Fic: Learning to live pt 9

["jend1205" <jend2002@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Author: Jen D
Disclaimer: I don't own just like it.
Rating: G-R and all points between mostly language and violence
Pairing: Willow/other - Willow/ Buffy eventually
Spoilers: Season 6 maybe others somewhere down the road
Summery: Giles brings someone in to help after everything happens in 
season 6. Sorry I suck at this part.
Author notes: I have never written anything before this, so please 
tell me what you think. 




Willow had been up or a little while, she wasn't tired but
she wasn't ready to get up. She had been thinking about
everything 
she had learned the night before. She was felling a little guilty for 
the feelings she was having about Sara. After a little soul searching 
this morning she decided she was attracted to her. There was 
something about the way she had this tough exterior but yet there 
seemed to be a vulnerable part she tried to hide. You saw it when she 
looked at Jen or when she was talking about Josie. Willow had no 
doubts that Sara had loved her very much. As much as she had loved 
Tara. Willow mind wondered to last night when she had held Sara while 
she cried. She thought about the feel of her muscle in her arms, how 
she smelled liked lilacs. The feel of her rough hands as they wiped a 
tear from Willow's face. ` Well now what' she thought.
First thing is to get better; she wasn't sure what that meant
just 
yet. She knew that she had been having black outs, she would wake up 
and a whole day would go by and she wouldn't know what she had
done. 
After the second time it had happened she decided that bed was the 
best place for her. So she tried to stay in it as much as possible. 
She had nightmares whenever she slept. The shaking was about to drive 
her insane, ` no I am already insane didn't have to go
far'.
Willow sighed and had decided she might as well get up for a while. 
Her feet had barely hit the floor when heavy metal rock music started 
blaring around the room `what the hell' and she headed for
the door.

Buffy too was awake in the room beside Willow. She couldn't
believe everything she had found out last night. Sara a slayer, well 
ex-slayer, and a witch too. Faking her death and leaving. She had 
died twice and still couldn't get away. ` I guess though I
would
quit too if I had a baby on the way'. She was trying very hard
not to
like Sara but was having a hard time finding a reason. She did seem 
to care about helping Willow. She couldn't fight the feeling of
jealousy last night when Willow had comforted Sara. ` Ok where is 
this all coming from'. She knew she had let Willow down so much
in 
this last year. She should have been there, she wanted to be there, 
but she couldn't. Willow had Tara and she loved her. Then when
Tara 
had left and she had thought about going for it but she didn't
know 
what she was feeling. Willow deserved more than she thought she could 
give. She knew as long as she was still unsure of what she was 
feeling that there was no way she could tell her. Now it seemed again 
that she might lose the chance anyway. Buffy had noticed the looks 
that Willow had been giving Sara last night. Buffy felt she had no 
right to ask Willow to wait until she sorted it out. Maybe someday 
the time will be right but she didn't think that time was now. 
All 
she wanted was for Willow to be happy and if it meant hiding her 
feelings then that is what she was going to have to do. Buffy was 
still contemplating these thoughts when the same music that had sent 
Willow flying for the door made her jump for hers.

Willow and Buffy came barreling out their door into the hallway and 
ran smack dab into each other causing them to fall to the floor on 
their butts. Giles came out from the room across the hall hold his 
hands over his ears. Anya followed closely by Xander where the next 
to appear. Dawn and Jen came down the hallway towards the group.
" Jen what is that noise", Giles asked. 
" I think mom istelling us it is time to get up", Jen
answered and 
headed for the steps.
" Is your mom always this cruel", Buffy screamed over the
music. 
" Hey this is tame compared to some of the stuff she has waken me
up
too". 
A few minutes later the music stopped and everyone tried to collect 
his or her thoughts for a second. `Hey', Buffy thought `
Xander and Anya came out together, way to go Xander'. Buffy
caught 
Xanders eyes and gave him a thumbs up. Xander smiled a big goofy 
smile and nodded his head. 
" Well not the way I would liked to get up but shall we go 
find some tea", Giles asked wiping the last remnants of sleep
from his eyes. Everyone followed Giles down the steps and to the 
kitchen. 
Buffy and the gang walked into the kitchen and were surprised to 
find the bar in the middle filled with food. There were pancakes, 
biscuits, gravy, eggs, bacon and sausage, and just about any other 
breakfast food imaginable. Buffy thought that she was in heaven 
again, they had not ate this well since Tara had died.
"Jen, does your mom cook like this all the time and if she does
do 
you think she will adopt me", Buffy asked. Everyone laughed at 
Buffy. 
" No only when she is upset and can`t sleep", Jen said.
Jen knew that
last night must have been hard on her mom. " Well let's eat,
mom
is working out and said she will join us later".

Willow notices a glass on O.J. on the counter with her name on it. 
She watched her friends get plates and dig into the food. ` They
seem so happy' Willow thought, ` happier than she had seen
them in
a long time, even Buffy had a light in her eyes she had not seen 
since before she had died'. Willow slipped out of the kitchen and
headed for the gym. The music that had awakened them this morning was 
still playing. Willow leaned against the doorframe and watched Sara.

Sara was doing her morning workout but her mind wasn't on it.
She had been thinking about Willow. Sara hadn't felt this way
about 
someone in a long time. Sara wanted to know everything about her. 
Last night when Willow had held her and they had cried together, 
Willow had felt right in her arms. ` Like she belonged
there', Sara thought. Sara noticed Willow standing in the
doorway 
and she motioned for her to come in. "Good morning, Willow, sleep
well". 
"Better than most", Willow said.
" Sara, I want to thank you for everything, I haven't seen
the gang this happy for a while". Sara smiled and Willow thought
her
heart was doing flips, ` wow what a beautiful smile'. 
" Well I um, I don't know what to say but your welcome"
Sara said, "I am glad that we have a minute to talk alone, I was
thinking that maybe while we were working together that it might be 
easier for everyone to just stay here. I mean the house is big enough 
and I kind of like having the company. Dawn and Jen seem to get along 
and I would like to catch up with Giles some". `And I can
have you
around more', Sara wanted to add but didn't.
"Well I can't speak for the rest of them but I think it is a
great idea, you should ask them", Willow smiled.
"There is one more thing, what is Buffy doing with her life. I
know Giles said that her mother died and she had to quit school to 
take care of Dawn?" 
" Well she has been working at the local burger place but she is
not real happy there, why", Willow said looking a bit confused. 
" Well I want to talk to her about a job, working at the
club", Sara said. 
" Oh that would be good for her".
" So Willow are you ready to get started today", Sara
started, I had a friend of mine call in a prescription for some 
sleeping pills to help you sleep". Sara noticed the uneasy look
that 
Willow had on her face, " its ok Willow they won't hurt you,
just 
help with the nightmares, I would have wrote it myself but I am not 
licensed in California. I need you to be able to sleep, if you are to 
have the strength to get better."
" What do you mean you are not licensed", Willow asked
confused.
" I am a psychiatrist".
" Wow, you didn't tell us that, so it's Dr. Sara
then", Willow asked surprised at the new information.
"Yeah, but I don't use the title very often, I have never
really 
practiced main stream other than when I was in school, but it comes 
in handy when dealing with magic addiction", Sara said. 
"So how many people have you treated like me and how long do you 
think it will take", Willow asked forgetting all about the
sleeping pills.
"A few but no one as powerful as you are and I am not going to
lie to you and tell you that I know what the outcome of this will be, 
I will do everything that I can but most of it is going to have to be 
you. I can lead you and stand beside you but it's ultimately you
that
will do all the work. I have no doubts that you are a strong young 
women, you have to be to have fought along a slayer for as long as 
you have and not be died. Remember, been there done that. As far as 
how long, I can't tell you that maybe a month, maybe a year, hell 
maybe years, I don't know. I think we need to take things day by
day 
and see where we end up, ok. 
Willow nodded her agreement, " I trust you, Sara, about the
sleeping pills, I mean."
"Good I'm glad and you need to know that there may be other
meds we may need to look at too, somewhere down the road. I can 
almost guess there is some depression; I can get something for that 
if we need to. This doesn't have to be permanent, just until we
have 
things under control. Now one more question and then we will go find 
the others. Do you still feel like you want to die, Willow."?
"No I want to live, I just have to learn how again, without
Tara", Willow added.
"Ok then lets go find the others", Sara smiled thankful she
wouldn't have to put the red head in the hospital. She had been a 
little concerned she might have to; Willow wouldn't have been the 
first she had had to do that too. Sara grabbed Willow's hand, the 
bolt off energy she felt shocked her and she dropped it. She blushed 
at her reaction and turned away so Willow wouldn`t see her face,
`
damn I am 34 years old and I am blushing like a teenager in high 
school'. 
Willow did noticed and giggled at the ex-slayer, she felt bad then at 
causing Sara to feel embarrassed. Willow grabbed Sara's hand and
gave it a quick squeeze, " come on lets go".