Repost: Prisms Red

["mad-hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>" <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

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Prisms-Red

Oh, I have to get out of here. 
	
I mean I REALLY have to get out of here. It's awful. I come 
along to offer my services in the hunt not be part of some 'Bonding'. 
Awful, awful, awful?scary even.

And I'm not jealous. I just want out. Out, find the bad guys, spread 
them over the tarmac, bid the others a good eve, watch some soaps and 
get a snooze. 

But nnnooooo?I have to hang around and basically be assulted 
by 'care bear' antics. It's almost a relief when the Watcher drags me 
out of the room. Almost. I can still hear them.Crying, laughing, 
crying again? a big emotional slug fest. I myself would have prefered 
a normal slug fest, y'know, the ones involving actual fists. 

After waiting for what feels like too damn long I brush past 
the Watcher, poke my head in the door. They're hugging again. I close 
my eyes, just cam't stand to see.

"Excuse me." I say with my eyes still tightly shut. "I'm 
going to go outside and have me a smoke. If you should take too much 
longer I would greatly appreciate it that you bury my ashes with a 
pack of cigarettes."

>From the jumble of hugging humanity I hear Summer's voice.
"You are unconditially uninvited Spike."

Mumbling "Thank the bloody gods for that." I shut the door.

I catch the Watcher giving me an amused look. 
"Kids." I snort. 

Exactly three smokes later they join me outside. 

Red looks a little better. She's dressed in jeans, and a 
light jacket. What kind of shirt she's wearing I do not know or 
care. The Slayer is beside her, like they are glued to each other. I 
catch a glimpse of Red's hand, the one that's gripping the Slayer's. 
White knuckled, all the way; they won't be seperated easily. 

"So." I say. "Shall we depart?" 
With a bow I offer to let Red take point and of course all 
she does is shake her head and huddle up next to Summers. I really 
shouldn't provoke her. It's just so much fun to do so.

**

I should be worried. I've always seen my younger charges as 
family and the behavior they are exhibiting should make me concerned. 
Willow seems to have recovered almost completely from her ordeal mere 
hours after the fact. This is an impossibility and I fear that she 
will suffer some sort of backlash. Particularly with her accompying 
us on this 'mission of vengence' it is almost a certainty. 
But I'm not paying much attention to these concerns at the 
moment. My hands itch far too much for me to concentrate on such 
matters. They long to be wrapped around the throats of the ?things 
responsible for this night. 

I find myself wondering how high I could make them squeal. 
How loud? And most imporatantly..how long? The others want the same 
thing I do. To take the pain and put it inside them, to see their 
eyes haunted and afraid. But that will never happen, male bravado and 
their very short lifespan assure that. Or that's how I see things. 

It is facinating. Of the one mind I am still somewhat put off 
by this whole ring-a-ma-role. Being unsure that I can actaually kill 
someone?again. Many a demon, or vampire, or other agent of 
supernatural evil has fallen by my hand and I fully expect someday to 
fall to one of theirs. But the nagging sensation that questions my 
ability to actually end another humans life is oddly muted though I 
am fully aware of it's questioning.

"Can you do it Giles?"
"Is it right Giles?"
"Isn't this personal Giles?"

Of the second mind?well that is simple.

"Yes Ripper."
"Yes Ripper."
"Oh yeesss..Ripper."

"G-Man, you alright?" Xander asks me as we left the 
dorm. "That is a really unpleasent smile you're wearing."

"Oh, er..yes Xander, I'm fine."

The others want their 'pound of flesh' as well. I can tell.
Well, they'll have to stand in line.
Senority rules and all that.
	 
Just a librarian indeed.
**

Won't leave her behind again. Not gonna do it, not gonna 
happen. She's never going to be alone again, strickly unalone twenty 
four-seven. Twenty five-eight if needed. Be right there for 
everything ..everything?her wedding, hell her wedding night..who 
know's she might fall for a demon or something. Childbirth? Gonna be 
there. Gonna, gonna, gonna.

I should join the Wiccans too. Can I do that? Being a slayer? 
What would that make me? 
A Sliccan?

It doesn't matter I will be there, I have to be there. I 
can't let her get hurt again. I won't let her get hurt like that 
again. I can't protect her from everything, I'm not that crazy. Paper 
cuts will happen, stubbed toes too?sharp edges on beer cans..can't 
stop that kind of stuff but the big stuff?nope. Life is knives and 
it's foolish to think I can stop all of them. Wouldn't be 
fantastically healthy either but nothing's gonna cut her like this, 
never gonna let her get cut this deep again.

Not gonna happen to Willow. Not my Willow. 
	
Won't let her get hurt.
Can't let her get hurt. 
Hold her close, protect her always gonna protect her, just 
like I should have..just like..just..
	
I have to.
It's not something I have a choice in. I have to protect her 
because?because?

I have a Secret.

**

Ooohh man this is so uncool yet?not. But I can deal, can 
cope. In the words of a great twentieth century poet I'm 'jiggy with 
it.' 

'Cause I'm gonna kill someone. Several someone's in fact. 
It'll be odd and I might find that I'm hating myself for some time to 
come?later. Right now, at this very second I'm pretty sure I'll be 
hating myself if I don't kill the someones. 

The Someone Bunch, being butchered by a Xander near you. Fun 
for the whole family, let the kiddies tag along. Angst, drama, 
friendship, tragedy, comedy and vengence in one little package.
Best of all its's for free.

BYOP?bring your own popcorn.

I don't get it. I can feel it..on my outside. 
Cold..ruthlessness cold. My face is set in stone and I don't think I 
could giggle if Barney walked out in front of me and got hit by 
truck. It's sliding over my skin like a..a?second..skin..and..

Start over. 

It's sliding over my skin like ..THIS IS WHAT I'M 
TALKING..no..thinking about!!
	
I'm ready to put my fist through someone's head. I have no 
weapons that's about the only thing I can do, unless I pick something 
up along the way. I know I can do it? There's this absolute 
resoluteness to the whole way I'm feeling, it's almost surreal. Yet 
here?right here I'm babbling and tossing stupid jokes..to who? 
Honestly I ask you is there anyone else around in here?

And Buffy would respond 'Thump, thump, hollow sound.' 
Or she would?if I said anything. But even if I said anything now the 
most I'd probably get is a pained smile. From Willow. 

Buffy's so wrapped up IN Willow that I doubt she'd snap too 
if The Master and Angelus driffted by doing the Cha-Cha. I mean?look 
at her..just LOOK AT HER. She's not looking where we're going just 
drifting down the street eyes on Willow who's eyes are on Buffy who's 
eyes are of Willow who's eyes?

I'm feeling left out. 

It's not okay either. Yes we seemed okay in the dorm, yes 
Willow hugged me and I even managed to almost ignore it when she 
stiffened just a little bit. It's there and she seems to have bounced 
back so fast but it's still there. No matter what happens tonight 
we're just at the beginning and something has?marked us..marked 
Willow. And we have only begun to feel the impact of it's?it's.. 
IT'S. The 'It' Spike talked about.
 	
It is still there and It will never not be there again. And I want It 
not to be..want it so much that I can feel the nails on my tosies 
rolling up because even they are..

If Moses supposes his toeses are roses then Moses supposes 
errounously 'cause Moses toeses aren't bunches of roses as Moses 
supposes his toeses may be.

I'm going to kill someone tonight and suddenly I am SO very 
cool with that.
**
Didn't take too long. 
To find the place where 'it' happened. Bloody figures too. 
Right in someones back yard. I could smell it. Same thing I smelled 
on her. 

We all know it at almost the exact same time, me because of 
my senses and the others because Red just freezes solid. She hadn't 
been looking where we were, her eyes had been on the Almighty Slayer 
the entire time. I knew a split second before she did when she 
happens to glance up from her 'adoring gaze', she looks up, took in 
the scenery and ?statue time. 

She just stands straight, stiff as a board eyes wide open. 
Under full moon her green eyes really stood out. Red hair and the 
green eyes?rather angel like. Whoever they were I couldn't begrudge 
them their taste in women. 

Tsk tsk William, such thoughts. 	

Bad boy.


Buffy just grabs the Witch, turns her around and pulls her 
into yet another hug. Good lord, why not just ask for some thread and 
a needle, I'd happily sew the two of you together. Xander too joins 
the little huddle but does not actually touch the two women leaving 
the Watcher standing behind them looking uncomfortable. 

"Wait here." I say. "I'll be right back." And vanish into the 
darkness.

It's a back yard. Small surburban house, sun deck, round pool 
for the kiddies. Lights on in the windows too. Whoever was inside 
that house probably heard. Didn't do anything obviously. 

None of our buisness they think.
Doesn't really matter they think.

I move them to the top of the list of people I plan to use 
as munchies before going after the Slayer after I get this chip 
removed. A warm up exercise. I find the spot where the rape took 
place. Yes it was a rape, sanatizing the word by replacing it 
with 'it's and 'that's' is a bloody waste of time. Doesn't change 
anything and probably winds up causing more pain in the long run.

Mental note: Refer to the rape as 'it' from here on out.

My my, a heady experience. I'm getting quite a buzz from 
being in the vicinity.
Willow was obviously here and ..ah..our two friends. Defiently two. 
Such pain in the air as well. It's almost palatable. Some poltergiest 
will make it a lovely home someday. 

I backtrack the scent and follow it around the house to the 
sidewalk. Then I turn around and return to the Huggabunch. Summers 
is still comforting Red who was is staring into space, not really 
home at all. Can't say as I blame her as much, if this was home I'd 
want to be somewhere else too.

"I found the trail." I say. "We can go around."

Buffy nods and carefully leads the Witch away from her 
personal Hellmouth. 

Ooo, I like that, 'Personal Hellmouth'. Going to have to remember 
that one.
**

We leave the house behind. I mark it in my memory with a 
mental note to return one night with a can of gasoline. Burn it to 
the ground, just ..all of it. Leave nothing behind, nothing to remain 
as a landmark to my..yes..yes..daughter is the right word..my 
daughters pain. The people inside are just as responsible for this 
tragedy as those we hunt right now. Restitution demands payment. 
	
I believe Churchill said it best. 'For Evil to truimph it 
requires only that good men do nothing.'

Come now Giles, I mentally chide myself, you cannot really 
expect to burn someone's house down, possibly put their entire family 
in dire peril just to satisfy your baser insticts. Just because they 
were cowardly wretches who no doubt listened to the screams of a girl 
lost and did nothing. Just because these are the people me and mine 
have risked our lives, our very souls to protect. No, I couldn't do 
anything so rash. 

'Ah,' I hear Ripper. 'But I can.'

Oh..well..yes..yes that is true I suppose.

**

"You know they probably heard everything."

I look up from my musing to see Spike strolling next to me. 

"The people in the house where Red was..um?entertained. They 
probably heard everything. Didn't do lickity though. Typical humans. 
Shame really, maybe could have prevented the whole thing." 

He shrugs. "Guess we'll never know now. Hey Xand-Man, where ya goin'?

I glare over my shoulder at him. "Why to sell some girl scout cookies 
Spike-Baby."

He reaches over and lazily hoists me off the ground with one 
hand. "Cool yer' jets Harris. They'll get what's comings to them. In 
fact.." His features shift and all pretense at humanity he has are 
just..we call it a vamps 'Game Face' but it's not really a funny 
game. I'd actaully like my money back. Please.

"Payback's a bitch!" he says through his fangs. 

"And just how will you, oh Chippified one, be able to enact said 
payback?" I mumble, I am painfully aware that my toes are a good six 
inches off the ground. 

"A temporary condition I assure you." Spike says and drops me, 
resuming his normal appearence. He sounds somewhat grumpy all of a 
sudden, like his fun time didn't go as he had hoped. 

Good.

I look at Buffy and Willow. The Buffmiester has one arm around 
Willow's waist, can't hear what she's saying, it could be nothing, 
could be everything...so long as it distracts Willow. Don't let her 
see, don't let her feel. I suppose that's an all right thing, no it 
is an all right thing. 

Still can't help but feel a little left out again though. When did I 
lose base with them anyway? High school? They're roomates now so I 
guess there is something about living with someone that I can't 
compete with..not that we're competing. 

My place is here, at the front. Right, I can believe that. The 
avenging male warrior going out to see the things done wrong put 
right. That's me, the ..already used warrior..and avenger..the 
um..Neanderthal.

Oh man.
**

The scent is very clear now. Leads right to where I thought it would. 
A little, nothing, ramshackle hole-in-wall establishment. Only one 
actual window, the others are borded over, a flurry of neon signs 
outside all of them having at least one burnt out letter. A large 
number of moterbikes out front with women of 'questionable origins' 
hanging all over them.

It's like coming home. 

"In there." I point.
Buffy, hey she actually managed to pry herself away from the Witch; 
funny I didn't see anyone with a crowbar, comes up beside me. 

"You sure?" She asks.

"Positive. The scent backtracks here from the ..place. Returns here 
too. Seems, whoever they are, had a little something to drink, sought 
out some 'entertainment' and came back to 'relive the highlights' I'd 
wager."

"They still there?"

"No scent to say otherwise."

She reaches up and pats me on my head. "Good boy, Scooby."

Being characteristicly the modest chap that I am let it pass over me 
though I will confess images of slayer corpses in various states of 
decompensition do swim invitingly in front of my eyes. Instead of 
giving in to the urge to snarl, just this once, I simply look at her 
with raised eyebrows.

"Biscuit?"

"What?" She looks confused now.

"I want a biscuit. You said 'good boy' now, give me a biscuit."

"I uh..don't have a biscuit." From behind I can hear Red give a small 
giggle. She is a strong lass in't she? 

"Fine then." I say striding toward the entrance. "You're buying the 
beer."

I enter ahead of them in case the crowd at the door gets a little?
uppity. What timing, it would seem one of women of unsure morals has 
damaged the zipper on her leather vest. The rest seem to be 
distracted, a perfect entrance if I ever saw one. 

The inside definetly brings back memories. A well lit bar runs along 
one side of the room with several decades of various carving on it's 
surface. The liquid in the bottles is probably fatal and 
the 'bartender' even more so. Despite the lights the corners of the 
room are shadowed with the only other light source being the one over 
the pool table. It would be remiss to not have a heavy cloud of 
cigarette smoke. Any youngling childe would probably pass out from 
the overwhemling load on the senses if the call of so much blood 
didn't knock them ass over teakettle first. The fact that I can't 
have any of it does make me cranky.

The rest come up behind me, walking in a protective circle with Red 
at the center who is again, looking frightened and very pale. One 
extreme to the other chippie? You really should settle on a median 
and stick with it. 

"Well?" Buffy nudges me. "Where are they?" 

Oh dear. 

She's got that look in her eye that does not bode well for anyone on 
the receiving end of her anger. Or anyone in a five mile radius. I 
carefully glance downward and see she still is holding hands with the 
Witch; a very tight grip, any bit more and Red will be suffering from 
not only a broken spirit but a broken hand. 
I lean over and whisper into the Slayer's ear. "First off Summers, 
this will take a few minutes as there are a hell of lot of 
conflicting smells to sort through. Secondly, you might want to ease 
off on the pressure for Red back there, I'm not quite sure she'd 
appreciate having her hand ground to powder."

She shoots me an angry look but lets up the pressure a tad. I think. 
I look back at Red and it doesn't look like she's noticed. She's 
standing absolutly rigid, eyes really, wide. This is a guess but I 
figure if I used my full vampiric strength I might be able to slip a 
piece of paper in between her and the Slayer. 
Bringing her here was a bad idea.

"Hey, Red..you in there?" I wave my hand in front of her face 
and she blinks a few times. 
"You sure you up to this Red?" I ask again still waving my 
hand in her face then, with a speed I cannot help but envy, she grabs 
my hand. 

"It's..cold." She whispers.

"Well, yeah..that's because it's dead." 

"Cold and..hard?strong right? Can grow big long talons that 
can carve through flesh..right?"

I nod slowly, I can feel Summers's eyes boring into me. This 
is very bad.

"That's right Red." I say in what I hope is a soothing tone. 
Havn't had to use one in fifty years. "Very strong, very cold and it 
can and has done many terrible things in it's history of being 
attached to my wrist."

Red just looks at me for a second before letting my hand drop.

"Good." She leans forward and whispers in my ear. "That means 
it won't turn into a pillow and try and drown me."

Bloody hell! 
	
The Witch turns back to Buffy. "Can we sit down? My..I'm 
feeling kind of tired." 

You're not the only one Red.

"There's a booth over here Wills" Xander says. 

"Not there Harris, it's too far back. That one," And I point to a 
booth near the open window. "Air currents will let me find em' fast 
too."

"Whatever man, you're the bloodhound."

"You have no idea."
**


It has been many, many years since I was last in 
an 'establishment' such as this. Wonderful how quickly it all comes 
back. Like riding a bicycle. We ease ourselves into our seats. Buffy 
and Willow sit across from us, the two of them doing their utmost to 
remain in physical contact at all times. Buffy hasn't said anything 
since we left the dorm, except to whisper to Willow and demand 
results from Spike, the rest of us may as well not even be here. 

I know where she is right now. What Xander playfully refers 
to as 'Slayer-Mode'. Everything except what she considers her 
responsibility is..outside her scope of caring. If it furthers her 
end goals she'll speak aloud but other than that we simply do not 
exist. I should speak up, should say how this does not involve her 
actual Slayer duties. I would be well within my rights to even insist 
she not even be here and instead be out patrolling or researching 
some evil. At the very least resting up for whatever ever real 
challenge my yet be coming.

I doubt I'd survive the experience.

It doesn't matter much though. I'm where she is too. An empty 
place that keeps the waves of?I'm not poetic enough for this. What 
matter though is that I can relate to what she is..what everyone 
is ..not feeling. Better put, not allowing themselves to feel. We are 
all so far beyond a typical 'Watcher-Slayer' situation. We are family 
and one of our family has been injured. Therefore we are acting as a 
family, gathering together for support and, going out to ...what was 
the line from that horrible movie they made me watch? 'Kick ass and 
chew bubblegum. And we're all outta' gum.'

Spike has returned. He's carrying a platter with five empty 
glasses and a pitcher of beer. 

"I know, this stuff is probably horrible but help yourselves. 
It hasn't killed me yet." 
	
He slides in the seat next to Buffy.

"We're not here to drink Spike!" Xander snaps. 

"True, true." Spike lights up a cigarette and takes a long 
drag before continuing. "But other people do, and we stand out bad 
enough as it is. So, try and fit in."

"He's right." I say. "We should try and 'fit in' as it were." 
And I reach for the pitcher.

"Would yoo like a pint of bitter guvna'?" Spike says doing a 
terrible mimicry of a cockny accent. 

I ignore him and pour beer into separate glasses. Xander 
grabs his and takes a swallow while Buffy picks up two of the 
glasses, one for herself and the other she places in front of Willow. 
I reach for my own glass and take sip. Part of my mind absently 
informs me this is the worst beer I've ever tasted. The majority of 
it doesn't care so I take another sip. 

Buffy hasn't touched her own and Willow is simply looking at 
the Slayer's hand clasped in her lap. 
No one says anything. Just sit and wait for Spike to tell us he's 
found them.

**

Why are we here? We should be back in the dorm, I should be 
holding her and ..and maybe singing her a lullaby so she can sleep. 
My mom knew some wonderful lullabies and she'd sing them to me when I 
couldn't sleep, when I was convinced there were monsters under the 
bed and they wanted to get me. 

I've fucked up so badly. 

We all know now, and have for some time, that the monsters 
under the bed were and are real. I've tried my best to keep them away 
from my friends, okay, I've messed up sometimes but this...

Why her? Why someone as innocent and caring as Willow? Why 
not..why not me? I could handle it, hell, they wouldn't have gotten a 
hand on me..I would have scattered them and ..and..I?

Will not cry..not here. Damnit exercise some control Summers. 

She's looking at me. She's not accusing me with her eyes?
she's..she's..worried about me..
I don't..I don't..deserve her concern. I failed her I should have 
been there and now she's hurt and she's worried about me..damnit I 
will not cry!

I grab my glass and swallow half of the beer. Eww..that is 
really bad tasting stuff.  

She's still looking at me. Guess I'm the staked one now. 

She reaches out with one hand and slowly brushes some of the 
hair out my eyes. "It's not your fault." She murmers. I can feel the 
others eyes on us and my instinct to run, to just grab Willow and go 
through a wall if needed, is almost all consuming. 

I open my mouth to ..to..get her to shut up ..to stop being 
nice to me to..to start accusing me or..get her angry or something! 
Something I can handle..something I can use to beat myself up with. 
Something I deserve but she cuts me off. 

"It's not your fault." She says again before taking my hand, 
the one still resting in her lap. "We'll talk about it later."

Now I'm wondering just who might wind up singing lullabies to 
whom when this is all over. When did I become the protected one?

"That was a true Hallmark moment."

I really have to kill Spike one of these days.

**

Cold glass is burning into my hand. Hurts a bit but 
nothing 'The Xander' can't handle. Nope, no problems here. The 
problems are over there. With Willow and Buffy. They're close..too 
close. Air would have a hard time getting in with how protective 
Buffy is being. 

It's not fair. I've known Willow far longer than her, I was 
there for Willow for years when it was us against the entire 
Sunnydale Youth Population of Doom. We even dated! Alright we were 
five but that still counts for something. And now, neither of them 
are even looking at me. 

Hey! Over here! That's right!! Friend here..friend me.. Me am 
good friend too. Hello!! Anyone noticing me? Bipedal? Dark haired? 
Known for a rather bizzare sense of humor and an inability to keep my 
mouth shut? Undeniably male?

Of course that's the problem now isn't it. They're not 
ignoring me because of who I am, they're ignoring all of us because 
of what we are. 

Penile enhanced life forms. 
	
And I don't know who to be angry at. The..er..them because of 
what they did, Willow and Buffy for starting to distrust me simply 
because of what I have..all right that was nursery school thinking if 
there ever was any. What next, I've got an outty?

I think I'll blame the proverbile 'them'. The trust between 
Willow and myself, why not add in the whole crew, the bond between 
the entire gand has been thrown into turmoil cause of them. 'Cause of 
what they did. Soon as Spike finds 'em for us they will no longer be 
proverbile. They will merely be 'ex' as in an 'ex-them.' 

Buffy's asking Spike again if he's got which person in this 
dive are the ones we want.

He's saying no. 

He's lying. I know I can tell. It's that little smirk he's 
got. A little 'whoops' and the corner of his mouth uptilts a good 
ninty degrees. Aaannnddd..now he's looking at me..sure..wiggle those 
eyebrows Spike..way to be cool. 

Ok, so he knows I know he's lying and that means?I have no 
idea. I could tell Buffy ..but that ..probably wouldn't do any good 
so I guess I'll sit here and..

Work on my art.

Shit.

**

Caught Harris giving me the hairy eyeball. Guess he know's 
I'm fibbing. Course I'm fibbing. I locked onto the prey the second we 
walked in the place. I'm just having so much fun right now. 
	
Yes, granted what happened to the chit was a 'real tragedy 
and something should never have happened to anyone like her.' I'll 
agree with that..something like that shouldn't happen to her. 
Something like ME should happen to Glinda, good witch or the South. 

No..that's not fair. She's hurtin'. Poor kid. Hurtin' really 
bad and I just can't bring myself to wanna hurt her right now. Wait 
till she's happy again.

THEN hurt her.
That'll work.

For now just..lounge back, enjoy the thrill of the hunt and 
let's listen in to our boys behind us. 

Yes that's right, they're behind us. 
That's why I wanted this booth. So I could evesdrop maybe 
pick of a few pointers.
I'm just kidding.

But I am listening? over the dull drone no one but vampy ears 
could pick it up..sometimes it's really good to be dead. 

"?and her eyes, man did you see how big they got when I.."
	
"I hear ya and what about?"

"? God that was the best! Sure screamed a lot though."

"Gonna have a headache for a week. Still, that was a kick ass 
time no?"

"Indeed man. Too good to pass up a second time."

"Say what?"

"I know of her man, on the campus? I know where she lives.."

"Yeah?so?"

"We could pay her a visit?few nights from now..never expect 
it."

"Mmm..nah..nah..too risky."

"I'd risk anything to get my hands on those?"

"Alright, alright you talked me into it."

"Pussy."

"Shut up and buy the beer."

"Spike?Spike?SPIKE!!"

I snap back.. Summers is poking me on the shoulder. "What?" I 
growl.

"You were going vampy you moron." She snarls back. 
	
She's right. I can feel my fangs receding, damn don't tell 
me ..I was getting angry again. 
Alright ..so I was getting angry, big deal. Those two went into my 
territory. Everyone knows that Buffy and Co. are mine. So you touch 
what's mine I rip off the offending limb off and beat you to death 
with it. 

I have got to lay off the movies.

It's not like I care or anything. 

"They're behind us." 

"What? It took you this long to figure out they were behind 
us?" Buffy challenges me.

"He knew where they were the second we got here." Giles now. 
Great..gang up on ol'Spikey time. 

"Then why?"

"Because he was probably getting off listening in to em', 
laughing his dead-white ass off I'll bet." Xander. Boy's sharper than 
he looks. 

I turn my head to see Buffy's blue eyes carving into my own. 
If looks could kill..I wouldn't notice.
Willow isn't even looking at us though. One hand still holds the 
Slayers own in a death grip while with the fingers of her other hand 
she's tracing the loops and whirls of various carvings in the 
tabletop. 

"You're a pig Spike." Summers gets out through clenched teeth.

"Hey now Baby, they're right to a point. I did know where 
they were and I did listen in..normally I would happily confess to 
enjoying anything they might have had to share. I'm a BAD GUY, 
Slayer..I would think you might understand what that means by now. 
However this is not 'regular' circumstances and I was not 'getting my 
jollies' either." 

I hunch forward and bring my face mere centimeters from the 
Slayer's ear. 

"I listened, " I whisper..I can smell her breath..hear it 
shuddering in and out of her lungs, she's hanging with less of a 
threat than Red back there. Hmm..wheels within wheels. "I listened 
because it will make them taste that much sweeter when we carve out 
their hearts." 

I pause.

"I listened to feed my anger."

She turns into my gaze and our eyes lock again. I can see the 
sparks dancing between us but I'm not fool enough to think these are 
some twisted form of attraction. These are sparks that will one day 
ignite and consume us both.

"And is your anger full?" She says back just as quietly.

I lean back out of the challenge and shrug. "I suppose." I 
say before grinning. 

"We'll wait for them outside then." She announces to the 
group. 

Harris and the Watcher simply nod before sliding out of the 
booth, I turn to see Summers again staring at me. Of course..she 
wants me to move. 

I entertain the thought of ignoring her but..no..I've had my 
fun. 

With a put upon sigh I ease out and let the two girls, still 
holding hands I notice, past. All four of them turn as one and head 
for the entrance. I sit back down and kill my drink. Reach over and 
kill Red's too. 

Ugh..mental note: Eat the bartender. 

**

Why am I here? I said I wanted to find them and I thought I 
did at the time. But now..now they're right here! Ok not 'right here' 
right here but about twenty feet away. Inside that..place. We've been 
waiting for nearly half an hour. It's dark here. Lots off alleyways 
twisting around to meet here. Perfect hunting grounds, it's too bad I 
don't feel anything like a hunter. 

It's so dark. I'm beginning to wonder if the sun will ever 
come back. 

They're right here! And I can ..I can.. no..No don't think 
about it. Can't think about it, won't think about..cloth..tearing 
and..how my throat is sore from screaming and how..I .hurt..and? I'm 
thinking about it.
 
Stop.

Think about..yeah..think about Buffy. She's safe to think 
about. Big, strong, Slayer Buffy. She's gonna kick their butts 
and..make em' hurt and..make em' um..hurt some more 
and..how..how..how that'll not make anything better. Cause she's not 
big strong Buffy. She's hurting too, she thinks she failed somehow 
but ..she has to understand ... How can she understand when I don't 
even understand. 

Xander, poor Xander he's trying so hard to be strong. I can 
tell he's feeling abandonded and we..I don't mean to do that. I just 
need..some..thing..time maybe. Just..get..something or..maybe..I 
DON'T KNOW!! I hugged him, I hugged him and tried to forgive him for 
something he had nothing to do with and it's just not working I 
can't..I can't?why can't I? 

I don't know, I don't know..all I know..my Truth..keep 
that..I know my Truth. They didn't kill it, they didn't kill it..it's 
there..just..have to wait a little longer that's all. I can feel it 
inside me..warm..patient. I became strong enough for this truth, no 
matter the consequences once, I can do it again. I just need..just 
need.. I still don't know. 

Buffy's behind me. Arms wrapped around my shoulders, my own 
hands holding her forearms like a brace. She's warm too. My Truth and 
My Slayer. Both really warm?wonder ..I wonder when I'll be able to 
share the Truth?

Spike whispers from the behind the corner we're standing 
behind. "They're coming."

They're coming! They're coming and they're going to get me 
and I'm gonna be screaming and and ..they're gonna tear 
off..and..gonna..and..Buffy squeezes me tighter. 

"You're safe Willow" She whispers in my ear. "Remember my 
promise? We're going to get them now and you can just watch and if 
you like, make suggestions okay? You okay with that?" 

I nod dumbly, there's a scream loged in my throat..a 
stillborn scream and it's stuck!

I swallow..and I swallow again..

"What.." I croak. "What now?"

Giles step forward and almost..almost puts his hand on my 
shoulder. "Now me." Is all he says before stepping around the corner.

There's silence for a few moment..I want to look..I 
do..really..I do..I wanna see..but..I turn and nestle in Buffy's 
embrace instead.

Coward.

Spike steps forward. "Now going to watch Red?" He asks. 
I shake my head.
	
He shrugs. "Your perogative I suppose. I for one am not going 
to miss this." And he vanishes around the corner as well.

Not gonna watch, nope?I can still hear though.

"Excuse me gentlemen." That's Giles.

"..eh?"

I hear them..hear them! 
Ohmygodohmygod..recognisethatvoiceneverforgetthatvoicetellingmegonnaki
llmenevergonnaforgetnever
Forgetgottarungottahide! 
Notsafeherenotsafegottaggeeetttttaawwwwaaaayyyy!!!

Buffy?won't let anything happen. She's safe..a 
harbor..safe..still wanna run. Hear hammering against my ribs..she 
can probably feel it. I turn my head and look at her. She smiles at 
me with her eyes. 

"You're ok." She whispers. Kisses me on my forehead again. 
Yeah..yeah I'm okay..still wanna run.

"..what ya say ol' man?"

"Um..I seem to need an answer to a question. Could you help 
me?"

"Fuggof ol' man can't..right now..get outta da way.."

"Oh it's really a simple question. Please..I'll pay you for 
your time."

"Don' need no money. Geddoudda way."

"Nah, nah, let him speak...whatz yer question? We be happy to 
help."

"Do you know what the word 'No' means?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

Sound of fist meeting flesh. Some scuffling, a muffled 
scream. Another blow..I shudder.

"No." Giles again. "A negative response or a denial." 
More sounds of scuffling, someones trying to run away. A loud 
grunt and now someone is making these deep gasping moans. 

"Middle English variant of non, from Old English, none: ne, 
not." 

Another smacking sound, breath whistling from lungs, someones 
screaming..

"My nose, my nose, you froke my frukin' nose!"

"Used to express refusal, denial.." Someone is beating 
someone else against the wall, sounds like a pumpkin being hit by a 
baseball bat. "disbelief, emphasis, or disagreement!" Giles is 
shouting now and I can still hear the sounds of someone beating 
someone else to death. 

There's silence for a while..just the sounds of heavy 
breathing. And some moaning noises. 
Giles walks around the corner a few moments later. His hair is 
slightly mussed but other than that he looks fine. He's grinning a 
little. 

He reaches into the break pocket of his shirt and fishes out 
his glasses. Putting them on he inspects the knuckles on his left 
hand where already a nasty bruise is already forming. 

"That is really going to hurt in the morning." He 
says. "Xander, your turn."

Xander only nods and steps around the corner. Buffy is still 
holding me. 

"..ey..hey man who are..what the hell ..what..AARGGH!!" 

"Put my ..my..frien..OOFF!"

And that's all I hear for the next few minutes. Xander isn't 
saying anything, he's silent as he dishes out his punishment. Just 
heavy breathing and sounds of fighting..well..not fighting more like 
just a one sided beating. 

He comes back around the corner just as silently. I can see 
one of his hands are covered in blood. He notices where I'm 
looking. "It's mine." He explains. "Caught one of their teeth."

I nod..can feel a whimper coming.. I've never seen Xander 
like this. Never seen a Xander like this before. He..he scares me. I 
don't want to be scared of him..why did this happen? Where is my 
funny, soft Xander? Where did the dark scary one come from and how do 
I get him to go away? 

I guess he can see it 'cause his eyes soften and he gives me 
one of his infamous 'Hey, it's me' grins. 
I ..smile back..kinda. Then he looks over my shoulder at Buffy. His 
smile went away.

He nods and says "Your turn." 
	
Buffy begins to unwrap her arms from around me and I grab at 
them.

"Don't go! Don't go!" I say breathlessly.

"Shh..shhh..it's ok..I'll be right back. Xander and Giles 
will be here, you'll be safe. I'll be right back." Her tone of voice 
chances from soft to steel. "I just want to see."

I look at Xander and Giles who simply standing there, in the 
dark. I should feel safe with them and before tonight I never would 
think otherwise but now..now? I don't want to hurt them though, don't 
want to hurt them again I mean. 

So I lie.

"I..I want to see too."

She pauses again and looks at me for a few very scary 
seconds. "Okay."

Buffy?

With her hands in mine we walk around the corner together. I 
get to see them..for the first time I really get to see them. 

One is hunched on the ground sobbing, curled up with his 
hands protecting his groin. Guess Xander ..decided to focus there. 
The other is wobbling about, using a nearby brick wall to support 
himself with one arm. His face is a bloody mess. One eye has already 
swollen shut and blood runs freely from his nose. 

Oh yeah, Spike is leaning against a far wall..just watching.

"I have to let you go now okay?" Buffy asks. I nod.

She slowly releases my hands, she has to manually unwrap my 
fingers from her own 'cause it seems they won't listen to me. I wrap 
my arms around myself in a poor substitute for one of her own hugs. 
Spike looks over at me and nods slowly..I just hug myself tighter and 
try and watch. 

She doesn't say anything either. Just drags the one on the 
ground to his feet and pulls him after her as she goes after the one 
still trying to drunkenly stagger away. He looks over his shoulder 
and tries to break into a run but she's on him already. 

She's grabbed them each by their throats now and has them 
pinned against the wall. A streetlight is casting shadows over all 
off them. She's choking them, I can see her knuckles getting whiter 
and whiter..she's strong enough to snap their necks but she's 
dragging this out. Making it slow.

Their feet are scrabling madly against the wall and their 
hands clawing at her wrists, seeking purchase..but ..already they're 
getting weaker..she's choking them and choking them..and..

Her face. Her beautiful, warm, face it's..gone. The light is 
stark across her features. Cheeks are shallow and drawn like she's on 
the last bits of strength. Her eyes are wild..furious..I can see 
insanity warring there and ..and she's lost. Tears are running down 
her face but she doesn't wipe them away just keeps squeezing tighter 
and tighter?they're hardly struggling at all now.

Behind them all Spike is slowly applauding.

I can't let this happen! I can't!

"Buffy!!" I scream.

She doesn't seem to hear me for a moment but then..then her 
head slowly turns toward me..and I can really see her eyes. Lost, 
sad, hating eyes..hating themselves..sad..so sad eyes..

She smiles, a warm loving smile meant for newborn babies or 
soft kitty cats nestled against your cheek. I have never seen 
anything so horrible in my life. 

"I'm sorry Willow." She says softly at me. Still smiling. "I 
know what I said back in the dorm but..I'm sorry." 

I'm not fooled by what she's saying. 

She's not apologising.

She's saying goodbye.

Won't lose her..will not! Will not let these 
two..two..ASSHOLES destroy my family! Not when we've faced the kinds 
of hell that would have thousand of them screaming in place waiting 
to be shredded!

I will not!
I WILL NOT!!

"Buffy!" I shout. Not screaming..shouting. She ignores me, 
she's turned back to watching her two friends..watching them for that 
last light to flee. 

"Buffy! My Truth!" I shout again. 

She's looking at me! She can see me..gotta do it..gotta do 
it..remember Rosenberg, no matter what happens, it's better this way. 

"My Truth is for you.." I say. Spikes stops applauding. "My 
Truth.." and I'm walking toward her slowly, arms stretched out in 
front of me..hey..I'm crying again.

When did that start?

"My Truth is..Buffy..My Truth is?I love you Buffy."

She just stands there for a second. She's got this little 
crease between her eyes. That always happens when she's confused. Her 
head cocks to the side slighly. I can't help but giggle a little. She 
looks so cute this way?without the two ..things..half dead against 
the wall of course.

"I love you Buffy." I say again. "Love..you."

"Willow.." She gasps.

And she lets them go.

**

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!

What the HELL is going on? 

I came out here to watch a good bit of vengence, some 
bloodplay, a little hunting and hopefully cold, hard, murder. Not 
some proclamation of forbiden love.

Giles was great, beat the tar out of the too little snots and 
his speech was kinda funny too. Xander, now that I did not expect. 
The boy was glorious, so good in fact that when I get this chip out 
of my head I'm seriously considering turning the little shit. Never 
expected him to be the quiet type and what a viscious knee..used it 
like a pro. Cheap shots all the way. Bravo. Five stars.

The Slayer seemed to be doing fine too, just..killing the 
fuckers slow. A worthwhile endevor that I was really enjoying and 
then the Witch here has to go and get a bad case of morals.

Is every power in universe bent on ruining my fun?

Now they're kneeling in front of each, crying, sobbing?
holding each others faces wearing the biggest, dumbest grins..at 
least they're not kissing. I can feel my stomach clenching..if this 
keeps up I might be the first vampire in the history of the world to 
puke. 

Right. Plan B then.

I put my fingers between my teeth and whistle.

**

Well. 
Xander seems to be handling that little announcement pretty 
well. He's just standing there with this very inane smile on his face.

I can't say I'm all that surprised. Combat stress on 
relationships has been known to cause sudden..shifts. Not to say that 
she wouldn't have. And what buisness of is it of mine anyway? I can 
only be there, be supportive..be a father. 

And keep Xander from saying anything stupid.

I take off my glasses and rub my nose. Life just got much 
more complicated.
**

Of course..why didn't I see it before? I'm not being left out 
I'm just not..um..let's not go there.

Alright, I'm shocked and not all of it has sunk in probably. 
But..what the hell, they're my friends right? So..whatever makes her 
happy. I guess. Part of my mind is kicking up a storm, saying it's 
wrong or some other stupid shit, I squash it. Another part is 
suddenly getting many odd ideas. I..don't squash that one but I sure 
as hell am not talking about it. 

Oh my God! I have to get this leer of my face somehow or 
Buffy will KILL me!
**

Did she..she did. 

Wow..I mean..just wow..I never would have guessed. I don't 
know what to say..I don't even think I have the capacity for 
speech..how'd I get here anyway? A second ago I was choking two 
people to death..Willow says she loves me and now I'm on my knees in 
front of her and we're both crying. But I have no recolection of how 
I got from point 'A' to point 'B'. 

Weird. 

I mean..that was..brave of her..and..she saved me. I could 
feel myself slipping away as I killed them. Losing myself, 
gone..never would have been who I had been before. I knew all this 
but it didn't stop me. I couldn't stop. 

But she saved me. Willow saved me. My friend saved me..

My friend..and maybe something more.

I'm not quite sure yet. Have to think about it and feel about 
it but..right now I'm safe. 

We both are.

Who's whistling?

**

The two vampires melt out of the shadows behind Buffy. I see 
them she doesn't. But when my eyes widen in horror she whips around 
and is on her feet. I can see her hand reaching for a stake..which 
she doesn't have. 

This is bad. 

"Ease back Slayer." Spike says coming off the wall. "They're 
not here for you."

"Spike. When?"

"In the bar, while getting the beer."

"Why?"

"Oh..I don't know, I suppose just in case anyone here went 
all Chicken Belly on me. I didn't come here for vengence Summers, I 
came here for the entertainment value and one way or the other I will 
have my satisfaction. I paid my dues, putting up with your company 
and I want my moneys worth."

He turns to the two vamps, game faces on all the way. " 
Cafeterias behind you boys." He says pointing with a figure. "Chow 
down."

The two vamps approach the fallen figures of 
my..attack?..I..of?my?rapists. 

The two men are starting to recover, both are rubbing at 
their throats one swearing endlessly the other crying. I can 
relate..I know how it feels to cry. I think I'll be knowing for a 
while. They're kind of lucky..they'll not have to worry about tears 
after the next?

Both of them manage to get a glimpse of what's coming. 

The crying one just starts crying louder as the one vamp 
grabs his head, exposes the neck and sinks it's fangs in. I think 
he's calling for his mother.

The other?

"fuck..fuck..Fuck..Fuck..FUCK FUCK FUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!"

Xander and Giles have come around the corner by now, we're 
all just watching these two vampires feed. No one says anything, I 
reach out and grab Buffy's hands. I'm still on my knees. She reaches 
back blindly and grabs on to me. 

I've seen vamps feed before, most of the time it's gentle..in 
it's own way. Usually the expression of terror on the victims slowly 
fades away for something..else. This is not like that. This is ugly. 
The vampires are not really draining them, they're tearing the blood 
from the men's bodies. 
	
I can see their throats bob with every swallow and under the 
harsh light of the streetlamp I can see their pale skin aquiring a 
slight pinkish tinge. The men's eyes keep bulging out, bigger and 
bigger but their jaws are slack, one's tounge is hanging out of his 
mouth..like a slug.

I can't help but wonder if that's the same tounge that was 
sliding all ove?No!

"That's enough boys." Spike says and reaches into his pocket. 
He pulls out a silver object and with a few deft flicks of his wrist 
the blade of a butterfly knife gleams in the darkness. 

"Let's have those wrists."

One of the vamps throws aside his ..'meal.'

"Screw you Chip boy! I don't want no minions or childe, I'm 
still hungry and I'm changing the deal. The redhead looks yummy?step 
aside."

"Jee." Spike says. "Chip Boy..how original." He tosses a look 
at Xander who just shakes his head.
	
"Bad move fangy." Xander mutters. 

He's right.

Spike puts his hand through the vampires chest, ripping out his heart 
which explodes into dust a split second before the rest of the vamp 
follows. 

"YES!" Spike cheers. "I finally got to kill something!"
	
He turns to the remaining vamp.

"Well?"

He..it..whatever..holds out a wrist which Spike slices open. 
Then grabbing the bleeding limb Spike forces it over the slack jaws 
of my two assailants. Assailants..I think I can live with that word?

A few drops fall into their mouths before Spike pushes the 
vamp away. 

"That's enough. Get outta here before the Slayer here gets 
over her new found love affair and remember all that destiny crap."

The vamp snarls at Spike who simply examines his nails for 
dust particles. The vamp runs away. 
Smart vampire, Buffy'll have to track that one down.

Spike walks over to us. 

"There." He says. "Problem solved. Wait a few days and you 
can kill them without any issues regarding morality bouncing around 
in that pretty head of yours."

"You're still a pig Spike." Buffy says.

"Oink, oink Slayer. I'm feeling to good right now to be 
bothered by your verbal jabs." He crouches down on the balls of his 
feet beside me. 

"Normally Red I'd be crowing to the moon about how enjoyable 
it was being involved in something regarding human suffering. I like 
it, I can't help it and I won't apologise for it. But there are some 
things even I won't advocate. Yes, I'm a predator and darn well proud 
of it but it's for food mostly and if I ying and yang my prey about 
for a bit so much the better, makes it more spicy but there is a line 
I will not cross." 

He idly chucks my chin very lightly with the knuckles of one hand and 
I can feel Buffy stiffen.

"You'll be okay." He says.

He stands up.

"And in case you're wondering why I really helped you?"
Spike goes away and his demon comes out, "It's because you ..are?
MINE!"

And just as quick it's gone.

He smiles cheekily. "Just kidding." Tossing us a salute he walks away 
into the gloom of the allyways though his voice drifts back to us 
from the darkness. "Giles, I'm going to go for another walk. Don't 
wait up."

Xander leans forward and mumbles to the Watcher. "Can you lock the 
door?"

"I heard that!"

I am really, really tired.

Buffy pulls me to my feet and I can't help but stare at her..she's so 
lovely and I've told her how I really feel..and it might not be 
returned..not now, maybe not ever...but that's okay?as my sisters 
told me..it's better this way and I think they're right.

"C'mon Willow." Buffy says. "Let's go home, I'll keep the nightmares 
away."

"Yes." I say. "You will."

And she does.