FIC : When the Time Comes

["xenarip13" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: When the Time Comes
Author: Bynx
Email: xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: don't own em and dont make money so son't sue me.
Rating: eventually nc-17
Warnings: just writing off the cuff as usual.


When the Time Comes..


<Every Slayer has a death wish..even you.>

That was what he had said to her. She had asked for it really even 
begged for it perhaps with her wanting to know about the killings of 
the other slayer's. She sits now on an abandoned bench after leaving 
the back porch of her house, after walking away form him and his shot 
gun. Yeah, he was going to shoot her until he saw her. It was the 
pity in his eyes that made her leave. She didn't want a dead thing 
like him feeling sorry for her. She knew who she was, right?

<only reason you've lasted so long as you 'ave is the obligations 
holding you here..if oyu didn't...>

'I have to have more than that. He can't be right. I mean I have a 
life..I go to school...yeah just to slay..but I have my family..one 
of which you can't quite seem to remember the way you think you 
should..but...FACE IT! When the time comes you won't have any reason 
to not go willingly will you? Come on all you need is one good 
reason not to die..but you don't have one do you?...DO YOU?!' 
Buffy's mind screams out at her.


"I have Riley.." she practically yells into the night.

'Really..and you love him huh? I thought he was just a 
mindless, "tool" for your..hmm how did Faith put it..hungry and 
horny..get some get gone? Yeah, that's what I thought..and after all 
I am you..' 

"Shut up! I have..G-giles...and..."

'Oh right and aged ex-watcher who met you doing his duty..yeah he 
cares about you, but you live because of ..how did Spike put 
it..obligation..if you didn't then no slayer and no slayer means hell 
mouth run amuck...you're tired..we can both see it..maybe Spike is 
right..when the time comes you'll go willingly..its the look in the 
eyes..knowing your life has nothing..no one..'

"I..there's.." Buffy swallows.

'What? There's what..what will you have to keep you here when the 
time comes?' The little voice chides and goads. 

"Willow.." Buffy whispers.

'Willow..hah! You dragged her into your life..You put her in danger. 
Isn't she just your obligation now too? Doesn't she expect you to..'

"She expects nothing..never has.." Buffy argues.

'Never?'

"Never..she always gives to me never expecting anything. She gives 
me strength, a meaning, and asks for nothing in return that I don't 
willingly give to her." Buffy smiles to herself.

'what are you smiling about?! Giving up? realizing even as far as 
Spike is beneath you he may be right?'

"NO! Willow..." Buffy stands hands shaking.

Buffy bolts running for the dorm she lived in with Willow. Only 
moments later dragging in ragged breaths, she sprints the stairs to 
the room Willow had shared with Tara only a couple of months before. 
Tara had left with her family even after they had all stood together 
for her. I had crushed Willow, but she was recovering. Buffy bangs 
loudly on the door not realizing or caring how late it must be.

"Who is it?" A sleepy Willo voice comes through the door.

"Me." Buffy pants out.

The door opens cautiously, "Buffy?! Come in what's happened?! Are 
you alright?!"

"Y-yeah..Sorry w-woke you.." Buffy huffs out sitting on the bed.

"You've been crying." Willow sits next to Buffy.

"H-have I?" she didn't realize.

"Fight with Riley?"

"H-haven't seen him," buffy's breath slowly returns.

"Oh,..where were you tonight?" Willow pushes a piece of stray hair 
behind her friend's ear.

"Sp-spike..I.." Buffy finds her hand svery interesting suddenly.

"Oh." Willow stays quiet waiting for Buffy to continue.

"Do I have a death wish?" The slayer suddenly blurts out.

"huh?..why would you ask me that?" Willow sees Bufy's hands are 
trembling, "What happened tonight, buffy? What did you need to see 
Spike about?"

'Here it is..what do I do..how can I explain..will she understand or 
will she run from me..' "Willow..." she tries to speak but chokes 
into a sob.

Willow not knowing what else to do wraps her arms around her friend 
holding tight as buffy quakes in her arms. 'What I wouldn't give to 
take your pain away..maybe some day you'll let me..' She strokes 
Buffy's back lightly as the other girl sobs out her anguish. With a 
strength she never sees in herself, the red head holds, soothes, and 
patiently waits for her friend to release her pain.

TBC...