Repost: Sundowning04- Peppers

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

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Sundowning
Pick a Peck of Pickled Peppers


"I don't give a damn about your soddin' opinions Watcher!" He says poking his
finger in my chest. "I made the bloody twit a promise and I intend to keep it.
I don't understand why you're being so damn stubborn about all this. I've
helped before."

"Yes Spike." I say angrily. "Always for a price though."

"Excuse you bucko but the last time I helped you I was forced to take a
nosedive off a bleedin' tower and the only payment I got for that was hitting
the concrete at a good two hundred miles an hour!"

"I will not tell you what you want to know Spike." And I cross my arms over
my chest and sit in one of my chairs. The best signal I can use to imply the
conversation is over.

"Then how am I supposed to protect Dawn if I don't know how or why others
might use her?" He insists. 

"It's quite simple." I say sharply while picking up a book on the table. I'm
not sure which one it is but I wish to use it more as a prop to indicate I
want Spike to go away. I peer at him over the top edge of the book. "You
don't." I say.

Spike stands beside the chair and leans over slowly putting the tips of his
fingers just a hairsbreath underneath my chin. 

"I made the Slayer a promise 'Ripper'." He snarls. "It would be a very bad
mistake to try and convince me otherwise." 

"You cannot harm me Spike." I growl back. "Please take your undead male
bravado and leave my home."

"You're holding the book upside down." He says in my ear.

Against my will my eyes flash to the page I randomely opened the book too.
The text is not upside down but in it's proper place. Spike ..ahem..beeps me
on the nose.

"Gotcha." He smiles at me and steps away from the chair.
"Of course you're right Watcher, I can't hurt you...more's the
pity..physically at least; but let me introduce to to a scenario." He reaches
into his pocket and retrieves his lighter. "This is called 'fire'." And he
flicks a small flame into existance. 

"This." And he gestures with his other arm to take in all my books lining
shelf after shelf. "Is called 'fuel'." He smiles at me, a very friendly,
welcome smile but since I know what's behind it all it looks, in truth, very,
very unpleasent. "Catch my drift...mate?" He's still smiling.

"Get out." I say horsely. I swallow a few times to moisten my throat and
lurch to my feet. "Get Out!!" I bellow in his face. 

Spike inahles deeply. "Mmmm...bacon..and...lettuce sandwhich with mayonaise
and..don't tell me..don't tell me..a hint of mustard. Am I right?"

I blink a few times. "Uh..and tomatos." I mumble. 

Spike snaps his fingers, "I always miss tomatoes." He bemoans then his other
hands shoves the lighter, long since extinguished, back in his jacket pocket.


"Wasn't I telling you to get out my home a few mintues ago?" I ask.

"You were and I was ignoring you." Spike answers quickly thumping his fingers
in my face like one brushes away a fly. "Because you still havn't answered my
question Giles old chum." 

"I am not your chum." I try and interupt but he rides past me.

"Actaully you havn't answered several questions I asked." He cocks his head
to the side. 

"First," He says counting with his pointer finger. "You won't tell me what
other threats the little bit could be used for, or attacked for. Second.." and
he counts this with his middle finger. "You won't tell me why you won't tell
me, citing only that you don't believe that Buffy..." his voice fades away.

He seems to think for a few seconds.

"Of course that's it isn't?" He says finally, quietly.

"What's it?" I protest, feinging ignorance.

"She asked me." He says in that quite voice. "She asked _me_ to protect Dawn.
Not you, not The Scoobs, me. Spike, your 'enemy'." 

"That..that.." Damn this stutter. "That has nothing to do with it."

"Oh please Watcher. It's bad enough you're lying to me, but to yourself? I
though you were far more clever." He shrugs his shoulders. "But this is just
the final nail in the coffin of my belief that you're a total idiot."

I really wish to strike him. Instead I just let my reflexes take over and,of
course, I find myself taking off my glasses and rubbing the bridge of my nose.


"I have no idea what you're talking about Spike." I murmer.

He reaches out casually and with a slight shove sends me stumbling backwards
back into my seat. I say 'ow' hoping to trigger the chip in his head, petty
perhaps but I'm not exactly at my best.

"No headache for the vamp today Watcher." Spike smirks. "I was very careful."
He sits down on the cusion directly across from me. 

"Now you hear my out 'Ripper' and you hear me out good." He pokes a fingerat
me. "Loathe as I am to admit it Buffy's choice made good sense. From a
strategic point of view."

"Strategic." I snort.

"Bloody hell you're thick." Spike sighs. "Are you as strong as I am? Can you
move as fast? Can you get shot in the soddin' head and still smile for the
camera? No? Golly jee whiz boss, I wonder why not! Probably that whole 'I'ma
human bean' thing. Whoops, but hold on a mo' human beans are somewhat fragile
and..horrors..I'm not! Gosh, how about that then squire?"

"And daylight?" I shoot back.

"Well..there is a reason the whole menagerie of hell is usually catagorised
under 'creatures of the Night!!" Spike shakes his head again. 

"Alright. Let's try this approach then." He says after a few seconds. "And
hold on to yer hat gentelmen, Spike is going to get all," He gives an
exagerated gasp. "Touchy Feeley!"

I ignore the sarcasm, though he is actaully quite good at it, resign myself
to my fate and set the book aside. I reach for the cup of tea beside where it
lay instead. Ah..tepid. Of course, why should anything this evening go right?
Why should anything recently go correctly?

'No' I hear my voice in my head. 'Nothing has gone right since she left us.
Taken actaully.'
We're all so lost. Floundering. Oh I'm not blind I see what's happening. I
read it about it in so many novels..yes I read novels not just mythology..the
funny thing is the authors were absolutly correct. We have died inside. A very
large hole seems to be ..somewhere inside me. Focus, concentration.. I
remember those things but I cannot recall, for the life of me, how those
things worked. 

Oh I try and focus, on Dawn mostly. She's my charge now, my responsibility.
Only recently has there even been a minor breakthrough. She was able to sleep
throughout the night without screaming..or crying.. She did not need me with
her last night to sleep. Whens he woke up she instantly realised this and this
set off an entire pinwheel of guilt. Guilt based on her belief that she's
'forgetting' her sister. 

Which is utter nonsense. One could no more forget Buffy than you could
...could... Nothing compares adequaltey in mind. I ..miss Buffy. I miss her
very much. 

I nod. As if I'm listening to Spike, but I'm not. My thoughts are..elsewhere.
Somewhere. I can't even really keep track of them, after ..I glance at my
watch..it's nearlly been six weeks. Six weeks and we're all still reeling. My
mind starts down a road..a road I don't want to see. Memories, like
butterflies, pay no heed and flicker where they will.

Willow.

If there was ever a more tragic figure I do not know them. We have..all
mourned, are mourning in our own ways. Dawn's burdens, while terrible are
being dealt with. All of us... are..handling things as best we can. Xander and
Anya, together. Thing were rough between them at first, everything between us
all has beeen rough. But we're handling it. That was the first posotive sign,
when all of them, Tara, Xander, and Anya volunteerd to begin patrols, actually
Tara would aid me in research. Spike's questions aside I was, and have been,
very concerned with possible ..uses there could be for Dawn. She was, and is,
still The Key. A single drop of blood was enough to tear open all of reality.
What kind of mystical energy does she have? We had to know and thus our
research began. Of course she knows none of this, being content to just have
us around, occasionally going on the odd patrol despite my vehement
objections. I gave up after the third time she snuck out the window. 

I took it as a good thing when Willow herself showed up a few days later,
also looking to go on the odd patrol. I really should have known better.

Tara later came to tell me that Willow has not spoken to her since ..that
night. They no longer have been practicing spells or socialsing of any kind.
Tara insisted, once again, that Willow was 'eaten'. I heard similar news from
Xander and Anya. I know for myself that Willow had come here on occasion,
asking for the odd tome or other bit of information. 

Then she started doing the patrols. Alone. Every night.

"Which is why, Giles my bestest british buddy in the whole wide world, I
believe a bannana would look better transpanted to replace your nose."

I nod. "Quite right Spike. An excellent point...uh..sorry?"

Spike sighs and puts his head in hands. "You wern't listening to bloody word
I was saying were you."

It's not a question.

"No. No I wasn't Spike. I would apologise but that might indicate I give a
damn regarding your feelings." I snap.

"Hey, hey now Watcher, no need to be all ...violent and..petty." Spike
replies, I notice him eyeing the swords on the wall behind me. I smile
inwardly. 

"To recap," He says. "I don't have a clue why you're so upset. Buffy wouldn't
have asked you, she didn't need to. She knew you'd do it anyway and, can you
really blame her for being..a little too clear headed. After everything that
happened to her?" He raises his eyebrows. "She was thinking like a warrior,
more Slayer, than Buffy. I'm surprised you wern't all for it what with you
watchers being more hellbent on makin' the chickies soddin' weapons and not
people!"	

"That's beside the point!" I thunder back slamming my fist on the table. The
cup of tea jumps into the air and falls back to the table, lands badly and
tumbles to the floor. I want to jump to catch it but, predictibly, instict
makes me cringe in the oppoiste direction. 

It's a simple china cup and it shatters easily. The tea spreads rapidly over
the floor, a small pool, nothing a few seconds with a rag couldn't clean up.

"That could be the Little Bits fate." Spike says quietly. "Broken, shattered
and drained. Spread out on a cold cement floor somewhere."

I slowly lift my head up and look at him. He's not smiling, his face isn't
some delighted sneer, his features are set quite relaxed. His tone strong,
voice, serious. 

"Tell me what I need to know Watcher. Tell me who would want to hurt her. Not
even because she is the key, merely because she was related to The Slayer."He
says again, quite placidly.

"Damn...damn you." I say horsely. "But... I'll tell you what you need to
know, or, at the very least, try and find out."

Spike nods, his features never changing. "Good." He says getting to his feet
and shrugging out of his duster. "This will take a good part of the night so
I'll get us a fresh pot of tea." 

I look up, a bit surprised. Spike likes tea?

He pauses as he walks past me. "Do you..eh..prefer sugar or O negative in
yours?" He asks.

I just sigh, and find myself removing my glasses again to rub my nose.

***

Mmmm..wha..what was that noise? Thought I heard something...breaking? 

Oh..just Spike and Giles. Not worth listening too, I don't want to hear
anything they might be saying. Prophecies, boogie men, objects of power that
kind of stuff. I've had my fill, even if I might be one, I've had my
fill..never never wanna know about it again.

I cross my 'room'. It's nice of Giles to let me stay here, though he did
insist I not be alone. The window is open and a cool breeze is making the
curtains billow out. I open them and look outside. 

There's a break in the clouds, ah..there's the moon. She's not very big..not
even halfway full. 

I rest my elbows on the windowsill and my head in my hands, just..gonna look
for a few minutes, then..maybe go back to sleep. 

It must be so simple being the moon. Just..hang in the sky, go in circles...
Not like being The Key. Just..be some rock. Occasionally pull some water this
way and that. 

What...what was it my teacher told me? Seems like so long ago. Oh that's
right. The moon..has a darkside or something, never faces the Earth. I guess
even very large pieces of stone hanging in midair even have secrets. 

Is that where you are Sis? Other side of the moon..straight on till morning?
Or am I getting my stories mixed up... not too sure. 

Can you see me Buffy? Wherever you are? I havn't gone into your stuff y'know.
Havn't even touched the door really. See? I'm respectful of your property.
Little sis isn't snoopin' around anymore Buffy. Not going to poke and pry my
nose where it don't belong. Nope, I'll let you...leave..you...I mean. 

Is it raining? Oh..no of course not. That's just my tears on the windowsill.
About time really. Where have you guys been? I havn't cried for..oh..at least
eight hours. I was thinkin' something was wrong with me for a minute there. 

Hello tears, hello sobs. Hello salty goodness to lick off my lips every..five
or so minutes. Hello ache in my chest, hello hole in my ...me. 

Goodbye sis. 

Heh heh..y'know if some company found a way to sharpen knives so they wereas
sharp as these holes in me they'd make a fortune. 

Mmm..

Shhhh..don't cry too loudly. Don't want Giles bursting through the door.
Shhh... I know..I'll go cry into Mr. Gordo. 

Oh. Oh..I'm sorry Buffy, I ..lied. Accidently. I did take Mr. Gordo. Well,
didn't exactly take, Xander gave it to me, he though you'd want me to have
him. No, no you're right of course, he's not mine, he's yours. I'll put him
back tommorow. Go home, to ..to ..uh..our house and put him back where he
belongs. Y'know, upper left corner of the bed, with just the edge of the
covers covering him so he doesn't get cold. We have to take care of our pigs.


Buffy?

Would...would you mind terribly if..if I didn't put Mr. Gordo back? Can I
keep him? Just..y'know just for a little while? He's...very..fuzzy..and warm.
He smells like you..didja know that? No, no I don't sniff him. I just sorta
realised it a few nights ago. 

I'll show you..I'll prove it to you I'm taking good care of him..hold on.
Don't go anywhere alright?

	

Back. See? Here he is? Pink and..uh..both eyes are here. I even washed
him..just once. He's fine. We're both...

What am I doing?

God Buffy, you can't hear me. Whoops, see? I'm doing it again.

I've..I've gone bonkers, talking to my de..dea...

Is Mom okay Buffy? Mr. Gordo misses her..we both do.

***



"Dawn? What on Earth are you doing up at this hour?"

I ignore the pile of open books surrounding Giles and Spike as I stumble down
the stairs.

"Catch." I mumble. The stuffed animal lands in Giles surprised lap. "Mr.
Gordo was hungry. So am I. What we got to eat?"

"Um..there's a bit of chicken in the fridge if you care to make a sandwhich."
Giles stutters.

I shrug and look at Spike.

"Evenin' pet." He says. 

He's sitting..slouching really..legs crossed in one of Giles chairs. We just
look at each other for a moment.

"Well?" I finally ask. "Arn't you going to ask me how I'm doing? Everybody
else does." I roll my eyes. "Constantly."

Spike leans foward and clasps his hands together. "Let me think." He says
slowly. "You recently lost your identity, your mother, and, as of a few weeks
ago, your sister. Add to that an absent father... Hmm. I don't think I needto
waste the breath, not that I have any in the first place, to even ask when I
can easily figure out the answer for myself. You're doing bloody lousy."

That said he sits back and picks up a tea cup and takes a careful sip, not
looking away from me the entire time. My left knee starts to shake..badly.
Spike just went all blurry. The whole room just went all blurry...do I still
have legs? I can't feel them anymore.

"How DARE you?" I hear Giles thunder behind me. "Get out! Get out of this
house and don't you-"

"How can I dare not?" Spike shouts back, despite the ferocity of his voice
and face, he's being really careful to put the teacup down. "It's the truth,
she's been royally fucked over by life and you all are tiptoeing around the
entire time."

Heehee..he said 'fuck'. Buffy would have a cow if heard him.

"Let's face it Watcher," Spike continues ranting. "None of you have been up
front with the issue and it's been..what..six weeks now? Bugger that, I say
just make her eat the facts and give her time to chew and swallow!"

Giles crosses the room and yanks Spike from his chair. Spike doesn't resist.

Mmm..I'm kneeling now. Rooms still blurry, I don't think I'm actually
sobbing, which means I have my voice. Time to use it.

"SHUT!!" Deep breath. "UP!!" I scream.

Giles and Spike just stare at me. Giles is still holding Spike by his collar

"Just..just..just shut up!" I wail again. "Shut up the both of you!"

I lose control for a minute and they stand statue like not reacting as I try
and push the cries long enough to continue.

"He's ..y'know..right. Spike is. " I say. "Everyone has been so nice, and
careing and loveable and fluffy, but you don't seem to realise..you're
drowning me in it! How can I ..can I..how can we get..uh..better, over
it..move on..oh God I don't want too though! What if we..we forget her? No we
could never do that but it.." I pause and start tapping at my temple. "It's
always the same thing, 'Are you alright Dawn, 'can we get you anything Dawn?'
'Are you sure you're alright Dawn?' And it's just pounding and pounding
and...y'know." My voice dies away along with the sudden fury. "Pounding and
stuff."

Spike, still being almost throttled by Giles, starts to smirk and a fresh
wave of anger washes over me. 

"You can keep on shutting up too Spike!" I push past Giles who releases his
grip so I'm standing right if front of Spike pushing my finger in his face.
"High and mighty Mr. Vampire. Oh, sure you say you don't care, that we're all
pathetic little meals on wheels but if that's the case then why the hell are
you here? Why you making such a big deal about protectin' me from all the
nasty whoitwhatits still mucking around this ...hellhole? And what
about..about..all this 'advice'? Huh? What's up..with..all that crap? It's
good advice actually, and you just keep goin' on an' on about how you just say
it cause you like to watch us hurt. Yeah..right." I snort disdainfully. "As
if."

Nobody says anything, Giles is just ..y'know...behind me so I'm not sure what
he's lookin' like but Spike is all straight and lookin' down on me, trying to
be intimidating but I'm just not in the mood to be intimidated. I go in for
one last shot. 

'C'mon Mr. Answer-Man, 'scuse me, Answer-Vamp. What's up with that huh?
C'mon..tell me. Let's here what.." I take a deep breath. "The FUCK is up with
THAT?" 

As I scream the 'That' I give him a really hard push, fourteen year old
muscles don't add up too much but he does have to take a step back so as not
to be knocked over. Go Dawnie, go Dawnie, go, go, go Dawnie!

Spike looks at me, he actually looks a little startled and then looks overmy
head at Giles. I guess..maybe he realises how..um..open he looks because I can
see, almost see I mean, the steel slam over his eyes and that..ratty little
predatory gleam pop up. 

"Giles." Spike says. "What have you been teaching the la-"

I slap him.

"DON'T IGNORE THE QUESTION!!" I scream in his face.

Spike just claps a hand to his cheek and looks doubly startled. 

And then..of course..rage sputters out and I realise just what I've done,
what I've said and to who've I've said it. Both of the who'ves...who's I mean.


My knees are going to start knocking together any second now, better
idea..let's collapse. Okay. They're collapsing.

My knees hit the floor with an audiable crack, it hurts but..but..

"OhGodI'msorrypleasedon'thateme!" I squeak. 

What the hell was I doing?
What the hell was I doing?
What the hell was I doing?

over and over and over and over..

what the hell was I doing?
what the hell was I doing?
God..I was doing THAT??

So, predictably, tear glands go into overdrive. I think I'll eat some potato
chips with that chicken sandwhich, have to replace all this salt y'know.

"Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me." I say
again and again between sobs.

It takes a few second but I guess Giles snaps into action. I feel his hands
on my shoulder in a supportive gesture, the closest I'm guessing his british
nature will allow in place of an actual hug. It's enough.

"Hate you? Lords no Dawn. We could never hate you. I, uh, we had no idea you
were feeling this way."

"Thats," I swallow down another bout of sobs. "That's okay Giles, I wasn't
exactly aware of it myelf. It kinda jumped out at me. Boo! Y'know?"

"Yes, yes of course I can understand. Really. I think, I'm not quite sure
honestly but..yes." Giles stammers out an attempt to be comforting. It's kinda
funny despite the circumsantces. "We shall..try to refrain from being so
overbearing so..uh.. no more killing with kindness. Agreed?"

"Did you have to use the word 'killing'? "I wince.

"Oh..yes..right! Sorry." Giles hastily amends. "But no, we don't hate you,
could never hate you." He glances around for support. "Isn't that correct
Spike?"

Spike still hasn't moved, his eyes have glazed over slightly, hand still
clasped to the cheek that was struck. His jaw is slightly slack too. Did I
break him?

"Spike!" Giles says a bit more forcefully. "We could never hate Dawn isn't
that right?!?"

Spike snaps too.

He keeps his hand to his face and turns his head until his eyes are bearing
down on me with all the force and vehemence of a hundred years of hatred. Or,
a royally honked off vamp. 

Then he smiles, a big smile that reaches even his eyes and the fire there
just winks out.

"Hate her Giles?" Spike says slowly. "By George I absolutly _ADORE_ the
lassie!" 

He swoops down, grabs me and spins me in the air like a rag doll before any
of us can react. 

He only spins twice but that makes me seriously dizzy. So I don't really
react when he plants a really big wet one on my cheek. Yuck! Vamp slobber.

"This is the ballsiest chippie I have ever met!" He crows. "Did you see her?
All in my face and charged up? Gods above I've disembowled people for just
lookin' at me funny and she bloody well knows it, but does she back down? Does
she cowtow under?" He chucles mirthlessly. "Too right she does not!"

He puts me down, I'm still woozy. 

Spike throws his arm around my shoulder. "This little bit o'monster bait goes
up against William the Bloody and never backs down. Hate her Giles? Are you
totally teetotaled or something?" He laughs again. "I'm a fan of hers for
life!"

I look up slowly to look at Spike, expecting a sneer, some mask slipping away
to reveal a sarcastic edge. He's..actually quite honest looking right now.
Wow.

Giles, on the other hand, looks somewhat flustered.

"Yes..well. That's a ..ah..yes I take it. Good." He pauses and gives Spikea
pained glance. "Please don't call me Giles." he adds.

Spike catches my eyes with his own and does a slow, evil, wink. How do you
_do_ an evil wink anyway? 

"Of course Giles." Spike says. "I'm sorry about that ..Giles..what could I
have been thinking...Giles. Only those close to you can call you
'Giles'..Giles. I, not being particularly close, should only refer to you as
'Watcher' or 'Stupid Git' on every second Tuesday. Isn't that right...Giles?
Is that what you'd like..Giles?"

Giles simply sighs and rubs his eyes. "Yes...quite. Exactly that. Thanks ever
so much...Bill."

I gape. Spike gapes.. Giles WON?

It's all a bit too much and my poor self overloads. Emotions, tempers, tears,
sobs, jokes, gaffs and going toe to toe with a murderious fiend. These things
just knock your feet out from under you. 

A smile? I'm smiling? No..that's not right. Gravity's gone backwards, that's
it..more likely at any rate. Yeah, gravity went all wonky and..no..I'm still
on the floor. Jee..maybe it is a smi..what's that wierd noise? 

Someone's laughing..me? I'm laughing? And..wow..now I'm really close to the
floor..I fell over. Whoops, laughing really hard now. 

Hey, someone else is laughing..why it's Giles! We're both laughing! That's
just all screwy now isn't it. Spike isn't laughing. He looks all grouchy
sitting in his chair with his arms crossed. He's pouting.

Pouty Spike! Pouty Spike!	

I'm laughing and laughing and it feels so good, clean, clean..and it's
just..and I'm so..wow..yeah..I'm a wow! 

Wow!

Heh..pouty Spike!

Wow.

Laughter's ending...laughters going..but that's okay..I feel..good. Because
of the laughter, the...ow..my chest hurts but..it still feels good.

Laughters gone now, but that's okay. It didn't end in tears. 

Giles is sitting now, a big ol' smile on his face as he sips his tea. 

My stomach growls.

"Can I have that sandwhich?" I ask.

***

"G'night Giles, G'night Spike." I say from the foot of the stairs. 

My stomach is full, and I'm actaully pretty tired. It's late. 

"Hey Pet, catch yerself." Spike says tossing Mr. Gordo in a lazy underhand. I
snatch him out of the air. "Little porker reminds me too much of supper."
Spike growls.

"Thanks Spike." I say. 

He just growls and looks away. 

"Do you nee-" Giles starts to speak and I just glare at him. 

"Oh..yes. Of course, sorry." Giles stammers. "Habits and all that." He looks
abashed. "Good night Dawn." 

I head up the stairs and as I enter my room I hear Spike, in a hurt voice,
whine. "Bill?"

I just close the door and go over to the window.

The moon is still there, in the sky, she's settling on the horizon, and not
even half full she seems so big. Warm, and big and friendly. I seat Mr. Gordo
on the sill. So he can see too. 

Tears begin to slide down my cheeks again. It's okay though, they're quite,
peaceful tears. They don't hurt, they don't even burn a little. I bet if I
licked em' off they would'nt even taste salty, just clean. ..like me.

"I miss you Buffy." I whisper too the moon. "I'm going to sleep now, keep the
nightmares away? Please?"

Must be the tears in my eyes, really. The moon, she can't wink at you..can
she?



	
	


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