Re: looking for fic.

["smellthegloveuk" <jcys06347@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

[Moderator Note: The sender of this email is not the Author of the Story, or hasn't identified himself as such.]

Here's the fic.

Spike bad

Buffy felt terrible. She felt betrayed by her
friends; robbed of the happiness and bliss of the
afterlife. And she couldn't tell them because it
would kill them to know the truth. It would
especially be difficult to tell Willow. She'd
always hated to see Willow hurt, and even though
she really hated Willow right now, she still
couldn't bring herself to hurt the witch.

Spike felt great. He had the slayer back, and
she was turning to him in her misery; just as he
had hoped she would. He sort of felt bad that
Buffy had been yanked from heaven, but not too
bad. Now that she was almost his, he felt like
he was nearly in heaven himself.

Willow felt terrible. She felt helpless. She
couldn't tell her best friends what was going on
out of fear. She couldn't tell Buffy, or the
others, that it wasn't her idea to raise the
slayer from the dead. 

And now, one by one, they had turned their backs
on her and abandoned her. Tara left her, Xander
and Anya stopped speaking to her, and Buffy
kicked her out. There was only Spike, except he
was the one that was really responsible for all
this. So she did the only thing she could think
of--she ran.
__________________________
Willow turned the key to the lock of her new
front door and stepped into her tiny run down
apartment--and froze. Sitting on a crate in the
middle of the room was Spike, puffing on a
cigarette and looking pissed. "How'd you find
me?" Willow asked.

"I have my ways," he said. He got up slowly and
sauntered over to her, then suddenly grabbed the
back of her hair and pulled it back, exposing her
neck. He put on his game face, then said, "Now,
don't even think about trying to run and hide
from me again! You understand? I'll find you no
matter what, then I'll suck on this ugly neck of
yours and turn you. After that I'll tell the
slayer where to find you so she can stake you! 
And you know she would if she knew you'd become a
vampire. She hates you for tearing her from
heaven!"

"OK, I'm sorry," was all Willow could manage to
choke out.

"Good," Spike said. "I'm hungry. Give me your
arm."

Willow trembled slightly, but did as Spike
instructed. Quickly Spike grabbed each of
Willow's wrists in his hands and shoved her
violently back against a nearby wall, pinning her
there. He pulled the arm she had offered to him
close to his chest, located a nice juicy vein,
then fed. He let her go long before she would
have died, wiped the blood from his mouth with
the back of his hand, then returned to his human
face and walked out the door whistling as Willow
slid to the floor.

Willow sat there and cried. She cursed the day
Spike had gotten the chip out of his head--though
she had no idea how or when it had happened. As
her sobs turned to sniffles, she started cursing
herself. She berated herself for being weak, for
being stupid, and most of all for loving Buffy.
________________________________
Spike strolled down the sidewalk away from
Willow's, lost in thought. He was extremely
happy and proud of himself. He was so close to
having Buffy, and he had Willow so fucked up that
he could get her to do anything he wanted. He
knew the redhead was in love with Buffy, and he
had used that to his advantage.

Shortly after Buffy had died he found a way to
get that damn chip out of his head. After that
was taken care of he set to work on getting what
he'd always wanted--Buffy. 
He went to Willow and told her he'd gotten some
information from reliable sources that Buffy was
in some hell dimension, that her soul was in
torment--even though he knew otherwise. He also
told her about the spell that could bring Buffy
back. He told her it was risky, but he knew
she'd do it anyway. So he let her take care of
getting the rest of the Scooby gang on board. 
He'd convinced Willow not to tell the others it
was his idea because they wouldn't trust him and
wouldn't do it if he was involved. Not that
Willow ever really trusted him either, but he
knew she'd be blind to his schemes because of her
love for Buffy. And while they all prepared for
the spell, he secretly enjoyed feeding once
again. After Buffy was back, he immediately went
to Willow and yelled at her for yanking Buffy
from heaven.

"What do you mean she was in heaven? You said
her soul was in eternal torment!"

"I said no such thing!" he lied. "Your grief
must have made you delusional!" 

He knew this was the riskiest part of his
plot--that Willow might use her magical abilities
to turn him to dust, but he gambled that her
guilt and confusion would give him the time he
needed to catch her off guard with the revelation
that he was chipless. 

It worked. She just looked past him, confusion
written all over her face. In an instant he'd
vamped out and sprang at her. He punched her in
the face several times, then delivered a vicous
kick to her abdomen that sent her sprawling to
the floor dazed. He was immediately on top of
her, tearing the front of her blouse open and
sinking his fangs into her left breast. He
drained her of a little blood, then raped her and
beat her some more. Then he threatened to kill
Buffy and the whole Scooby gang if she ever told
anyone anything.

Spike Bad (2/?)
Pairing: B/W
Disclaimers: Buffy and Willow and everyone else
in this belong to Joss and
Mutant Enemy.
Spoilers: All of season 6 so far, plus maybe
upcoming season 6 eps. 
Summary: My skewered version of season 6 
Rating: Definitely NC-17 on this part. If you're
sensitive to violent rape I wouldn't suggest
reading the last bit of this part. It's not
overly graphic, but may be too much for some.



Buffy stared out her bedroom window, lost in
thought. She wondered how her life had gotten so
complicated. Ironically, she realized that it
was her death that now made her life such a mess.
She wished for the simpler days of high school
when it was just her, Willow, and Xander; and,
well, of corse Giles as well. Granted, as
teenagers they had more to deal with than normal
kids at that age, but it still seemed simpler
back then. 'Geez, I shouldn't have thought of
Willow. Now I'm more depressed,' Buffy thought. 
Whenever she was troubled back in those simpler
days, the hacker had always been her anchor--a
rock. She remembered how all it took to calm her
was for Willow to enter the same room as
her--just knowing Willow was close by made her
feel like everything was going to be ok; even if
things were bleak, or they were up against some
great evil. Now Willow was that evil, and even
though she hated her for yanking her from heaven,
a part of her still loved her friend.

"Buffy?" Dawn came up behind her, interrupting
her thoughts.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"It's nearly 4:30 in the morning, and you're
still dressed. Have you been to bed at all yet?"
Dawn said.

"No," Buffy said quietly.

"Well, um, maybe you should try to get a little
sleep, you know? Things always seem better in
the morning to me, especially if I've gotten some
good sleep. So, maybe it would help you, too." 
Dawn hated it when Buffy acted like
this--monosyllabic, broody. It was almost like a
darker version of the Buffybot; but whereas the
buffybot had been, well, robotlike in it's
actions, Buffy was almost robotlike in her
interactions. That's what scared Dawn the most.

Buffy looked her sister in the eyes for the first
time since she entered the room and said, "Dawn,
what was Willow like when I was dead?"

"Huh?" Dawn replied.

"Well, it's just that Spike says she's gone off
the deep end, and what used to be her is totally
gone. And I saw for myself how she acted when I
first came back. I overheard her threaten Giles,
she fought with Tara then put a spell on her, and
she was so reckless with her magic; but it just
doesn't seem possible. Used to be I got scared
if her magic went wrong, now I'm scared if it
goes right."

"Why'd you kick her out if you're not sure?" Dawn
asked quietly.

"Because, if she has gone bad, I couldn't risk
her being in the same house with you." Buffy
said. Then she looked away and added quietly,
"Besides, she had no business doing that spell to
bring me back."

"What! How can you say that, Buffy? You were in
hell! How could she not, knowing that? I mean,
if I'd found out you were suffering, I'd have
tried that spell myself."

"Shh, I'm sorry I upset you, Dawn. But that's
just it, none of you could have known whether I
was in hell, or...heaven." Buffy spoke the last
word so quietly Dawn barely heard her. "So, why
do such a risky spell?" 

"Well, I never heard where or how she found out
you were in hell, but Giles said it was probably
a power rush for her." Dawn said.

"Yeah, power corrupts, I know; but it just seems
so unWillowlike. That's why I wondered if you
saw anything different about her while I was
gone?" Buffy said.

"Well, no, not really. At least I don't think
so. She was upset for a while about your death,
but we all were. And, not that she could replace
you, but she was actually the one that helped me
the most. She could calm me down when none of
the others could."

"Hmm, ok, thanks Dawn. You better go back to
bed," Buffy said turning away from her sister to
stare out the window. "It's almost daylight. I
think I'll check to make sure Spike made it in ok
since he patrolled for me tonight, then I'll go
to bed."

"Alright, goodnight," Dawn said tentatively. She
didn't really want to leave, though. This was
the most heartfelt conversation she had had with
Buffy since her return, and wished Buffy would
just talk like this with her some more. But she
recognized that Buffy had gone back to her
pensive mode, and quietly left the room, thinking
Buffy just needed more time to sort things out. 
After all, things were different than before
Buffy had died--Willow was a loose cannon, not to
mention AWOL, Giles went back to England again,
and Tara had just left a note saying she was
leaving. As Dawn crawled back under the covers
of her bed, a thought struck her. 'Buffy finally
had a near normal talk with me, and it was all
about Willow!' A plan started to form in her
head as she slowly drifted off to sleep with a
smile.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike looked up at the sky and realized sadly
that it would be daylight soon. He had been
having so much fun. Just to make sure the slayer
didn't suspect anything about his chip, he'd
staked a couple of newbie vamps earlier that
evening. Then he fed the rest of the night. He
lost count of the number of people he sucked dry
when he'd run out of fingers to count them on. 
He briefly thought about turning a couple of them
for fun, but didn't dare take the chance that
Buffy would run across them and find out it was
him. "Oh, well. It's just as fun to kill them,
too." he said as he drained his last victim, then
snapped the guy's neck absentmindedly--even
though he was already dead. "Boy, am I stuffed,"
he mused.

Just as the sun peaked over the horizon, Spike
entered his crypt, and found Buffy standing
there. "Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"Hi. I was just checking to see how the patrol
went," she said

"Fine," he answered carefully, afraid he'd been
found out.

"Good. Well, then I'll see you later. I know
it's your bedtime, so I'd better go."

"Is there anything I can do?" he said quietly,
sensing there was something up, and hoping he'd
hid his trail of murder and mayhem carefully
enough. He slowly removed his jacket and shook
out the vampire dust, hoping Buffy would notice
it.

"No, thanks," Buffy replied.

"Alright then, if you're sure?" he said.

"Yeah, goodnight, Spike."

"Night." he replied, once again wondering if the
jig was up, but realizing it wasn't Buffy's style
to beat around the bush. If she'd suspected him
of anything, she probably would've beat the crap
out him trying to find out the truth. At least
that's what she would've done before. Now that
she'd returned from the dead, he wasn't so sure,
which was definitely good for him, he thought.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----
Willow scrounged around in the dumpster behind
her apartment and finally spotted a badly chipped
bowl. She took it back inside, rinsed it out in
the sink, then filled it with a little milk. She
squatted down and put the bowl of milk on the
floor. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. I've got
some nice milk for you," she said. 

A black cat cautiously poked it's head out from
under Willow's makeshift kitchen table. It
looked tentatively at the bowl, then back at
Willow, and disappeared back under the piece of
plywood that sat on top of two old sawhorses. 
"Fine, have it your way," Willow said rather
disgustedly. "It was your idea to have kittens
inside my wall back there, though. I was only
trying to help." Willow slid the bowl of milk
under the table nearer the wall, then sat down
cross-legged a few feet away waiting to see if
maybe the cat would come out and drink it.

Suddenly Spike burst through the back door,
hunched over with a flaming blanket draped over
his back. Once he was inside and out of all
direct sunlight, he threw the blanket on the
floor and stomped the fire out.

"Spike!" Willow yelped, startled. "What are you
doing here during the day? You're lucky you
didn't burn this whole complex down, it's
definitely not up to specs on the fire code, ya
know?"

"Shut up!" Spike yelled. "Now, I want you to get
me some money before tonight."

"What? How am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know. Go to the bank and freeze
everyone with your magic and take the dough, or
hypnotize a teller into thinking you're making a
legitimate withdrawl, conjure it out of thin air,
or just plain steal it from someone. Makes no
difference to me so long as you get it. Got it?"
he said none too politely. Seeing the look of
reluctance on her face he added, "Or I'll kill
someone. Maybe Xander, hmm? You'd like that
anyway, wouldn't you? Then you wouldn't get your
feelings hurt when they don't invite you to the
wedding since there wouldn't be one."

"Ok, I'll get some. I'll bring it by your place
later." she replied dejectedly.

"No, I'll just wait here and catch some z's. No
sense in me having to go back out, is there?"

Willow shook her head, gathered her stuff, and
walked out the door. "I guess I'll get some from
the bank somehow." she said.

"And remember, if you run into any of your old
cronies, you tell them nothing!" he yelled after
her. "Stupid wench," he said to himself after
she was gone. "You'd think she would've realized
that moving to the other side of town wasn't
going to make things any simpler for herself. 
This town's just too small not to run into
someone sooner or later. Still, when she went
missing after Buffy told her to get out, it made
it easier for me to locate her. She probably
stuck around Sunnyhell just so she could feel
closer to the love of her life." he said rolling
his eyes.

A couple hours later Willow returned. She found
Spike sitting on the kitchen floor with four
kittens in his lap. The all black mother cat lay
dead by his feet. "What've you done? How will
the kittens survive without their mother? 
They're too young to fend for themselves!"

"Don't worry, they'll make nice snacks for some
of my chums at the bar. I coulda used them a
while back when I was there gambling with Buffy,
but it looks like they weren't around yet, then. 

Willow felt sick knowing what Spike intended for
the kittens. "Please, let me take care of them
Spike? I can bottle feed them, and maybe they'll
be ok."

Spike put the kittens down, jumped to his feet,
quickly put his game face on and grabbed her
roughly by the shoulders. "Listen, bitch," he
snarled through his fangs. "Just because these
kittens were holed up here, doesn't make them
yours. NOTHING is yours! Now give me my money
and stop pissing me off or you'll regret it!"

Willow wordlessly reached into her coat pocket
and pulled out a wad of bills and handed them
over to Spike. He counted the wad as Willow
watched nervously. "Is this it? I think you
could've easily gotten more," he said. "Let's
just see, shall we?" He grabbed Willow by the
shoulders once again, spun her around quickly and
slammed her head first into the door frame that
separated the kitchen from the living room. He
grabbed her right arm from behind and yanked it
hard to the left, spinning her around to face
him. He took a step back and delivered a hard
kick to her left knee. As she bent forward to
grab her injured knee, he brought his own knee up
and connected with her nose, effectively knocking
her backwards onto the floor. He proceeded to
rip her clothes off, searching each piece as he
did so. "Aha!" he said, holding up a second wad
of bills. "I knew you were holding out on me!"

"Please," Willow gasped out through her pain. "I
was...only...food...rent," she said.

"You're on your own there," he snarled. "All
this money was mine from the beginning. I told
you nothing is yours. The kittens are mine, the
money is mine, your friends are mine! Even your
worthless cunt belongs to me," he said. And to
emphasize his point, he undid his pants, entered
her forcefully, and began pumping in and out of
her hard, enjoying her cries of pain. He
finished with a grunt, then stood up, refastened
his pants, and said, "Remember, nothing is
yours." 

Willow lay on the floor in agony where he left
her. After a few minutes she summoned enough
strength to roll over. She started to crawl
toward the tiny bathroom of the apartment,
realizing that feat might be impossible since her
right arm was dislocated. But inch by inch she
progressed toward her destination. Once there
she hauled herself to a standing position using
the sink for support, and fumbled through the
medicine cabinet above it. She fished out a
razor blade, and rested her useless arm in the
sink. She felt like she was going to black out
at any time, so she quickly started to slit her
wrist, trying her best to hit the veins with
blury vision. As she started, she said, "Your
wrong, Spike. There's one thing that's mine that
you can't have--my life!"

Dawn looked around Buffy's room wondering where
Buffy would keep her things from high school. 
Having looked in every other part of Buffy's room
she opened the closet, and spotted what she was
looking for on the shelf above the clothes. She
quickly stuffed the find into her backpack and
zipped it shut. "Dawn!" Buffy yelled from the
hallway. "Dawn, where are you? You're going to
be late for school if you don't...what are you
doing in my closet?" Buffy asked as she entered
her room and spotted Dawn closing her closet
door.

"Um, I was just looking for a sweater, and
thought maybe it found it's way to your closet
since I can't find it anywhere; but it wasn't
here either, so maybe I loaned it to a friend and
forgot. Well, gotta get going like you said or
else I'll be late, bye." Dawn said as she rushed
past Buffy, down the stairs, and out the door
before Buffy could say another word.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Later that day Buffy walked into the Magic Box to
find Dawn, Xander, and Anya sitting around a
table looking at something and giggling. "What's
going on?" Buffy asked walking over to the table
and looking over their shoulders to get a look at
whatever they were looking at. 

"Oh, hi Buffy," Dawn said. "We were just talking
about how skinny Xander was back in high school."

"Yeah, but now he's all big and bulky and manly
from working construction," Anya said running her
hands over Xander's chest and arms
appreciatively.

"And it's all yours, baby." Xander said.

"Eww. Get a room, guys." Dawn said.

"Hey, where'd you guys get these from? These are
my high school yearbooks!" Buffy said as it
finally sunk in as to what they were all looking
at. Xander and Anya both looked at Dawn.

"By the way, Buffy, why don't you have a picture
in with all the other seniors in your senior
yearbook?" Dawn said, hoping to change the
subject before she was forced to explain she took
the books from Buffy's room.

"You don't wanna go there, Dawny. That's a bit
of a sore subject." Xander said.

"Why?" Anya asked. "I haven't heard this one. 
Come on, fill me in."

"Cordelia forgot to tell me because she was too
busy worrying about herself." Buffy said somewhat
flippantly.

"Oh. Her." was all Anya could say.

"Now come on honey, let's say we go home and
forget all about What's Her Name." Xander said. 
He stood up and looked expectantly at Anya, took
her hand in his and said with a wink, "Dawn did
tell us to get a room."

"Well, I suppose I could come in early tomorrow
morning to finish cleaning up." Anya replied with
a wicked grin.

"Hey, we'll do it for you," Dawn said. "We don't
have anything to do until Buffy patrols later
tonight, anyway. Right Buffy?"

"Well, no, but..." Buffy started to say.

"Good." Dawn stood up, handed Xander and Anya
their things, and quickly ushered them out the
door before anyone could protest. "We'll call
you if anything comes up," Dawn yelled after them
waving. She returned to the table and started
thumbing through Buffy's yearbooks again.

"What was that all about?" Buffy asked narrowing
her eyes at Dawn.

"I just thought I'd spend some quality time with
my big sis, is all. I just love hearing all
about your wild high school days, ya know. So,
who's this funny looking guy here?" Dawn said
pointing to a picture in one of Buffy's
yearbooks.

"Jonathan." Buffy replied. "Look, Dawn. About
these yearbooks..."

"Hey, that guy's cute, who's he?" Dawn quickly
interrupted again and pointed to another picture,
knowing full well who the guy was she was
pointing to; but she wanted to steer Buffy away
from getting mad about the yearbooks and towards
something else. Buffy halfway glanced at the
picture, then opened her mouth to say something
to Dawn about the yearbooks. Suddenly it
registered with her who's picture Dawn was
pointing at.

"Oz." she said quietly, forgetting all about what
she was going to say to Dawn. Buffy got a far
away look in her eyes that Dawn couldn't read,
but hoped it was stirring up the memories of
Buffy's past she wanted to stir up. 

After a few seconds Dawn cleared her throat and
said, "Oh, yeah. Wasn't that Willow's boyfriend?
The werewolf who screwed around on her with that
slutty she-wolf?" Buffy just nodded
affirmatively, and Dawn knew her plan must be
working since Buffy didn't yell at her for using
such words. "Speaking of Willow, if you would've
gotten your senior picture taken, wouldn't it
have been right next to Willow's since they're in
alphabetical order? Or were there other people
with R's or S's that would have come between
you?" Buffy absentmindedly sat down next to Dawn
and started looking slowly through her senior
yearbook. "Maybe." was all she said in response
to Dawn as she continued to browse through her
yearbook.

Dawn picked up Buffy's sophomore yearbook and
started scanning that one. She found a suitable
picture of Willow in that one, then waited a few
minutes. After what seemed an eternity to her,
she pushed the yearbook she was holding in front
of Buffy and said, "Look at this picture of her. 
She doesn't really look all that different way
back then. Just her hair, really." Buffy
started flipping through the new book. After
another long silence Dawn spoke up again, hoping
she wasn't going too far. "What was Willow like
back then, Buffy?" she asked quietly, just as
Buffy turned to another page with Willow on it.

Buffy stared at the picture of Willow for a
moment, thinking back. "Well, she was really shy
and quiet when I first met her, but it was
obvious she was smart. She was so curious about
anything and everything, yet she was still so
innocent and pure. She would do whatever she
could for anyone and wouldn't hurt a fly. The
only non-innocent thing about her was her
hacking, but she always only did it to help me
and Giles. She could be really funny sometimes,
too, and she was easy to just be around. Oh, and
she had this gigantic crush on Xander that was
really cute." Buffy said smiling. 

Dawn smiled, too. 'Yeah! I'm good,' she thought.
'I've just gotten Buffy to say more in 30
seconds than she's probably said all day.' 
"Funny," Dawn said carefully. "That sort of
describes how she always was--even all the way up
until you came back." Dawn wasn't one hundred
percent convinced Willow was evil even now, and
she desperately hoped that she could at least
get Buffy to question it herself before she went
off on Willow half-cocked--not to mention she was
loving being able to get Buffy to just talk to
her like a normal sister. She knew all this
could have backfired on her; that Buffy could
just as easily have yelled at her for taking her
yearbooks and bringing the subject of Willow up,
but she figured even a Buffy blowup would be
better than the near catatonic, lobotomized way
she had been acting. Of course she also knew
Giles, Spike, and Buffy could be right about
Willow going all psycho on them. They did have
more experience than she when it came to evil. 
All she knew though, was that Buffy seemed the
most like herself when she contemplated
Willow--at least the 'real' Willow. Buffy slowly
raised her head from the yearbook to look at her
sister. Dawn could see the emotions on Buffy's
face. What Buffy thought and felt about Willow
now were definitely warring with what she used to
think and know about her friend. Both girls were
suddenly jolted from their thoughts by a loud
rapping at the front door to the store. "Go
away, we're clos...ed. Oh!" Dawn said as she
looked toward the door and caught sight of two
policemen standing there. Buffy followed her
gaze, then got up and let the men in when she
also realized who they were.

"Ladies," the taller cop said taking off his cap.
"Sorry to bother you, but we're looking into a
robbery that happened at the bank earlier, and
were told the suspect used to be seen hanging out
here a lot."

"Oh?" Buffy said.

"We have a copy of the bank's surveillance tape
right here. Would you please take a look at it
and tell us if you know the person or not?" the
second officer said.

"Yeah, sure," Buffy replied. "Uh, we have a VCR
over there," she gestured toward the back of the
shop.

The four of them gathered around the TV and VCR
as the tape began to play. They watched as the
suspect walked into the bank, and then everyone
inside just disappeared. The person then
proceeded to walk caually from one teller window
to the next, collecting all the cash from each
one. As the thief exited the bank, everyone who
was there suddenly reappeared exactly as they
were before. After a few seconds, tellers
started looking frantically at their cash
drawers, and everyone in the bank started to get
agitated when they realized something weird had
happened seemingly under their noses. Dawn
gasped at what she had seen as Buffy whispered
rather harshly, "Willow." 'There goes all my
work,' Dawn thought to herself.

"So you do know her?" the taller officer spoke
once again as his partner retrieved the tape from
the VCR.

"Yeah, she used to be a friend that lived with
us, but I just recently kicked her out because
she was starting to act...well, like this I
guess." Buffy said. Dawn noticed how Buffy had
said 'friend' with a hint of sarcasm in her
voice. She sighed and ran a hand through her
hair. 'Why'd you have to go and do that,
Willow?' Dawn thought. 'Now it's back to square
one with Buffy. Damn!'

"Would you two be so kind as to come down to the
station and tell us what you know about her?" the
second officer said. Both girls sighed and
nodded their heads.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Well, that was just a barrel full of fun," Buffy
quipped as she and Dawn entered their house.

"Yup." Dawn said plopping down on the sofa.

"I'm going to call Xander and Anya and have them
come over and stay with you. You can fill them
in on Willow. Since it's almost dark I'm going
to go get Spike and see if the two of us can put
our heads together and come up with what to do
about Willow. We'll probably patrol later, too,
so I'll be back late."

"What if you find her? You won't..." Dawn
trailed off unable to complete the thought.

"I don't know, Dawn," Buffy replied. "I know
she's not some demon or vampire, yet I can't
leave her to the police either. She's too
powerful for them to handle. If it comes down to
it, I may not have a choice."

"You'd stake your best friend? Over a simple
bank robbery? I know she committed a crime, but
she didn't hurt anyone! Maybe there was a reason
for what she did. I mean, she's committed crimes
before and you were ok with it then."

"Huh?" Buffy replied wondering why Dawn was
getting so worked up.

"Oh, come on. How many times has she hacked into
something with her computer, or broken into the
morgue, or, or...oh, yeah, what about the time
she and Oz and Xander and that girl Xander used
to go with stole a rocket launcher?" Dawn asked
rising from the couch to stand face to face with
Buffy. "I know what Giles said, I know what
Spike said, and I know Willow acted differently
after you came back; but it just doesn't seem
possible for Willow to be evil, whether she's
playing with dark magic or having a power trip or
whatever!"

"Dawn," Buffy said trying to calm her sister
down. "Sometimes good people go bad and there's
nothing you can do but try and stop them if you
can't reason with them. I know it's hard to
imagine, but..."

"Damn it, Buffy! I know you're older and more
experienced with all this stuff, but you didn't
talk to her or anything did you? You just kicked
her out without anything concrete to go on, and I
let you since you're the big sister and the
slayer and all, but things just don't add up to
me, and I think you're part of it!" With that
Dawn stormed up the stairs, stomping as hard as
she could on each one.

"Dawn!" Buffy stared after her sister for a
couple of seconds, then followed her up the
stairs. "Dawn! Don't you dare turn your back on
me!"

"Like you did to Willow?" Dawn said as she
slammed her bedroom door in Buffy's face.

Buffy walked slowly, lost in thought. Earlier,
at the Magic Box, she remembered how much she had
loved Willow back in high school, and how that
love grew even as they moved on into college. 
For an instant, she entertained the thought that
her love for Willow had always been more than
just friendly love, and in that instant the pain
of losing heaven receeded briefly. But then the
police had come, and Buffy's heart hardened once
again. She finally arrived at Spike's shortly
before sunset, and he could clearly tell she'd
been crying. "What's wrong?" he asked. 

"Everything, it seems," she replied. "Mainly
Dawn. She blew up at me and I'm not sure what to
make of it."

"Wanna talk about it?" 

"No. Yes. Well, I don't know. We have a bigger
problem, though. Seems Willow's still around
Sunnydale, and she used her magic to rob a bank
earlier." Buffy said.

"I don't suppose the authorities caught her?"
Spike asked, secretely hoping Willow hadn't been
caught after he'd left her place, and that Willow
hadn't implicated him in the robbery if she had
been. 

"No, and with her power I think we should try and
stop her now that she's definitely crossed the
line. Any ideas on how to locate her?"

"Fraid not, luv. But I'll give it some thought."
'Bloody hell,' Spike thought. 'I finally drove
those two apart, and the stupid witch goes and
does that...' "Wait a minute," Spike gave voice
to the direction his thoughts were headed. "If
they didn't catch her, how do they even know it
was her?"

"They showed us a copy of the
surveillance...wait, are you saying...of course! 
With her magic, she could have easily kept
herself invisible from that tape! She wants to
get caught. But why?" Buffy said.

'Maybe I can work this to my advantage yet.'
Spike thought. "She knew that you'd find out
about it eventually if she let herself be seen on
tape. Think about it. Anyone who's powerful
enough and wants to prove themself always guns
for you--the slayer. She probably didn't even
need the money, she's just trying to get you to
come after her so she can set up a
showdown--prove she's king of the hill, so to
speak, by taking you out." Spike said.

"Oh, boy. Do you think Dawn or the others are in
danger?" Buffy asked. At the same time she was
thinking back to what Dawn had said about Willow
not hurting anyone, and she was getting more
confused. What Spike was saying made sense,
though.

"I don't know," Spike replied, eyeing Buffy
carefully. He could see the confusion on her
face. Buffy sighed and started wandering around
the crypt slowly, lost in thought once again. 
"You're making me dizzy," Spike finally said
after he'd watched her go around in circles for a
while. "Here." he said softly coming up behind
her and gently massaging her shoulders. Buffy
let the tension ease out of her under his
ministrations, then turned around to face him.

"Thanks." she said, looking him in the eyes. She
saw concern there, and was touched. What she
didn't realize though, was that Spike's look of
concern was for himself--wondering if his plan
was going to unravel. She slowly slid her hands
up his arms and brought them to rest on his
chest, appreciating how well muscled and sculpted
it was. She had seen him with no shirt before,
and recalled how perfect not only his chest had
looked, but also his abs. She felt lightheaded
in his presence all of a sudden, like she was
under a spell, and slowly pulled him in for a
kiss. As their lips brushed ever so slightly,
she suddenly felt like this was wrong, but
couldn't pull away. The feeling intensified, yet
she reveled in the physical sensations it was
stirring up in her. Sensations she hadn't felt
in a while. As the kiss grew more heated, she
realized she was just acting on raw sexual
frustration and lust, but didn't care. She was
about ready to rip his shirt off and really dig
in when suddenly there was a loud banging on the
entrance to the crypt.

They quickly pulled apart, and Buffy composed
herself as Spike trudged rather disgustedly to
the doorway to see who it was. "Xander," he said
a little harshly. "What brings you here?"

"What're you doing here?" Buffy asked. "I
thought you were with Dawn! Did something happen
to her?" 

"No, Dawn's fine. She's still at your house with
Anya." Xander replied.

"What's up then?" Buffy asked. "We were just
getting ready to patrol." she said with a slight
blush.

"Willow." Xander said.

"Huh? Has she done something else already?"
Buffy asked worried.

"No," Xander replied. "Apparently her emergency
contact was never changed once you kicked her
out. Someone from the hospital called and said
she's in a coma."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy and Xander stood in the hallway outside
Willow's hospital room waiting for word on
whether they could go in or not. Spike had
reluctantly agreed to patrol by himself while
they went to see if they could get any answers as
to what had happened. Spike had said he was
worried that Willow could wake up and do
something to Buffy, but Xander assured him the
hospital had said she wouldn't be waking up for
quite a while, if at all. "Are you Miss Summers
and Mr. Harris?" a staff worker came up to them
and asked.

"Yes." Xander answered.

"The doctor says one of you can go in and see
her, but we need one of you to fill out some
papers, if you will?"

"I-I think I'd like to go in if that's ok?" Buffy
said turning to Xander.

"Sure, Buff. I'll be back as soon as I'm done."
he said.

"Thanks." she replied. She tentatively stepped
inside the doorway and froze. Several different
emotions were all at odds inside her. She felt
anger, hatred, pity, sorrow; and yet love, all at
the same time when she looked at Willow's still
form. She took a step closer to the bed, then
stopped, still unsure which emotion was the
strongest in her. She tried to clear her head by
focusing on the facts at hand, but that lead to
confusion. How could such a powerful witch get
the physical shit beat out of her? She decided
she didn't have all the facts yet, so she may as
well not go that route after all. Finally
composing herself the best she could, she took
the last few steps to stand next to the bed. Her
breath caught in her throat when Willow's face
came fully into view. There were numerous cuts
and scratches all over her face, she had a black
eye, and her nose was several sizes too big;
probably broken Buffy mused. She stood there for
what seemed an eternity, all the emotions
tumbling over each other once again. Just as she
thought she'd drown in them, Xander came up
behind her.

"I finished filling out the papers, and I talked
to the doctor and her landlord. Apparently he
was the one that found her." Xander said quietly.

"What did you find out?" Buffy asked, still
looking at Willow.

"Well, the doctor said she has a broken nose,
dislocated arm, shattered kneecap, and several
other cuts and bruises." He paused, trying to
collect his thoughts. "They also think she was
trying to commit suicide."

"What?" Buffy's head snapped around to look at
Xander.

"Her landlord said he found her in the bathroom
on the floor. She had a razorblade in her hand
and the doctor said there's a long gash on her
arm consistent with suicide attempts."

"Spike must be wrong then," she said. When she
saw the confused look on Xander's face she said,
"Spike thought Willow did the bank robbery to get
my attention--force a final confrontation to
prove she was stronger than me--better than a
slayer. But she can't exactly kill me if she was
trying to kill herself." Buffy's gaze returned
to Willow. She thought back to her argument
earlier with Dawn, and realized maybe her sister
was right about a few things.

"Buffy, there's something else," Xander said,
interrupting her thoughts again. She felt him
gently touch her arm, trying to get her full
attention. She turned to look at him, wondering
what else there could be. "The landlord said he
also found her completely..." He paused, looking
down at the floor. "...she was, uh...completely
nude, and...bleeding down...well, anyway, the
doctor confirmed it. She was..." He looked up,
with tears in his eyes. "Buffy, she was raped."
he finally finished, turning away from her to
look at Willow. Suddenly a new emotion came over
Buffy--rage.

Buffy closed her eyes against all the different
emotions that came bubbling up inside her once
again. Nothing made sense, yet at the same time
things were becoming slightly clearer. She
realized, rather reluctantly, that Dawn was
probably right about quite a few things she had
yelled at Buffy about earlier. She opened her
eyes to look at Willow again, and slowly reached
out a shaky hand to brush a stray strand of red
hair out of Willow's face. With that gesture she
had an overwhelming sense of deja vu, and in her
mind's eye flashed back to another time Willow
had been in the hospital in a coma. Xander had
been there then, too. 'Only this time it's not
Angelus, so who did this?' she thought. 

"Ah, excuse me," a fat balding middle aged man
with bad body odor entered the room. Buffy and
Xander turned around to regard the guy. "Uh, I
don't mean to disturb you people, but I was
wondering, since Ms. Rosenburg isn't going
anywhere anytime soon, if you all would mind
coming and getting her stuff out of the apartment
for her?"

"Huh?" Buffy looked at the man perplexed.

"Buffy, this is Willow's landlord, Mr. Smell, uh,
I mean Mr. Smith." Xander said. "Nice to see you
again...sir." he added for good measure to try
and cover his slip up.

"Yeah, whatever kid. Look, the redhead can't
stay in my apartments no more. She's way late on
rent as it is, and with her being here now, well,
I don't see her coming up with the money. It
really makes no difference to me, though if you
don't wanna get it. I'll just toss her junk in
the dumpster, then. I just thought I'd offer
since the doc said you two's were her friends and
all."

"Late?" Xander said. "But she just rob..."

"No! I mean, we'll get her stuff, right Xander?"
Buffy said cutting him off. "Could you just give
us a couple of minutes?"

"Alright," the man replied. "I've got a pickup,
so if you guys spring for gas, I'll take the
stuff to wherever ya want. That cool?" 

"Sure," Xander said. "We'll be right there."

"I'll just be in the waiting room, then." the man
said backing up and throwing his thumb over his
shoulder as he left the room.

"Well, this just gets more and more confusing by
the minute. Just color me 'huh.' My brain's
fried trying to figure things out." Xander
quipped while rubbing his temples with his
forefingers.

"I agree. Xander, do you mind staying here a
while?"

"No, it's not a problem. I'll just call Anya and
let her know, but, why Buffy?"

"I have a feeling Willow may still be in danger
from whoever did this to her. I need you to keep
watch. Meanwhile, I'll go with Mr. Smelly to get
Will's stuff and talk to him; see if he knows
anything or can be any help. If not, maybe going
through her place will turn up some clues." 

"Gotcha. And be careful, Buffy."

"Yeah, you too."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike walked through one of the Sunnydale
cemeteries admiring all the fresh graves he knew
he was mostly responsible for. 'Damn! If Buffy
starts caring about her life again, I'm screwed.'
His thoughts were interrupted as he came to a
crypt and found the door slightly ajar. Curious,
he entered slowly and carefully, trying to be
quiet. 'Can't a fellow have any fun?' he thought
when he realized it was just some homeless bum
who'd managed to find his way inside before
passing out. Without a second thought, he hauled
the man to his feet, vamped out, and sank his
fangs into the guy's neck. Once he was certain
there was no more blood left, he unceremoniously
dumped the lifeless body to the floor and wiped
his mouth with the back of his hand. "Hmm, you
must have done pretty good begging today, mate. 
You don't have even a hint of stale, skunky beer
about you." Spike hopped over the corpse and
exited the crypt whistling a tune to himself. 
'You know,' he thought to himself. 'Having a
nice breakfast helps clear the head up some. No
loose ends. As much fun as she could have been,
it's time to kill the redhead.' With that, he
walked off in the direction of the hospital.

After finally convincing Willow's landlord that
they didn't need Xander, "A second big strong
man," in the landlord's words, to load the pickup
truck, Buffy climbed in the passenger seat of the
old beat-up S-10. "So how far is it?" Buffy
asked after they'd been on the road maybe five
minutes.

"About another ten or fifteen minutes, depending
on traffic," the guy answered nonchalantly. "My
apartment complex is near the old steel factory,
if you know where that is.

Buffy wrinkled her nose--partly at the smell
coming off the man driving, and partly because
she knew that part of town's reputation. She
seldom went there if she didn't have to. And she
rarely had to because even the vampires and
demons of Sunnydale didn't like it there. She
remembered Spike once telling her that no one in
that part of town tasted very good. And she'd
heard the cops in town rarely responded with much
urgency to calls from there. Too many gangs,
hookers, pimps, drunks, drugs, illegal guns, and
crazies there to be worth their pay. Thinking of
the cops of Sunnydale gave Buffy an idea of how
to start pumping the landlord for information
without seeming over the top. "So, did the cops
ask you a bunch of questions being you were the
one that found Willow? I always hate that, you
know? They say it won't take long, but then they
grill you for a long time. Luckily, they didn't
talk to me this time." 'Yeah, way to be
nonchalant, dummy!' Buffy thought to herself.

"They asked some." the landlord replied.

'Great, another Oz,' Buffy thought. Not knowing
what else to say, they both settled into an
awkward silence until they arrived at the
apartment complex. Once there, the man backed
his truck up to the back door of one of the
apartments, got out of the truck and started
fumbling through a set of keys. Buffy slowly
opened the passenger side door of the pickup as
far as she could until it bumped into a large
dumpster. She slipped out of the truck and stood
behind the man, waiting rather impatiently for
him to find the right key. She tried her best
not to inhale too deeply for fear of passing out
from the stench of the trash in the dumpster. 
The landlord finally opened the door and stepped
inside, Buffy right behind him.

Once her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, Buffy
slowly looked around. They were obviously in the
kitchen, and she could just make out what looked
to be the main living area straight ahead. She
ambled over to the refrigerator and opened it. 
The only thing there was a half-gallon of milk.

"Um, ya wanna start in the bedroom while I get
what's here in the kitchen?" the landlord asked. 
"I figure you'd rather go through her personal
stuff like panties and all." Buffy just nodded
her head. "Ok, the bedroom is straight through
there and off to the left." the man said,
pointing towards the living room.

"Thanks." Buffy said as she headed that way. 
Once she stepped through into the living room,
she looked around briefly before heading to the
bedroom. All she saw was an empty wooden crate
turned upside down. 'Guess Willow didn't use
this area much.' she thought. She opened the
door to the bedroom and felt around on the wall
next to her for a light switch. She located it
and flipped it on. To her surprise, the only
things in the bedroom were a couple of piles of
clothes on the floor and a blanket and pillow in
a corner. She walked over to the far wall and
opened the tiny closet door, only to find a pair
of sneakers on the floor. "God, what did I do
when I kicked her out?" Buffy whispered. She
looked around again, and still couldn't quite
believe Willow had been living in such a
terrible, run-down, dirty place; not to mention
terrible part of town. Buffy was horrified, to
say the least. "I thought she took more stuff
with her than this, though?" she said to herself
after seeing there was hardly anything around. 
Knowing she wasn't going to get any answers just
wondering, she retrieved the crate in the living
room and started putting everything from the
bedroom into it, carefully going through what few
things there were for any clues. Finding
nothing, she took the crate outside and put it in
the bed of the pickup.

"I guess it's ok that we didn't bring your guy
friend after all," the landlord said to her as
she passed him on her way back through the
kitchen. "Looks like your friend got rid of a
lot of stuff since she moved in. I didn't notice
before when I was here since I was busy hoping
she didn't die in one of my places. I already
got everything out of here. Was that all in the
bedroom?"

"Yeah." Buffy answered.

"Well, that just leaves the bathroom, then. Why
don't you let me get that seeing as there's still
blood all over in there still?"

"Actually," Buffy started. "I've seen a lot of
blood before. And I'd kinda like to take a look.
You know, maybe seeing it will help me make more
sense of what happened to her. Besides, no sense
in you having to deal with feminine napkins or
anything like that." Buffy finished, hoping she
sounded sincere.

"Alright, if ya say so. But if you feel faint,
let me finish, ok?" the man said.

Buffy nodded her head and went through to the
living room once again, then went to what she
assumed was the bathroom door since it was the
only other one besides the bedroom door. She
hesitated, then turned around and yelled back to
the landlord, "Are there any closets or anything
in the living room? I didn't look in them if
there are."

The landlord emerged from the kitchen area and
replied, "There's just one over here. I'll check
it."

"Thanks." Buffy said, then turned and opened the
door to the bathroom. She went in slowly,
careful not to step in the blood on the floor. 
She also saw blood all over the sink and part of
the toilet. Spotting what looked like a trash
can between the toilet and the shower, she picked
it up and started going through it's contents. 
'Looks like I found what happened to Will's
stuff.' she frowned to herself as she came across
a receipt to a local pawn shop with Willow's
signature on the bottom. She then went through
and gathered what few items there were in the
shower, medicine cabinet, and under the sink. 
After another inspection of the bathroom, she
decided she wasn't going to find any answers at
the apartment, and went into the living room to
meet up with the landlord.

"There wasn't anything in the closet," he said as
she emerged from the bathroom. She'd tossed all
the bathroom stuff in the wastebasket, and had
it tucked under her arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. I just want answers to what exactly
happened to my friend." Buffy responded.

"I understand," the man said sympathetically. 
"Say, old lady Miller across the way may have
seen something. She's always home 'cause she's a
shut in. She wouldn't of opened the door for no
cops, but she trusts me. Maybe we could go talk
to her if ya want?"

"Yes, definitely." Buffy answered.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------\
-

"You sure you don't want any tea?" Ms. Miller
asked Buffy.

"No, thanks anyway. We should be going. Like
your landlord here said, I was just wondering if
you heard or saw anything, that the cops maybe
don't know about, next door at my friend's
place?" Buffy said.

"Sorry, dear. I don't hear so well these days,
ya know?" The old woman looked pensive for a
moment, then said, "But I did see a funny visitor
over there earlier today. Long before the cops
came, though."

"Funny?" Buffy said.

"Yeah. I dunno if it were a guy or gal, or how
old; but it was funny 'cause they came running up
to your friend's door all hunched over with
something covering them. I think it was just a
blanket, but I ain't sure. And that weren't the
strangest thing about this person neither. At
first I thought they was smokin' something under
there, but it looked to me like the smoke was
coming from the blanket, or whatever it were, not
underneath. And when they got just inside the
door of your friend's house, I caught a glimpse
of the back of their head just as they threw the
blanket off, and before the door closed. They
had the ugliest yellow hair I've ever seen. 
Looks like they dunked their head in a bucket 'o
butter or something." she finished.

"Spike!" Buffy said. "Come on Mr. Smith, we have
to get back to the hospital!"

Buffy burst through the double doors at the end
of the hall from Willow's hospital room, and
sprinted as fast as she could toward Willow's
door. She skidded to a halt at the door, and
turned the doorknob quickly, only to find it
locked. Without missing a beat, she ripped the
knob clean off the door, and nearly ripped the
door off it's hinges when she pushed in on it to
get it open. She hurried inside, just as doctors
and nurses were catching up to her at the
doorway. They were all greeted by the sight of
Xander slumped on the floor in a corner, blood
dripping from his forehead, and a man with a
pillow pressed over Willow's nose and mouth,
obviously trying to suffocate her. "Oh my God,
call the police!" one of the doctors shouted as
Buffy barreled into the room.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled as she slammed into him,
sending him flying through the window behind him.
She looked down out the window to see Spike
rising rather slowly off the pavement. She
turned around to look at the doctors and nurses
tending to Xander and Willow. "Are they both
going to be ok?" she asked. When she got an
affirmative from both sides of the room, she
turned back around, knocked off a couple of big,
hanging pieces of glass still clinging to the
window, and jumped out after Spike. 

She hit the pavement and rolled to a standing
position, looked around, then took off after
Spike when she caught sight of him limping away
off in the distance. She knew she could catch up
to him easily enough since he was hurt, so she
merely kept pace with him, not bothering to stop
him until he got to a more secluded area. When
he finally entered a cemetery, she sped up and
tackled him hard against a gravestone. He yelped
in pain as his injured leg smashed into it. 
Buffy quickly maneuvered herself so she had her
knee in his back, and his head pressed hard into
the ground with one hand. With her other hand
she pulled a stake from her jacket and held it to
his back, right over his heart, and applied a lot
of pressure to it so that he knew how dire the
situation was for himself. "You'd better talk
fast, Spike! What is going on?" When he didn't
answer, she shoved the stake into his back about
an inch, stopping short of his heart. "Now!" she
spat.

"Alright, alright," he said. "Don't get carried
away. It wasn't what it appeared."

"You're stalling," she hissed as she grabbed a
handful of his hair, pulled his head up as high
as she could off the ground, then slammed it down
hard. "Try again!"

"Ok, you win," he said spitting dirt out. "To
make a long story short, I'm the one who
convinced Willow to bring you back, then I messed
with her head so she wouldn't know if she were
coming or going, and used her to do things for
me. Look, there's no need to stake me over this,
though. I can help you."

Buffy was stunned. "You mean Willow is really
innocent? She was just some pawn to you? 
She...wait a sec," buffy untangled her hand from
Spike's hair, then punched him hard on the side
of his face that was toward her so she'd have a
few seconds before he recovered. She quickly
checked the pockets of his coat until she found a
wad of money in one of them. "I think I'm
beginning to understand," she said bitterly. 
"But why did you have her bring me back? Surely
it would've been easier to get away with things
with no slayer around? And by the way, when did
you get the chip out and how?" she said as she
threw the money down and once again pushed his
head back into the ground.

"Oh, it's still in there. I just had the volume
toned down a bit is all." he answered somewhat
smugly.

"What?"

"Well, you see, I had a friend of mine sort of
tweak it since he couldn't figure out how to get
it out. Now it only tingles a bit when I hit or
bite someone. Nothing unbearable, though."

"You still didn't answer my other question. Why
did you have Willow bring me back?"

"Because I love you." Spike answered. Buffy
thought he almost sounded sincere.

"Yeah, you've said that before. I don't buy it,
though. If it were really love you wouldn't hurt
my friends, even without that chip in your head,"
Buffy said. "You may think it's love, but it's
probably just lust or something. You aren't
capable of warm, fuzzy feelings!"

"Like you?" Spike said craning his neck the best
he could to try and see her face so he could
guage her reaction.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Buffy
said defensively.

"It's bloody well obvious to just about everyone
that you're not right emotionally these days." he
said. Buffy briefly remembered her conversation
with Willow at the Magic Box. Willow had said
something to her about not showing the whole
range of human emotions.

"Your wrong, Spike. I'm feeling pissed-off right
now at you for hurting Xander and Willow!" Buffy
spat.

"Yes, but don't you see? The negative emotions
are the easy ones. The ones even we creatures of
the night are capable of. I know those are the
only ones you feel since you came back. You may
think you love Dawn and the others like you did
before, but it's just the shadow of rememberance
of love and friendship." Spike countered. He
paused to see if his words were having any affect
on her. When he saw she was processing what he
had said, he added, "Admit it slayer. You don't
feel love for your sister or friends any more
than I do."

"So that means I'm right. You really don't love
me!" Buffy said triumphantly.

'Damn, that wasn't the reaction I was looking
for.' Spike thought. "Well, sure I do," he said,
trying to get the upper hand in the argument
again. "If it were just lust like you say, I
would've just shagged you and been done with it;
but I didn't now did I?" 

Something clicked in Buffy's brain with his last
comment. "It was you! You're the one who raped
Willow!" she growled as her eyes narrowed at him.

'Shit!' Spike thought frantically. "Rape is such
a strong word, in my opinion." he said trying to
stall some more until he could think of something
better to get himself out of this mess. He
suddenly felt himself roughly hauled to his feet
by his hair, spun around, and punched hard in the
face. 'Well, at least that stake's out of my
back.' he thought as he stumbled backwards. But
before he could regain his composure, Buffy hit
him hard in the nose. "Ow." he said, bringing
his hands to his nose.

Buffy quickly grabbed the collar of his coat and
pulled him face-to-face with her. "Maybe I am
just working off the memories and not really
feeling," she hissed in his face. "But I
remember loving Willow with all my heart, and
you're going to pay for what you did to her!" 
With that, Buffy released him, took a big step
back, then delivered a bone-shattering kick to
his balls. He fell to his knees, clutched his
groin, and groaned in obvious pain. Buffy
smirked at his discomfort and let him feel it for
a while. Finally, she kneeled down in front of
him and yanked his head back hard with one hand,
while preparing to stake him in the chest with
the stake she still held in her other.

"Wait!" Spike yelled just as Buffy started her
forward trajectory toward his heart. "I can help
you get your soul back!"

"What makes you think it's missing?" Buffy said
glaring at him, her stake still held at the
ready. "Just because I don't feel right now? 
That'll come with time. I'm still just adjusting
to being back from heaven."

"Because when I fight you, my brain doesn't
tingle," Spike said quickly. "I told you the
chip is still there and tingles when I bite or
hit someone, but I feel absolutely nothing when I
hit you. That means you're soulless just like
all the other vamps or demons I can fight without
feeling anything in my head."

"You're lying!" Buffy yelled.

"No! I'm the one who found the right spell to
bring you back, so I know all about it. Look,
the others told me the urn got smashed by those
bikers toward the end of the spell. That means
your soul is stuck in limbo." he said.

"Pretend I believe you for just one second. So,
where is my soul and how do I get it back?" Buffy
said.

"Well, I don't know exactly how to get it back,
but I do know where it's at. A-and I can help
you get it back." he said. "I can go to the guy
who..."

"Where is it, then?" Buffy cut him off.

"Let me go, and I'll help you." Spike said, hope
rising in him again that he could get out of this
without being staked.

"Tell me and I'll consider it!" Buffy snapped.

"Alright," Spike drawled. "Willow has it." 
Buffy just stared at him stunned, not sure
whether or not to believe what he was saying. 
"It's true," he continued when saw Buffy's
hesitation. "She was the vessel--the focal
point. When the spell was interrupted and the
urn broken, your soul got stuck in her. Now, I
know we can put our heads together and figure out
a spell or something to get it back to you if
you'll just let me help." Buffy still looked
skeptical to him. She believed what he was
saying about the spell and her soul, she was just
debating whether or not to let him help. Spike
sensed this, and decided to try a slightly
different tactic. "And once Red knows
everything, you know she'll double over backward
to help, seeing as how she's in love with you and
all."

"Huh?" Buffy blinked a couple of times and
unintentionally let her grip loosen on both Spike
and the stake. Seeing his opportunity, Spike
summoned all his strength and hit her as hard as
he could square in the face. Buffy tumbled onto
her back and just lay there, unaware of Spike
hobbling off as fast as he could. 'Is it
possible?' Buffy thought as she lay there. 'Does
Willow really love me as much as I love her? Or
at least as much as I used to before I died?' 
Finally Buffy came to her senses enough to
realize Spike had gotten away. "Damn!" she
hollered as she rose from the ground. 'Spike's
not what's important now, though. He'll probably
skip town anyway,' she thought. 'I've got to get
back to Willow. If everything Spike said is
true, then there's a chance we could both be
happy.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------\
-------

Buffy sat in a chair next to Willow's hospital
bed. She held the witch's hand in both her own,
hoping today would be the day Willow woke up. It
had been three days since she had found
everything out from Spike. The doctors told her
Willow would come out of the coma ok sooner or
later. The redhead had been showing signs of
improvement even though she hadn't regained
consciousness yet. She tossed and turned a lot,
didn't need a respirator any more, and seemed to
respond really well whenever Buffy would talk to
her. Buffy released Willow's hand and stretched
in her seat, trying to work the kinks out of her
muscles from sitting there so long. As soon as
Buffy let go of her hand, Willow started
whimpering and rolled over on her side, facing
away from Buffy. She stood up and watched as
Willow wrestled with the hospital blanket in her
sleep. First Willow pulled the blanket up to her
chin. Then the witch tried her best to get a hold
on the part of the blanket that was draped over
her back, but was having difficulty reaching
behind and over her shoulder. Buffy realized
with a start what the girl was doing. Willow had
known Buffy was there, and felt safe--until Buffy
let go of her hand. To compensate, she was
trying to draw the blanket completely around
herself. 'Sort of like feeling warm and
protected in the womb.' Buffy thought. Buffy
shook herself out of her thoughts, took the chair
to the other side of the bed, and sat down again.
She gently folded back the blanket so she could
take Willow's hand in hers once more, then lay
her head down on the side of the bed to try and
get some sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------\
----------------

Willow slowly opened her eyes, but was greeted
with a stabbing pain. She quickly closed them
again and let the pain subside to a dull ache. 
She decided instead to try and take stock of her
surrounding without the use of her sight for now.
She concentrated on the sounds and smells around
her, and decided, without a doubt, she was in a
hospital. 'I guess I'm not dead.' she thought. 
She debated whether or not to try opening her
eyes again, but didn't want the pain, so she
opted not to. Suddenly she became aware of a
pressure on one of her arms. It wasn't
unbearable, but it was a little heavy. She still
didn't want to open her eyes for fear of the
pain, so she decided to try and gently move her
arm out from under whatever it was. 'I've
determined that I'm in a hospital, so it
shouldn't be a demon.' she reasoned. Besides, it
was soft and warm. Nothing like most demons or
vampires. Ever so slowly and carefully she
started to move her arm, and felt something stir
and groan in return. "Buffy?" she rasped,
wondering why the blonde was here. "Willow? You
awake?" Buffy said. Willow could hear the sleep
in Buffy's voice, and was now afraid to open her
eyes for fear of seeing hatred or blame on
Buffy's face. She didn't know what to think
about Buffy being there, so she slowly started to
move away, even though she knew she wouldn't get
very far.

Buffy saw the confusion and uncertainty on
Willow's face, not to mention some fear, and felt
a stab of guilt at being the cause of it. "Easy
Willow. Don't try to move too much. You're ok,
your safe now." Willow stopped moving. She felt
somewhat reassured by Buffy's gentle speech. 
"Can you open your eyes?" Buffy asked. Willow
felt like she heard genuine concern in Buffy's
voice that time.

"Uh, yeah. B-but it hurt my eyes and head the
first time I did." Willow answered.

"Wait a second," Buffy said. Willow felt and
heard Buffy get up. "The lights are fully on in
your room. Maybe it's the lights. I'll shut
them off and turn on the back light above your
bed." Buffy said as she did so. Willow saw it go
dark behind her eyelids, then heard a click
somewhere above her head and 'saw' a much dimmer
light. "Do you want to give it a try again?"
Buffy asked.

"O-okay." Willow squeaked. She slowly opened her
eyes again, blinking several times to try and
clear up the bluriness and ward off the small
amount of pain the little light above her bed
caused. Finally she focused on Buffy's face.

"Hey." Buffy said, reaching over to Willow to
brush away a stray lock of silky red hair. She
felt Willow tense up a bit as she touched her. 
"Will, it's ok," she said in as gentle a voice as
possible. "I know everything. I'm not mad at
you any more. God! I should have never been mad
at you to begin with. You didn't do anything
wrong, it was Spike--all Spike!" Buffy hissed out
the vampire's name with such venom that Willow
recoiled from Buffy, tensing up a second time. 
Seeing this, Buffy tried again. "Geez, Will. 
I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound reassuring.
"It's just that, when I think about what he did
to you, it makes my blood boil. Even more so
when I think about how I blinded myself to what
was going on." Buffy saw Willow start to open
her mouth, and quickly, but gently, put a finger
over Willow's lips. "Shh, don't say it, Will. I
know you'll try to put at least some of the blame
on yourself, but don't. Now, I don't know
exactly what Spike said or did to you while I was
dead, but I know he manipulated and used you, and
I should have been there for you once I was back.
If I wouldn't have been so self-absorbed and
feeling sorry for myself, I could have stopped
him from hurting you any further," Buffy looked
at Willow with pleading eyes, "Can you ever
forgive me?" she asked softly.

Willow sighed, relieved everything was more or
less out in the open. "Of course Buffy," she
said, tears starting to well up in her eyes. She
was happy things looked like they were going to
be ok between them. "But I could have stopped
Spike, too. I just blindly believed everything
he told me because I wanted it to be..." Willow
was cut off.

"Hey, I said none of that." Buffy silenced
Willow's self-recriminations. Willow knew Buffy
was serious, so just nodded and stopped talking. 
"Besides," Buffy continued, "There's actually
some positive that may have come from Spike while
you were out," she said, gathering Willow's hands
in her own.

"D-did you kill him, Buffy?" Willow asked.

"No. I was going to, but he got away," Buffy
answered. Seeing a twinge of fear pass through
Willow's eyes, she added, "But I don't think
he'll dare show his face around here again, now. 
And if he does, I promise I won't let him hurt
you again. I'll die before I let that happen."
Buffy finished, giving Willow's hands a firm
squeeze. 'God,' Buffy thought, 'I can almost
feel my love for her even without my soul!' With
that thought, she slowly leaned forward and
brushed her lips tentatively against Willow's. 
Willow froze for a moment, unsure, then let the
wonderful feeling wash over her and deepened the
kiss a little. 

Suddenly Willow couldn't breathe--couldn't move. 
Her eyes went wide in fear and panic, and then
she saw and felt a thin, white strand of light
come from her mouth and flow slowly into Buffy's.
Buffy pulled her head back from Willow's a bit
as the energy flowed into her. Finally it
stopped, and Willow gasped for air as Buffy's
head fell forward onto the bed. "Buffy!" Willow
shouted as she released Buffy's hands to shake
her friend's shoulders. "Hey, are you ok? 
Buffy!" she yelled, frantically shaking her.

Buffy lifted her head and looked at Willow. 
Buffy's eyes were wet with unshed tears, and
Willow saw pure joy and love in them. "I'm fine,
Will."

"What was that?" Willow asked.

"I just found my soul." Buffy answered.
-----------------------------------------------------

END


--- In buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "nergal314" <nergal@s...> 
wrote:
> Im looking for a fic that takes place in season 6
> 
> I dont remember much about it exept that Willow was kicked out from 
> Buffys house for some reason and lived in a dirty apartment were 
> spike forced her to take drugs and raped her 
> 
> Buffy finds out what spike did and gets willow to the hospital or 
> something like that and in the end buffy finds out that the reason 
> she cant feel anything is because willow has her soul inside her 
and 
> willow give it back and then they confess their love for 
eachother...
> 
> Anyone know were I can find it?