"Dirty Girls" --SPOILERS for ep

[danspector@xxxxxxxxx]

(As per usual--gee, thanks, ME!--much bitterness and cussing below.)


SPOILER

SPACE

because 

I'm 

not 

quite 

the 

man 

I 

like 

to 

think

I 

am


Okay, despite my utter loathing for what the show has become, I decided
to take advantage of my DVR's capabilities and skim through this
episode, setting a basic rule: I'd only watch a scene if it had Willow
or Faith in it, and did NOT have Spike. I had two key reasons for this:

1) I wanted to see the "Buffy and Faith meet again" scene...

...which naturally ME and Drew "Mr. Spuffy" Goddard promptly shoved
Spanky the Wonder Jackass right into. And of course, Faith, who's
kicked Angel's ass not once but twice, can't beat the great and mighty
Cheekbones (even though that same Angel has been shown wiping the floor
with Captain Platinum's bony ass). What's continuity or a minor plot
point like Slayers being stronger than vampires, compared to the chance
to make the Marstersbator look kewl?

Also, why is the "helpless girl" vampire running from Spike with her
human face on? Spike's in game face, why is she still pretending to be
human? Oh, so she can be protected by some helpful bystander, huh?
Yeah, and that completely explains why she, rather than getting away,
comes back and attacks Faith, one against three, in vampface. Riiight.
Oh, I know, we had to have a Faith/Spike mixup and fight (because it's
so much more important to show Faith interacting with Spike than with,
say, Buffy) and we had to make sure that Faith was in the wrong.
Gotcha.

2) I also wanted to see the "Buffy finds out that Willow went behind
her back and brought Faith back to Sunnydale" scene. Lot of
opportunities for character conflict and strong emotions, right?

...except that the scene doesn't exist. In fact, I can't recall if
Buffy had one line directed at Willow the whole episode.

3) Willow/Faith scene at the hospital was an unexpected chance to see
these two characters interact, which would be good...

,,,except that it ended up with mean ol' Willow having to profusely
apologize for endangering Faith by not arranging to break out the woman
who:

? Killed Allan Finch (Murder, second degree, because she acted "with
reckless disregard for human life")

? Tried to frame Buffy for her crime

? Tried to rape Xander, but changed her mind and instead:

? Tried to murder Xander

? Ratted out Willow to the Mayor and stood by while he arranged
Willow's murder (Will may not know about this, admittedly).

? Tried to steal Angel's soul, twice. (And unlike those of us who
had to sit through this year's "Angel" episodes, Willow still remembers
Angelus as being serious bad news.)

? Tried to torture and murder Buffy

? Tried to murder Willow in an extremely painful manner

? Murdered Lester Worth

? Tried to murder Angel

? Allied in a plot to end the world

? Tried to murder Joyce (and, as apparently everyone remembers it,
tried to murder Dawn, too) 

? Stole Buffy's body

? Had sex with Riley, which was either raping Buffy (forcing her body
to have sex against her mind's consent) or raping Riley (sex obtained
via deceit is rape under British law) or was at least not a nice thing
to do

? Tried to murder Angel, again, and 

? Tortured Wesley

Gosh, Willow, what an awful person you are for not getting Faith out of
jail! Apologize some more, you evil bitch!

4) The scene with Faith in the basement with His Shirtlessness. I
actually skipped ahead past a Faith scene. There's no excuse for ME
making me do that.

5) Although the Faith montage is yet another cheesy device (a clip show,
narrated by Fucking Andrew?), I did enjoy the "Faith beats up a Vulcan"
joke at the end. Andrew was much more enjoyable this episode....because
I fast-forwarded every other time the camera was on him.

6) Nathan Fillion

Now, I LIKE Nathan Fillion. I liked him on "Two Guys and Girl", for
pete's sake. I think one of the key problems with "Saving Private Ryan"
is Matt Damon's godawful unbelievable performance and it's clearly
pointed up by the fact that Nathan Fillion, in his two minutes of
screentime as the "wrong" Private Ryan, blows Damon's performance out of
the water by giving far more believable and powerful emotional work. I
dug Fillion on "Fireflop", and Mal was my favorite character there
(although there's much to be said for Simon).

But this was just lame. A talky cartoon villain, with Fillion clearly
shoved into the role (just like with Gina Torres on "Angel") because
Joss wuvvs his widdle "Failedfly" cast, who are all such wonderful
people (and not at all like that bitch SMG, a nasty comparison that Joss
went out of his way to make in the press). Not entertaining, I fast
forwarded through almost all of his scenes, and I'm quite offended by
the fact that Joss's asskissing of Fillion extended to giving him the
"Special Guest Star" credit, right alongside Anthony Stewart Head and
Eliza Dushku.

Yeah, sure, because when I look back on this show, I'm going to be
thinking of Giles and Faith and What's-His-Face as being equally
important. Right.  

Nice to know that you can bust your ass for five years on the show like
ASH did, and you get exactly as much respect from the boss as some guy
JW gift-wrapped a role for because Joss is still upset that "Six-guns in
Space" crashed and died. Feh. 

7) Buffy and Wood

I actually slowed the fast-forward here for a second, because I have
some interest in Wood. His non-interest in Buffy's "magnaminous"
gesture was good, and I was cheering when he fired her incompetent ass.
But then it became something he was doing for her own good, because her
burdens are too tough, and all she wants is to be left alone with her
beloved Ice Penis...and I was right back on fast-forward again.

8) Buffy and Faith, doin' it in the woods

(Okay, so "it" was only talking, but let me have my fun)

Such a horrible shutdown performance by SMG. Again, presumably what
they're going for, but why? It was like seeing Eliza act against a
brick wall. 

9) Xander's fantasy

Fun to see Xander having some fun, even if they're just buttmonkeying
him again making it clear that he could have dozens of women around him
and he still won't even have a prayer of getting any. You thought that
the SiTs were peeking at him in the shower (as mentioned in "Get it
Done") because they might be interested in the only man around who's not
three times their age or dead or a gay weenie? Boy, were you wrong.

10) Xander's speech

Strong and inspiring work from NB...

...except that it was just another case of ME "telling" rather than
"showing". 

I mean, really, "She's earned your trust", he said? Not this year she
hasn't, nor last. Xander is great in that scene, Faith is great--and
Buffy's a pod person. I wouldn't trust her to tie her shoes at this
point.

11) Xander's fate

Well, gee, now he doesn't have to be Boring Normal Guy any more! He's
got a "kewl" injury! Not as sexy as St. Sunkencheeks, but it's a start.  

(Actually, I completely missed this, since the Fast-forward was on all
throughout Act 4. Oh, Buffy got beat by the new baddie, what an
exciting episode. Not at all like the one they're rerunning next week,
either ["Bring on the Night"]. You know, once upon a time, having
trouble with the subvillain was just something that filled up the middle
of the episode and then we actually got a climax at the climax, instead
of trying to pass off two fights as an arc.)

While I never was one of those who said they were sticking around to the
finale just so they could be sure that Buffy, Willow, and Xander would
make it to the end of the series safe and sound (my ambitions for the
show are greater than that), at least those people have a reason to stop
watching now. As First!Jenny said in "Amends" (and any shot of Robia
LaMorte in the "Previously" segment is a delight, I admit), "I wanted to
die in bed, surrounded by fat grandchildren, but I guess that's off the
menu."

Same here. I now have absolutely nothing to tempt me to watch this
show. No interactions of any consequence between B/F/W, no safety for
the characters I've been so invested in, and of course (hell, it goes
without saying) no chance that the show will be good television or have
snappy dialogue, or present Buffy as anything other than a mad dog whom
someone should just Old Yeller out of everyone else's misery, or not end
up being all about Twiggy the Wonder Chimp, and his shiny, free-pass,
no-guilt-required soul.

The next episode could have PoorWiddleWillums tearing Willow's flesh
into ghastly strips so that he can play bongos on her rib cage and drink
blood out of her severed head while Buffy ( *spits at the name*) strokes
his peroxided head and tells him that she loves him, and I honestly
wouldn't give a fuck.   

There is not one single second of this show that I have any remaining
curiousity or interest in seeing. So that's it, goodbye.

I mean it this time. Really. Really.

Dan

PS--I do, of course, exempt the possibility that we get Dallased at the
end and Buffy wakes to find that it's all been a dream. I'd watch that
scene but not the rest of the episode.

PPS--Not that I'd care to watch the rest of the ep to find out, but how
did Kissass know that Xander was "the one who sees"? Was he there for
one of NB's rousing speeches, or is this just ME being their usual
crappy self and having the villains be aware of the staff
meta-commentary and thematic conception when there's no on-screen reason
for this?

PPPS--I can't believe that I skipped most of an episode with Faith.

I can't believe that I'm leaving FOUR ENTIRE FAITH EPS completely
unwatched.  

This is worse than bad TV. It's like a crime against Manhood or
something.  

Fucking ME.