Life is Short (revamped) Part 7a/7

["TheBear" <thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Life is Short (Revamped)

Author: The Bear!

Spoilers: kinda spins away from Welcome to the Hellmouth, and there's
elements of the Harvest as well, so no real spoilers, unless you've
never seen the show at all.

Pairing: B/W

Summary: Buffy moves to a new town looking for a fresh start, and maybe
a new love.

Warnings: NC17 (but not really till part 7) 

Disclaimer: If I owned 'em, they'd have to show it on the Ecstasy
Network.

Author's Note: If you've read this before, you're in for a surprise!
It's nearly twice as long, and extensively revamped, so, give it another
shot!

========== BtVS ==========

Part 7

========== BtVS ==========

"You love me, don't you?" Buffy asked morosely.

The slayer was sitting on her bed, leaned up against the headboard. She
was quietly stroking the pink fur of her favorite stuffed animal, Mr.
Gordo.

The stuffed pig gave no answer to Buffy's question.

'This is like the worst day in the history of bad days!' Buffy thought.
She reached up and wiped her face as more tears ran down her cheeks.
The great heaving sobs had finally abated, but the flow of tears had
only diminished, not stopped. 

'My chest hurts,' she thought as she tried to take a deep, hitching
breath. 'Some tough, super-hero chick I am!'

'I wish you were here, Willow," the tearstained blonde whispered for the
hundredth time in the last few hours. "I wish I was holding you right
now. I know everything would be ok if I could just look into your
eyes... kiss your lips... smell your hair..."

She closed her eyes and recalled the sensations from this morning as she
had her good morning 'greeting' with her girlfriend. 'God, Willow I am
so in love with you. I still don't understand how it happened so fast!
It's like you were made for me or something... we just fit so perfect.'


'And I want you so bad!' Buffy's loving thoughts turned a little more
carnal. 'It's practically all I can think about half the time! I want
your skin on my skin, I wanna touch you everywhere...' she felt a wave
of warmth through her body. 'I wanna taste you... everywhere! Oh God!
Bad Buffy! Jeeze you'd think I was a teenage boy as much as I think
about sex lately.'

Unfortunately, thinking of Willow without thinking of sex brought up
unpleasant thoughts. "That bitch Cordelia better not even come within a
hundred yards of you Willow! If she hurts you I'll..." Buffy ground her
teeth as some rather terrible imagery played out in her head.

"You better hope you just get killed if some vamp gets to you... cause
if you get turned, you and me are gonna party bitch!" she growled.

The ringing of the phone snapped Buffy out of her violent daydream. "Oh
gosh! Sorry Mr. Gordo!" she cried as she realized she'd compressed her
stuffed pig into a little ball. She tried to fluff him back out into
shape as her emotional state flip-flopped from anger, back to sorrow and
self pity.

"Oh no, look what I did! You're all lopsided, Mr. Gordo!" Fresh tears
began to roll down her face as she thought, 'God, can this day get any
worse!?'

"She what!?" Buffy was startled as her mother's strangled cry from
downstairs. She'd been distracted by Mr. Gordo's dilemma, and had
forgotten the phone entirely.

"Well, I guess that answer's that question." Buffy said as she heard her
mother completing her phone conversation in a much quieter tone. "I
wonder what I did now?" she muttered dejectedly.

After several minutes of silence, Buffy said, "Maybe she's not..."

The slow tread of feet coming up the stairs cut Buffy off.

"I gotta quit saying stuff!" the younger Summers muttered darkly.

'This is so unfair!' she thought, building up the worst case scenario in
her mind as she listened to the doorknob turn. 'I didn't even do
anything! Oh, except save all their lives! Huh, that'll teach me!' 

Buffy hugged Mr. Gordo tightly to her chest, unconsciously drawing her
knees up in front of her. Tears welled in her eyes again, and she
dropped her gaze down. 

'I can't... I just can't stand to look at her face and see that angry,
disappointed, 'You're a terrible daughter' look, not again,' she thought
as she remembered the expression on her mother's face when she sent
Buffy to her room earlier. 

Her chest ached with angst, and it was all she could do not to begin
crying again as her mother entered the room.

She might be the bane of vampiric existence, but right now Buffy was a
sixteen year old girl who, already feeling abandoned by her father, was
in a very fragile state. She was furious with Cordelia and her little
clique, worried about Willow, and terrified that her mother now hated
her for something that she didn't even do. Plus, there was the pressure
of holding the very survival of the world on her shoulders- and being
thought of as a freak by those who she was supposed to protect. To top
it off, there was the fear of maternal rejection for being in love with
another girl, 

"Buffy?" her mother's voice was deceptively soft.

Unable to lift her eyes up to meet her mother's gaze, Buffy drew herself
up even more tightly and whispered, "Please don't be mad. I... I don't
mean to make things hard for you...

"Oh Buffy!" her mom said.

Taking her mother's tone of voice as disapproving, Buffy began to bawl.
Something in her snapped, and all her fears, recriminations and
self-doubts came surging out of the deep, dark recesses of her mind.
Hot, bitter tears poured down her face, and anguish poured out of her as
she wailed, "I'm sorry!" Buffy collapsed onto her side, curled into a
tight ball of pain. "Please don't hate me, mommy!" she sobbed. 

'I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!' Buffy thought as she wept
uncontrollably. 'Oh God, please let me stop crying!' On top of all the
other terrible feelings, she could now add bitter shame at her loss of
control.

"Oh, Buffy! I don't hate you!" her mother cried.

Buffy felt her mother's hands pulling at her, trying to lift her up.
She pushed herself up to her knees and was immediately drawn into a
tight hug.

"I could never hate you!" her mom said.

"But, but I got kicked out of Hemery... and we had to move. And now
they're gonna kick me out of Sunnydale..." Buffy began babbling.

"Oh, sweetheart, no they're not. That was Principal Flutie on the
phone..."

Buffy sniffled back a sob and pulled back from her mother's arms.
Wiping her eyes, she said, "Huh? I thought... I don't understand. What
happened?"

"I don't exactly understand either. He wasn't speaking very clearly.
He did say that the charges had been dropped, and that the suspension
had been dropped. He said something about one of your teachers... a Mr.
Dial?"

"Giles?" Buffy interjected with a frown, still trying to wipe her face
dry.

"Ok, it could have been Giles. Anyway, he said something about Mr.
Giles, and your friend Willow, and not tolerating discrimination or hate
crimes..."

At the words 'hate crimes' Buffy felt icy cold running down her spine.
She shot to her feet, demanding, "Did they hurt Willow? Oh God! Did he
say if she was ok?"

Joyce looked startled by Buffy's sudden change. "Uh, he didn't say
anything about her being hurt..."

"Oh, God, I gotta call Giles!" Buffy snapped and booked out of her
bedroom at full Slayer speed. She only touched one step on the way down
the stairs, in her haste completely ignoring the effect her departure
might have on her mother. 'Oh, God please let Willow be ok!' was the
only thought on her mind.

She had the phone off the hook and the number dialed before she even
knew it herself. "Come on, answer the phone!" she was muttering before
the first ring even sounded. The plastic of the handset was beginning
to creak under the pressure of her tightening grip by the third ring.

"Hello?" came the cultured British voice of Buffy's watcher.

"Giles! Is Willow ok?" Buffy said without preamble.

"Ms. Summers?" Giles replied, sounding surprised. "I take it Principle
Flutie got a hold of your mother..." 

Buffy interrupted, "Giles! Is Willow ok? Did anything happen to her?"

There was a pause, during which Buffy felt like a chasm was opening up
inside of her. 'If they hurt her...'

"As far as I know she's just fine..." Giles said, sounding like he was
confused by the subject.

'Thank you God!' The tightness in Buffy's chest- which she hadn't even
noticed to that point- loosened and Buffy suddenly could breathe again.

"In fact," Giles went on, "You just missed her. I believe that she is
on her way to your house as we speak."

'Willow's coming!' Buffy thought, basking in an inner-warmth that was
very like standing in a ray of sunshine. 'Everything's going to be ok.'

"Buffy! How did you..." Joyce's voice was filled with shock as she
descended the stairs.

The fact that there was about to be an interrogation wasn't enough to
dampen Buffy's spirits. She pulled the receiver away from her mouth and
beamed at her mom. "Willow's ok!"

Joyce seemed flummoxed. "Ah... that's good. Buffy, please explain what
is going on here!"

Buffy gave a happy shrug. 'Willow's ok, and Willow's on her way here!'
she thought. 'That's all that really matters.'

To answer her mother's question, Buffy said, "Dunno, I'll ask." Putting
the receiver back to her mouth, Buffy said, "So, what happened with
Flutie?"

Buffy listened with ever-increasing admiration as Giles explained
Willow's plan, and its execution. 'God, I love that girl!' she thought
as Giles finished the tale.

"Wow! I- I don't know what to say... Thank you! You and Xander both.
I owe you guys, big time!"

"Yes, well..." Giles harrumphed a bit. "May I expect to see you
tomorrow? To discuss... things?"

"Tomorrow?" Buffy asked, thinking 'But it's Saturday! Still...'

She covered the receiver and asked, "Uh, mom? Am I still grounded?"

"Well, no, I don't..." Joyce replied.

Buffy uncovered the receiver and said, "Ok, but not before noon! It's
Saturday, you know. I gotta explain things to my mom now, so I'll see
you then." 

Buffy ignored Giles' sputtering and hung up. 

Looking at her mother, Buffy thought, 'Ok, this is gonna suck. But,
Willow's coming, and if I don't tell mom about us, she's gonna freak,
cause there's no way in hell that I'm not *so* going to be kissing her
the moment I see her! Plus, mom seriously looks freaked right now, so
I'm guessing we'd be talking whether I want to or not...'

"Buffy! What is going on?" Joyce demanded exasperatedly. "First you're
crying, then you jump up and I blink my eyes and your gone! I didn't
even hear you run down the hall, you were just gone!"

The emotional rollercoaster Buffy was riding suddenly left her feeling
very tired. "Can we go sit down? I'm kinda wiped all a sudden," she
said. She trudged over to the couch and dropped onto it, her back to
the corner of the arm and the back. She grabbed one of the throw
pillows and clutched it to her chest, unconsciously looking for a shield
against the upcoming conversation.

Buffy was grateful when her mother sat down on the opposite end of the
couch, facing her but giving her teenaged daughter a little space.
"Talk to me Buffy. Tell me what's going on here... please?" Joyce said
in a quiet voice.

'Poor mom,' Buffy thought. 'I hate that I don't have a normal life...
that I have to dump all this crap on you...'

Buffy took a deep breath, nervousness eroding some of the calming warmth
that she'd been feeling, knowing that her Willow was on the way. "Um,
you remember when you said you could never hate me?"

"Buffy! Of course I don't hate you. Nothing you say is going to make
me hate you!" her mom said in a chiding tone. "Just tell me."

Buffy looked down, 'I don't think I could take it right now if this goes
bad...'

Another deep breath and the Slayer began, "Ok, remember this morning
when you thought that Willow might kinda be crushing on me?"

"Yes..."

"Well, you're not wrong. See, but it goes both ways... cause I have
feelings for her too..." Buffy said softly.

"So, you and Willow..." her mom started.

"Girlfriends" Buffy clarified.

"And, not in a 'just girls that are friends' way, I take it." Joyce said
in an even tone.

"No, not just friends..." Buffy said, feeling much trepidation.

Joyce was silent for a moment before saying, "So... you're telling me
that you're gay? Since when?"

'This just gets harder and harder...' Buffy thought. She risked a peek
at her mother's face. 'I can't tell if she's freaking or not!'

"Um... not gay, exactly..." Buffy answered.

"How not exactly?" her mom asked, her voice sounding very unsure.

"Well... I'm kinda... bi... exactly," Buffy answered, wincing in
anticipation of her mother's explosion.

"Bi?"

'It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop, except more like a bomb
than a shoe...' Buffy thought, still tensed up.

"Um, you know... I like boys too..." Buffy quietly explained, wincing
even harder now.

"How long?" Joyce asked, her voice still not giving anything away.

Like walking through a minefield, each step was building Buffy's stress
until it was becoming an even bet on whether she'd step on a mine, or
just blow up herself first.

"Um, kinda forever..." she answered her mother's question. "I mean I've
liked both since I liked either, does that make any sense?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Now Joyce's voice showed some emotion.
She sounded a little bit hurt.

Buffy swallowed past the lump in he throat. "I was scared that you..."
much to her consternation, Buffy's eyes began to well up with tears yet
again. "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"Oh Buffy!" Joyce cried. 

Buffy found herself wrapped up in her mother's arms for the second time
that day.

"Daddy always said bad things about gay people... I was afraid..." Buffy
said, her breath hitching and tears falling.

Buffy felt her mom kiss her on the forehead and when she looked up, the
expression on her mom's face was one of sympathy. 

"Buffy, your father's an asshole." Joyce said.

Buffy's eyes flew wide open in shock. "Mom!"

"Well, it's true!" Joyce protested, a half-smile on her face. "Why do
you think I divorced him?"

Buffy had smiled along with her mother, but her face crumpled with the
question. 'Because of me!' she thought morosely. 

"Buffy, look at me..." her mother demanded.

Buffy forced herself to look into her mother's eyes, part of her
expecting that she'd see recrimination there, even though she knew
better.

"Buffy, your father and I had problems that had nothing whatsoever to do
with you. Yes, we fought about things that had to do with the
difficulties you were having, but those fights were just surface
tension. The real issues we had were about us... believe me Buffy. You
could have been the most perfect student- straight A's, never in
trouble... we still would have gotten divorced." 

Buffy dropped her eyes. "Ok," she said, trying to sound convincing.
"Still, I didn't help matters..."

Her mom interrupted her moping with another hug. "Oh, sweetie... you'll
just have to trust me... nothing you did, or could have done, would have
mattered.

Breaking the embrace, her mom said, "Ok, now explain what happened at
school."

Buffy sighed and sat back. "Well... there's this girl at school.
Cordelia Chase. She's a real..." she looked up to see her mother's
arched eyebrow. "...witch. Except, not the 'casting spells' kind, more
of the 'I'm going to make everybody who's not me's life miserable." 

"I think I get it," her mother said with a smile.

"Right, anyway, I was going down the hall to meet Willow after class,
and I saw Cordelia's little posse blocking people from going into the
girls room, and then when I got close I heard her in there yelling at
Willow. So, I went in..."

"Her friends didn't stop you?" he mom asked, surprised.

The grin Buffy got on her face was the kind of smile that put fear in
the hearts of the undead. "One of them, Harmony, thought she was going
to, but she got smart and moved... Anyway, I get in there and Cordelia
starts on me, but I ignore her and go check out Willow..." Buffy got a
lump in her throat as she remembered the sorrow and shame on her
girlfriend's face. "Mom, she had Willow in tears! I was so mad at
her..."

"Buffy? What did you do to her?" Joyce asked, concern in her voice.

Buffy ducked her head and said, "I, um, slapped her..."

"Buffy!" her mom said, shocked.

Gritting her teeth, Buffy looked her mother in the eye and said, "I'd
have done worse, but Willow stopped me." 

Joyce's eyes widened at the look on Buffy's face.

Buffy dropped her head once again and said, "Willow said she wasn't
worth getting in trouble..."

"Willow was right..." Joyce said quietly.

"I know, I do really. But... She's picked on Willow since, like,
kindergarten. Xander told me that Willow went home from school in tears
almost every day of grade school cause of Cordelia Chase. And this time
it was cause of me! She was picking on my Willow cause she defended
me!"

Buffy looked intently into her mother's eyes. "Willow never defended
herself against Cordelia her whole life, but she stuck up for me!"

"So, today this Cordelia and her friends all went to the principal and
made complaints against you..." Joyce said.

Buffy nodded, "Yeah, and they're totally not true! I never made death
threats against any of them, not even Cordelia!"

Buffy saw her mother's eyebrow climbing, and protested, "I didn't! I
mean, I kinda threatened to smash her face if she ever picked on Willow
again, but I never said I was gonna kill her, and I never threatened the
others at all... well I told Harmony that she could move, or I'd move
her, but that's hardly..."

"Why did they drop it?" her mother interrupted her before she could
begin ranting too badly.

"Huh? Oh!" Buffy smiled so brightly that is virtually lit up the room.
"Willow."

"Willow?" her mom repeated, her mouth frowning in confusion.

"She came up with a plan, and Xander and Giles helped her, and they got
Cordelia and her little gang on tape saying all kinds of bad stuff about
us cause of the gay thing, and admitting that they lied on their
complaints. So they gave the tape to principal Flutie, and pow!
Knockout!"

"Oh..." Joyce said. "Willow came up with that?"

Buffy gushed, "She did! Oh mom, she's so smart, and sweet, and kind,
and beautiful, and funny, and sexy, and..." She trailed off as she
noticed her mom's eyebrows climbing once again. "I'm over-sharing,
huh?"

"Maybe a little," her mom said with a smile.

Buffy sobered and asked, "Does the 'me being bi' thing freak you out?"

Buffy felt a little trepidation as her mother sobered too. "It's
surprising... Honestly, Buffy, it isn't the life I would have chosen
for you..."

'Oh no...' Buffy thought as her stomach sank. 'Don't make me choose...'

"That's only because I know it's going to be hard for you. I'm sure
this won't be the first time you encounter people who won't approve of
you because of it..."

"What about you?" Buffy asked softly.

"Me?"

"Mom, pretty soon Willow's going to be here. She's going to knock on
that door, and when I open it, I'm going to pull her into my arms and
kiss her until we're both breathless."

Joyce blushed, but smiled slightly and said, "I imagine I'll survive
somehow... Buffy, I love you. I'm not going to stop loving you whether
you're kissing boys or girls." With a larger smile she added, "Though,
I reserve the right to embarrass you terribly if I happen to find you
making out on the porch late at night. Also, I plan on telling Willow
all kinds of embarrassing stories about your childhood and possibly even
showing her your baby pictures."

Buffy's eyes grew huge, and she squealed, "Mom! You wouldn't dare!"

"But Buffy," her mom protested, "You want me to treat her just like I
would any boyfriend you brought home, wouldn't you?"

"But... but..." Buffy sputtered. "You! You're just evil!" she
mockingly accused her mom. 

'Thank God she took it so well!' Buffy thought, feeling very relieved.

"Where do you think you get it from?" her mom asked with a laugh.

Buffy was about to reply when her preternaturally sensitive ears
detected the slap-slap of sneakers hitting pavement. She closed her
eyes and concentrated and could make out the deep and fast breathing of
someone running down the street towards their house. Her face lit up in
a smile and she whispered, "Willow!"

"Buffy?" her mother's confused and concerned voice broke her
concentration. "What is it?"

Buffy's grin stretched her lips open, baring her teeth as she answered,
"Willow's here!" The blonde scrambled up from the couch and skipped to
the door.

"Buffy? What are you talking..." her mother's question was interrupted
by the doorbell ringing.

Buffy pulled the door open and there she was. 'God you are so
beautiful!' she thought, taking in her girlfriend's flushed skin and
tousled ponytail.

"Buffy! Are you ok? I know about..." Willow was cut off as Buffy did
exactly what she'd told her mom she would, pulling the redhead into her
arms and kissing her passionately. She felt the redhead stiffen and
make a muffled protest for about half a second, before she was wrapped
tightly around the Slayer, kissing back with equal passion.

Buffy's mind reveled in the experience of kissing Willow. 'Soft, warm
Willow-lips... mmm, strawberry! Hard, smooth teeth... lemme in baby!
Lemme feel... oh yeah! Gently... caress you, caress me... twining,
twisting, turning... oooh! Love when you suck my tongue! Love you, love
everything about you!' 

The sound of her mom, exaggeratedly clearing her throat, registered in
Buffy's awareness, and she reluctantly broke the kiss.

Willow's whimper demonstrated her dissatisfaction with the end of the
kissing as well.

Buffy, eyes still closed, rested her forehead against Willow's,
breathing deeply and enjoying the feel of the redhead's breath washing
over her face. She whispered, "I'm so happy you're here, baby!" and
then pulled away.

When Buffy opened her eyes, the sight that met her was not Willow's
smiling face, but rather a look more reminiscent of stunned disbelief.
She turned slightly to see what Willow was looking at and saw her mom,
hands on hips, smirk on her face.

"Hello Willow," Joyce said, still smirking

"Oh, um... Hi Ms. Summers," Willow squeaked.

"Oh... yeah. I told mom about us," Buffy explained, slightly
embarrassed. 

'I wonder how long she was standing there...' Buffy thought.

Willow looked back at Buffy, and said, "Really?"

'My poor baby, she still looks shocked' Buffy thought sympathetically.

"Uh huh, hence the not wigging out," she said, answering Willow's
question.

"I understand we have you to thank for taking care of Buffy's
suspension?" Joyce said, her smirk transitioning into a more genuine
smile as she moved to close the front door.

Buffy saw the confusion in her girl's eyes and elucidated, "Flutie
called mom, I called Giles."

"Oh!" Willow said. "Um, well Xander and Mr. Giles really did all the
work..."

"But it was your idea?" Joyce asked.

Willow ducked her head slightly and said, "Well, yes, I guess."

Buffy almost cried when her mom stepped over and hugged Willow.

"Thank you." Joyce said as she released the flustered redhead.

"Oh, well... you're welcome," Willow said, a happy smile on her face.

'Bonus mom points for hugging the girlfriend!' Buffy thought; feeling
pleased, relieved and happy.

With a look that said she'd come to a decision on something, Joyce said,
"Well, I have to go in to the gallery for a few hours to make up for
some lost time..." She walked over to the entry table and grabbed her
purse.

"Since I won't be here, why don't you take your girlfriend out for
dinner, on me," Joyce said, handing Buffy some money.

Though touched by the gesture, Buffy couldn't help but smirk at her
mother. "You still feeling guilty about this morning?" she said as she
took the money.

Her mom's eyes narrowed, though she smiled as she nodded. "Yeah, a
little. But I'm getting past it pretty quickly."

Buffy laughed and did something she hadn't done in years. She initiated
a hug, saying, "I love you mom! You're the greatest!"

'Is that a tear in her eye?' Buffy wondered as her mom turned away and
slipped her jacket on.

"Ok, you two have fun. I'd tell you to behave yourselves, but it
wouldn't do any good, would it?" Joyce teased as she walked to the door.

"Mom!" Buffy laughed. "You know I'm a perfect little angel!"

Her mom just gave her an incredulous stare, then turned to Willow and
said, "It was nice to see you again Willow."

"You too, it was nice to see you again too Mrs. Summers!" Willow said,
still sounding a bit perplexed.

========== BtVS ==========

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