RoundRobin: Chapter 9 - RainbowWriters

["Jude" <AmberBensonFan@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

DISCLAIMERS IN FIRST PART
Visit the RoundRobin website at: 
www.megawitches.net/RoundRobin/mwrr.htm

Rising From the Wreckage
Chapter Nine
By: The Rainbow Writers


The campus at UC Sunnydale had long since slipped into darkness.
The intermediate security lights made the paths and walkways a
patchwork of bright places and dark corners while the larger
areas of grass and tress became black holes of looming danger.

It was through this atmosphere that Buffy Summers now walked, an
odd confidence in her steps as she prowled out a route around
the campus. She started her shift at the main student centre
where the security desk was located and moved in a diagonal
across campus towards the library before she then looped her way
around the closed up lecture halls and finally snaked around the
dorms before she repeated the lap.

Her standard issue steel toed boots were silent as the slight
squeak she'd noticed in them during her first days on the job
had died away as the leather in the upper portion began to work
down with a fine groove around the steel. The polyester cotton
blend of her dark navy pants and shirt was starchy, she'd noted
from the first time she'd pulled it on that it was of a much
better quality than she'd been given at the Palace. Though it
was shiny and not particularly fashionable, it wasn't itchy and
she didn't feel like a complete idiot wearing the ensemble. 
There was something about the shoulder mounted communication
device and batman like utility belt that made her feel? well
important.

"Officer Summers keeping the peace." She joked with herself as
she purposely took the darkest route around the library emerging
out by the front. 

She nodded at a skittish young freshman that was hurrying up the
stairs into the large building. She could honestly see the
relief that crossed the probably desperate student as they
realised that here in the dark campus night they weren't alone.

She was a few feet away before she realised how puffy with pride
the experience had made her. After all this was basically what
she did every night, in a more scary demon sense but this was
something to be proud of that she didn't have to keep hidden. 
If trouble broke out she'd definitely be able to handle it and
if it was supernatural in origin well better her than some
regular person trying to handle a vampire for twelve bucks and
hour and the best part was she got a uniform and a locker.

"Things are definitely looking up." She smiled to herself as she
took the long neck rope with its whistle and twirled it around
her finger. "I'll have to get something special to say thank
you to Tara." 

As she thought of the blonde Wiccan she felt her smile grow even
brighter. In a short few days Tara had pretty much helped turn
a good deal of the turmoil in her life around. She had a new
job which god forbid she wasn't dreading every moment of, the
house had a semblance of order and there hadn't been one phone
call from Dawn's school in days. 

Of course there was still lots that was broken and lost? the
biggest one being a petite redhead whose gaunt and tormented
face at the bus depot still haunted her mind. She hadn't really
wanted to think about the previous afternoon when she'd awoken
flailing on the couch with reigns of accusations and a slap
echoing long after she opened her eyes from the nightmare.

Even then the only thing offering her consolation and comfort
had been Tara. The blonde had checked up of course after
hearing her screaming, but somehow had known not to push things
as she instantly understood in a way Buffy knew she would never
be able to express herself. 

The calm way Tara had cleaned up the broken glass she'd knocked
over with her sudden awakening had unnerved Buffy a little. It
had almost stole her breath away when Tara had come to perch
right next to her as she sat feeling small and cold only for the
Wiccan to push through the numbness to hug her briefly. The
contact between their bodies sending a surge of warmth through
her that Buffy couldn't ignore.

`I understand.' 

That was all Tara had said before she'd fluttered away again,
keeping busy. Buffy was sure she hadn't seen the blonde perch
in one spot for more than a few minutes since she'd moved in,
her actions fast and purposeful all the time as if a moment of
idleness would be her undoing. 

The transition she'd seen in Tara was a painful one and she
couldn't help feel a certain level of blame. She'd been too
busy with her own pathetic life when Tara had moved out of
Willow's life and she had never really taken the time to realise
what that meant to her best friend or even herself.

With a heavy heart she remembered the first time the dead dried
up roses on dining room table had caught her eye and she had
wondered why no one had cleaned them up and bought new ones. It
was then for a moment she had felt the bitter pang of
understanding, Tara was gone. There would be no more fresh
flowers or funny shaped pancakes or jokes that Buffy didn't get
but made her smile anyway.

Now there were fresh flowers again, but there was no laughter. 
A heavy shadow hung over Tara and the Slayer knew that she
couldn't bring back the sun. The blonde Wiccan had lost a lot
of weight, obviously from her tendency to merely pick at her
food and the fact that Tara would be waiting for her at six am
when she got in from work pointed to the obvious truth that she
wasn't sleeping.

They were both being driven by the same demons this time, driven
by the hole that Willow had left in their lives. That
commonality was something that confused Buffy if she thought
about it long enough, though it was a confusion she found
playing inside her head more and more lately. Willow was Tara's
in all those ways that she wasn't Buffy's but yet the Slayer
felt an aching loss inside so similar to the Wiccan's that in
her own mind she had grouped them together in their loss. 

`But what right do I have to do that?' Buffy questioned herself
as she walked down the bike path around Stevenson hall. 

Could she really dare to compare Tara's loss of her heart to her
losing her best friend? She knew Tara would never want her to
reduce the magnitude that was her friendship with Willow but
with all she had preached in her life about true love how could
she be feeling this way now?

Her thoughts spiralled more and more as the quiet night gave her
the ample time to contemplate, gave her the chance to shed light
on the growing root of resolve she found planted in her heart. 
She had to fix things. She had to stop being caught up in her
petty little self pity and make things better, especially for
Tara and Willow.

What had she really been looking for all this time? Emotions,
feelings, love? Well all of those were waiting for her if she
only embraced them, nurtured them and accepted that good would
come with the bad. 

Yes, Willow's pain and accusations were a hot poker slowly
pushing its way through her heart but she could fix that. She
just needed some guidance, she just needed to figure out what to
do. 

`I just need to talk to Tara.' She resolved herself knowing
that she couldn't do this alone. If it wasn't for Tara putting
herself on the line and reaching out Buffy knew she would still
be moping around doing nothing. 

She didn't understand it but the shy blonde somehow gave her a
silent strength and with that offered an unconditional
acceptance that Buffy couldn't deny. It was a compliment to all
the things Willow had been there to give her over the years but
with a different foundation, one not in years of friendship. It
was an acceptance on trust and the Slayer found her footsteps
falter as she realised this. Tara had no real reason to trust
her and in truth had ever reason to pile on her the blame for
all that Willow had become. The magic had been fostered by the
Slayer's eternal need for help saving the world, her reckless
descent into the dark arts a direct result of Buffy's
unwillingness to admit the true love that existed between them.

Her thoughts were shattered as a familiar voice broke the quiet
night.

"Well, isn't it TJ Hooker." Spike laughed as she stepped out
of the shadows and appraised Buffy's outfit. "Please don't cuff
me officer."

"I'm not a cop I'm a security guard." Buffy felt her mind go
cold as the vampire interrupted her thoughts and forced her to
focus on him.

"Either way, I can handle a bit of authority." He sauntered
closer to her, his hand reaching out for the buttons on her top.

"Spike! I'm working, go away." Buffy snapped stepping away from
him.

"Come on, no one will see us in the dark. By the time you
finish working it'll be sunrise and I got an itch I need you to
scratch before then." Spike followed her move shadowing her.

"I'm not scratching anything else for you, ever." She underlined
in a strong voice feeling a thick wave of revulsion curdle
through her body as she found a tree at her back and his hand
closed on her shirt.

"Feeling self righteous tonight, fair enough." The vampire
seemed unfazed by her words as he popped open a button. "You
want to beat me up before or during?" He hissed as he bent his
lips closer.

"Get off me." Buffy's voice wasn't strong but her hands were as
she brought them up flat to his chest and pushed him backwards. 
"This is not happening again." She reached up to fix her top.

"Blah, blah, blah. You're singing the same tune again Slayer. 
Why don't we just skip it?" He stared at her figuring the
anxiousness in her body would soon turn into the violent sexual
reaction he wanted.

"This is different Spike, I'm not doing this to myself anymore."
Buffy took a deep breath as she looked at him and felt
perspective forming in her mind. Why would she do these
horrible things with him? Why would she keep coming back to it
again and again as if she deserved nothing more? She did
deserve more and she had more in her life than an undead chipped
vampire to offer her love. She couldn't ever have the
self-respect she was going to need in order to face all her
present problems if she didn't finish this with him. 

Sure he said he loved her, but had she even really cared about
that? Had she not just all along been trying to prove to him
that he shouldn't because she wasn't worth it or had she been
trying to prove to herself that the depraved relationship was
the only thing she did deserve?

Either way she had to stop it and she had to stop it now or she
was going to lose everything good in her life. After all she'd
already lost Willow to some extent and the prospect of
permanently losing Tara or Dawn on top of that now made her feel
fear like she had ever known.

"Okay Buffy, it's alright love. I know sometimes you get upset
and confused." Spike tried another tactic as he approached
slower his voice soft. "I understand how you feel."

"Don't you dare." Buffy snarled at his apparent understanding. 
"I've had enough of you and your mind games. It's over between
us, all of this, whatever sick and twisted thing I let this
become." She motioned between them. "It's over William." She
finished her voice soft and resolved.

Spike stood there for a minute feeling the Slayer's use of his
human name slap over his face harder than her hand ever had.

"What makes you think you got any say in when this is over?" The
vampire hissed looking her up and down. "Do you think any of
your precious little Scoobies are going to want anything to do
with you when they found out the things we've been doing? Do you
think they'll understand the fact your nothing but a lying,
two-faced empty whore of a girl who doesn't care about them?"

"Stop it." Buffy turned away out of his questions and
accusations. 

"Maybe I should take a little trip to L.A. and tell Willow all
about what we've been doing love. Tell her how while her heart
was breaking you were too busy getting your..." He started but
his words were cut off as Buffy leapt at him and as they slammed
to the ground a satisfied smile crossed his face. 

"Don't you even dare mention Willow." Buffy snarled as she
pinned him.

"Now that got your back up didn't it. Maybe you're afraid the
little dark witch and I could have a little fun together? I
mean I know she went for a softer woman's touch for awhile but I
could show her what a real man is." Spike struggled more to
shift her over him then to get away. Freeing one arm he landed a
firm punch into her cheek but she didn't even flinch as she
grappled his arm back down. "Maybe the three of us could have a
little fun together, you've always had a soft spot for the
redhead? just think how hot it could be with the three of us."

Buffy couldn't control herself as she pulled her arm back and
punched him square in the mouth, his lip cutting back over his
teeth and spraying blood into his throat. As she hit him,
caused him pain and asserted her strength over him for the first
time there was no hint of anything other than pure hatred and
anger in the move. No underlying feeling of arousal or a need
to hurt herself rose with it, only revulsion that he would even
dare to mention hurting or touching her Willow.

"Tara then? That little bird is so sad lately a little action
might liven her up." Spike taunted her again and wasn't
surprised when a quick volley of blows snapped his head back
into the ground over and over. For a moment as he tried to
internalise the pain he slipped into his game face but as he
right eye began to swell shut he shook it away. 

"If you ever, ever do anything to either of them I swear Spike I
won't stake you, I will cut you up and keep you in little bits
to cause you more pain." Buffy snarled at him as nightmare
visions of Tara and Willow being hurt or worse at his hands cut
through her heads. Unbidden her mind switched around, replacing
one of them with her own body in the memories of her moments
with Spike. She felt herself blink slowly as her mind's eye
watched first Willow then Tara abused in that way and it was all
that she could do to not burst into tears. She could never bear
that, it would break her heart. They both deserved love,
tenderness and to be cherished.

"You always hurt the ones you love Buffy." He looked up at Buffy
in her place above him.

"This is over." Buffy pushed back away from him reaching up to
rub at her hot eyes as she tried to strip the crippling images
from her minds. "Stay away from them, stay away from me."

"What love I'm supposed to live my little undead life in
Sunnydale and not run into any of you or you'll what?" Spike
pushed himself up spitting out some blood.

"Get out of Sunnydale." Buffy locked her jaw trying to hide the
emotion inside her. She knew that he couldn't see what she was
feeling, he couldn't know how close to her heart he had hit when
he'd threatened them. He couldn't see what she wasn't sure she
wanted to admit to herself. 

"Buffy?" Spike tried to reasonably object for a moment before he
saw the resolution on her face. "You think you can dismiss me?
You think you can use me and then poof I disappear when you
think its time?"

"This is my town and you're not welcome anymore." Buffy stood up
a little bit straighter as she gained confidence in what she was
doing.

Spike considered taking another shot at her but there was a
resolve staring back at him that made him reconsider his
approach.

"This isn't over slayer!" He sneered at her. "Mark my words,
I'm going to get this bloody chip out of my head and drink all
your little girlfriends dry. If you're lucky I'll kill you
first." Without wanting to wait for an answer he turned in a
flourish of old leather and stalked into the darkness again.

******

again please feel free to give feedback or corrections if this
wasn't the vision... thanks


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