FIC: Letting Go

["hd_genscher <HD.Genscher@xxxxxx>" <HD.Genscher@xxxxxx>]

TITLE: Letting Go
AUTHOR: HD_Genscher (hd.genscher@xxxxxx)
RATING: NC17, for language and sexual content
PAIRING: B/W
SPOILERS: for "The Gift"
DISCLAIMER: All characters and places belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, et al.
ARCHIVE: HD's Fan Fiction Archive (http://www.u34.de/hdffa/). If you
want it too: take it!
FEEDBACK: If you liked it, I'll appreciate your feedback. And if you
didn't like it, it'll help me a lot if you point out what I did wrong.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: An experimental story. It's either loving it or hating
it, I guess. Plus, it's unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.
---

LETTING GO


Part 1. SHATTERED

running / two stairs at once / faster / must run faster / Glory's paid
/ bitch paid for what she did to Anya / to all of us / but it's not
over / Dawn's up there / she's in danger / must be faster / must
ignore the pain / must keep running / almost there / "Dawn!" / who's
that guy? / pushing him aside / oops! / "Buffy, it hurts." / she's
bleeding / that bastard hurt her / not so sorry anymore / you're safe
now / oh no... / a blinding ball of light / emerging from somewhere
beneath the tower / ...it started / lightning bolts striking the
ground / "I'm sorry." / a huge dragon / reaaally scary yet beautiful /
suddenly she turns around / "It has to have the blood." / runs /
<'cause it's always gotta be blood.> / blood starts it... / <Blood.
Summers' blood.> / Willow / ...and blood will make it stop / I lunge
after her / I've got her / almost / she's over the edge now / oh god!
/ I'm not gonna make it / "Daaawwwn! Nooo!" / somehow I cling to the
gangway / but she's falling / "Buuuffffyyyy!" / I close my eyes /
won't see her falling / suddenly the crackling stops / silence falls /
eerie / I failed / god! / through my closed eyelids / I can see the
energy ball disappear / I open my eyes again / it's gone / she's gone
/ below me, I can see the gang / beaten, but alive / gathering around
something / someone? / can't see what it is / but / I can see the
sunrise / she's gone / and near the end of night / a new day is
dawning.


Part 2. BEING ANNE SUMMERS

I'm numb / all numb inside / not letting the pain take over / not
allowing the pain / not letting go / 'cause I can't let go / she's
gone / she's gone and I'm responsible / wasn't strong enough / not
fast enough / <'Daaaawwwn! Nooo!' / 'Buuuffffyyyy!'> / oh my god! /
the same scene / playing over and over again / Mom... / what will she
think? / can't face her / can't look her in the eye / 'Dawn, she...she
fell, Mom. I tried to catch her, but I...just wasn't fast enough.' /
wasn't strong enough / hesitated a split of a second / my fault / 's
all my fault / what can I do? / where can I go? / can't go home / too
much guilt / grief / memories / why? / why wasn't I fast enough? /
hesitated for a single thought's worth of time / I was always fast
enough / except once -- the master, remember? / why? / why me? / why
do the ones I love always get killed? / Angel / and now Dawnie...oh
god... / can't stay / can't face her / must go / must be Anne again /
Anne -- numb girl / must go / must go on / step by step / going on /
must go on / can't let go / can't allow the pain / I'm numb / just
going through the motions / keep smiling / <'...fyyyy!'> / I'll be
numb girl / just keep walking / that damn bus platform must be
somewhere / out of the corner of my eye / a shade of auburn / coming
towards me / tackling me / ouch! / a cloth pressed against my face /
smelling really bad / don't wanna breathe / must breathe / must fight
it / must fight the darkness / must go / "can't let you go," I hear /
must go on / going on / going / gone.


Part 3. A LONG WAY TO WILLOW

can't move / some weirdo must've tied up my arms / reeeaa-llly strong
/ fuck! / can't get free / can't see / blindfolded / ohmigod! / <out
of the corner of my eye / a shade of auburn / Willow? / a cloth /
smelling bad / then darkness> / what the shit? / "oh, you're awake..."
/ that voice... / the sound of leather / someone breathing near my
left ear / a sweet smell... / "you're not going anywhere. not again!"
/ ...intoxicating / I know that voice / yet don't / a new confidence
or undertone I can't place / where'd old Willow go? / "who are you,
and what have you done to my Willow shaped friend?" / a giggle / sexy
/ making me shiver / a hand / touching my cheek / running down my
chest / teasing me / mmmhh... / a pair of breasts pressing against
mine / while another hand's supporting my neck / your lips brushing
mine / must resist / don't wanna resist / feels good / she's your best
friend / feels good anyway / yoursisterwasjustkilled!! / "mmmmhh..." /
shut up! / seems like you got a verrry special therapy / sexual
healing / another kiss / demanding more / I give in / your
tongue...and mine / dancing / heat's rising / feels like in a hothouse
/ must've read my mind / you rip my shirt apart / a gasp from you /
yeah, I'm not wearing a bra / lick / one for the left / lick / and one
for the right / mmmmhhh... / I moan / and remember / Willow / thinking
of you / on the tower-- / then your lips are gone / hey! come back! /
somehow my pants go / so do my briefs / your breathing's heavy now /
seems you're as aroused as I am / a finger running along my wet center
/ probing / a cold breath / you tease! / sending a chill down my spine
/ yet promising more / much more / --the thought / it was you / I
thought of you / just a split of a second / must tell you / must tell
you that I... / "I love you...." / just a whisper / yes! / that's
feels nice / then you enter me / could come right away / slowly / up
and down / so very slowly / your other hand / cupping my breasts /
oooohhh / that's good / right there / yes, right there / coming closer
/ another finger / faster / and then the flick of your tongue / ever
so slightly / "oh yessss..." / lick / I can feel it / so close / that
feels... / licklicklick / ...so good / Uuuuunnnnggh! / I'm gonna... /
"I'm..." / I'm coming! / "...coooommming!" / ... / ... / slurp / oh my
god, she's licking me clean / keep breathing, Buffy / then she's
kissing me / I'm tasting myself / she hugs me / mmmh...Willow's
hugging good... / holding me tight / I start crying / ...reaaallly
good / weeping / letting it all out / letting go / "shh! it's okay." /
so it shall be / 'cause she said so / kissing away my tears / "don't
ever try to run away again..." / I won't-- / "...cause I won't let you
go." / --if I'm held by you / "home is where the heart is..." / so
true / "...and your heart is mine!" / possessive much? / hmm...I guess
/ after a long way to Willow / I'm finally...home.

THE END