Fic: Triune (20/?) B/W/T NC-17

["TheBear" <thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Triune

Author: The Bear!

Spoilers: up through season 5

Pairing: Buffy/Willow/Tara (Some of the other Scoobies might get a
little some-some as well)

Summary: Ends the Triad Trilogy- Sequel to the Please Trilogy. The new
Triad deals with an angry Hellgod and new relationships are on the
horizon

Warnings: NC17 Ahoy! I Love BDSM. I Love chains and whips. I love
Sex! If any of these gives you the wiggins, then so will this story.
(Part 20 is also a bit of the old NC17]

Disclaimer: If I owned 'em, they'd have to show it on the Ecstasy
Network.

========== BtVS ==========

Part 20

========== BtVS ==========. 

Tara sat calmly on the uncomfortable bench in the visitor's waiting
room. The same couldn't be said for Xander, who was pacing back and
forth, lost in thought. After a couple minutes, Tara got bored with
watching him. Trying to sense his emotions through their light bond
only netted confusion. Xander seemed to be transitioning through fear,
desire, anxiety, excitement, sorrow, and hopefulness with a chaotic
ferocity.

"Xander..." she started to ask, but he wasn't paying attention.
"Xander!" she tried again with no response. Finally she reached out and
grabbed his hand as he passed.

Startled out of his fugue state, he asked, "Hmm? What?" as he stood in
place and focused on the blonde witch at last.

Tara patted the bench next to her and said, "Sit. Tell me what's
wrong." The look of compassion on her face belied the commanding nature
of the words.

Xander sat, but couldn't order his thoughts enough to speak.

Still getting the strong feelings of confusion both through their
spell-link, and from his easily readable face, Tara gently asked,
"Nervous?"

That made Xander chuckle. "Understatement," he answered tersely.

"How come?" Tara asked evenly, not wanting to make him defensive.

In lieu of pacing, Xander's nervous energy translated into his legs
bouncing up and down as he tapped his sneaker-clad heels on the floor.
"I dunno. I... I haven't actually talked to Faith... not since she
tried to kill me."

Tara remained silent. She had heard some of the events surrounding
Faith's time with and against the Scoobies, but not from Xander's
viewpoint. She didn't want to interrupt him from getting this off his
chest, so she just gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and waited for him
to speak.

The silence worked- it was more uncomfortable for Xander to bear the
quiet than it was for him to fill it with his thoughts. "I... we... I
liked Faith. I guess I thought of us as friends. Then we..." he looked
up at Tara, partially expecting the same disapproval he would imagine on
Willow's face. Seeing nothing but compassion, he looked once again at
his lap and continued, "We hooked up that night... and after that she
kinda avoided me. I... it hadn't been that long since I screwed up with
Cordelia, and then... well it didn't help my confidence very much." He
smiled self-deprecatingly at that. "So, then when I went to talk to her
after the... accident; and she was trying to lay it on Buffy, and
everyone was mad at her, and I just figured she was scared and screwed
up, you know? So I went to talk to her and she nearly choked me to
death. Then I couldn't really talk to her much after that... then it
turned out she'd gone to work for the mayor... and then she almost
killed Willow... and then she was in that coma for a year and all I
could think was..."

After a moment, Tara gave his hand another squeeze of reassurance and
said, "All you could think was..."

"I should have said something different... I thought maybe we had at
least some kind of connection cause of... you know. Buffy tried to tell
me that wouldn't matter, but I guess I thought it was, I dunno... like
she was maybe just pissed about the blame thing." Xander looked into
Tara's eyes and she saw the burgeoning tears as he continued with a
cracked voice, "I wanted her to know that it could still be ok. Yeah,
she screwed up and... but so what? We all messed things up before.
She..." 

Tara watched Xander suddenly look away and she could feel that he was
sympathizing with her feelings when he continued.

"She felt cut off, like she wasn't really part of us, I think. Like we
were shutting her out and turning our backs on her... And I wanted to
make her understand that it wasn't like that... she didn't know that we
could fight like that, be mad at each other and still be ok in the end.
She'd never had it like that, I think. Everything was about rejection,
and she didn't understand that anger wasn't the same as rejection." Now
a tear did come spilling down his cheek as he said, "But, I screwed up.
I didn't say it right and she..." he unconsciously rubbed his throat
with his free hand. 

Tara felt her own eyes welling up.

Xander took a deep breath and visibly calmed himself. "Then she was in
the coma for like a year, and when she did wake up... I remember me and
Giles... hunting her... and I wondered if I could pull the trigger if we
found her, or if she'd kill us. I remember telling Giles how messed up
it was..." he shook his head. "I never saw her again, or at least not
in her own body. I never called or wrote or visited once she was in
jail. I guess I didn't know what to say," he finished with his eyes
back in his lap.

"You blame yourself for Faith going bad?" Tara asked, knowing it was
true, but still a little surprised.

Xander just kept looking in his lap, not wanting the pity or sympathy he
expected to come next.

"Isn't that a little bit arrogant?" Tara asked. 

Xander's head shot up, a frown on his face to go with the surprise in
his eyes.

Tara's smile was neither accusing, nor filled with pity. She could
understand his feelings- she had felt the same way about things in her
past... the guilt she felt when she would see her dad beat her mom, and
she wasn't able to do anything to stop it. It wasn't rational, but that
didn't make it any less real to her at the time. "Xander, trying to
help someone... trying and failing... that isn't the same as causing
their problems. You can look back now and see everything you ever did
that you might wish you could do differently, but in the end, it's still
up to her how she turns out."

Xander shook his head, clearly wanting to argue, but again Tara cut him
off. "Did you ever feel left out? Like maybe Buffy and Willow were
pushing you away?"

Xander's ducked head was all the affirmation she needed. "And did you
maybe do something stupid as a result?"

Xander could think of several instances that fit with what Tara was
saying, and nodded his head sadly.

"Well, that must have been Buffy and Willow's fault, right? After all,
they didn't stop you..." Tara said.

"I see where you're going with this..." Xander said in annoyance. "And,
ok, you have a point. But I still think I could have made a difference
if I had done something differently."

"The same way Buffy beats herself up every time she can't save someone
from vampires. The same way she blames herself for every person Angelus
hurt or killed. It's because you both want to help people and you take
it personally when you can't," Tara said with another squeeze of
Xander's hand.

Being compared with Buffy made it hard for Xander to dispute what she
was saying. Especially when she was right in the first place.

"We can't change the past, Xander," Tara said. "No matter how much we
might wish we could."

Xander could tell that she was referring to herself at least as much as
she was to him.

"All we can do is move forward. From what Buffy told me about the last
time she saw Faith, she really was sorry for what she did." Tara
sounded truly hopeful as she said, "Maybe this was what she needed to
get her life together. Sometimes we need a hard lesson to learn
something important about ourselves."

Another rueful chuckle from Xander, "Yeah, I don't guess it gets much
harder than prison."

Xander was calmer, though still feeling several conflicting emotions.
Mainly he was worried about how Faith would react to seeing them- and
the big question, "Will she help?" he wondered

========== BtVS ==========. 

Willow walked silently, hand in hand with her Mistress, her lover, in
many ways her very life; Buffy Summers. "I wonder why she wanted to
come here," the redhead mused as they strolled through the southern end
of LA National Cemetery. It was unlike any cemetery Willow had been in
before- which was saying something for a Scooby-gang member; veteran of
many a graveyard patrol in her time. 

This cemetery didn't have any headstones that stuck up- they were all
flush with the ground. No mausoleums, except the one big one, just a
big flat lawn studded with little flat markers. Willow looked at her
girlfriend, trying to figure out what might be on her mind, but Buffy's
face was blank, her focus apparently inward. 

Buffy led them over to a tree and sat down. Willow set their bags down
and kneeled in front of the Slayer. "Mistress?" she asked, "Is
something wrong?" she asked, concerned by Buffy's melancholy. She'd
seemed so happy not long ago when they were shopping. Then on the bus
ride back toward the Hyperion, they had been on Wilshire Avenue and
Buffy had decided they should get off and go for a walk when the bus
stopped at the cemetery. Since then the Slayer hadn't said a word, just
walked around lost in thought.

Buffy smiled at her pet. She put her less pleasant thoughts aside for a
moment and basked in the warmth of Willow thoughts. "Hmmm, just
thinking pet. I wonder how it's going with Tara and Xander right now."

Ah. "That certainly explains things," Willow thought. She'd been
avoiding thinking about Faith all morning, not wanting to spoil her and
Buffy's shopping trip. Out loud she just said, "Oh."

Buffy held out her arms, wanting to hold her lover. "Com'ere pet," she
said quietly.

Willow turned and sat down between Buffy's spread thighs, leaning back
against the lovely blond. She felt the warm comfort of her Mistress'
embrace warring with the cool chill that accompanied the conversation
she anticipated. 

Sure enough, Buffy said, "What do you think about us bringing Faith into
this?"

Willow squirmed mentally; physically she stiffened a little, despite her
best effort not to. "I, uh, well... Giles says we need her... so I
guess we must need her." Her arms came up over Buffy's, hugging
herself. "...and I trust Giles, Mistress." She finished with a whisper.

"But you don't trust Faith." Buffy said- definitely a statement, not a
question.

Willow shook her head slightly. "No, Mistress. I... I worry that she
might try to hurt you," her hidden fear slipped out.

Buffy tried to joke away the tension. "What? You don't think I could
take her?" she asked with a smile.

However, Willow's fears were not so easily assuaged. "What if she does
something behind your back? What..." Willow's breath hitched as she
imagined the worst, "what if you drop your guard, and she..."

"Shh, pet" Buffy whispered in her ear and then kissed her neck while
hugging her tightly. "We'll be careful."

They sat in silence for several minutes, enjoying the comfort of each
other's touch.

Eventually Buffy broke the silence, saying, "I never told you what
happened when I came to LA after her..."

Willow shook her head slightly, curious about this story. She
remembered Giles telling Buffy that Faith had tried to kill Angel-
again- and Buffy immediately taking off to LA. All the Slayer had said
when she came back was that Angel was safe, and Faith was in jail. At
the time Willow had been thrilled to hear it.

"I went into Angel's place and found him holding her in his arms. Her
hands were all bloody- I guess they had just fought some monster," Buffy
said, remembering the events and her feelings. "I was so furious! I
wanted to hurt her so bad... I remember her cringing, like she was
afraid of me. I was yelling at Angel, and she started to say she was
sorry. I don't even know what she was sorry for, but I told her if she
apologized to me I would beat her to death..." Buffy remembered the
loathing and disgust that had filled her stomach like a ball of ice.
"You should have seen her, Will. She just stood there looking so
pathetic. She told me to go ahead and do it... I don't think it was a
challenge. I think she really wanted me to kill her."

Willow felt a chill at her Mistress' words, almost as if she anticipated
Buffy's next utterance.

Buffy's voice was barely a whisper as she admitted, "I almost think I
would have, if Angel hadn't stepped in-between us."

Willow hugged Buffy's arms around her, remaining silent but trying to
reassure her Mistress at the same time.

"I hated her so much, Will," Buffy admitted. "She made me a victim...
took away my control..." Buffy remembered Faith on the roof, screaming
about control...

["You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the
other side! Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is
just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't
even..."]

Buffy had cut her off, shouting at her to shut up... 

"Then there was a big fight... The watcher's council sent another team
to try and kill Faith," Buffy said.

Willow tensed. Even though it was in the past, she remembered when the
council had sent a team after Faith the first time and had almost killed
Buffy instead. Of course, Buffy was in Faith's body at the time due to
the mayor's little 'parting gift' to the dark haired Slayer, so it
wasn't entirely the watcher team's fault... but still!

Buffy continued, "In the fight, Faith disappeared, and then the cops
came and arrested Angel for hiding her." Buffy shook her head slightly,
remembering how she had chewed on Angel, "When we got to the police
station... I'll never forget it. Faith was there. She confessed... she
confessed to everything, including stuff we didn't even know about. I
couldn't believe it. Heck, I still have a hard time believing it."

Silence again reigned for a minute or two while Buffy remembered and
thought, and Willow tried to work up the courage to ask her next
question.

"Mistress, were you and Faith..." Willow began, fighting past the
enormous lump in her throat and feeling her heart race, "Before she went
evil... were you ever... together?" her voice was almost a squeak.

Buffy heard Willow's heart speed up as she asked that question. Now her
own was matching it. "Together how?" she asked, automatically wanting
to avoid or deny.

"um..." Willow began; embarrassed, scared and still dying to know.

Buffy took a deep breath. "Remember, this is the new you- no more
hiding things!" she scolded herself. "Sorry, pet. I know what you
meant." Still it was hard to talk about, and she needed a couple more
calming breaths before she could answer the question. 

"We never had sex," Buffy said- getting the easy part out of the way.
"But... we did... stuff. A couple times after major fights we... made
out." Another deep breath and she added, "And there was some...
touching. I know she wanted sex... but I always chickened out- told her
I couldn't do that behind Angel's back..."

"Did you love her?" Willow asked, relieved a little at the no-sex, but
more concerned about emotions than physical.

"Even if I did, it wouldn't change anything now, Will," Buffy tried to
reassure her lover. "I think I was too scared to fall in love with
Faith. She was too wild, and I was confused with the whole Angel thing,
and then there were the feelings I had for you that I was denying big
time... and I think a lot of the me and Faith thing was kinda cause...
you know, another Slayer... someone who really knew what it was like."
Buffy again hugged her girlfriend tightly and kissed her neck. "I know
I hurt you back then, Will. I... I never told you how sorry I was for
that."

Willow angrily scrubbed away the lone tear that had escaped her eye;
pissed off at herself for letting it get to her all this time later...
for giving Faith power over her for something that was over years ago.
"I was so jealous of Faith," she quietly admitted. "It was stupid and
selfish of me, especially after the whole fluke thing; I mean, I just
get Oz back and here I am jealous of Faith 'cause I was so afraid you'd
fall in love with her..."

"Believe me, Will; you didn't have a lock on the selfish gig- I was
pretty amazingly self-absorbed back then. And, it didn't help that I
was ignoring you and Xander and doing the whole 'want, take, have' thing
with Faith." Buffy began to move her hands over Willow's torso.
Nuzzling the redhead's ear with her lips and nose, Buffy whispered, "It
wouldn't matter if she was completely rehabilitated and a candidate for
sainthood, I love you and Tara, and nothing is going to change that."

Willow melted against her Mistress, so loving her touch and her words;
Mistress knew how to make her feel better! "Thank you Mistress. I'm
sorry, it's just me, being silly about stuff," she softly said.

"No, pet! If you feel it, it's not silly or stupid. Don't ever believe
you've got to ignore what you feel." Buffy's hands grew bolder, feeling
up her pet's breasts through the fabric of her shirt with one hand and
the other toying with the redhead's waistband. 

Willow whimpered quietly at the feel of her Mistress touching her like
this. "I love you, Mistress!" she moaned with quiet passion.

Buffy furtively glanced around them, and seeing no one within a hundred
yards, she unbuttoned her pet's pants.

Feeling her pants open up as Buffy unbuttoned them and ran the zipper
down, Willow's breathing sped up. "Oh, goddess! Right here? Outside
in the middle of the day where anyone could see us?!" she thought
excitedly.

Buffy nibbled on her pet's earlobe for a moment while she left off
fondling the girl's breasts for a moment so she could go under her
shirt, push up her bra and directly touch without barrier. Her other
hand, having opened up the way, now tunneled under Willow's panties and
cupped her hot sex. "Oh, pet," she moaned. "You're so wet already!"

"Always wet for you, Mistress!" she gasped out when she felt Buffy
pinching a nipple and stroking her pussy. Willow mewled at the feel of
her Mistress sliding two fingers into her slick opening; she was trying
to keep somewhat quiet given the public setting.

Buffy began pinching her pet's nipples hard, squeezing and releasing in
perfect rhythm with her fingers pumping in and out of the witch's wet
pussy.

Willow gasped with each pinch until she was panting like a thirsty dog
on a hot July day.

Buffy grazed her pet's neck with her teeth and felt the fingers she had
buried inside the witch get squeezed hard. She recognized the signs of
her lover's impending orgasm- though she knew it would never happen
without her express permission. She didn't even ask- it was just a
certainty. "You are mine!" she growled in Willow's ear. "I will never
let you go, and nothing will ever take you away from me, do you
understand!?" she demanded.

"Oh, goddess yes, Mistress! I'm yours forever!" she wailed; her
struggle to keep quiet lost in the overwhelming passion of the moment. 

Buffy smiled and bit down on the taught flesh of Willow's neck, just
above her collar; sucking hard and leaving a dark, strong mark on her
pet. "Cum, pet!" she growled in the girl's ear, giving her nipple a
long, hard pinch and grinding her thumb against Willow's engorged clit.

Willow keened loudly while beautiful waves of pleasure rippled through
her, as though her body was a still pool into which a large rock was
thrown.

While Willow lay spent against her, Buffy continued to whisper words of
love and affirmation, "I adore you pet! You are my heart, and I love
you with everything that I am."

========== BtVS ==========. 

Faith blinked her eyes a couple times, coming back to reality and seeing
the remains of another punching bag. She always pretended it was a vamp
that just wouldn't go down. She'd beat on it and kick it and basically
just tear into it until either she was too tired to go on, or the
bastard went down. 

She'd never quit from being tired yet.

Just then she noticed someone was calling her name- which was unusual
enough that it didn't really register with her the first couple times he
yelled. She frowned when she realized what he was saying. "Visitor? I
don't get visitors..." she thought. Angel had come a couple times, and
he wrote her once in a while, just to let her know that she wasn't
forgotten. But it was still morning, wasn't it? "Hey, what time is
it?" she asked the guard as she walked through the weight-lifting area,
ignoring the other inmates just as they pretended to ignore her.

"It's almost noon," the guard said, not caring why she asked. He just
wanted to deliver her to where she was supposed to go, and hopefully not
have to interact with her again. 

"Is it raining?" she asked.

"What the hell do you care? Damned freak," he thought, annoyed. "No,
sun's out," he answered tersely.

"Ok, so probably not Angel..." she thought. She didn't know anyone
outside of Angel; and of course the Scooby gang- but it never occurred
to her even for a moment that it might be one of them. Even her
Buffy-reconciliation fantasies never had them coming to her- it was
always her getting out and going to them. She didn't really want to be
seen living in a cage. It was different with Angel- kindred spirit,
tortured soul and all that. 

Faith frowned when the guard walked past the door to the visit area.
Suddenly suspicious, she stopped walking and said, "Hey! Where ya
goin?" Pointing to the door, she said, "Last time I checked, it was in
here."

The guard turned around and had to restrain himself from snapping at
her. Normally he didn't take any crap whatsoever from inmates, but this
time his self-preservation instincts kept him in check. He didn't
figure a wooden baton would be much use against someone who shredded
punching bags for fun. "Not the booths. They told me to take you to
one of the interview rooms."

Those rooms were for inmates meeting with their attorneys. Faith's
attorney was a public defender whose sole job had been to stand up and
plead guilty on her behalf. What kind of lawyer do you need when you
already confessed to the crime?

"Yeah?" she said. "Those are for lawyers, and I ain't got no lawyer."

The guard shrugged, "What do I know? I'm just doin what I'm told."

Faith stared hard at the prison guard, but didn't get any kind of vibe
off the guy. He seemed bored and annoyed, not nervous or hyped up like
he was taking her to get a beating. Nevertheless, her hackles were
raised and she went forward warily. "Yeah, ok. Whatever." She mumbled.
Instinctively, Faith checked her back and set up a plan in her mind to
deal with an ambush. Her eyes locked on the base of the guard's neck,
knowing without even thinking, that her fist would be smashing against
that spot at the first sign of trouble. Better to eliminate him from
consideration before dealing with any other attackers. She moved
forward as she followed him, closing the gap between them until she was
in striking range.

The guard felt a shiver go up his spine as they resumed walking.
"Goddamn freak!" He thought.

Down at the end of the corridor, the guard stopped and unlocked a door
on the right-hand side. He pulled it open and gestured for Faith to go
in.

Faith approached the door cautiously, her eyes sweeping every square
inch of the room as it became visible. When she got close to the door
she saw a vaguely familiar blond girl sitting at the table. She
frowned, trying to place her. Any thought of the blond flew out of her
head when she got all the way to the door and saw the room's other
occupant. She froze in the doorway, feeling like she'd been gut-punched.


Her voice was flushed with emotion as she whispered "Xander?"

========== BtVS ==========. 

Cordelia had been unable to sit still for very long after the gang from
Sunnydale left. She fluttered about from this to that, unable to focus
on anything for very long. Normally when things were slow, and the
phones were stubbornly silent, she would do her nails, or read Cosmo or
Vogue. However, today neither of those could hold her attention either.

Finally, when she heard Wesley hang up from the one phone call they'd
received this morning, she couldn't stand the tense boredom any longer.
She went into his office and plopped down in one of the chairs.

Wesley raised his eyebrows at the young woman, waiting for her to say
something. When she didn't, he bemusedly said, "What can I help you
with, Cordelia?"

"I hate this," she stated emphatically. "It isn't bothering you?" she
asked, clearly in disbelief.

"I assume you mean Faith," Wesley said with a sigh.

"No, I was talking about the golden globe nominations... Of course I
mean Faith!" Cordelia said sarcastically.

"Yes, well... it's true that our last encounter with Faith didn't go
particularly smoothly..." Wesley said, his British firmly in place.

Cordelia goggled at the former watcher, "Hello?! Understatement much?
Wesley, she tortured you!"

"I haven't forgotten, I assure you!" he snapped. Taking a deep breath,
he visibly calmed himself. "Rest assured, Cordelia; I remember quite
well what happened to us both..." he broke eye contact and stared at the
wall for a moment while he collected himself. He'd had nightmares for
months after that horrible ordeal; and while he'd been honest when he
said that Angel was doing the right thing in trying to help Faith, it
was difficult to reconcile that with the nearly overwhelming desire he'd
had to see the dark-haired Slayer put down like a rabid dog.

"So what, you just forgive and forget? I don't see how you can do
that!" 

Cordelia was attacking Wesley only as a reaction to her own troubled
feelings, not because she was mad at him. Wesley knew that
intellectually, but it was difficult not to snap back at the tactless
seer. He just stared at her for several moments, unable to think of
anything to say to resolve this.

Fortunately, Cordelia also knew why she was behaving the way she was,
and Wesley's silence gave her brain enough time to catch up with her
mouth. She visibly deflated, sinking back into the chair and blushing
at her behavior. "Sorry Wesley. I'm just..." she gestured helplessly,
unable to easily sum up her feelings.

Wesley also relaxed slightly, leaning back in his chair and saying,
"Quite alright, Cordelia. This is a stressful situation, what with the
situation in Sunnydale and the return of Faith, and all the rest."

"Plus there's the whole hell-god thing..." Cordy said.

Wesley frowned, confused. "Yes, as I said, the situation in
Sunnydale..."

"Oh," she said. "I thought you meant the whole Buffy
lesbian-sex-and-bondage thing." 

Wesley blushed hotly. He would have never brought it up, of course, but
that too was somewhat disquieting to him. It was extremely difficult
not to be aroused by such thoughts. "Y- yes, well..." he stuttered
uncomfortably.

"Did you really pass out when you saw them kissing last night?" she
asked, taking refuge from Faith-related thoughts by teasing Wesley.

"I... um, that is... well..." Wesley stammered.

"What is it with guys and lesbians?" Cordelia asked rhetorically.

"That's easy," Gunn said, startling both his co-workers.

"Dammit Gunn!" Cordy exclaimed. "It's bad enough when Angel sneaks
around, now you've got to do it too?"

Gunn laughed. "Aw, you're just pissed cause I interrupted you teasing
English there."

"Alright, smarty-pants; enlighten me- what is it with the whole lesbian
fascination?"

Gunn smiled and said, "If one beautiful woman is good, two are better.
And the more you add, the better it gets! It's pretty simple," he said
as though it were obvious.

"Men!" Cordelia said disgustedly.

Gunn laughed, while Wesley just blushed some more.

Seeking to divert the conversation away from sex, Wesley asked Gunn,
"Were you able to get a hold of your contact for the firearms?"

"Yeah, we should get a call tonight with a price." Seeing Wesley's
frown, Gunn said, "Hey man, it's not like there's a catalog to shop
from. She's gotta make some calls; find out what she can get her hands
on quick. I told her we gotta have it by tomorrow night, so you know
it's gonna cost us extra."

"I see," Wesley said. "Do you have any idea of price range at all? I
need to arrange for funds as soon as possible, what with the time zone
difference between us and the council..."

"Don't bet on less than twenty G's," Gunn said.

"Good lord!" Wesley blurted.

"As in twenty *thousand* dollars?" Cordelia said with a gulp.

"Hey, you want it fast and clean, expect them to mark it up. It'll cost
her extra, which means she's gonna charge us extra," Gunn explained.
"Plus she knows we don't have time to shop around, so that bumps the up
price even more."

"Is there no one else you can go to?" Wesley asked, still choking with
sticker-shock.

Gunn spoke slowly, as though explaining to a small child, "If you want a
gun, you can get one anywhere- but it'll be hotter than hell; stolen at
least, and probably used in some crime you don't want any part of. Even
then, it's gonna be a handgun or a shotgun. The stuff on Xan-man's list
is military grade. You don't get that on a street corner. Plus, we're
talking full auto rock and roll- not some garage-rigged semi-auto. All
that adds up, man. We'll pay 20K and say thank you very much."

"Yes, well... I suppose I have a phone call to make," Wesley said with a
complete lack of enthusiasm.

Cordelia got up and followed Gunn out into the lobby.

"Where's Angel?" Gunn asked.

"Off in his room. Brooding." Cordelia answered.

Gunn jumped up and sat on the counter and said, "So, what's the 411 on
this other Slayer? I got the impression that no-one's real eager to see
her."

Cordy rolled her eyes and said, "Oh my God! You have no idea..."

========== BtVS ==========. 

"Hey Faith," Xander said- utterly clueless at to what else he could say.

Seeing her frozen, Tara said, "Come in, Faith."

Faith blinked once and turned her attention to the blond. "Uh, you
wanna tell me what the hell's going on?"

Tara smiled at the irony. "Sure," she said. "Why don't you come in and
sit down and I'll tell you all about it."

Faith locked down the roiling emotions playing in her stomach and
affected as best she could her usual cool attitude. "Sure," she said
evenly as she walked in. She jumped a little when the door closed
behind her with the guard still outside. "You sure you feel safe in
here alone with me?" she asked with just a little bitterness showing.
She was ok as long as she focused on the blond. Every time her eyes
wandered over to Xander, she felt the emotion straining to burst out of
her.

Xander didn't know what he expected to see. She seemed pretty much like
the old Faith, except with the edge kinda taken off. He might have
believed she was really that uncaring, except he'd seen her eyes when
she first saw him. He imagined that her seeing any of the Scooby gang
came as quite a shock, but the emotion he had seen flare up- brief as it
was- told the true tale. 

"You might not remember me," Tara began. "You weren't quite yourself
when we met."

"Right. You're red's girl." Faith said.

Tara smiled broadly and said, "That's right. I'm Tara."

Faith said, "Yeah, ok. So how's about you tell me why you guys are
here. Old home week?"

Tara could tell that Faith's attitude was a thin mask at best. "She
can't even look at Xander," she thought to herself sadly. "Ok, right to
the point. We need your help."

Faith laughed, but there was no humor in it. This was like a twisted
version of her fantasies, and she just *knew* it was going to end up
turning into a nightmare. She wasn't altogether convinced that this
wasn't really just a dream as it was. She felt tempted to pinch
herself. "Yeah, that's funny. What's the punchline? In case you
didn't notice- I'm in prison. Unless you're gonna bring the vamps to
me, I'm not much use for slaying."

"It's a lot bigger than a few vamps. Big enough that the council was
willing to pull some strings..."

"No way. Last time I checked, the council was trying to kill me, not
bust me out of jail." Faith couldn't let herself believe this. It had
to be a trick.

Xander spoke up at last, "Faith, please listen?"

Faith was ready to attack again, but when she looked at Xander, her
mouth snapped shut. 

Tara briefly outlined what they were up against, and what their plan was
to fight it.

"So, you want to use me in some spell to make a Super-Buffy and beat
this hell-bitch back into her shell..." she suddenly flashed to her
weird nightmare. "Does she look like some trailer-park tramp with curly
brown hair and too much space between her eyes?" she asked seemingly out
of the blue.

The shocked looks on Tara's and Xander's faces were enough to tell her
she was right. "Dammit! I didn't want to be right, not about that!"
she thought angrily.

"How long?" Faith asked.

Tara frowned, "How long?"

"Yeah," Faith said. "When does this go down?"

"Oh, well, the plan is to do it this Friday," Tara answered.

Faith almost asked what was in it for her. "God, I can be such a
bitch!" she thought. Here was a golden opportunity to try and make a
start at making amends, and she could only think of herself. "Ok." She
said with a sigh.

"Thank you, Faith," Tara said happily.

Faith suddenly seized on another opportunity- after all it was a small
thing and she could actually apologize for this without feeling like
complete crap. "Hey, Tara, I'm... uh..." Ok, so not as easy as you'd
think.

"What?" Tara asked evenly.

"Uh, I'm sorry about what I said to you at the Bronze..." Faith
muttered, eyes down.

Tara's smile lit up the dank and dingy room. "It's ok, Faith. We were
both different people then."

Just that little forgiveness felt better that Faith had ever imagined it
could. If nothing else, that alone made this spell thing worth it. Oh
yeah, plus the whole saving the world thing. "That has to clear a
couple of bad karma points, doesn't it?" she thought.

"Ok, so how does this work? When do I get out of here, and how do I get
to SunnyD?" Faith asked.

Nonplussed, Tara said, "well... you'll come with us, of course."

"Today?" Faith asked, sudden excitement slipping through the chinks in
her armor.

Tara nodded her head, "Of course. I just have to go talk to the warden,
and give him the paperwork..."

"Five whole days?" Faith thought in wonder. She never thought she'd see
the outside of these walls again, let alone five days of freedom.

Xander and Tara both thought the smile lighting up Faith's face made her
look beautiful. They smiled back and Tara said, "Well, why don't I go
see the warden, and you two can catch up. I imagine it may be a little
while."

She hoped Xander could break through that mask Faith was wearing. She
could imagine the guilt and fear hidden behind it, and it would be
better if Faith could start letting it go before she saw the rest of the
Scooby gang, otherwise she might just build it up even thicker.

========== BtVS ==========. 

Xander and Faith sat without saying a word for almost five minutes after
Tara left. Neither one was sure what to say, how to break the silence.

Faith's enthusiasm had quickly dimmed- yes it would be good to be out,
and everything, but she was afraid it would be just that much worse when
she had to come back. Plus, how was she going to be able to make amends
to everyone in just five days- especially if they were busy getting
ready for this big fight. All her fears and insecurities were running
through her mind again. "Crap, I can't even say I'm sorry to Xander!
How am I gonna face B?

Finally Xander built up the courage to speak. "I'm sorry Faith," he
whispered. Even after his talk with Tara, even after acknowledging that
she was right- that Faith made her own choices, Xander still felt guilty
for that one conversation gone horribly wrong.

"What are you sorry for?" Faith asked, surprised. She was really trying
not to be defensive- desperately wanting to not be defensive, but
failing.

The funny thing was, Xander fully expected to get blasted for what he
was about to say. After his conversation with Tara, he realized that
Faith might actually take offense- that he was trying to take
responsibility for her actions, like she couldn't make her own
decisions. Even though he knew that, he still felt it eating a hole in
his gut, and he knew it would never go away until he apologized. She
didn't have to forgive him, he just needed her to know that he knew he
screwed up and was sorry for it.

"That day... in your hotel room." He began.

Faith felt the prickly sensation at the backs of her eyes that usually
preceded tears.

"I went there to try and tell you that..." he took a deep breath, not
wanting to cry, "I wanted you to know that it was ok to screw up. I
mean, we all screwed up big time before, me, Willow, Buffy... all of us
did stuff that was really stupid before and we got through it." He
lifted his head to meet her eyes as he continued, "I dunno, I guess I
thought that... maybe you didn't know that. Maybe you thought we would
all, like, hate you or something. Like it couldn't be fixed... Anyway,
I wanted to tell you that, but I messed it up and it all came out wrong
and everything..."

Faith wanted to get mad, anything not to cry. "You telling me that you
think the crap I did, going to the mayor and all that, is your fault?"

"No!" Xander was quick to say. Again he felt like he was screwing
things up. "Look, I'm saying things all wrong again. All I meant is
that there was that one moment when it feels like I could have helped
even if it was just a little tiny bit; when I just wanted you to know
that I didn't hate you and that... it was possible to fix things- not
that I could fix things, but just that it was possible..." he rambled. 

He took another deep breath, fighting the tears, before continuing.
"But I effed it up, and what I wanted to say came out wrong." He
dropped his head again and whispered, "It feels like instead of helping
I made it worse. I shouldn't have even... I just wanted to say I'm
sorry that I didn't help."

The knife Buffy drove into her stomach didn't hurt as bad as this.
Faith thought she was gonna throw up. The worst part was that she knew
he wasn't trying to hurt her, that he really felt bad, like he did
something wrong. That made it a hundred times worse than if he had been
trying to guilt-trip her. 

"Dammit Xander!" she seethed. She stood up out of her chair and turned
away from him, holding her stomach in a desperate attempt to keep it
together.

"I tried to kill you!" she said through tightly clenched teeth. She
wanted him to be mad at her, to yell or scream or, or... anything but
this! She was desperate to say that she was sorry for what she did, but
she just knew that it would be like the first drop in a hurricane of
emotion that was threatening to break out of her.

Xander stood up and cautiously approached her. He didn't know exactly
what to say to that, so he resorted to humor, as always. "Yeah, well...
you weren't the first friend of mine to try and kill me."

As usual, the humor fell flat.

"You can't forgive something like that," Faith said- expressing her
fear, and at the same time subconsciously crying out for that
forgiveness.

Xander sobered- Usually among the Scoobies, the big screwups were
apologized for and forgiven without words- just a look and a change of
the subject, or an admission of guilt followed by the other person
blowing it off with a 'no big,' or a 'forget it'. Rarely was there an
'I forgive you' spoken; but Xander could tell that Faith needed to hear
those words.

Tentatively, Xander put his hand on Faith's shoulder and turned her till
she was facing him. He stared at her eyes, though she refused to raise
them to meet his. "Faith, I forgive you."

That caused her to look up at him.

He continued, "I forgive you for everything you ever did to me."

Well there was no holding back now. Later, Faith would be happy that
she didn't puke right on his shirt, but right now she felt big fat tears
come pouring out of her eyes and burn their way down her face. "Oh God,
I'm so sorry Xander!" she cried. She put her hands on his chest to push
him away, but ended up gripping his shirt and pulling him close to her
as the cry turned to deep heaving sobs. "Oh God! I'm SOOO
SOOORRRRYYYYY!" she wailed into his chest.

Xander felt his own eyes let go and tears stream down his face. He
wrapped her shuddering frame in his arms, squeezing with all his might
as he cried over and over, "It's ok, I forgive you. I forgive you
Faith."

When Tara came back, she found them on their knees, crying in each
other's arms.

========== BtVS ==========

end part 20



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