover myself up. Yep it was just the 
cool ocean air, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Buffy's 
gaze has turned into an even more mischievous one.

"Well too bad Will, because I've got your shirt, so you're just gonna have to 
come and get it!" And with that she took off sprinting towards the water, 
waving my shirt behind her like a war prize. She reached the shoreline and 
turned back around to grin at me, sticking her tongue out, challenging me to 
try and retrieve my stolen T-shirt. And honestly I didn't really need to, I 
mean I had at least 15 other tops I could have put on, 20 feet away in my 
suitcase. But there was something about the way Buffy was acting, the 
playfulness, the..................flirtation in all her actions of the past 
few minutes. So yet again, my hormones took control and I took off after her 
down the beach.

By the time I reached the shoreline she had already waded about 10 feet out 
into the water, still waving my shirt above her head triumphantly. "Come and 
get me Will!"

I tentatively dipped my foot into the water, making sure that it was warm 
enough. Even in the middle of July I still figured that it was best to check. 
How much of a wussy am I? I carefully wade out to where Buffy was standing 
and just as I was about to reach her I lunged, grasping for my shirt in the 
process. I must have caught her off guard, because before I know it I'm 
completely wrapped around her and we're falling backwards under the water. 
As we resurface I find that Buffy's arms are wrapped tightly around my waist 
and I've somehow managed to bring my legs up to encircle her hips. She 
reaches up ever so slowly and brushes a few wet tendrils of hair away from my 
eyes. Her touch is so gentle and soft that I have to actually follow her 
hand to realize she's really touching me. She keeps tracing my hairline for 
a moment before trailing her hand down my cheek and ever so softly over my 
lips. 

"Will........." She trails off breathlessly, inching closer with every 
passing second. After what seemed like an eternity to me I feel her sweet 
lips ever so softly brush against my own. Before I even have a real chance 
to fully respond to her embrace I feel her pulling away. Great. She regrets 
it, I just know it. Buffy raises her eyes to mine, still tracing the contour 
of my jaw with gentle fingertips. Wait, is that a smile? Her eyes are 
twinkling in the moonlight, and I swear I see them visibly darken with 
desire. Uh, desire? For me? Ok, yeah, I think I'm having another Buffy 
induced hallucination. 

I give her a small tentative smile, not really knowing what exactly is going 
on. I guess that was all the incentive she needed, because her lips are once 
again upon my own. This time though she's not quite as hesitant, taking 
gentle control over my lips and ever so slightly running her tongue across, 
demanding entry into my own mouth. I grant it to her, not caring if I'm 
imagining things or not, if I am, I hope I never come out of the dream. Our 
tongues greet each other in a sweet gentle duel, neither one overpowering or 
seeking dominance, just sweet caresses with the other.

"Oww!" Buffy pulls away from me suddenly and I'm scared to death I've done 
something wrong. But the thought quickly escapes me when I see her slowly 
bring her foot up out of the water, cradling it gently.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Well I figured it was something with her foot, 
because, well, duh. But I didn't know what she could have done just standing 
there kissing me. Unless of course I stepped on her, but wait, no, that 
can't be the case, because my legs were locked around her waist the entire 
time.

"Something bit me I think. Ugh, stupid little critters!" I can't help it, I 
start to giggle. I mean it's not funny that she's hurt, but just the sight 
of her standing there, groaning about sea creatures is too funny. Buffy has 
fought 60 foot long demon snakes, and she's all upset over a crab or 
something just as harmless. I immediately try and stifle myself when I see 
the hurt glare she's shooting in my direction. "And what is so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing at all really." Uh huh, yeah, she's gonna leave me alone 
with that explanation.

"Riiiight" she drawls out. "So you were just one step away from hysterical 
laughter for no reason at all?" She has this subtly hurt expression crossing 
her features and I suddenly completely sober up.

"I'm sorry Buffy, it's just that I've seen you fight how many hundreds of 
evil disgusting demons, and you're all upset over a little crab or 
something." She pouted a bit, tugging at my heart strings, so I decided to 
push it a little. "If you really want to know, it's kinda cute." And I hope 
to god the darkness covers my blush. She looks up and again I see that lust 
filled gaze directed at me. Totally at me! She starts to lean in again, and 
even though every fiber of my being just wants to stand out here in the ocean 
with her forever, wrapped in her arms, with her lips permanently sealed with 
my own, I reach my hand out gently and stop her. I know she's the Slayer, 
but if something really did bite her, she should at least but some 
disinfectant on it. Plus, with the breeze and being in the water, I am 
getting a bit chilly. She casts me a confused gaze and I impetuously lean 
down and take a quick sip from her sweet lips once again. I think I really 
could get addicted to kissing her. Which makes this even harder to do. 
"You need to put something on your foot. Besides, I'm getting kinda cold out 
here." She smiles a bit and then pulls my soaking wet T-shirt from behind 
her back and dashes towards the shore. Of course I managed to catch up with 
her fairly quickly, considering the fact that she had a pretty noticeable 
limp. I came up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist, guiding 
her right arm around my shoulders, helping her hobble into the house. I sat 
her down on one of the leather reclining chairs, neither one of us really 
caring if we were getting the upholstery wet or not.

"Did you bring any first aid stuff, or should I run up and see if the 
bathroom has anything?" I called to her from the foyer as I dug through my 
suitcase for a dry top.

"Yeah, I put some antibiotic ointment and some bandages in my duffel bag." 

I grabbed a new shirt, slipping it on as I headed back into the living room 
to grab her duffel bag that she had thrown onto the couch. I waded through 
all her vamp supplies, which I had insisted we bring just in case there were 
surfer dudes that just happened to have no tans and only caught the waves at 
night. She had reluctantly agreed with my idea that we could never be too 
careful. But she must have really thought to appease me, because the bag is 
jam packed with all the essentials, stakes, holy water, garlic, even 4 of her 
wooden crosses that she keeps in her bedroom. In fact, there's so much stuff 
that I can't seem to find the first aid supplies. Just as I'm about to ask 
her if she's sure she actually did pack the kit I see a small compartment in 
the bag closed with a zipper. That has to be where she put them. I slide it 
open, but there's nothing at all in there except for a few sheets of what 
looks to be writing paper. My curiosity getting the best of me I turn my 
back to Buffy just a little bit more and gently slide the folded notes out of 
the bag and glance over them. But the first line I read catches me more than 
a little off guard and I'm momentarily stopped in my tracks.

'Dear Willow,'

"What the......."

~~~~~~~~~~

God! What was I thinking?! I mean here we are, alone, together for the 
first time in what seems like forever, and I have to go and jeopardize it all 
by putting the moves on her. I mean I chalked the near kiss we almost shared 
back in my bedroom last week to a fluke. Something reminiscent of Willow and 
Xander's fluking back in high school. Of course my mother's dinner call 
interrupting us really was for the best, at least I thought so at the time. 
But all week long it's all I've been thinking about. 

The way Willow's eyes kept trailing along my body while I was wearing that 
bikini. The way they seemed to glaze over when we were standing mere inches 
apart, just within a hair's breath of jumping over a huge precipice into a 
place so much more complicated. It's been driving me nuts since, wondering, 
hoping if she wanted it just as much as I did. As much as I still do. And 
the fact that I do have a boyfriend couldn't mean less to me at the moment. 
Because all I want is her. I've finally realized it, after all this time. 
After all the near misses, moments in time where I had almost told her, only 
to shrivel up and hide. Locking away my feelings, my desire for her, in a 
place that I never thought I would find again. And yet here we are, both 
involved with other people, and I can feel that lock in my heart slowly being 
turned every time she smiles at me. And I wonder just when exactly she stuck 
the key in to begin with.

I don't love Riley, I don't. If there's anything I'm completely certain of, 
it's that. Sure I like him, sure I care about him, but I don't love him. 
And maybe that's making it easier for me. I used Riley as a distraction, as 
someone to take my mind and heart off of my best friend. But only now do I 
realize it. For the longest time this past year I couldn't figure out why I 
had chosen to cut Willow so far out of my life and let Riley so far in. Not 
that he'll ever understand me the way she does, I don't think anyone could 
know me and understand just exactly what it's like to be the Slayer except 
for her. And it's suddenly striking me as the most absurd thing in the 
world. Staying away from someone because you love them so much, so much that 
it actually makes you ache inside. Because that's exactly what I did, I 
completely know that now.

And yet here I am, chastising myself for actually showing her. But the 
problem is, I may not love Riley, but I'm pretty sure Willow DOES love Tara. 
And that's my sticking point. Because even though I want her, love her with 
every cell in my body, I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. I 
don't want to put her relationship with Tara in jeopardy on the off chance 
that she wants me just as much as I do her. I'm willing to let Tara have 
her, because I couldn't stand the thought of me being the cause of any 
unhappiness Willow has. And I'm scared to death that telling her would cause 
just that. Things would be awkward and strange between us, and I would hate 
it. I'd lose my best friend just because I couldn't settle for having her as 
nothing more than that.

And yet..............

When we were out there in the ocean, just the two of us, our bodies wrapped 
together like we were two perfect matching pieces to some intricate puzzle, I 
wondered if maybe I wasn't the only one feeling it. Sure I was the one that 
leaned in and kissed her, but she certainly didn't stop me, in fact she 
responded with just as much fervor. She kept her legs wrapped tightly around 
my waist and kissed me back like there was no tomorrow. And if I hadn't been 
such a baby and pulled away because some stupid little ocean critter decided 
to turn my toe into a snack, I honestly don't know how far we would have 
gone. But the fact that she kissed me on her own without me initiating it 
sparks so much hope in me that I know I have to be dreaming.

I turn around to look at her, wondering what's taking so long for her to find 
the first aid supplies in my bag. I know it's a bit of a mess in there, but 
it's her fault that stuff is packed anyway. But a jolt of fear and anxiety 
shoots through my body when I see her slowly sliding down onto the floor, 
fresh tears glistening in her emerald eyes, a small stack of papers in her 
hands. 

"Willow, what's wrong?!" I start sitting up to go to her, wondering just 
what exactly she's reading that's making her so upset. She glances up at me, 
her beautiful face smudged with salty tears, wearing wet tracks down her 
porcelain cheeks.

"Buffy?" She holds up the stack of letters to me, but I'm too far away to 
see what's written on them. I get up and hobble across the living room floor 
and slide down next to her, slowly taking the papers out of her hands, her 
eyes watching my every movement, yet she won't meet my gaze.

I look at the first words written across the top of the paper.

'Dear Willow'

"Oh god..................."

TBC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy:"I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than 
after a shift at the Doublemeat."
Willow:"Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day."
-'Normal Again' Shooting Script