FIC: It's What I Do (PG)

["Cynthia Winters" <cnwinters@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Disclaimer: Joss owns 'em. I don't.
Spoiler Alert: Set at the end of 'Get it Done'.
Feedback: cnwinters@xxxxxxxxxxx
Distribution: http://cnscaldron.tripod.com
Pairing: W/B friendship/subtext.

"It's What I Do"
by CN Winters

"Thanks for bringing me back...again."

"Aww," I sigh as I walk inside closing her bedroom door. "?It's what I do."

"I was hard on you guys today."

I look at her for a moment. She's in Buffy cocoon. At least that's what I 
call it. Arms wrapped tight around her, trying to shut out the world around 
her. She's got pressure that's been building up for months. I understand it. 
Maybe not totally. The exist of the world as we know it doesn't lie on my 
shoulders alone but I can see how she's getting worn down because she thinks 
it does for her. She doesn't realize that she does have help ? now more than 
ever.

"Ah, that's alright. You needed to be. Although Twinkies and kisses?also 
peachy motivational tools?." She doesn't say anything about the joke. Not 
even a grin. "You okay?" I asked settling into end of her bed.

"I think I made a mistake."

"What?"

"Those men that I met ? you know, the shadow men. They offered me more power 
but I didn't like the loophole."

"So you turned it down?" Buffy only nodded despondently and I had to find 
someway to reassure her. "It's okay Buffy. We'll get by. We always do."

"I don't know?They showed me?"

"Showed you want?"

"That the first slayer was right. It isn't enough."

"Why Buffy? What did you see?" She still isn't answering and I can feel my 
nervousness rising when she doesn't answer. "What did they show you?"

She takes a ragged breath and sits up. She takes my hands in hers and I can 
see a moment of hesitation in her eyes but I nod telling her it's okay. She 
can share it with me. She can share anything with me. "Look," she whispers.

I close my eyes, focusing in on her energy, on her mind's eye. Suddenly the 
scene is displayed before me ? hundreds, maybe even thousands, of Uber Vamps 
all waiting to surface. Grant it this not good news but they appear to all 
be contained in a cave. I pull away and open my eyes to find that she's 
started to cry.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay," I tell her. I climb over her legs to sit beside her 
in bed. Of course I?m not sure if I totally believe my words and I know she 
senses my reluctance. But I pull her closer and she accepts my embrace. Her 
head comes to rest in my lap and I stroke her hair trying to quill her fear.

"Maybe you guys should leave," she says after a few moments of sitting 
together in silence. "You, Xander?everybody. Just get the Hell out of here."

"It's still a good fight Buffy," I grin down at her. "and I still want in."

She turns and looks up at me, giving me a lopsided grin. "You're crazy. You 
know that?"

"Yeah. But on the whole, I think I've come a long way. In fact you helped me 
today a-and didn't even know it. I didn't want do the magic Buffy. I 
didn't?but I'm glad I did. Not only did I bring you back but?I got to test 
my limits?Grant it Kennedy's now scared almost witless but?"

"No more fairy tale crap huh?"

"She saw what the Wicca that Wonta can do when she decides she Wantsta."

"You heard that?"

I only nod.

"I'm sorry," she sighs.

"Don't be. You were right?I mean sure, I wash the heck outta clothes a-and I 
make a pretty mean casserole for 20 but you need me here for more than just 
cooking and cleaning. I know that. And from now on I'm gonna help you when I 
can, how ever I can."

"Even if it means sleeping here all night?"

"Sure, what the Hell," I shrug with a grin. "Kennedy's decided to 'see me in 
the morning' anyway. No smoochies tonight. Not like we're making great 
strides anyway," I offer up.

"Tell me something and be honest."

"What?"

"If you had the choice between a Slayer who's saved the world countless 
times or a lippy, arrogant Slayer Wanna Be who can't handle the black-eyed 
Wiccan?who would you pick?"

"Well given my history I do have a thing for blondes," I tease. Finally a 
real grin comes to her face and I continue. "Depends on just what I'm 
picking for ? I mean if it comes down to who I'd side with in battle. It 
would be you. Just like it was tonight. If it were?romantically? I like 
Kennedy. But?I don't think she's the one...I had the one and I lost her. And 
I don't think anyone else I find on the smoochie front will compare. I'm not 
sure if that makes sense or not."

"It makes perfect sense," she tells me. "You only have one love of a 
lifetime."

"And both of ours were cut short, weren't they??Have you talked to him 
recently?"

Buffy shakes her head. "It hurts when I talk to him. I think it hurts him 
too so I try to avoid it. I keep telling myself it's better this way, not 
knowing what's happening in each other's lives but?It's tough."

"Yeah but we're still here aren't we?" I tell her optimistically. "Still 
sticking it out. Gossiping about our love life in bed. Maybe later I can 
braid your hair."

Buffy gives a light chuckle and gently slaps my arm. "You're a goof."

A small silence falls between us and I can feel her recoiling again, 
thinking about the vision, her responsibility to the world. My heart aches 
for her and to be honest if I thought for a moment that I could have Buffy ? 
all of her, which type of Slayer I'd pick wouldn't require debate. I would 
choose her.

But I know Buffy would never give me what I need. Not because she's selfish. 
She's one of the most unselfish people in the world. She just isn't capable 
to step back from her calling long enough to trust anyone that deeply. And 
if I ever truly fall in love again I want it to be all the way, not just 
scraps of affection and trust. Buffy's a wonderful friend but as a lover?It 
would never work. I know that. She knows it too. But if there ever came a 
day she could push it aside and perhaps 'retire'?Then who knows?Maybe?.

"It'll be okay," I tell her. "We'll get through it Buffy."

"And you'll still be here? Still be my big gun?" she asks trying her best to 
grin.

I grin too and I stroke her cheek with the back of my fingers. "It's what I 
do."

The End.


CN Winters
author of 'Irrefutable Evidence' from Renaissance Alliance Publishing Inc. 
and 'One Belief Away' from Baycrest Books.

Get your autographed copies at http://www.wintersproductions.com




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