FIC: The United House of Scooby (B/X, W/X, B/W, B/X/W)

["cdreramius" <o163210@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: The United House of Scooby
Authors: Mike and Tony McD
Rating: mild R
Category: season 7 AU/ early season 2 (kinda)
Pairings: B/X, W/X, B/W, B/X/W
Summary: Sequel to `Garbage Day at the House of Scooby'. Parent 
Teacher Night, the appearance of Spike, and a united House of Scooby 
ready to kick his ass. What more do you want?
Distribution: Anywhere, just let us know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any 
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and 
enjoyment. 
Authors' notes: This is a collaborative effort between Tony and me 
due to Tony's illness. Feedback is appreciated.




Being at school on a weekend was most students' idea of a sucky 
weekend. To Buffy, it was just another day in her wacky life. On the 
up side was that fact that Willow and Xander were there too. On the 
down side was the fact that they were discussing fighting an 
especially sick and evil vampire from Xander's past and Buffy's 
future.

They were discussing the upcoming night of St. Vigeous and Spike's 
imminent arrival in the library. Xander and Giles were deep in 
thought; Buffy was trying not to let her worry show; Willow wasn't 
even bothering to try, she was worried and didn't care who knew it. 
The only one who wasn't thinking about the upcoming events was Jenny 
Calendar; she was far more interested in the interplay between the 
teens.

Xander was pacing around the library lost in thought, trying to 
remember everything that happened all those years ago. He looked over 
and saw how worried Willow was. He went over to her and gently kissed 
her on the top of her head and sat down next to her, holding her hand 
reassuringly. Buffy took hold of the other one. Jenny noted just how 
much Buffy and Xander had a calming effect on the red head.

"Don't sweat it Willow. We stopped it in Xander's timeline and we'll 
stop it here. Plus thanks to Future Boy here we're all clued up on 
Spike. He ain't walking away from it this time." Buffy reassured her.

"Yes, but be that as it may, we still need a plan. We can't rely on 
events unfolding exactly the way they did before." Explained Giles.

"Yeah, I'm not keen on letting Deadboy offer me as a snack to Spike 
again." Xander joked, then his eyes got wide as he realized something.

"Damn!" he exclaimed, slapping his forehead "Deadboy!"

"Er? Deadboy?" Giles asked in confusion.

"Angel. Damn it! He was there that time. He tried to trick Spike into 
thinking he was on his side. Spike didn't buy it and Angel proceeded 
to kick undead ass." Xander looked over to Buffy.

"You haven't heard anything from Angel since he left, like when he 
might be back?"

"No. He said he needed time to think. Didn't say where he was going."

"Ugh! As much as it kills me to say this, but I wish he was here 
right now." Xander reluctantly admitted.

"I'm sure we can manage without him." Giles reassured the group. 
Mentally though he was worried about the loss of a valuable ally for 
the fight.

"Anything else you can remember?" Jenny asked.

"Um? well, Buffy sent me to get Angel, then me and him were busy 
fighting our own little battle with Spike's minions, so there's a 
chunk of what happened I only got second hand." Xander gave a little 
chuckle. "I only wish I got to see your mom hit Spike in the back of 
the head with that ax. Pity she didn't use the sharp end."

Buffy jumped up in fear.

"My MOM?!?! She's there?"

"Yeah, parent teacher night, remember? Your mom actually takes an 
interest in your schooling, unlike mine who don't care, or Will's who 
tend to forget they actually have a smart and beautiful daughter."

"No way! There is no way I want Spike anywhere near her."

"Your mom is going to be there if you like it or not."

"DAMN IT! Xander, that isn't an option here! Give me an option I can 
use!"

"What are you looking at me for? Giles is the Watcher and you're 
still the Slayer! I'm just the exposition fairy around here!"

"Xander, can I talk with you in my office?" asked Giles. The two men 
went into the office.

"Giles, I'm not really the make-the-plan type guy. I'm the support-o 
guy, the ideas man, the Scooby clown. I'm not Alexander the Great."

"No, but you are the one with both the knowledge and the experience. 
A-and like it or not, th-they look to you now not just for support, 
but? but for guidance, for direction. They're worried about all this 
and they're sitting out there looking to you, not for support, but 
for you to behave like the man you are. Not the boy you used to be!"

Xander and Giles stared at each other for a moment, then a chastised 
Xander turned on his heel and stomped out of the office. He sat down 
heavily and crossed his arms defensively. There was an awkward 
silence all round. Everyone had seen the tongue lashing Giles had 
given Xander, and in Buffy's case heard it, due to her Slayer 
enhanced hearing.

"OK, how about this for an option? Pre-emptive strike. We attack them 
before parent teacher night. I know where the Anointed One is holed 
up. We go there during the day and we hit them hard enough to ruin 
their plans. All we need to do is time it so that Spike and Drucilla 
are there too."

"Take on an entire nest of vamps? There would have to be at least a 
dozen vamps in there!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Closer to two dozen actually. That's why we need to hit them hard 
and fast then bug out of there. That's why we need to do it during 
the day, sunlight is our friend."

"But still. Five against 24?"

"Six." Cordelia said from the doorway. She looked at the group 
nervously. "That's if? if you can use me that is."

Buffy got out of her chair, a look of anger on her face as she 
started to advance on the cheerleader.

"You come in here after everything you said and expect?"

"BUFFY!" Giles yelled at his Slayer. They glared at each other for a 
second before Buffy sat back in her seat. Giles looked over to Xander.

"Can you use Cordelia for this?" he asked the younger man. Xander 
looked angrily at Cordelia for a moment. Xander's anger faded a 
little, and he nodded.

"Cordelia, take a seat." Giles told her.

Buffy and Willow glared at Xander and then Giles.

"So what's the plan?" Jenny Calendar asked Xander.

"OK? right? Spike? Mmmm? Oh! His first appearance was one night at 
the Bronze just before parent teacher night. I can't remember which 
night though. When Spike makes his appearance there, we'll know he'll 
be with the rest of them the next morning when we hit the place."

"But what about School? I mean we'll have to cut classes if we're 
going to do that." Willow chipped in. Buffy looked at Giles and Jenny.

"We've got two teachers here. I'm pretty sure that between them they 
can work something out."

"We'll think of something, but we still need to figure a way to fight 
on the wrong side of four to one and come out alive." Jenny said 
looking to Xander.

"Well, since Willow isn't up on the magic, Ms Calendar you're going 
to have to be our Sabrina for this. Giles, you can help her. All we 
need is a way to be able to get in on stealth mode, nothing fancy.

"Wills, Cordy, you two are our bartenders for this party."

"Bartenders?" Cordelia asked confusedly.

"Yeah, you and Willow are going to be serving the vamps Molotov 
cocktails from the walkway above the factory floor."

"Oh."

"Leaving me to take on any survivors. Where are you going to be?" 
Buffy asked Xander.

"Usual place. Down there with you, watching your back."

Buffy nodded. "Sounds like a plan." Everyone agreed.

"Right then. Jenny and I will research? err? `stealthy'? um? spells."

"Well, you know how much I love researching, but unfortunately I've 
got a French test I need to study for. You wanna be my study buddy 
Willow?"

"Sure." With that the two of them got up and left. The meeting broke 
up.

Xander headed to the stacks and sat down in a quiet corner. He held 
his head in his hands and exhaled heavily. Between Buffy and Giles 
yelling at him and the pressure of coming up with the plan, Xander 
wasn't having the best time. He suddenly sensed he wasn't alone and 
looked up.

Cordelia.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, which 
when you think about it wasn't my fault because you didn't tell me 
about what was going on so how was I supposed to know about this 
future crap, and speaking of crap Giles said that in the future you 
and I were dating and unless my brain fell out I would never have 
dated geek like you were."

Xander gave a small smile.

"That almost sounded like an apology." He lent his head against the 
stack. "And in our own special way, I guess you're right. I should 
have told you the truth. But I'm not the one you should be 
apologizing to."

"Are you crazy? I even step foot anywhere near them and Buffy will 
rip out my lungs and wear them as a cape!"

"You run around attacking the people she loves, that I love, you 
better expect to get hurt. You said some shitty things that nearly 
cost me and Buffy our Willow. I'm not going to let you or anyone else 
screw up our chance to make the future better."

"So why you let me in on the plan? Why not let Buffy use me as a 
punching bag?"

"Because we need all the help we can get. Because I know you. I know 
you better that any other person alive knows you. Sure, you're an 
armor-plated bitch nine times out of ten, but underneath you're a 
good person. I'm giving you a chance to prove it."

There was a moment of silence as Cordelia took it in.

"Giles told me that you and I dated. He was just yanking my chain, 
wasn't he? No offense but I wouldn't date the old Xander if he was 
the sole heir to Armani."

"But you'd date the new Xander?" he teased.

"No way! I like my lungs where they are. Besides, Giles was just 
joking, right?"

"No joke. We dated for about a year."

"OK now I know you're lying. I've never dated any guy for that long."

"All right, I'll prove it. On your recent trip to Tuscany there was a 
little incident involving a bottle of Tequila and a tattoo. You know 
the one, a little heart with wings. It looked very cute."

Cordelia turned three shades of red.

"What? How? Oh God! You SAW that? But to see that you'd have to be 
down? You mean that you? and I? you know."

"NO! NO! NO! Not? all the way. But enough for me to see that tattoo 
up close on more than one occasion."

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh my God!"

"Funny, that's exactly what you said about two minutes after I first 
saw that tattoo."

Cordelia added an extra shade or two of red to her face.

"You're not running around telling everyone about? about? you know, 
us, are you?"

"You mean am I writing a regular column for the school newspaper on 
Queen C foreplay? No. What happened is between you and me. And Buffy 
and Willow, but only if they ask."

"What?"

"Keeping secrets was a big factor in why things went wrong in my 
timeline. We kept secrets, we didn't talk, we hid our feelings. We 
isolated ourselves from each other. Not this time. Honesty can be 
painful, but in the end less painful than not being open and honest. 
They know that we had a thing in my timeline. I haven't exactly given 
them a blow by blow account of it, pardon the pun."

"Good."

"But of course it doesn't mean that I'm not going to tease you about 
it if the situation calls for it." He told her with a smirk on his 
face.

"Xander Harris you had better not tell ANYONE about that tattoo or 
you're dead meat!"

"Calm down Cordy. You secret is safe with me. Besides, I've got 
plenty of other stuff to use besides the tattoo."

"How am I going to make it through the rest of high school with you 
being here?" Cordy asked the heavens.

"Happier. Hopefully."

"Xander, you were weird before, and you're even weirder now. I'm not 
sure if that's a bad thing or not." She said looking at him 
contemplatively. Xander shrugged.

"Only time will tell, Cordy. Only time will tell."



"A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of your principal as your 
pal. I say, 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.' Tell 
me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school?" 
Snyder paused, not really expecting an answer.

"Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy 
hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel."

"I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears." 
Shelia corrected Snyder.

"On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building."

"W-well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said i-it coulda 
been mice."

"Mice."

"M-mice that were smoking?" Buffy tried but Snyder wasn't buying.

"The two of you seem to be tied in the class-cutting and fight-
starting events. You really are neck and neck here. It's quite 
exciting."

"What does the winner get?" Shelia asked.

"Expelled." Buffy looked at Snyder in shock. "Thursday is Parent-
Teacher night. Your parents, assuming you have any, will meet your 
teachers, assuming you have any left. I've decided to put the two of 
you in charge of this event. You have three days to prepare the 
refreshments, make the banners and transform the school lounge into a 
habitable place for adults. This will incur my good will. And may 
affect what I tell your parents when I meet them. Are we clear?"

"I'm clear." Buffy looked over to Sheila. "Don't you feel clear?" She 
looked back to Snyder. "We're very clear."

"Good. Because you mess up this time, and your parents will be coming 
to clean out your lockers."

Buffy and Sheila walked out his office.

"Well, it shouldn't be that hard. We can work on the banners at lunch 
tomorrow and figure out refreshments then?" Buffy suggested.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Shelia replied. She spied an older blond boy 
and starts walking off. "Hey, Meatpie!"

Xander and Willow slid up to Buffy with a grin on their faces.

"Snyder's got you guys making party favours, huh?" asked Xander.

"His two worst students. That's what mom sees when she looks at me. A 
Sheila."

"There is a way to fix that you know." Xander suggested.

"I'm not dragging my mom into my crappy Slayer life. I've told you 
that before."

"OK, OK, just suggesting, that's all." Xander let it drop.

"So we're Bronzing it tonight? See if Spike turns up?" Willow asked 
looping her arms through Buffy and Xander's.

"Every night until he shows." Xander confirmed.

"Is it wrong to have fun while doing the world saving thing?" Buffy 
wondered.

"I'm sure the Watcher's Council would say so, but I'm betting they 
never took out a demon with a rocket launcher." Mused Xander. Buffy's 
eyebrows shot up.

"Rocket launcher?"

"I'll tell you when we get to the Bronze tonight."



"La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi." Buffy looked at 
Willow. "Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?"

"No. But you said, `The cow should touch me from Thursday.'"

"Maybe that's what I was feeling."

"And you said it wrong."

Buffy sank down in her seat.

"Oh, je stink."

"You're just not focused. It's just this Spike thing." Willow 
comforted the blonde.

"Well, he didn't turn up last night. We've only got another night 
before Parent Teacher Night."

Xander had been circulating keeping an eye out for Spike. He headed 
over to their table.

"Guys, heads up. Spike just entered the front door."

Buffy casually looked over in the direction of the door. She allowed 
herself a moment to look Spike over before turning back to the table.

"OK, let's hit the dance floor, and remember, play dumb."

"Not a problem Buff, been doing that for years."



It was early the next morning and the gang had assembled in the 
library getting their gear together.

"Why do we have to do this so early? " Cordelia moaned as she and 
Willow put the last of the Molotov Cocktails in the sports bag.

"Great, not only do I have bags under my eyes, I smell like a gas 
station attendant."

"Then this should take care of the smell." Jenny Calendar said 
handing out a leather necklace with a pouch attached. Cordelia gave 
it a sniff.

"OH GROSS! What's this?"

"It's a Quanteia, the Apache Indians used it to sneak up on their 
enemies undetected."

"What, didn't their enemies have noses?"

Giles took his Quanteia from Jenny.

"It's far too early in the morning to have to listen to your infernal 
prattle. So would you put it on and keep quiet about it please!" 
grumped Giles.

"OK! Jeeze. Switch to decaf."

They gathered around the table to go over Xander's plan before they 
left.

"Willow, Cordy, you guys are up on the walkway. Miss Calendar, you 
back them up. Giles, you're Robin Hood up in the roof. Buff, you got 
center stage, I'll be watching your back. When everyone is in place, 
Cordy and Willow start tossing cocktails. We're going for max damage 
so keep lightin' `em and tossin' `em until there ain't nothing left 
to toss. Once you've done that, the three of you bug out. Me, Buffy, 
and Giles will follow when things get too hot, so to speak."

"Sounds like a plan. We ready?" Buffy asked. Heads nodded.

"Let's do it."



"Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example, and will have no 
cakes today. Shhhh."

"Darling, are you going to eat something?"

"I've already eaten. I miss Prague."

"You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The 
Hellmouth will restore you, put colour in your cheeks, metaphorically 
speaking, and in a few week's time...

"The stars will align, and smile down on us."

"And then, God, this town will burn."

"A pretty fire!" she giggled.

They hear chanting.

"They're preparing." Drusilla told Spike.

"St. Vigeous is coming up. Should be a party."

"The boy doesn't trust you. They follow him." Drusilla runs her 
fingers through her hair. "I think sometimes that all my hair will 
fall out and I'll be bald."

"Never happen. Alright. I'll go up and get chanty with the fellas, 
but you got to do me one favour. Get some rest." He told her as he 
got up and headed out to the main chamber.

A large number of vamps were gathered before a makeshift alter with a 
large pentagram painted on it. Spike wasn't one for ritual but he 
never the less took his place among the gathered. As he did so, the 
world seemed to explode in flame.

Up on the walkway Cordy and Willow were lighting and throwing Molotov 
Cocktails as fast as they could. A number of vamps disappeared in the 
flames and others caught alight as they struggled to escape the fires.

Those that managed to avoid the fires ran smack dab into Buffy and 
Xander who hacked and staked into them, reducing their numbers 
further.

>From his vantage point up in the rafters Giles was dusting vamps with 
the help of his crossbow. In the pandemonium he spied a familiar 
figure. Taking aim, Giles unleashed an arrow and watched as it struck 
home.

"Gotcha, you little bastard!" Giles muttered as the Anointed one 
became dust. He was snapped out of his revere by Willow's screams. 
Looking over to the walkway he saw Willow, Cordelia, and Jenny 
trapped by two vamps that were advancing on them from either side of 
the walkway. Jenny and Cordelia were keeping them at bay for the 
moment with crosses.

With a curse Giles grabbed his last two arrows and fired twice. His 
aim was true and the three on the walkway escaped through a cloud of 
vamp dust. Out of arrows, it was time to leave. He took one more look 
down on the floor and saw Buffy and Xander busy with a couple of 
vamps.

Buffy ducked under a punch thrown by a large vamp. She kicked it into 
a pile of broken packing cases and turned to help Xander with his 
vamp. She grabbed it by the hair and dragged it off him. A quick jab 
to the heart and it became dust.

"You OK?"

"Yeah, thanks Buff. We better get going." Xander said, trying to get 
his breath back.

The second vamp charged at the two. Xander ducked under its lunge and 
Buffy tossed it into the flames.

Movement beyond the flames caught Xander's eye.

Spike was carrying Drusilla out of their room and to their car for a 
quick get away.

"BUFFY!" Xander yelled and pointed at the bleach blonde vamp.

Buffy looked around and found a piece of wooden railing. With a 
mighty heave, she sent it spearing at the retreating vamps.

It missed Spike.

But it found Drusilla.

Spike let an animalistic roar of pain and anguish as his love 
crumbled into dust in his arms.

For an instant, a wild-eyed Spike and a wide-eyed Slayer stared at 
each other. With a roar Spike jumped into his car and sped off.

Buffy stared in shock as Spike raced out of the factory in his car. 
Xander tugged at her sleeve.

"Buffy! Time to go!" She didn't move straight away. Xander grabbed 
her and spun her around.

"Buffy! We'll get him another day! We got to go now!" he yelled as 
the factory around them started to collapse.

Buffy snapped out of it and together they ran out of the factory.



"Giles has us locked up in that library working on *your* weapons. 
Even slaves get minimum wage."

Cordelia stared at Buffy's face.

"What?"

"You're starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just 
skipping foundation entirely now?"

"Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which 
really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and a... third 
unmeshable thing."

"Yeah, and I can see the oil." Cordelia saw Joyce talking to Willow. 

"Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. 
Did it, like, skip a generation?"

Joyce walked over to Buffy.

"Well, I believe that I have seen every classroom on campus, and just 
as I get there all your teachers miraculously have stepped out." 
Behind her Willow smiles, proud of herself.

"Oh!" Buffy noticed Snyder coming back into the room. "Oh. Um, but 
you haven't seen the boiler room yet. And, you know, that's really 
interesting, what with the boiler being in the room and all."

Snyder came up to the group.

"Hi. I'm Joyce Summers. I'm Buffy's mother."

"Principal Snyder. I'm afraid we need to talk. My office is down 
here."

Joyce followed Snyder to his office. Cordelia watched them go with a 
huge smile on her face. Buffy on the other hand was worried.

"He didn't look very happy."

"But you did such a good job." Willow objected.

"When they're done talking..." Cordelia started.

"What?"

"My guess? Tenth high school reunion, you'll still be grounded."

Willow picked up a cup and handed it to Cordelia.

"Cordelia, have some lemonade."



Joyce came out of Snyder's office with an angry look on her face. She 
was definitely going to have some words with her daughter when they 
got home. A student came up to her.

"Mrs. Summers? You're Buffy's mom, right?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"Shelia. I helped Buffy prepare tonight."

"That's nice dear. But I'm afraid that you'll have to do without her 
for the rest of the night. We've got some serious talking to do about 
her schooling."

"Yeah, um? Buffy is busy doing something for one of the teachers and 
she asked me to take you to see her English teacher before you left."

"Oh, OK. Well, lead the way. Hopefully she'll have something to say 
that won't get my blood pressure even higher."

Shelia and Joyce headed down the hall.

Meanwhile Xander and Willow were talking outside the chemistry lab.

"So, Buffy's in trouble? Damn, I was kinda hoping the three of us 
could go out on a date tomorrow night."

"A date?"

"Yeah. Do some eating, do some Bronzing, do some Slaying."

"How does that qualify as a date? That isn't any different to an 
average night out for us."

"Easy, we do it dressed in our finest clothes. Of course they won't 
be so fine after the Slaying, but that's what you have to put up with 
when you're a Scooby." Xander said with an exaggerated sigh. Willow 
laughed. She stopped laughing when they heard the scream. Together 
they raced down the hall.

Rounding the corner they saw Mrs. Summers backed into a corner by 
Shelia in full game face. Xander yelled to Willow.

"Get Buffy!" and he charged at Shelia. Willow took off in the 
direction of the lounge.

Xander crash tackled Shelia to the ground and the two wrestled on the 
floor for a moment before Shelia kicked out sending Xander crashing 
into the lockers. Stunned, Xander hardly had time block Shelia's 
charge as she lunged for his neck. They struggled for a moment before 
Xander kneed her in the stomach then threw her to the ground.

Xander put himself between Shelia and Mrs. Summers.

The sound of running feet made them turn and Buffy rounded the corner.

"MOM!"

"BUFFY!"

"SLAYER!" Shelia roared and launched herself at Buffy. The two 
collided and they briefly struggled.

"Spike said it's an eye for an eye." With a grunt Buffy flipped her 
over and plunged her stake into Shelia's heart. Buffy knelt in the 
vamps dust, panting partly because of the exertion, partly in fear 
because of what Shelia said.

Xander knelt down beside Buffy.

"I'm sorry Buffy. I didn't know about Shelia." He looked to Mrs. 
Summers. "Are you OK?"

Joyce went to her daughter in shock.

"What? what? was?that??"

Xander looked at Buffy.

"I think it's time we told her."




Xander sat on one of the benches in the courtyard of the school. He 
found it amazing, the difference between the school during the day 
and now, at night. They had explained everything in the library to 
Mrs. Summers, who was now with Buffy at home. It would take her a 
while, but Mrs. Summers would eventually deal.

Xander closed his eyes.

Mrs. Summers nearly got killed because he didn't know about Shelia. 
He wondered what else he didn't know, what he might have forgotten, 
and wondered if he would make a mistake that might get somebody 
killed. Someone who otherwise might have lived.

Then there was Spike.

He sensed a presence and opened his eyes.

"Deadboy." Xander deadpanned.

"I remember once a boy who fell in love with a beautiful girl. But 
the girl was in love with another man. A beast, really. Undeterred, 
he asked the girl out, but she was in love with the beast, and she 
broke the boy's heart. But the boy discovered that the girl was going 
to die. And even though she had broken the boy's heart, he was 
determined to save her even if it meant he would probably die in the 
attempt. The boy loved her so much that he went to the beast, 
demanded that the beast help him save the girl that they both loved. 
They went down to that cold pit where her body lay. And the boy 
breathed life into her, brought her back into the living world 
because he loved her enough to lay down his own life.

"I always wondered what would become of that boy. Now I know. That 
boy became a man." Xander smiled a little at Angel's commentary.

"I heard about that raid you did on the Anointed One's lair. I also 
heard about Spike getting away."

"You know Spike, he's a slippery one."

"You're right. I do know Spike. I also know that he won't stop until 
he's gotten revenge for Dru. He won't stop until it's over, one way 
or another. You have any idea how psychotic he would be right now?"

Xander stood up and squared off in front of Angel.

"Any idea? Yeah, you could say that." A cold, hard look appeared in 
Xander's eye.

"But I don't care. No chip, no soul, no mercy. This time the story 
will have a dusty ending."