Fic: A Fresh Start The Sequel 3/3 B/W

["Ida" <angel_v7@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: A Fresh Start the Sequel
Rating: PG - NC17
Author: angel_v7 : angel_v7@xxxxxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters I just like to play with them a 
little
Spoilers: Season 7 through to the end of the season
Pairing: Buffy and Willow of course!
Distribution: http://wiffy.cjb.net
Feedback: Yes Please!

Part 3

12 months Later?.

Willow's POV

Buffy and I have been through a lot the past 12 months we have been 
together. Our relationship started out so wonderful. We made love 
all the time. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. The love 
that we shared was so intense and amazing, I can't imagine loving 
anyone else the way I love Buffy Summers.  

I sit here remembering back to the moment I first met her. I saw 
her for the first time while I was drinking water on her first day 
of school at Sunnydale High. Cordelia Chase had been trying to get 
her claws into her. Thank the goddesses that she chose not to go 
down that path. She introduced herself to me and we became the best 
of friends. I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her.

I was by her side through it all. The Master, Angelus, Spike, 
Drusilla, Faith, The Mayor, Adam, Glory, The Nerds, The First and 
also me at one stage. I think back to all those hard times, and I 
have loved her every moment. I remember once saying to her, "It's a 
good fight Buffy and I want in". That same conversation I remember 
her telling me, "I kinda love you."

She'd had boyfriends, God she loved Angel with her very soul, and he 
caused her so much pain and heartache. Then there was Parker, Riley 
and the very last guy was Spike. I still shudder at the thought that 
Buffy felt so alone and tortured herself so much that she had let 
that creep touch her. She never had a very good run with the boys. I 
now know from what she told me, is that she had always loved me and 
she knew it would never work with any men, especially the ones that 
had been in her life.

I'd had Oz, my love for Xander and most importantly Tara. I think I 
realized just how much I loved Buffy when I accepted in my heart 
that I was into girls. I did love Tara with my whole heart too, 
that's why I lost control when she was taken from me so violently, 
but I know I had loved Buffy unconditionally at the very same time. 
I also ended a relationship I started with Kennedy because my heart 
was always Buffy's. 

My heart will always be Buffy's, but sadly I can't be with her at 
the moment. I can't even think of being with her for some time to 
come. It's complicated. I love her and I know she loves me, but too 
much has happened and I feel nothing has changed. I need to learn 
to trust her again before we can live happily ever after. So I broke 
it off with her. 

Buffy's POV

Ok. Well I think I have a lot to be upset about. I don't just 
think, I know. My heart is aching and nothing anyone could say or do 
would fix that. No, I take that back. One thing would fix my aching 
heart. That one thing would be earning the trust back of the one 
person I have ever truly loved, my Willow. 

I miss her and love her with all my heart. The hardest thing in the 
world for me at the moment is to wake up and try to continuing 
living life every day without her by my side. I will do that though. 
I have to. I'll get up everyday and live with my pain, but I will do 
everything that is necessary to get Willow back. 

It all started off on the wrong foot. I wanted to start my life 
with Willow, but I really hadn't gone through everything I needed 
to, to be able to do that completely. I guess over the last 12 
months those things just kept popping up. No matter how much I loved 
her or she loved me, it just wasn't enough to keep our relationship 
alive.

The first few months of our relationship were great. I didn't think 
we would ever break up, but I still had trouble living with my past, 
things just kept coming back up and biting me on the bum. Spike 
resurfaced at Angel Inc and that was not fun. He constantly tried to 
come between Willow and I and I didn't do anything major to stop 
him. I let him drive a rift between us so huge that Willow didn't 
know what to believe anymore.  

I slept with him one night after patrol. It had been a busy night, 
lots of vamps and I don't know why that happened. I wanted to let go 
of the past so much, I made a mistake that I can't take back and I 
know it cost me dearly. It wasn't even because of Spike, or because 
of the sex, it was all me. I need some time to grow, to know I won't 
do something like that ever again and let Willow down. 

I fail at everything I do, including relationships. I have not had 
one lasting relationship in my entire life. Being The Slayer has so 
much to do with it. With Willow though, I wasn't being completely 
honest, I tried to be in our relationship without first having dealt 
with all my problems from the past. In the end it was just too much 
for Willow. So she let me go.

I'm working on that now. Everything right now is extra difficult to 
deal with. I have so much pain inside of me that I have never dealt 
with before. I know I need to get through this pain, face my 
skeletons in my closet and grow to be someone that can love and be 
loved no pain, no mistakes. I know that in the end it'll be worth 
the pain, the heartache. In the end, I'll have my Willow. The way it 
is meant to be.

The End