Re: OT: ROD!

[Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Rod my luv

you of all people must know that when real life grabs you by the ears
and screams "run!" you'd better do so. Still, I belive that enough
time has passed and things have calmed down enough that I can
elaborate on my extended absence to you and my listkids........

In January of 2001 I was diagnosed with borderline personality
disorder, anxiety, self injurious behavior, severe depression and
seasonal affect disorder. In came the meds upon meds upon meds and
I'm still generally drugged up though I've given up on going to
shrinks....I went through I think about 10 or 12 of them...not to
mention psychiatrists....I think I had about 4 of those. So that was
an immensely stressfull time..and still can be at certain points. I
never would have made it through without my friend Aly (I met her here
on the lists.) She was a tremendous lifesaver and I'm so greatful to
have her in my life still and I love her to bits and pieces......As
well as Pat. My little wabbit tried his best to keep me sane :) All
of my 'real life' friends sort of looked the other way when everything
was happening...like if they ignored it, then it really wasn't
happening cuz I'm the oldest of my 'inner circle' and they just
couldn't deal with me suddenly coming to them with something huge
(Yes, I also play the 'mom' in real life)...it was always the other
way around.

So then in June of 2001 I discovered a lump in my throat which was
diagnosed as a benign tumor. It was treated with steroids and other
wonderful pills and puffers and reduced itself from the size of a
golfball to the size of a marble within 2 weeks. Still, a year later
I sit here with a concave hole in my throat that pusses up at will and
can get really tight to the point where I can hardly swallow. Not
having a full time job right now, I have to sort of live with it cuz I
don't have any health coverage to speak of.....So anyways, my boss
really didn't give a shit about any of my health problems or the fact
that I couldn't talk for those two weeks, so he fired me and said it
was because I 'left him high and dry'. Pffft. I puttered around for
the summer totally planning on getting back into computing and
networking in september but October rolled around and my dad was
diagnosed with cancer of the lungs and it metastasized to his brain.
and brain so i decided to stay home and take care of him until he got
better. The fifth trip to the hospital was his last and he passed
away on May 21st of this year. It was a rough seven months and my mom
and i are still recovering from the rollercoaster ride. My girlfriend
and I are on the outs right now, sort of we're together but not
officially..she broke up with me 2 weeks after my birthday in
september, but hasn't moved out and things really haven't changed that
much between us..so that's sort of a constant looming cloud of
confusion. So other than calling her my girlfriend, things really
have pretty much stayed the same. When and if she's gonna move out
isn't really clear at this point, we're pretty much taking it day by
day right now. She says that 'maybe' we'll get back together, but
right now she doesn't want to be commited to anyone, but still wants
to be with me. Go figure. lol

Sooooo...that's been my life for the past year and a half. :) Wanna
trade?? Seriously though, I'm okay. Things get tough sometimes but I
cope. And when I can't cope, i just take it second by second.
::shrug:: whatever works, right? So yeah, I just basically spilled my
life to about 1000 people I'll never meet, but hey, that's okay. I've
been here since almost the beginning and they are my listkids and
should know what's goin on with their listmum and why someone should
call child protection services on her...lol. I'm on individual emails
now, so even though I may not respond to every fic or post, I'm still
reading them, still in the thick of things....still trying to get
exquisite up and running. I think our best bet would be to run an SQL
server much like fanfiction.net does, but on a smaller scale. SO if
anyone read this dribble this far and wants to volunteer to program it
for me, I wouldn't say no ;) ::hint hint::

And if anyone is really bored with absolutely nothing to do you can
scamper over to my online diary for an even deeper peek into my life.
I may not have been writing much buffy/willow lately (which I plan on
starting soon cuz i have to finish Roads) but I have been writing.
here's the link: http://bloodnifire.diaryland.com. I've mostly been
trying to write originals cuz i have a few...places...interested in my
work..and that's all i'm sayin cuz i don't wanna jinx it. :)

ta ta for now and if I think of any more stuff to ramble on about,
I'll be sure to email :)


~~Kimber


----- Original Message -----
From: myself03
To: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2002 3:01 PM
Subject: Fw: ROD!


Hey baby....

Well, i may be list tourist number one, but now you`re number two,
so... : ) Shame on you....By thye end of the day we`re like Peggy and
Al Bundy when it comes to parenting...Sad , but true : ) Still, i`m
around...Just not as involved as before...The show has lost a little
of it`s appeal to me but it`s still my favorite,i`m a little more
happy about this season so far and i can always remember the golden
days, so i decided to stay and see where things are gonna go from now
on...Besides, Dan is doing a great job, so that`s my excuse...Now,
YOU...Bad you...And they say the motherly bond is the strongest
one...Shame on YOu : )


Rod, who can`t believe we have been around for almost three
years....Yey us : )