Ep 7.17: "Lies Joss Whedon Told Me" --my review

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WARNING!!!

The following review contains foul language, white-hot hatred of the
Spike and Buffy characters and deep-seated loathing of Mutant Enemy.
Anyone who doesn't want to read that sort of thing--DON'T READ THIS!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Spoiler Space

I mean it

I really mean it.

If you don't want to read it, 

don't read it

Just hit "delete" 

and go, already

I said,

go.

Okay?


Okay, here we go. I went back to the "notes on a scorecard" type of
thing. Only cleaned up and stretched out a few of these, afterwards.

TEASER:

1) Robin **saw** Spike fight NIkki? WTF? If he had any idea who it
was, he should have been telling Buffy "bleached blond, punk style,
about 5' 6" or so" back in "First Date", not needing First!SlayaMama to
clue him in, or needing to ask questions about Spike in "Get it Done" to
confirm his theory. And those eps were only 2 and 3 eps ago. ME really
has no idea what "continuity" means, do they?

2) "The mission is what matters"--Nikki. Oh, so I guess **all**
Slayers are supposed to be joyless drips like this season's General
Buffy, huh? Apparently, Kendra was a party animal by comparison. Good
to know :p

ACT !:

3) When Robin is confused about Spike and the soul/chip/trigger thing,
they missed a perfect opportunity for Giles to say "I could make some
flashcards for you" :)

4) Boy, Spike, you really fed Giles that straight line about there not
being any room for your brain in there, didn't you? You should know
better than that...

5) Awww, It's Mother :) Let's see Spike kill her, okay?

6) Cecily's name is Addams, not "Underwood". A continuity glitch; I'm
shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

7) I don't know why seeing Triggered!Spike should get Wood's dander up.
It's not like he was wavering on whether to kill him before this.

ACT 2:

8) Anya and the swim cap--EW!

9) Oooh, I missed Dru in the credits! Cool.

10) His first day as a vamp, and William wants to conquer Europe. Yeah,
he was a real sweetie, all right...

11) Nuh-uh! VampWilliam needed an invite! That's a mistake; it's not
like this is "his" house. (For confirmation, see "Angel" ep 1.15, "The
Prodigal", where Angelus needs an invite to get into Liam's house.)
 
12) And he doesn't want to kill Mother? The hell?? "Family blood
tastes the sweetest", remember?? (No. They don't. More's the pity.)

13) I know they need an excuse why Buffy isn't in "Orpheus", but Willow
lying to Buffy is just *ugh*. And if Buffy had a brain, she'd know
something was up and ask questions. Of course, if Buffy had a brain,
we'd have to throw the whole season out.

14) I like the fact that Giles knows all the Slayers and their Watchers.
There's an enormous history there that should have been explored.
Someone once posited that somewhere in England, the Council has a
gallery devoted to the history of the Slayers, from cave paintings to
crude sculptures to portraits to photographs to video, with notes and
rememberences of each one. In that "Wood tortures Buffy to death" fic
I've been writing in my head for some time, I see him tossing out names
and histories of all these brave women whose sacrifices Buffy has now
betrayed and disgraced. (My current favorite method of execution
involves a welder's torch and Buffy's uterus.)

15) However, I don't like Giles backstabbing. It's ridiculously OOC.

16) Giles sure as hell IS Buffy's Watcher! See "Checkpoint" (He may
not be getting so well paid after Council Central went boom, but
still...)

17) Not only should Spike be able to see the crosses in the dark, but he
should feel them, too. Indeed, so many cruciform should have reduced
him to a cowering blob in the middle of the room. As shown in "Buffy
the Vampire Slayer" (way, way back, when that show was on the air), the
cross doesn't have to be in physical contact for the vampire to cringe
under its power.

18) "I've killed a lot of people's mothers." Man, that is one
**seriously** crappy soul Spike got stuck with.

19) Wood triggering Spike--good stuff! And the plot moves! (Most eps
would save this for the Act 3 climax.)

ACT 3:

20) The fight is silly. Wood is in no way as strong as Spike.

21) "Limp"?? Nice retcon on the newly-turned Spike.

22) EW! EW! EW! Why are they trying to make us like Spike this way?
[edited to clarify that this is about the incestuous longings that
Mother points out he has, and how hurt he is that she rejects him.]

23) So where was all this Dawn-killing when we needed it?

24) "I don't give a piss about your mother"--FUCK YOU

25) "They fight alone" --FUCK YOU!

26) "Not well enough to quit" --YOU CAN'T QUIT, ASSHOLE

27) Alas, this [ed. note: Spike biting Robin] is another tease--NO one
dies during a commercial [clarification: people always survive
cliffhangers; if there's a death, they show it and have that be what we
go to commercial on. Basic rule of television.]

ACT 4:

28) Motherfucker takes the coat back. Of course.

29) At least Giles points out the difference [ed: between Angel and
Spike], so maybe Buffy IS supposed to be stupid.

30) Buffy chastising Wood--loathesome. (Much as I'd like to think that
this is on purpose, it's probably not.)

31) Once upon a time, Buffy could understand others' p.o.v.s. That's
why Xander won the arguments. That's gone now.

WRAP-UP:

32) Logically, Robin should now kill Buffy and Spike. They're both
evil, and they're endangering everyone around them. Go, Robin!

33) Nice that being proved blatantly wrong about her assertion that
Spike could no longer be triggered led to such a reexamination of her
other ideas about Spike, huh?

34) Gee, I guess Xander went to LA, too.

35) Much as I'd like to believe that we're supposed to think Buffy is
an asshole and Spike is more evil now than presouling, it's obvious that
we're not. Buffy's repeating NIkki's "the mission is what matters" line
is ME's way of cuing us that Buffy, and not Robin, understands what's
important, just as Nikki did. And therefore her cherishing Spike's
oh-so-valuable help (a mildly strong fighter--who gets his ass
regularly kicked by Angel--against an **incorporeal** enemy) is right,
even if he is an unrepentant murderer who has willfully murdered with
the soul, and only spared Wood out of sympathy (or possibly fear of
retaliation) and not because murdering defenseless humans is wrong, or
anything. The idea that Spike would be within his rights to kill Wood,
in what is no longer a self-defense situation, or that Buffy would
support this, is pathetic.

Likewise, any fantasies that this is all a dream or Buffy will do a
u-turn are nothing but fantasies. ME would not deliberately set up
episodes to vindicate Buffy's seemingly insane viewpoint, if they really
thought that she was insane.

36) When someone asked why Robin has to be Nikki's son, and not, let's
say, the son of the teacher Spike killed for fun in "School Hard", I
figured because this way, Buffy gets to forgive Spike on Robin's behalf.
Nikki was a Slayer, Buffy is a Slayer and it's not Robin's place to
avenge Nikki--it's Buffy's.

And she forgives Spike, because forgiveness is such a wonderful thing
and he has a soul now, blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah. 

Nice to know I can call them coming . Sad to know that it's because ME
will always live down to my worst expectations.

SUMMARY AND GRADE:  

Competently executed in the first half, various continuity gaffes aside.
The second half sucked more shit that a giant dragon snacking on a sewer
pipe.

And the sad thing? Since it was half-competent, it still wasn't as bad
as a lot of others. I mean, "Lessons" and "Grave" and "Flooded" were
both vile AND pathetic. This was probably more vile than "Dead Things"
(Buffy willing to kill innocents for Spike is worse than her merely
chuckling at Spike's wacky tales of killing humans), but not quite as
filthy as "Seeing Red" or "Villians" (Buffy pines for her rapist and
defends him to Xander). D, maybe D--

And I'm probably being ridiculously generous. Anything that I can
honestly say I hate should simply be an F. So let me revise the list:

"Flooded" (Buffy smiles when Spike "jokes" about killing her family and
friends)

"Dead Things" (Buffy laughs at Spike's kooky tale of killing the
decorator, because it's not like the decorator had family or friends or
hopes or dreams or deserved to live or anything)

"Villians" (Buffy defends her rapist, wants to leave her virginal
15-year-old sister with him, and is upset to find he's left town)

"Lessons" (Buffy cuddles under her rapist's touch)

and this stinking piece of shit ALL suck. They all get an F.

There, I feel better now.

FINAL THOUGHT:

About the only positive thing that could now happen on this show is if
Giles puts Buffy down like the mad dog she's become. Yes, I'm now
rooting for Buffy's violent death. Way to go, ME.

I'm sure I'll pussy out of this before April 22 rolls around, but at
this point I can't see any reason to watch. What are we going to see
that's worth watching? Emotion-packed scenes when Faith returns? Yeah,
as if. And even if, so what?

Spike is the hero. Buffy loves him. Spike has nothing to apologize
for, ever, and Buffy will kill anyone who looks cross-eyed at him. And
we're supposed to applaud this. Three seconds of interaction between
the minor characters (um, Zander, Gills, and that girl who's named after
the tree, whoever she is) won't matter against this backdrop.

Why watch? Whatever is the point? I honestly don't care if Eliza
plays all her scenes full-frontal naked at this point.

Goodbye, forever. (And please God, let me have the stones to keep that
vow.)