FIC (challenge response): I Know Enough to Know 2/?

[BHV <bighotvirgo@xxxxxxxxx>]

For those who wanted more of my response to Patrick's original songfic
challenge, and in response to Ivy's answer/challenge to my sort-of
challenge... whatever ... there were some challenges issued, OK? 

And that's how this follow-up  in which there is no singing 
happened.

(Consider it a back-to-school gift, Ivy)

****************************

I Know Enough to Know, part 2

Buffy walked quietly through the woods, even though she knew there was
no real need for stealth.  The moon was full and wide and she could see
everything.  Moving quietly allowed her to better hear the sounds of
the night.  They were a comfort to her, helped her clear her exhausted,
confused brain, soothed her very weary soul. 

She felt the breeze shift and she picked up a faint hint of the scent
that told her this was the correct destination. Willow was here. 

Tara was right. 

Buffy sighed heavily, not really having the slightest idea of how to
proceed, how to act, what to say.  She trudged up the slight rise,
picking her way through the bushes and small boulders that ringed the
little glade where Willow was hidden.  At the top, she reached out and
pulled aside a handful of the rustling branches that dripped down from
the tree that guarded her grave.  

Took you long enough. 

Willow spoke softly, not looking up.  She sat, folded in on herself, on
a gnarled tree root, off to one side of the grave stone. 


Silly me, if Id just given up and gone back to the house earlier, Id
have been here sooner.  Buffy sat down on her grave, turning slightly
to face the witch.  That is, shed be facing her if Willow would just
look up.  Even under the tree, the moonlight was bright and Buffy could
see shed changed into jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers and that there was
a duffle bag on the ground behind her.

I knew she couldnt have gotten far in those heels. 

Tara told me youd be here.  Didnt seem to have any doubts about it.


Buffy to absently traced the letters of her name with one finger,
musing on the irony.  Tara.  Sweet, gentle, loving Tara, so badly
mistreated by Willow, violated even, knew without question exactly
where to find her, while Buffy had been frantically scuttling around
for hours without a clue.  Buffy, for whom Willow had given up her
soul.  Cold, angry, shut down Buffy. 

Beloved sister, devoted friend.

When Willow didnt answer, Buffy continued, She told me you erased
part of her memory.  She just figured it out today. 

Yeah, I kinda thought thats what was up with her.  Willows head
remained bent, her attention focused on playing with a twig she held in
her fingers. 

So, its true? Buffy asked the top of Willows head.

You really think Tara would lie about that? Willow suddenly made eye
contact.  Or about anything? 

Wishful thinking, I guess.  Buffy tried to hold Willows glance but
she quickly went back to studying the twig. 

She was packing.  Buffy said gently.  To leave. 

I figured she would.  Willow was struggling to control her lower lip.
Its been coming for a while, Buffy, she said wearily.  If it
wasnt the forgetting spell, it would have been ... she dropped the
twig, and paused to pick it back up  ... the other thing.

But she told me she didnt know. Buffy said.

Not about ... about what I did, at least not everything I did, to get
you back, but she knew how I felt about you, how I still feel ... 

Willow, stop it!  Just shut up!  Buffys anger took even her by
surprise.  She sprang up, desperately wanting something to break or
smash or slam her fist through.  Seeing Willow lose the battle with her
own emotions, tears streaming down her face, Buffy pulled herself up
short, abruptly sinking to her knees in front of her best friend.  She
struggled with the conflicting feelings within her, her palms pressed
against her temples, clenched fingers squeezing her hair back off her
face as she tried to ground the racing energies, tried to center
herself enough to talk. 

I am so incredibly angry with you right now.  Buffy tried to keep her
voice low and quiet.  Willows head began to dip.  Mindful of her
strength and emotional state, Buffy reached out and carefully but
firmly pulled her chin up.  Willow.  Just look at me.  Please.  Buffy
felt her voice wavering and she noticed her hand was shaking and she
dropped it to her side.  I have never been this angry with you and I
hate it.  I hate it because I love you so much and I cant stand
feeling this ... rage.  I cant stand not being able to forgive you. 
Its like not being able to breathe, Will. 

Eyes locked on each other, the two sat without speaking for several
minutes, both now crying.  

Buffy broke the silence, picking back up as if she hadnt stopped.  I
mean, I thought I was angry before.  It felt like anger, the way I felt
when I thought you pulled me out of heaven.  But I cant even begin to
comprehend this... thing, this deal or pact or whatever it is you did. 
I cant comprehend the enormity of someone doing that for me, of you
doing that for me, what it means that you would care ... that you would
love ... so much to do that. 

But Buffy, Ive ... it ...  Willow tried to find words, but Buffy
continued on. 

I cant begin to grasp it ... because I cant bear the idea that you
would bring something that horrible on yourself.  You say you love me. 
How can you possibly love me and do that to yourself?  

"It wasn't a choice, I had to save you," Willow sobbed.

I'm a slayer, Will. I die, I can be replaced.  Hell, I was already
replaced before I died! 

"You're not just a slayer, you're Buffy." 

"Slayer or Buffy, I'm a dime a dozen. Go to the mall, it's full of
Buffys.  Buffys are everywhere, Will, but there's only ever been one of
you and I need you to live!

Forgetting herself, Buffy grabbed Willow's shoulders, shaking her.
Dont you understand, Will?  If someone else had done this to you, I
would track them down to the ends of the earth and I would tear them
apart with my bare hands." 

Realizing she was hurting Willow, Buffy dropped her hands, sitting back
on her calves.  "You brought me back but how I am supposed to live now?
How can I live knowing youve willingly destroyed yourself, knowing
youve thrown away your soul?  How can you love me and want me to live
knowing what youve done to yourself?  How am I supposed to live, to
breathe, knowing every breath was paid for with your soul?

Willow closed her eyes, struggling against her tears, her hands
clenched tight on her knees.  Youre going to go on, Buffy.  Youre
going to go on living, and in time ...  

Willow opened one palm, and Buffy saw she was still holding the stupid
twig.

Buffy, in time, youll ... 

A small bright light sparked and crackled in Willow's palm,
illuminating their faces.

forget. 

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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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