After Mission Briefing: Operation Koala Liberation

["ShadowDrake" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads; United Vegetable Empire; and all other concerned parties.
FROM: Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: After Mission Briefing: Operation Koala Liberation

:: Secret Gutter and Woods Outback Bunker - 2200 hours ::  

A small group of Gutter and Woods Outback Commandoes and Chief Undies-Liberators gather to debrief and celebrate the successful raid against the evil adult-type beings and Koala-nappers. The band, made up of one daring Silent Panicky Gopher wearing a miner's helmet {with a black light attachment} and armed with a grenade/potato launching machine gun, two 9mm handguns strapped to his legs, twin bandoliers across his chest, a katana peeking over one shoulder and an Indian Jones bullwhip hanging off his weapons belt. OnePurring Fruit Draining Menace wearing a bomber pilot's jacket a '50 mission crush' WW2 officer's cap and armed with a {liberated} double Light sabre,machine gun with bandolier and a flare gun tucked into her belt. The hulking form of the Were-Badger in his trademark leathers with the Seer tucked up under one arm who was currently whispering sweet nothings in his ear andtrying to get him to take her for another ride on the Harley. A winged Gremlin armed with twin shoulder holsters and a pair of bat-sized handcuffs sticking out of her back pocket in a corner holding a hushed conversation with Tater the head of the United Vegetable Empire who helped pick the potatoes to be used in the Gopher's grenade/potato launcher as well as the dropping off of a can of Okra jacked up on corn-liquor - let the evil adults dealwith that!!  

An Alligator in Predator armour who is leaning against a wall with the Slayer's little sister cuddled up to his side muttering something about her 'cuddle gator being so brave and strong'. The Slayer's little sister clad in Sailor fuku (pale lavender) and armed with a bat'leth and a machine crossbow and Amazon knife. Also present was the little hacker and kick-ass Mage whom's use of assorted spells, incantations and personal 'friendship' with the Chosen Two and all around sexiness ensured the raid would stay a success. The Chosen Two clad in their familiar leather carrying their traditional slaying gear and the Vulcan Gatling gun that Faith {liberated} from that down Apache Attack Helicopter. And finally a shadowy form standing in the far corner sharpening her duelling sword, a smirk tugging at the corners ofher half-hidden mouth, silently studying the Koala while making preparations for their welcome home duel for the fate of the Hacker's footy pygmies.

In the centre of the little group is one weary sun-blocked greased Koala wrapped in a blanket wearing a camouflaged lampshade, a cup of hot spiked jungle juice held in shaky hands as he slowly recounts his harrowing escape and rescue from the evil sun-loving adults. In a low, battle-choked voice hebegins his tale starting with..."There I was... lost at the beach, my combat boot eaten by rats... the other filled with sand as I crawled my way along the dunes trying to make like a greased down tumble weed and hoping thatnone of the adults would start to wonder who was humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. I had just made it to the top of the really big dune the adults were using to hide the Snow Cone cart and water fountain when I heard it... the low rumble of the Scooter Tramp Were-Badger's All-terrain Harley.No mistaking that sound... it gets into your bones and sooths your soul when you hear it.. knowing that it's coming for you to take you home... or to the nearest bar - whichever comes first."  

"Behind it was the Gopher's hovertank... I was wishing it was mine... then I remembered that I left the keys with the Dark Slayer in payment for that little 'accident' with her bedroom wall while trying to install that hiddencamera for the next time she pounced on the hacker. I... kept control of my emotions... I knew I was still in 'Adult' territory and had to stay sharp... Shad would kill me if I got the rescue team captured by giving them all away by jumping up and down and cheering like a fool. Then I saw it... my crazy, demented twin... on top of the hovertank - I'm a vampire Koala after all I can see very good in the dark... and I remember to swipe a pair of night-vision goggles before I made my break - aiming something at the night sky. She fired... and lit up the night sky with a flare in the shape ofthe 'Golden Slayer'... it was a beautiful sight.. made me proud to be a corrupter of the innocent and wayward resident of the Woods Outback and Gutter."  

Of course that got the Evil-adult's attention too... and the fire fight started, but hell I think that was part of the plan... got to let the rescue team shoot off their weapons or they are positively grumpy the rest of the way home. I know.. I've been on enough panty raids. And as the Adults sentin the reinforcements to take me back I saw the hovertank swing around andopen fire.. wet noodle launcher blaring in the night sky... most of those poor adults never saw them coming... they were just 'BAM!" covered in really hugs noodles... in an herb sauce... it was great." :: the Koala's eyes lighting up with an inner light of mayhem ::

"And I DID mean to do that rolling tumble flip down the other side of the dune... it was the quickest way down aside from sitting on my ass and sliding down - and a hell of a lot easier on the seat of my pants. Sand-burns are not fun! I don't care what Quin is claiming... I did not trip. I recall I looked up and I saw her... the hacker herself running toward me... withthat purring menace of a little beast of a fruit bat tucked into a pouch on the redhead's backpack firing at the adults as she helped me up and guided me toward the waiting hovertank and freedom. I was in shock I tell you... after looking at so much sand and greasing myself down with sun block so I wouldn't go 'poof' at the beach... so long without my friends I had to crawl into the Golden Slayer's lap and get a kiss on the forehead and/or nosefrom her... I just had to. I don't remember the ride home... the running battle with the Evil Adults the entire way, the spray paint cannons fired by little Matt from the turret of my hovertank that was posted at our extraction point... gods - I bet - he's gotten so big ... bet he's up to my knee at least now. I only vaguely heard the cheer as Faith brought down that pursuing attack helicopter before being gathered into my sire's arms and being pulled out of the Gopher's hover tank and to the waiting airplane to be flown home once again." :: the Koala paused in his story taking the time tolook at each and everyone of his friends who thought enough about him to mount a heavy assault aimed raid to get him back instead of waiting for him at the Gutter International Airport and Intergalactic Wormhole - under the statues of the fabled Kimber and Rodrigo throwing pies at each other - like sane people would have ::  

"For the love of all things concerning Mayhem... Shad... why did you let Faith 'flash' that Apache 'Copter??!! And did any of you think to get it on tape for me??"

:: and so it continues on into the night, the debriefing and swapping of war stories and alibis in case the evil adults can rally a counter-strike and/or legal proceeding for destruction of property and making them wet themselves when the can of Okra dropped in ::


ShadowDrake -

Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn. Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

"I do not brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002

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