It's the List Gutter's Birthday!

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Concerned Parties
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: It?s the List Gutter?s Birthday!

Yes boys, girls, guys, gals and Rodrigo? it is the List Gutter?s Birthday.
Today the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs is officially
two-years old!! Ain?t it grand? we?ve been here for two whole years
reigning mischief and mayhem upon the unsuspecting list, not to mention the
Riley and Oz-shippers that keep trying to invade and turn us all into
mindless zombie cheese-lovers! Now to celebrate I have gathered the entire
first month of Gutter Memos and Announcements ? and boy was it an active
month. So for your pleasure I am reposting those first Gutter Reports ?
complete with the initial rebuttals and comments made at the time. They are
for the most part unedited aside from being run through a spell checker?
Outlook is funny about that it won?t let me send a thing without making sure
at least some of the words are spelled right. So read on if you are stout
of heart and brave of nerve ? or just have nothing better to do ? whatever
the case may be? and ask yourselves: ?Where was I 16 of August 2000? and
does Shadow know what I was doing and will she blackmail me into behaving so
she won?t let the rest of the list know??

Now with that said? have fun and remember? its our birthday, let the
mischief and mayhem reign. :: Puts on party hat and holds up a keg of
spiked Jungle Juice :: Yo, Samuel I found this hiding behind the water
cooler!!!

The Gutter Reports that Started It All:

Date: Wed Aug 16, 2000 1:40 pm
Subject: Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs Announcement

From: The desk of the Director of Public Safety
To: All List Members
Subject: General Announcements

Greetings,
I'll try to keep this short and to the point and get all of you back to you
daily fanfic-reading and mischief making as soon as possible. It has come
to my attention that several disturbing and shocking rumours have been
circulating on the list lately. In the interest of List Safety, it is my
duty as Director of Public Safety to address such matters quickly and
efficiently as possible.

Item 1:
Reports have been coming in about a Riley-shaped fungus demon roaming the
lower levels of the gutter. I assure everyone that the matter is being
investigated and all necessary precautions are being taking at this time.
There is no need for panic or a need to activate the List's Emergency
Response Teams and Lynch Mob. Our Security Forces in the List Gutter are
attending to the matter and are requesting that everyone watches where they
step while moving about the lower levels and for the love of the God s-
DON'T touch it! We don't know where this Riley-shaped fungus demon has been
or what it has been drinking... there is no telling what diseases it may be
carrying.

Item 2:
While the Riley-shaped fungus demon is.... well Riley-shaped, there is no
proof that it is in anyway related to the Walsh-shaped brain sucker that was
killed by the List's Emergency Response Team and Lynch Mob last month. Or
to the ex-commando boy of the same name for that matter granted there have
been no reported sightings of the two together but as of yet we have no
proof of the two creatures being one and the same. Again we are advising
caution and calm thinking here, the matter is being looked into.

Item 3:
On the subject of wet noodles - all handling and tortures by wet noodles
will be conducted by the Committee's Chief of Security and Wet Noodle Master
of the Universe, Quin, all other handling of wet noodles is strictly
prohibited. Quin is a master noodle torturer and has been trained to weld
the wet noodles of death, for public safety we ask that all requests for
"noodle torture" be forwarded to him and he will get to your request as soon
as humanly possible. It is very easy to put out an eye when mishandling the
wet noodles of death and/or injuring innocent bystanders.

Item 4:
Will the Undercover Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash please cease and desist
riding his scooter up and down the lower levels of the gutter yelling
expletives at the Riley-shaped fungus demon? It has not been proven that the
Riley-shaped fungus demon is able to comprehend the English language no
matter how loud it is yelled. Also it has been requested that our
Undercover Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash please reframe from doing naughty
things to a former-cheerleader and May Queen of Sunnydale High's class of
'99, or in the very least pull over to the side of the gutter while doing
the aforementioned naughty things. You nearly ran over the list
representatives from the Buffy/Riley Lets All Get Along Organization last
time.

Item 5:
To the Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter, while it is commendable that
you are determined to spread the social awareness of the evils of green eggs
and ham, will you please reframe from joining the aforementioned Undercover
Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash in yelling, admittedly creative, expletives at
the Riley-shaped fungus demon or the unfaithful hair bag known as Mutt-boy?
First off, it is rather unfair of you to enter into a battle of wits with
beings that have shown all the signs of being brain-dead. And second, that
one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible carnal relations with
a lame duck is not physically possible... even if you do turn your head to
the side and think about it for long periods of time.

Item 6:
The Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs is open to all those
wishing to join. Also will all members of the Committee please notify me of
their job titles and duties on the Committee? I'm pretty sure we have a
Director of Personal but I haven't the faintest idea on who it is at the
moment.

Item 7:
Committee meetings will be posted as soon as the staff gets itself sorted
out and will be open to all those interested in sitting in on the meetings.

That is all, thank you for your time, we now return you to your regularly
scheduled fanfic.

Shadow
Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter
Affairs and vampire teddy bear

"I do not brood, I reflect"

********
Comments and Rebuttals:

Date: Wed Aug 16, 2000 2:44 pm
Subject: Re: Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs Announcement

From: The Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter
To: The Director of Public Safety
Subject: Response to General Announcements

In regards to Item 5:
In the name of public safety I shall sojourn from the practice of shouting
expletives at the Riley-shaped fungus demon and Mutt-boy. However this
custom has been a major past time of mine, plus it has proven to be very
enjoyable, and I am not sure what actions I might be forced to
take.....maybe I could get some shears and wait for the unfaithful hair bag
to fall asleep and.....(yeah, that's the ticket).

In regards to Item 6:
How does Director of nonsensical mayhem sound, I'm pretty sure being the
gutter roamer that I am I could stir things up, bring great amusement and
fun to all.

Sam, shadowmage_draco
unofficial roamer of the list gutter
president of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: Red rum, sir, is murder.

******
Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 12:22 am
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter
Affairs Announcement

Note to the Director of Public Safety:

While the algae found occasionally along the gutter is part of the plant
domain, and therefore under my authority as head of the United Vegetable
Empire, fungus is not taxonomically considered a plant. The Riley-shaped
fungus demon is outside my jurisdiction. I will however instruct the algae
to keep an eye out for it.

Tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)

******
Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 12:55 am
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter
Affairs Announcement

To: The Director of Public Safety
From: The Undercover Gutter-Dwelling Scooter-Trash (and Unofficial
Village Idiot)

First how can I possibly resist doing all those "naughty" (but extremely
fun) things to that certain ex-cheerleader and former May Queen when she
wears that leather outfit with the...well never mind. Anyway I'm forced to
plead permanent insanity in this particular case. I'm sorry I missed those
self-righteous all get along jerks, next time I'll aim better. Besides she
likes the vibrations she gets from a '47 knucklehead. As far as Mr White
Bread beef-stick boy goes since the last time he ran away crying I must
assume he understands the English language as I use it, and I think Mutt-boy
looks just fine with that poodle cut and yes you can do that but you have to
turn upside down completely.

That is all from this end of the Gutter district, until next time.

Later
Alex
(Unofficial Village Idiot, and undercover gutter-dwelling scooter-trash)


Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 7:35 pm
Subject: List Gutter Affairs Memo

To: The Director of Public Safety
cc: The Undercover Gutter-Dwelling Scooter-Trash (and Unofficial Village
Idiot), The Wet Noodle Master of the Universe, Head of the United Vegetable
Empire, and The Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter
Re: Recent memos circulated

----------

There are several things that have come to my attention recently and I would
like to address them.

First order of business: unfaithful mutt shearing:
While it is in the name of all humanity and gutter safety that this event
take place, I must warn you on the hazards of shaving and preening said
unfaithful mutt. The mutt has displayed a tendency to drool, bark, howl
and scratch at anyone who attempts to teach it good grooming techniques and
manners. It is therefore advisable that the proper equipment be used in
this situation. Such equipment can be signed out from the Office of Public
Safety. You must fill out the appropriate forms and please people? .it is
wearing hard on our budget when the muzzles and whips go missing (along with
two pairs of fuzzy pink handcuffs). Do try to be careful with them and
return them in working order. Oh hell, I guess I'd be happy if you just
returned them. . .

Second order of business: Riley-shaped fungus demon activity:
All orders are to cease contact and activity monitoring of said demon. This
demon's activity is being tracked by our top notch undercover Algae Squad.
Through an intricate biological mechanism, said demon's whereabouts are
known on a 24/7-hour basis. While this has left us with some casualties
(who knew the Riley-shaped fungus demon was smart enough to take a hot
shower and send our Algae boys down the drain to an untimely demise?), I
plan on working closely with the Head of the Vegetable Empire and form a
plan of attack. The List's Emergency Response Teams and Lynch Mob will be
called in when they are needed.

Third order of business: Target practice:
It has been deemed necessary by the Department of Shoot Them Now And Ask
Questions Later that all members of the Gutter Dwellers Society are to
report for training immediately. It has come to our attention that the last
attempted eradication of the Buffy/Riley Lets All Get Along Organization was
unsuccessful. Practice makes perfect people. . . now lets all attack the
commando shaped training dummies as if they were real! Oh wait, my mistake.
.. they are real, they just look like cardboard cutouts. Well, commence
attack training anyway!!

Forth order of business: Parentage:
Our crack team of experts (or was that team of crack experts?) is currently
looking in to that one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible
carnal relations with a lame duck. They have come to the conclusion that if
you stand on your head and sing the theme to Barney while holding a mirror
up to the ceiling and having it reflect down upon aforementioned relations.
. .that it is indeed entirely, totally, almost kind of sorta in a way
possible. They are still hard at work in the labs as we speak.

Last order of business: Misc.:
It has come to our attention that the Walsh-shaped brain sucker, in a feeble
attempt to stay alive, cut off one of it's own slimy, malformed tentacles.
All list members are to be on the look out for this tentacle. If sighted,
you must report the location to the Head of Public Safety immediately and
for the love of the gutter don't touch it!! There have been reports of
adverse effects when coming in contact with the tentacle of the Walsh-shaped
brain sucker such as stiff joints, assigning impossible workloads, having no
sense of humour and insisting that people call you 'Mommy'. If any of these
symptoms overtake you or your comrades, please report to the medical lab
immediately for disinfecting.

thank you and now back to your regularly scheduled fan fic.

~~Kimber

Official Noodle wetter and wholesale distributor, Gutter-Slut and Vice
President and Treasurer of the Riley/Oz neutering society and garden
club...Personnel Recruiter/Equipment Supervisor for all main gutter and sub
gutter affairs.

Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 2:13 am
Subject: Re: List Gutter Affairs Memo

First order of business: unfaithful mutt shearing:
While it is in the name of all humanity and gutter safety that this
event take place, I must warn you on the hazards of shaving and preening
said unfaithful mutt. The mutt has displayed a tendency to drool, bark,
howl and scratch at anyone who attempts to teach it good grooming techniques
and manners. It is therefore advisable that the proper equipment be used
in this situation. Such equipment can be signed out from the Office of
Public Safety. You must fill out the appropriate forms and please people. .
.it's wearing hard on our budget when the muzzles and whips go missing
(along with two pairs of fuzzy
pink handcuffs). Do try to be careful with them and return them in working
order. Oh hell, I guess I'd be happy if you just returned them. . .

(Maniacal laughter) I'll try to return most of the items that I have
borrowed just as soon as mutt-boy is properly groomed?.

Forth order of business: Parentage:
Our crack team of experts (or was that team of crack experts?) is currently
looking in to that one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible
carnal relations with a lame duck. They have come to the conclusion that if
you stand on
your head and sing the theme to Barney while holding a mirror up to the
ceiling and having it reflect down upon aforementioned relations. . .that
it is indeed entirely, totally, almost kind of sorta in a way possible.
They are still hard at work in the labs as we speak.

I knew it was possible, and you all thought me mad..

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama


Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 12:20 am
Subject: Public Gutter Notice

There will be a brief memorial service in honour of the Algae Squad members
who made the ultimate sacrifice in pursuit of the Riley-shaped fungus demon
tomorrow. The service will be held in the south end of the Gutter, down by
the drain. A clump of moss will be delivering the eulogy. A fertilizer
fund has been set up for the families of the unfortunate Algae boys. All
mulch contributions will be welcomed. No sheared Mutt hair please. It
makes the little algae itch.

Tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)


Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 1:17 am
Subject: List Gutter Locate Warning. ii Changed to **!!!**Emergency
Warning***!!!*** ii

To: Director of Public Safety
From: Security Chief
Subject: Riley-shaped Fungus Demon

Mam?, after tracking down the current location of the Riley-shaped Fungus
Demon as ordered, I have made a very alarming discovery. It seems as if the
said demon isn't as primitive as we thought, and has in fact, shown quite
some intelligence by avoiding several newly placed tracking devices, hidden
cameras, and, which disturbs me the most, secret undercover algae agents.

I have located the Riley-shaped Fungus Demon in Tunnel A-14-B32 of Gutter
Sector 74. To my knowledge, all that is there is an old storage room and
some underground passageways, which all luckily end in the same cavern,
about 12 feet high and 53 feet in width large.

Infrared as well as shock wave echo and radar measurements have shown no
further ways to leave this tunnel than the Tunnels A-14-B33 and B31 as well
as A-15-B31 to B33 and A-13-B31 to B33.

It is herein my recommendation to evacuate the complete Gutter Sector 74 and
to close all entrances to said sector. That way we would be able to
concentrate our further seek and destroy missions to the 1 square mile area
of Sector 74, starting in Tunnel A-14-B32, and could be sure that all
possible measurements to ensure Public Safety have been done.

Regards

Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

***!!!***Emergency Warning***!!!***

Mam, we've got a Code Red! I repeat, Code Red! The Mutt-Boy demon has been
seen in Tunnel A-32-C44, and has captured Hostiles! I repeat. The Mutt-Boy
demon has been tracked down to Tunnel A-32-C44 and has Hostiles!

I need GO for operation MOON immediately and clearance for Emergency
Response Teams alpha 12 and 13. Otherwise I can't guarantee for the
security of the hostiles. Also, I need access to the Freezing Wet Noodle
Prototype. It may still not be tested, but I don't see another way to avoid
further complications, and may be our only chance to capture the Mutt Boy
demon safely.

Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

********
Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 1:51 am
Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] List Gutter Locate Warning. ii Changed to
**!!!**Emergency Warning***!!!*** ii

To: Gutter Security Chief
From: President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society, "Union Representative"
International Brotherhood of Guttershoreman
RE: Security Emergency.

Don't ask how I came by this but regarding your memo:

To: Director of Public Safety
From: Security Chief
Subject: Riley-shaped Fungus Demon
<snip>

>It seems as if the said demon isn't as primitive as we thought, and has in
fact, shown quite some intelligence by avoiding several newly placed
tracking
devices, hidden cameras, and, which disturbs me the most, secret undercover
algae agents.

The GCBS and IBGSM have certain "resources" which could be loaned to the
Security Algae for the duration of this emergency if you were to promise not
to ask where they came from and to forget we have them when the emergency
passes.
<snip>

I need GO for operation MOON immediately and clearance for Emergency
Response Teams alpha 12 and 13. Otherwise I can't guarantee for the security
of the hostiles. Also, I need access to the Freezing Wet Noodle Prototype.

Once again if you were to institute a don't ask don't tell policy with
regards
to our method the GCBS and IBGSM would be willing to lend you one or two of
our legitimately come by FWN prototypes for the duration.

It may still not be tested, I assure you it works quite well, just ask
Jimmy Hoffa, I mean er, ah...

With regards to Mutt-Boy, a certain dark-haired slayer with a fondness for
cheerleaders owes the GCBS a fairly substantial amount of money which we
would gladly be willing to sacrifice in return for her emergency services.
If you
manage to locate her please pass the word along.

honoured "The Chin" fool
President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society.
International Brotherhood of Guttershoreman.

ps. If you could find it in you hearts to give us control of all extortion
and
racketeering in the gutter it would avoid a great deal of illegal noodle
injuries to certain parties in the future.

hf.


Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 2:49 am
Subject: Re: GCBS and IBGSM

To: President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society, "Union Representative"
International Brotherhood
of Guttershoreman
From: Security Chief
Re: Security Emergency.

<<<The GCBS and IBGSM have certain "resources" which could be loaned to the
Security Algae for the duration of this emergency if you were to promise not
to ask where they came from and to forget we have them when the emergency
passes.>>>

We are in full control of the situation with the resources we have, and
without further Ok from the Director of Foreign Affairs of the SECoLGA, or
higher position, I'm not allowed to give out any information regarding this
incident.

<<<Once again if you were to institute a don't ask don't tell policy with
regards to our method the GCBS and IBGSM would be willing to lend you one or
two of our legitimately come by FWN prototypes for the duration.>>>

Legitimate FWNs, be it prototype or full operational series model, only
exist
within the SECoLGA, and simply the mentioning of this can be enough to
obtain a search warrant to search for these and further consequences. Since
I'm at the moment needed elsewhere, I am willing to forget this 'incident'
and suggest that you get in contact with either the Director of Foreign
Affairs or a higher position, to clear out any further inconsistency between
our groups.

<<<I assure you it works quite well, just ask Jimmy Hoffa, I mean er,
ah...>>>

Pardon? (this time)

<<<With regards to Mutt-Boy, a certain dark-haired slayer with a fondness
for
cheerleaders owes the GCBS a fairly substantial amount of money which we
would gladly be willing to sacrifice in return for her emergency services.
If you manage to locate her please pass the word along.>>>

Said Slayer is currently in a covert ops and her location as well as any
further information is strictly limited to a small circle of high SECoLGA
Directors to ensure her safety. Because of this, the very contact to said
Slayer is only allowed in the greatest emergencies, and for that I am not
able to pass your request on until she has completed her mission and returns
home. Due to the
information block, I cannot tell you when that will happen.

<<<ps. If you could find it in you hearts to give us control of all
extortion
and racketeering in the gutter it would avoid a great deal of illegal noodle
injuries to certain parties in the future.>>>

This is NOT possible. We are the only institution allowed to have this
control.
No further discussion. If you want to gain the control over these areas,
contact a higher position in the SECoLGA and/or the responsible institution
on side of the List Government.

Regards
Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

********

Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 3:12 am
Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: GCBS and IBGSM

TO: Quindo Ma Security Chief.
FROM: honoured fool, President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.

Sir, I was recently informed by my associates that my second cousin, know as
"the chin" had been in contact with you alleging that our organization was
in possession of certain highly illegal prototypes and was also interested
in certain illegal and perhaps unethical areas of business. I assure you
this is not the case. We are a harmless association of legitimate
businessmen and dockworkers with absolutely nothing to hide. No sir, not
us. Rest assured that "the chin" will no longer be bothering you as he now
works at the Luca Brasi Fisheries in Newark New Jersey. Thank you for your
time and perhaps we will see you in November at
election time.

honoured "little foolie" fool jr.
President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.


Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 4:08 pm
Subject: Committee Announcement

To: All List Members and Department Heads
From: The Dir. Of Public Safety
Subject: Weekly Department Update

Okay to address the resent activities of the Riley-shaped fungus demon
and the unfaithful mutt. Several new and important facts have come to
my attention in the last twenty-four hours. I will try to address each
matter as fast as possible.

Item 1:
To the Committee's Chief of Security - you have a go on your evacuation
order for Gutter Sector 74; as the area is usually deserted except for the
annual Gutter Founder's Day Block Party and Stake Making Contest, I really
don't see a problem with moving the few residents that dwell there to a
safer location.

As for the activation of ERT Alpha 12 and 13 - that is also a go, however
the ERT's are not to openly engage the unfaithful mutt. Reports have
crossed my desk that mutt-boy does indeed have fleas and we cannot risk the
overall safety and well being of the ERT until the area has been properly
dusted. I am told that the dusting should be complete at around 1600 hours
Greenwich, England time. Once the Hazmat and Dusting Detail have completed
their work both ERT units are directed to assault the mutt and liberate the
hostiles. The Chief of Security is hereby directed to coordinate the
assault with the Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter; he knows the area and
still has the pink fuzzy handcuffs in his precession.

Item 2:
It has come to my attention that mutt-boy has gotten a "haircut" in an
attempt to throw off our security forces. As such he will be henceforth
known as "poodle-boy".

Item 3:
To the GCBS and the IBGSM - any questions you have about joining the
Committee's "Supply and Logistic Department" please notify the Vice
President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs, he will be happy
to help you. Also when you are visiting his office please do not feed, poke
fun at, or make eye contact with the office pet lawyer. It is a specially
trained attack lawyer and will sue at that drop of a hat. However the boys
and girls at the office of Monetary Embezzlement feed their pet lawyer with
the occasional Amway salesman so it should not attack when you come to the
office. However, to be on the safe side;
please no lawyer jokes and whatever you do, don't say; "Do you know Jesus?"
It puts the pet lawyer in a blind homicidal rage and will only stop chewing
on your leg after repeated beatings with wet noodles.

Item 4:
To the representative of the head of the United Vegetable Empire, be assured
that the Algae who give their lives in the line of duty will not be
forgotten and will specially honoured at next months Gutter Founder's Day
Block Party and Stake Making Contest. Also the Gutter-dungeon Vampire Fruit
Bat Society has vowed to temporarily stop their diabolical practice of
vamping unsuspecting tomatoes near the local juice bar. The vampire fruit
bats feel it would be down right tacky of them to continue to vamp tomatoes
while the Vegetable Empire is in mourning. Apparently it is no fun
spreading mischief and mayhem among the vegetable community without the
algae boys chasing after them.

Item 5:
Last item of importance, will the people responsible for the repeated crank
phone calls to poodle-boy's band mates, please stop. It is not their fault
that the lead guitarist is in desperate need of neutering. Isn't it bad
enough that most of them now have flea because of poodle-boy?

That is all; we know return turn you to your regularly scheduled fanfic and
mischief making.

Shadow --
Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List
Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big
Bad.


Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 2:30 am
Subject: [buffywantswillow] Unofficial List Warrior Signal

To: Director Public Safety
Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs
Committee Chief of Security
Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter
For Information: All List members

1. Unofficial List Warrior returning from leave to lead ERT Alpha 12 and 13.
2. I have good working knowledge of Gutter as my mind spends a hell of a lot
of time there.
3. I do not regard this a work. Getting biblical on Riley shaped Fungus
Demon and Poodle Boy will give me a happy. Will video tape their painful
death for enjoyment for all list members.
4. I'll provide popcorn for vid fest.

Tony McD sends.

Unofficial List Warrior and Official Combat Zeppo

End Transmission.

********
Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:54 am
Subject: Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal

To: Unofficial list warrior
CC: Director Public Safety
Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs
Committee Chief of Security

Subject: eradication of Riley shaped Fungus Demon and poodle boy (who
next time I get a hold of some shears will be shaved bald)

Item 1: Welcome back, your just in time to get to work and help deal with
these pesky creatures who have infested our wonderful gutter with there
annoying presents and unnatural use of lame ducks.

Item 2: I am looking forward both the free popcorn (Pop corn good) and
watching the riley shaped fungus demon and poodle boy suffer in extreme
agony, maybe we could have a bon fire and roast marshmallows as we mock the
members of the Buffy/Riley lets all get along committee. Good times will
be had by all

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama

******
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 5:11 am
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal

To: Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter
CC: Unofficial list warrior
Director Public Safety
Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs
Committee Chief of Security

Item 2: I am looking forward both the free popcorn (Pop corn good)
and watching the riley shaped fungus demon and poodle boy suffer in
extreme agony, maybe we could have a bon fire and roast marshmallows
as we mock the members of the Buffy/Riley lets all get along
committee. Good times will be had by all

Query regarding the above item: Would it be acceptable to mock the
marshmallows and roast the members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along
committee instead?


tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)

******

Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 6:36 am
Subject: Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal

To: Tater
CC: Unofficial list warrior
Director Public Safety
Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs
Committee Chief of Security

'Query regarding the above item: Would it be acceptable to mock the
marshmallows and roast the members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get
along committee instead?'

In regards to the above-mentioned question, Yes I believe it would be
perfectly acceptable to do this, we could even taunt them as they roasted.

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama


Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 1:10 pm
Subject: First coordination plan to free the hostiles

Encryption AX-C334-699403547
Data File Delta-32

To: Director of Public Safety
CC: Unofficial List fighter
Chief Algae Undercover Agent
Lieutenants of ERTs 12 and 13
All further involved in Operation MOON
Subject: First Layout of the Modifications for Operation MOON

Mam, following is the modifications we had to make to Operation MOON, to
ensure the safety of the Hostiles, and to include the circumstances we have
in Tunnel A-32-C44. For details, take a look into the Gutter plan of Sector
74.

To ensure that Poodle-Boy gets neutralized in time before he can harm our
hostiles, we have to use Beta Modification 3 and attack from the three main
entrances. ERT 12 and 13 will enter the tunnel at exactly 1500 GMT (Gutter
Main Time), shortly after the algae agents and I have disabled the main flea
producer with the FWN. Since Algae are immune to the fleas, and I will be
wearing the static anti flea suit, this should work out without problems.
Once this is done, Mr. McD will lead ERT 12 through Gutter Tunnel B-32-C44
and A-31-C44 and enter the Minefield (the decided name for the operation
field) through the southwest gate. ERT 13 will work the same through the
southeast gate.

After this is done, the ERTs are to concentrate on disabling the hair traps,
which have been detected in tunnel grids 2, 15, 32, 46 and 77. This is a
PRIORITY target. Should one of these traps be activated, by any source, then
the mission is to be IMMEDIATELY aborted! These traps are extremely
dangerous, and have to be taken care of before we can continue into the main
area, and free the hostiles.

The ERTs will, after disabling the hair traps, fall back and wait until I
have lured Poodle-Boy into Tunnel A-33-C44 by taunting him. Since I have not
the needed experience to taunt Poodle-Boy, the undercover gutter-dwelling
scooter-trash is going to take care of this case, and will follow in close
to ERT 13 to meet me in the Minefield.

After this has been accomplished, the ERTs have GO to free the hostiles, so
that we can continue our daily taunting and bashing of the Buffy/Riley let's
all get along committee.

In the meantime, I will use the FWN prototype and freeze Poodle-Boy. With
some luck I'll even be able to paralyse him, which should allow us to
capture Poodle-Boy. But in case that paralysing the subject is unsuccessful,
it is time for immediate retreat. We can still capture Poodle-Boy at a later
time, and as long as Sector 74 stays closed, we should be able to track him
down easily later.

If these modifications are ok with you ma'am, then all we need is your ok,
and operation MOON will start tomorrow at 1400 GMT.

Regards

Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

********

Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:11 pm
Subject: Re: First coordination plan to free the hostiles

Encryption AX-C334-699403547
Data File Delta-32

To: Director of Public Safety
CC: Unofficial List fighter
Chief Algae Undercover Agent
Lieutenants of ERTs 12 and 13
All further involved in Operation MOON
Subject: First Layout of the Modifications for Operation MOON


In the meantime, I will use the FWN prototype and freeze Poodle-Boy. With
some luck I'll even be able to paralyse him, which should allow us to
capture Poodle-Boy. But in case that paralysing the subject is unsuccessful,
it is time for immediate retreat. We can still capture Poodle-Boy at a later
time, and as long as Sector 74 stays closed, we should be able to track him
down easily later.


In the event of a successful capture of poodle-boy we at the Directorate of
Nonsensical Mayhem wish to question him about a standing rumour circulating
around the gutter about said poodle-boy involving a lame duck, Barney the
dinosaur, 30 litters of Jell-O and the two pairs of missing pink fluffy
handcuffs.

Also I wish to inform everyone that the directorate has gathered all the
necessary supplies need for the bon fire and are currently practicing
taunting marshmallows.

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama

******
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:18 pm
Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: First coordination plan to free the
hostiles


Also I wish to inform everyone that the directorate has gathered all the
necessary supplies need for the bon fire and are currently practicing
taunting marshmallows.


With regards to taunting marshmallows the GCBS suggests pelting them with
rice krispies and Cadbury?s cocoa. And perhaps checking out the book, "1001
ways to Mock a Marshmallow."

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama

******
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:37 pm
Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: First coordination plan to free the
hostiles

The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem has considered GCBS most
excellent suggestion and has sent runners out to purchase rice krispies and
Cadbury?s cocoa. We are also contacting the local gutter library at this
time as to check out "1001 ways to Mock a Marshmallow."

See everyone at the bon fire, and please remember to bring the appropriate
taunting accessories

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama


Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 3:43 pm
Subject: Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s All get along\"
groupies out of my bar!

To: Quindo Ma Chief of Security, list Gutter affairs.
CC: Executive Director for Public Safety
Unofficial List Warrior
Leader, United Vegetable Empire
Associated members of the Gutter Community

The Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society and its sister organizations the
International Brotherhood of Guttershoremen and the Gutter Association of
"Legitimate" Businessmen request that appropriate measures be taken to
protect our social clubs from the hazard of the Buffy/riley let's all get
along
society, or whatever they choose to call themselves. We understand the
pressures you are facing in your attempts to recapture the fungus demon and
poodle boy so we would suggest that at the very least release us from our
commitment to refrain from acts of searing violence long enough to deal with
the situation ourselves.

We promise to put away our extensive collection of garrotte and blackjacks
as soon as they're gone. Or at least after the bonfire.

Thank you for your time.

honoured "little foolie" fool jr.
President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.
Legitimate Businessman.

********
Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 11:11 pm
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s
All get along\" groupies out of my bar!

To: honoured "little foolie" fool jr.
Subject: Social Club Security

I fully understand your point here, but you also have to see the point of
the
B/R Laga Group. They're friends and family members have been captured by
Poodle-Boy, and since they're both not intelligent enough or rich enough to
afford their own TV sets (and believe me, would they be intelligent enough,
they'd simply throw their money together and buy a TV for all together),
they come to your clubs for this.

Since I am totally occupied with the incidents in Gutter Sector 74 and
Poodle-Boy, I can only give you my advice. I suggest you hire a few Bumpers
for your clubs, and simply throw them out. As far as we understand the
social life of the B/R Laga Group, they are honest enough to stay outside if
you say that it's forbidden (this is another indicator for their low
intelligence).

I can assure you that we will be able to take care of them as soon as
Operation
MOON is accomplished, which should be around 6 pm tomorrow. (And don't
forget about the bon fire, where we will be able to rid us from a few of
those morons. After all, the whole reason behind Operation MOON is to
prevent Poodle-Boy from harming OUR hostiles.)

Regards
Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

******

Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 6:32 am
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s
All get along\" groupies out of my bar!

To: honoured "little foolie" fool jr.
Subject: Social Club Security

I would just like to bring it to the attention of the GCBS that there are a
number of unemployed poison ivy plants that would make excellent Bumpers for
your establishments. They normally find it difficult to get work due to
their unfortunate tendency to cause a painful, itchy rash in all those they
come in contact with. However, I do not foresee this to be a problem in the
job of removing members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along society.

tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)

******
Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 11:35 pm
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\

The GCBS would gladly take you up on your generous offer unfortunately we
have no idea what a "bumper" is. If it is the same thing as a "bouncer" or
"doorman" in North American parlance than woo hoo. Unfortunately again we
would be forced to return the poison ivy as we are very wary of anything we
can't lay our hands on. If you have a more "touch-friendly" plant who would
like the job we would happily offer them temporary employment under the
supervision of Kirayoshi the GCBS's honourary ass-kicker and "let's all get
along" remover.

honoured "little foolie" fool jr.
President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.
Legitimate Businessman.

******
Date: Mon Aug 21, 2000 12:30 am
Subject: re: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\

To; Honoured Fool, GCBS.
From; Kirayoshi,
Re; recent appointment to GCBS and IBGSM

As honorary member of the Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society(Washington
Division), I appreciate the honour you have bestowed upon me. However, my
attention has been somewhat divided lately, as I have received reports of a
Dan-shaped fungus (closely related to the Riley-shaped fungi reported
earlier), recently sited in the vicinity of San Francisco. I have been in
contact with a faction of Leo-Loyalists, and we hope to have the Dan-fungus
demon situation contained shortly. However, I am willing to donate my
Holocaust Cloak* to
your noble cause. Good hunting, men!

Sincerely,
Kirayoshi
Honorary member of GCBS and IBGSM, Senior Secretary, GILES(Greater
Initiative
Lovers Elimination Society)

* Oh, come on now, I had to put in a "Princess Bride" reference in there
somewhere! It's
become my trademark!

******
Date: Mon Aug 21, 2000 12:53 am
Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\

To: President-elect GCBS and IBGSM
From: Head of the United Vegetable Empire

Yes, it would indeed be the same thing as a bouncer or doorman. As for the
poison ivy, they can be safely handled with the proper use of a pair of good
gardening gloves. If however there would still be a problem with the ivy,
we do have some broccoli that like to play with sharp objects available. I
would advise you to keep the broccoli away from the root beer if you do
choose to employ them. They get a bit too enthusiastic about the sharp
objects after a few root beers. Also, the broccoli will be preparing the
members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along society for roasting at the
bonfire. They will need time off to perform this duty.

tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)


Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 4:16 pm
Subject: A challenge from The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem

From: The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem
To: All list members

The directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem being the twisted organization that it
is has noticed a lot of song-fic challenges along with a lot of song-fic
recently. We immediately said to ourselves, Selves why is there no
parodies.

After holding an imaginary meeting in which vast quantities of Twinkies and
chocolate soda where consumed we decide to issue the following challenge.

The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem challenges of the dwellers of the
gutter to write a parody of a popular song, anyone will do, and give it a
Buffy/Willow theme or not you be the judge.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled gutter dwelling and mischief
making.

Sam, shadowmage_draco
Unofficial roamer of the list gutter
President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham
Director of nonsensical mayhem
Loyal member of the society to stake Riley

Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a
hat, a canal--Panama


Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 12:43 pm
Subject: Report on Operation MOON

To: Director of Public Safety
CC: Just about everybody! We've got something to Party!
Subject: Success message of Operation MOON

Mam, I can gladly report that Operation MOON was a total success. We have
not only managed to free a group of about 13 B/R Laga group members, we also
found some of our vampires that we've been missing the past few weeks. It
seems as if Poodle-Boy has taken them down while they were sleeping, and
threw them into small containers to torture them with darkness.
Unfortunately, he didn't seem to notice that they were vampires, and so did
it wrong from the start, so we should be able to continue to taunt and
torture them ourselves without having to patch them back up.

I can say that the ERTs have done excellent work, and that with the capture
of Poodle-Boy, we can now concentrate on the Riley-shaped Fungus demon.

And now that this is accomplished, I suggest that we get on to the bon fire
and party. After all, we've earned it.

Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe


Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 1:40 pm
Subject: Bon Fire

To: All directors of the Senior Executive Committee on Gutter
Affairs
CC: All gutter dwellers and list members
From: The Director of Nonessential Mayhem
Subject: An invitation from the Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem AKA
Party time

1. The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem congratulates the Chief
Security Officer and ETR on the successful capture of poodle boy.
Now comes the fun stuff, break out your taunting accessories and bon
fire paraphernalia it's time to celebrate. There will be taunting
of marshmallows, roasting of B/R get along members, general mischief
and mayhem, plus door prizes. So come and join the fun.

Sam (shadowmage_draco)
Director of Nonsensical Mayhem


Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 6:02 pm
Subject: Listanity

Listanity the religion some head case made up that anyone can join and make
rules for~

I would have thought that description, well except for the anyone can make
rules for, would cover a lot of the religions currently doing the rounds not
just Listanity.

I have a sudden urge to be a high priestess[1]. So can I write some
rules/precepts/whatever.

Hmmmmm. Ok here goes.

1) Be excellent to each other.
2) Read Fanfic.
3) Watch Buffy.
4) Remember that friends may come and friends may go but try to
bridge the gaps in distance and lifestyle to watch Buffy together
and read each others fanfic, because the longer the rerun season
the more you will need those people who still remember when last
season was fresh.[2]
5) Repeat.

Stephen

[1] Yes I am male, do you have a problem with that?

[2] Slayers and slayerettes of the class of 2003
Wear Crosses...
--
Stephen Booth, Data Integration Specialist & Spoiler Slut
"I may be fat ugly and bald but... OK, fair point" - Me
We Posses Willow Power member #1589 | ICQ : 59112343
Mobile : 07703 565 785 | WLBAAP member #17 PPOA Member #24
Cult of Amber Enlightened One #47 | Willow is my Avatar
Proud member of BTVS Writers Guild : Fic makes *anything* possible


Date: Wed Aug 23, 2000 8:08 am
Subject: Request for the use of the Hole Bot


To: Director of Public Safety
Subject: Request for the use of the Hole Bot

Mam, since the Riley-shaped Fungus demon has been sighted in the daylight,
and doesn't seem any longer contained within Gutter Sector 74, I request the
use of the Hole Bot, to seek and close any loopholes from where the
Riley-shaped Fungus demon could have escaped from.

Furthermore I request the approve of the immediate and painful death of the
Riley-shaped Fungus demon, for it has annoyed me long enough now, and the
recent attack against our loyal member, and the resulting danger in which
his pet is, has shown that we can no longer tolerate any actions from this
hideous beast.

For this case, I suggest we get out our medieval weaponry, and use the
flails and axes that we have to hurt the Riley-shaped Fungus demon a lot
before we finish it off with an injection or our newly developed anti-fungus
bacteria. I've been told that the bacteria will first disable all movement
of the target by severing all nerves to the muscles, but not those from the
muscles, which will ensure that it still feels the full load of pain, and
then slowly, from the tips of every nerve ending to the cell, will eat it up
from the inside.

I suggest that everybody brings a pair of ear plugs to the scream concert
the Riley-shaped Fungus demon will present in it's last few hours. I'm sure
this should be a pleasant show, and I hope that we can get enough Gutter
members together to enjoy the final decease of this annoying being.

Regards

Quin

Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

********
Comments and/or Rebuttals:

Date: Wed Aug 23, 2000 3:19 pm
Subject: RE: [buffyloveswillow] Request for the use of the Hole Bot


To: Chief of Security

You are hereby authorized to use the Hole Bot and the experimental
electro-plasma blade and cheese grader to obtain the fungus sample needed to
cure the attack lawyer Bo-Bo. However the E-P Blade is not authorized for
any covert breaking and entering of the Initiative strong hold under the
campus of UC-Sunnydale in hopes of recovering the misplaced Diablo2 CD
allegedly stolen by meathead, the former commando boy known as Forrest
Gates, the return of the CD will be handled by List?s highly trained
Recovery and Return Squad.

As for the Riley-shaped Fungus Demon scream concert, the necessary earplugs
and videotape equipment will be made available to all list members at the
office of public relations and garden club. As for the use of medieval
weapons and equipment in the traditional torture/interrogation session of
the Riley-shaped fungus demon, I do not see a problem using such weapons as
long as the rack is thoroughly hosed down and disinfected afterward.

Shadow --

Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter
Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big Bad.


Date: Wed Aug 30, 2000 10:30 pm
Subject: State of the List Gutter

TO: The United Vegetable Empire, All Committee Department Heads, and
other interested parties
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
Subject: State of the List Gutter - End of Month Report

Greetings all, I trust that the list has recovered from the celebratory
bonfire and all-week beach party to celebrate the destruction of the
Riley-shaped fungus demon and neutering of Poodle-boy. According to the
List Gutter's Medical Department there were only minor hangovers reported
from our more overeager party-goes... although how those four lurkers got
that Buick station wagon on top of Sunnydale's Chamber of Commerce is still
under investigation. However Security has informed me that the paint used
to redecorate the station wagon is indeed Navy gunmetal grey used on
battleships, although the meaning behind the
message scrawled on the driver side door of the vehicle is still unknown at
this time. Exactly what "The Watcher Mobile" is and its importance to
whatever warped mind painted the words on the vehicle door will remain a
mystery for the time being. But rest assured we will find out the meaning
of those words and the people responsible for putting that Buick on top of
the Chamber of Commerce.

Now down to business -

Item 1:
To the Leader of the UVE
Regarding ownership of the Demonic Cabbage Patch that borders the Woods
Out Back - After an intense review of the local history and known facts
concerning said cabbage patch, the Committee's Review Board has come to the
conclusion that the United Vegetable Empire is indeed the owner of the
demonic cabbage patch. All of our data indicates that the patch in question
was possessed long before it ever came to our attention, and in fact is
ranked among the top 5 most possessed pieces of rural landscape in the
world. As much as we would like to claim ownership, we cannot they are your
demonic veggies.

As for the vampire tomatoes, the CRB has also ruled that they do indeed
belong to the List Gutter now, after all it was our vampire fruit bats that
turned the unfortunate tomatoes to begin with and we will take
responsibility for them in the future.

Item 2:
Regarding the Demonic Cabbage Patch Dolls/Woods Out Back border
dispute - It has come to my attention over the last several days that
tension along the disputed border has risen; apparently both sides have been
"testing" the resolve of the other with unwarranted trespassing and
name-calling. One incident in particular has gotten rather out of hand and
I am informing both parties responsible to cease and desist immediately.

I understand how the United Vegetable Empire can feel threatened by the
resent increase of arms among the residents of the Woods Out Back. However
I would like to remind the President of the UVE that most of the residents
of the Woods Our Back are herbivores, I cannot tell them what they can and
cannot eat, nor can I tell them how to prepare their meals. This means I
cannot order them to relinquish their veg-o-matics and/or juicers, it is
fundamentally impossible and will only end up off setting the natural order.
However, President Tater was quite correct in
pointing out that a visitor to the Woods Out Back, who is on holiday I
believe, one Sammy the Koloa from Downunder really has no need for a
veg-o-matic and/or juicer.

While it is true that the Koloa only feeds on one type of leaf found only in
Australia, and the leaves in question are usually eaten as is, Sammy has
assured me that his veg-o-matic is strictly for protection from the vampire
tomatoes that have been known to roam the Woods Out Back. Granted no such
vampire tomato attack has been reported in the last five years, I guess you
cannot be too careful nowadays. As long as he does not misuse his
veg-o-matic I cannot legally have it seized from him, he does have a legal
permit to carry it.

Furthermore detours into the Woods Out Back by "rogue" members of the
Demonic Cabbage Patch must be stopped. Granted the resent staking of
Broody the Cabbage Patch Turnip Drainer by the Woods' Vampire Teddy Bear was
most unfortunate if not just plain mean. The retaliatory attack on
the Bunny Slayer by the Cabbage Patch's Buffster-Ann the Rabbit Slayer
was uncalled for. And while foxes are not known for eating plants unless
ill, I have been assured that a certain Bunny Slayer's companion and chief
stake holder, the Little Red Fox, would be more then willing to make an
exception. Please for the sake of peace along the disputed border, will all
parties stay on their own side?

Item 3:
The reported rumours regarding Amy Rat of the Woods Out Back - It has come
to my attention that there are those who believe that the unfortunate
accident that turned Miss Rat into a human last year may be false.
Apparently there are a growing number of residents in the Woods Out Back who
believe that Miss Rat is indeed being held prisoner on the campus of the
local university in nearby Sunnydale. According to the rumours it is not in
any of the science labs, but in one of the dorm rooms in Stevens Hall. If
this is indeed the case, then who the hell do we have in the List Gutter's
Hospital under close watch? And how did Miss Rat end up in Sunnydale
proper, when it is off limits to most of the residents of the Woods Out
Back?

Sunnydale is not a safe place for residents of the Woods Out Back; the
humans there tend to attack unspeakable evil, such as used cars salesmen and
trollkin vice-principals.

Item 4:
The South Gutter - While the scenic South Gutter is most ideal for watching
the heavenly bodies known as; Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Anya and Faith, I
would like to remind all members of the list who choose to holiday there,
that video cameras, high-powered photographic equipment and creative use of
the List Gutter's Security System is strictly forbidden. It tends to annoy
the holidaying slayers and they in turn start getting rather destructive,
especially if they have to stop their creative pastime of Willow-exploration
to come and break really expensive high-tech equipment and/or body parts.

Item 5:
In other news - The reports of the winged angel seen over the List Gutter's
Hall of Fame and "Damn I wish I had written that" is being looked into.
While there
is no call for alarm the "vision" seems friendly enough, although she is a
bit shy, she keeps disappearing whenever someone gets too close. However we
have managed to get a pretty accurate description of what is being called
the List's "archangel" - apparently she bears a striking resemblance to a
very sexy young fox.

Also the call to elevate our beloved and much stressed out listmum to status
of List Lust Goddess is starting to pick up momentum among the Gutter's
"stranger" members. One particular member, known for sending out rather odd
emails to all her closest partners-in-mischief-making and mayhem spreading,
has been quoted as saying; "Why the hell not? She puts up with me bugging
her at all hours with my harebrained plots to give our ever absent listdad
grey hairs, she NEEDS to be a goddess."

That is all -
End monthly State of List Gutter Report - we now return you to your
regularly scheduled fanfic.


Shadow --
Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List
Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big
Bad.

********
Comments and/or Responses:

Date: Thu Aug 31, 2000 11:34 am
Subject: Re: State of the List Gutter

While it is true that the Koloa only feeds on one type of leaf found
only in Australia, and the leaves in question are usually eaten as is,
Sammy has assured me that his veg-o-matic is strictly for protection
from the vampire tomatoes that have been known to roam the Woods Out
Back. Granted no such vampire tomato attack has been reported in the
last five years, I guess you cannot be too careful nowadays. As long
as he does not misuse his veg-o-matic I cannot legally have it seized
from him, he does have a legal permit to carry it.

I would like to personality assure the UVE that as I stated earlier
the veg-o-matic is for my personal protection and no ill intent is
meant towards the UVE.

Sammy the Koloa.

P.S. Please ignored all reports of a Koloa wearing Oakley?s being
spotted in the vicinity of UC Sunnydale.

******
Date: Fri Sep 1, 2000 6:55 am
Subject: Re: State of the List Gutter

TO: The Director of Public Safety
FROM: The Head of the United Vegetable Empire
Subject: The state of the List Gutter

Item 1:
We have been aware of the possession of the Demonic Cabbage Patch for some
time. It is the result of an incident involving some excessively cute
dolls. As you know, excessively cute dolls are one of the most evil forces
in the universe, exceeded in their evilness only by purple dinosaurs. We
are still looking for an exorcist who can handle the problem. The last four
ran screaming in terror when confronted by the extreme cuteness.

Item 2:
For the sake of peace, we will ask the denizens of the Demonic Cabbage Patch
to refrain from any further incursions into the Woods Out Back. Be advised
however that any lurking around the border with a veg-o-matic by a Koala, or
any regular resident of the Woods Out Back may be seen by the demonic
cabbages as a threat. We suggest that the citizens of the Woods keep their
veg-o-matics in their homes. We understand that most of the citizens of the
Woods are herbivores, and we are willing to accept this fact, however, we
ask that they not flaunt it near the border. Due to their state of
possession the demonic cabbages are not fully under our control and we
cannot
prevent all attacks on those whom the cabbages feel are threatening them.

tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)








Shadow -

Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn.
Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of
Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member
of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member
of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

"I do not brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002

AIM screen name: WolfFalke
Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
ICQ Number: 120681217
Web Page: http://shadowlander.topcities.com/