consequences 7/8

["jend1205" <jend1205@xxxxxxxxx>]

Ok I need to warn you that this part is very, very sad and I don't 
want to hurt anyone so please be careful when reading. The next part 
will be happier though. Jen

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Believe me I have three boys, I own 
nothing.
Distribution: http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 2
Pairing: Willow/Buffy
Summary: Willow's in trouble and determined to face the consequences 
alone. 

Buffy and Jason tried to follow the bed that held Willow through 
the doors of the maternity ward but were stopped by Willow's 
doctor, "Jason, Buffy I know that you both love her and want to be 
here for her but I need you to stay out here. I have to tell you that 
at this point my main concern is to save Willow." The doctor hated 
to take away any since of hope for the child that he had no doubt 
would have been loved by this band of strange people but he also knew 
that the chance of him saving both mother and child would be 
impossible. He took one last look at the friends of the young girl 
who's life was about to change. He closed his eyes and said a silent 
payer that by some major miracle he could save them both. 
"Doctor, we need to do something to help", Buffy said as her mother 
came up and took her hand.
"Pray", the doctor said and disappeared through the doors.
"Mom", Buffy whispered and fell into her mother's arms. Jenny led the 
young father to a seat and tried to calm him. Buffy took one look at 
him and fell to her knees in front of him. She took his hand into 
hers and looked into his eyes, trying to give him some of the 
strength she possessed.
"Buffy, why", he asked trying not to lose control of his emotions.
"I don't know. I wish that I did but I don't", Buffy said. Buffy 
looked around the room at the people she considered her family and 
saw the sadness and worry. Giles had shown up right after the 
ambulance with Xander and Cordelia. 
"Buffy honey, why don't you sit down", Joyce told her daughter.
"Mom, I should have stayed home today", Buffy said collapsing into 
the seat next to her mother.
"You couldn't have known. Willow told you to go. I know that you are 
hurting right now but Willow is going to need you to be strong for 
her. No matter what happens."



Buffy had been pacing for what seemed like hours almost growling 
every time the doors would open and it would be someone other then 
Willow's doctor coming out. Finally when she thought that she 
couldn't take one more person coming out with no information for her, 
the gray haired doctor came out. Buffy took one look at his grim face 
and slid down the wall. 
"Willow", Buffy asked.
"Will be fine, it was touch and go for a little bit but she will 
recover at least physically", the doctor said running his hand 
through his hair.
"The baby", Jason asked fearing the answer.
"I'm sorry there was nothing that I could do."
"Why. How", Buffy asked.
"It looks as though the placenta tore away from the uterine wall. 
There was no way for her or you to know."
"Does she know", Jason asked?
"No, we had to sedate her. She should be out for another hour or so."
"Can we see her", Buffy asked?
"I think that she will need you, all of you. She always told me about 
how much her family meant to her. I know that her parents disowned 
her and that you all were the only people that she considered family. 
I have informed the nurses to allow you all to stay with her. I 
really am sorry. I know how much this child would have been loved", 
he said and started to walk away.
"Doctor, what was it", Jason asked?
"A girl", he said and lowered his head, "She would have been 
beautiful." Buffy put her head into her hands and cried for the 
daughter she would never get to meet.



Buffy sat in the hard plastic chair next her sleeping lover's bed. 
She brushed a strand of hair out of her face and held tight to her 
hand. She had no idea how she was going to tell Willow that the child 
she had so many plans and dreams for was gone. She looked over to 
Jason who was sitting on the other side of the bed, eyes down.
"Jason, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to her", Buffy started 
but the sleeping girl began to stir. Willow opened her eyes and tried 
to focus on where she was and why everyone was in her bedroom. 
Realization began to cross her face and she looked at Buffy and then 
Jason sitting beside her.
"Oh god", she whispered and could feel the tears rolling down her 
face.
"Will honey, I'm sorry. They tried but there was nothing they could 
do. It was just something that happens. Nothing could have changed 
things", Buffy said wiping the tears from her face.
"Jason, I'm sorry", Willow said as the tears continued to fall.
"No Will, it wasn't your fault. Nobody blames you, like Buffy said it 
happens", Jason said and squeezed her hand.
"Was it a boy or a girl", Willow asked through the tears?
"A girl", Buffy said and held on as her girlfriend lost her control.
"Let it out, Will", Jason said taking Buffy free hand, "We'll get 
through this, honey. All of us."



Two days later the gang had assembled outside of the hospital. 
Jason and Buffy walked up to them and sat down at the picnic table.
"Willow gets to come home today", Buffy told them.
"That's good, I think she needs to be there with us", Joyce said.
"Yeah but I need you guys to do us a favor. Can you guys pack up the 
nursery for us? I don't want her to go home with all those 
reminders", Buffy told her friends.
"Of course", Giles said taking her hand. He was very proud of the 
strength and maturity that his slayer was showing.
"Joyce, my parents are going to meet us tonight to make arrangements. 
We need to plan some kind of memorial for the baby. I tried to talk 
to Willow but she just says whatever we decide", Jason said shaking 
his head.
"Has she talked to you about what she is feeling", Jenny asked.
"No, I'm not sure she has said ten words to either of us", Jason said 
the worry showing on his face.
"I'm sure she just needs time to adjust to losing her child", Giles 
told them.
"I hope so", Buffy said and headed back to the room that held the 
love of her life.




"How long do we give her Giles, before we admit we need to do 
something", Buffy asked her watcher. Buffy was on the verge of 
tears, "Giles she hasn't gotten out of bed since we had the funeral. 
She didn't even want to go to that but I told her she would regret it 
someday. It's been almost a month. She won't even let me touch her. 
Giles, I'm scared."
"I know Buffy but the only thing you can do is be there for her."
"She won't let me", Buffy growled and then softened when she realized 
that it wasn't his fault, "I'm sorry. I know there's nothing you can 
do. I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately."
"Are you still sleeping on the couch", Giles asked her?
"Yeah, she was trying to pull so far away from me that I thought she 
was going to fall off the bed. I decided it would be easier for her 
if I wasn't around."
"Buffy, don't give up on her", Giles said.
"Never", Buffy said and headed for their room.


Buffy took a deep breath and knocked on the door, opening it a 
little, "Will?"
Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to take her 
girlfriend's hand but Willow pulled away. Buffy took another deep 
breath trying to calm herself, "Willow, I know that you're hurting 
and I know that it's really hard but I need you to talk to me."
Buffy watched her face looking for any sign that she was getting 
through.
"I'm not going to give up on you. I'm going to sit here and wait 
until you talk to me. You can't go on like this. Your not eating, 
hell you're not doing anything. It's been a month now and I'm really 
worried about you."
"Buffy, please just leave me alone."
"No", Buffy said with determination.
"Buffy, just go."
"No", Buffy said her anger over being pushed away rising.
"God damn it Buffy just leave me alone", Willow yelled.
"No, I've left you alone for the last month and we are no closer to 
getting you out of this bed then we were then", Buffy yelled and 
picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Buffy stood her in the 
shower turning on the water.
"Willow, I want you to take a shower and then we're going to go pick 
out some clothes. Then we are going to go down and have dinner with 
everyone."
"Fuck you", Willow yelled.
"You'd have to want to touch me before we could even think about 
that", Buffy yelled back and walked out of the room. Buffy walked 
down the steps trying to hold back the tears. Buffy paced the living 
room knowing she had crossed the line up there but she didn't have 
time to reflect very long before Willow came the stairs soaking wet.
"I hate you", Willow screamed not caring that all of the Scooby gang 
was sitting there.
"Well you know what, your going have to stand in line. I have the I-
hate-Buffy Summers market monopolized at the moment. Do you know what 
I did the night before?the night before she died? I promised I would 
protect her. I told her I would die before I let anything happen to 
her or you. I failed, Will, she's dead and I'm losing you", Buffy 
screamed at her girlfriend, "Yup that's right, Will, your girlfriend 
is a big failure. So go ahead and hate me because I bet it isn't 
anymore then I hate myself for failing you." Willow watched as Buffy 
fell to her knees in the middle of the room. She hadn't known how 
much Buffy was blaming herself for the things that Willow had spent 
the last month blaming her own self for. Willow sat down on the floor 
in front of Buffy and put a tentative hand on her shoulder, "Buffy, I 
don't blame you. I never have. I blamed myself but I'm pretty sure 
there's nothing to blame ourselves for. It happened and I'm really 
sorry for shutting you out but you are not and never could be a 
failure. I love you; Buffy Summers and thank you for making me see 
how much I was hurting you. I never ever wanted to hurt you. I was 
just so lost in my own grief that I forgot that I wasn't alone that 
you and Jason were hurting as much as I am. I'm sorry", Willow said 
pulling Buffy against her.
"Does that mean you don't hate me", Buffy asked smiling through her 
tears.
"Nope, I think I kinda love you."
"Kinda", Buffy laughed.




Buffy watched as Willow got dressed and smiled. It had been 
two weeks since they had broken down in the middle of the living room 
and they were slowly trying to put their shattered lives back 
together. 
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you", Buffy asked really 
wanting to be there when Willow made her first trip to the cemetery 
but knowing that Willow and Jason needed to say their goodbyes on 
there own.
"No I think I'll be ok and I know you really don't want to have to 
sit in the doctors office with me."
"Ok but I'll be here when you get home", Buffy said, kissing her 
before she left. Buffy picked up the first ultrasound picture of the 
baby and went to sit in the window seat. She looked out into the 
sunny day and curled up with the picture, the tears running down her 
face, needing to say her own goodbyes.


Willow walked into the room to find Buffy asleep still sitting in 
the window seat. Willow approached the sleeping slayer and noticed 
the picture she still had clutched in her hand. Willow sat down 
across from her and took the picture out of her hand. Willow could 
see the streaks on Buffy cheeks from the tears she had shed earlier. 
She brushed the hair from her face. Buffy opened her eyes and 
smiled, "Hey."
"Hey yourself."
"How you doing", Buffy asked the concern showing in her eyes.
"Pretty good really", Willow said pulling the slayer into her arms. 
Buffy leaned back as Willow wrapped her arms around her.
"Jason and I had lunch with his new boyfriend, he was a really nice 
guy. I can see them working out", Willow told her and started to kiss 
her neck. 
"That's cool. What did the doctor have to say?"
"Well he said that I could have kids when or if I'm ready. Which is 
something I wanted to talk to you about. Jason talked about maybe in 
a few years after college we could maybe talk about having another 
baby."
"Really", Buffy said and jumped up pulling Willow into a hug.
"I take you are ok with that."
"Oh yeah, I mean you want kids right. I want kids and you want kids 
and Jason wants kids, it couldn't be more perfect."
"Ok then when we decide the time is right."
"How about I tell you this, whenever you decide it's time you just do 
it and tell me when you're pregnant."
"Are you sure about that", Willow asked.
"Yup, I trust you to wait until we're ready. I kind of like the idea 
of it being a surprise."
"You know what else the doctor said was ok", Willow said and began to 
unbutton her shirt.
"Really, oh yeah", Buffy grinned.
"We also have about three hours before your mom gets home."
"What the hell are standing around talking for", Buffy asked pulling 
Willow to the bed.
"I love you, Buffy."
"I love you too. Now shut up and kiss me."