FIC: Bad Habits of the House of Scooby

["cdreramius" <o163210@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Bad Habits of the House of Scooby
Authors: Mike and Tony McD
Rating: mild R
Category: season 7 AU/ early season 3 AU.
Pairings: B/X, W/X, B/W, B/X/W
Summary: Follows `Fear and Loathing in the House of Scooby'. People 
are creatures of habit. But in the House of Scooby, not all old 
habits are good.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let us know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any 
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and 
enjoyment. 
Authors' notes: This is a collaborative effort between Tony and me 
due to Tony's illness. Feedback is appreciated.


*-*-*-*

People are creatures of habit and Willow was no different. She sat in 
front of her mirror and brushed her long red hair. It was a habit 
that she found comforting ever since her early childhood. Whenever 
Xander stayed at her place he would insist on brushing her hair and 
Willow would relax and enjoy his attentions. Even now, years after 
the innocence of childhood had faded, he would still insist on 
brushing her hair.

Xander too was a creature of habit.

But there were some habits that were neither comforting nor healthy. 
It was one such habit that had Willow worried for her, Buffy, and 
Xander's future together.

Silence.

There were issues between the three that needed to be discussed and 
resolved but where there should have been discussion there was 
silence and not a little anger.

Willow had tried to break the silence with both Buffy and Xander with 
no success. Indeed, in Buffy's case, all Willow had managed to do was 
create a bigger gap between them. Ever since the battle on Kingman's 
Bluff, things between them had been different.

Buffy had been distancing herself from them, pulling away from the 
intimacy that they had shared before. Compounding this was Xander's 
taking Faith into his home and his secretive disappearances. He too 
also had been, if not distant, then reluctant to be around them.

Willow had tried to put Buffy's mind to rest about what Xander was 
doing when he disappeared. He was doing something to fix the future 
and they needed to trust him she told her. All this managed to do was 
convince Buffy that Willow would always take Xander's side. But it 
was more than just that. Willow had her own issues about Xander and 
more specifically, Faith. Willow suspected, no, she knew Buffy and 
Xander had their own issues that they weren't talking about.

And if they didn't talk, the issues would be unresolved and would 
fester away and poison their relationship.

Willow sighed and put the brush down on her dresser. She hated 
confrontations. But unless they did the House of Scooby would fall.

As she slipped under the bed covers Willow cursed her fear. Her fear 
of the needed confrontation and her fear of the consequences.

*-*-*-*

Faith and Buffy patrolled through the grounds of Restfield Cemetery. 
It had been a quiet night with only a single vamp that was dispatched 
so quickly as to disappoint a couple of Slayers looking for action. 
The up side was that there was no sign of the remaining Lancaster 
brothers.

"Nice place. Do you ever catch kids doing the diddy out here?" Faith 
asked the elder Slayer.

"No. There's a smooch spot up by the woods. That's usually where kids 
go."

"Yeah? Bet you, Red, and Xan have been up there kicking the 
gearshift."

"Not lately."

"Look" Faith grabbed Buffy by the arm and stopped "if you're pissed 
about me staying with Xander then you shouldn't be. Nothing's going 
on between us and he's made it very clear that nothing ever will. You 
and Red own his ass. He may be a little fucked up in the head lately 
but he ain't the only one."

Buffy snatched her arm from Faith's grip angrily and glared at the 
dark haired Slayer. Without a word, Buffy stomped off into the night 
leaving Faith to wonder just what Buffy's problem was.

*-*-*-*

"I should not have believed anyone who told me that I was capable of 
such love," said Prince Andrew. "It is not at all the same feeling 
that I knew in the past. The whole world is now divided into two 
halves: one half is she, and there all is joy, hope, light: the other 
half is everything where she is not, and there all is gloom and 
darkness..."

Angel understood the Prince as he had never before. Angel had read 
War and Peace almost a dozen times over the years, but this was the 
first time that this one section rang so true.

"I cannot help loving the light, it is not my fault."

For so many years he had, as Angelus, revelled in the darkness, 
pulling it about him like a heavy cloak on a cold winter's night. 
Then, as Angel, he had recoiled from the darkness but despaired of 
ever knowing the light.

Then came Buffy.

She was the light that Angel yearned for. His love for her and her 
love for him had given him hope, hope to a path into the light.

It was a forlorn hope.

Xander had revealed that instead of Buffy lifting him into the light, 
Angel would drag Buffy into the darkness.

It had ended the relationship between them. Angel had no wish to hurt 
someone whom he loved as much as he did Buffy. Buffy had no wish to 
descend into the darkness that awaited her if she kept to her 
original path.

Instead, Buffy had found a new path with Willow and Xander. 
Definitely the road less travelled to be sure, but one that promised 
to best avoid the darkness.

But none of this changed Angel's feelings. He still loved Buffy and 
still yearned to escape the darkness. But if Buffy was not the way, 
then what was?

His thoughts were interrupted as someone entered the mansion. Angel 
put his book down and looked up to see a teary eyed Buffy standing 
before him. He stood up and, before a word could be exchanged, Buffy 
crossed the distance between them. Angel just held her as she cried 
freely.

"I can't do it anymore, Angel. I just can't."

*-*-*-*

Xander drove the streets of Sunnydale like a cop on the beat. Looking 
out for signs of trouble of the undead kind, he turned onto Crawford 
Street in quest of one particular member of the undead. He wanted to 
tap Angel's resources in discovering the exact nature of something he 
had found during his project. Angel was the last hope before Xander 
would have to go to Giles personally for help. Giles had far better 
resources but with the resources would come questions that Xander 
would find hard to answer truthfully.

He stopped outside the mansion and headed for the small courtyard 
that served as the main entrance. The doors were wide open and the 
heart breaking sight of Buffy in Angel's arms.

Xander turned around and left sadly.

His only thought was that old habits died hard.

*-*-*-*

Sixteen tons, 
What'd ya get?
Another day older
and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter don't you call me
`cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store.

The music filtered up through the basement door where Faith stood on 
the other side. She debated going down into the basement and trying 
to find out what the problem was with Xander. Lately he'd been 
spending more and more time down there, listening to some of the most 
depressing music, mostly country music, Faith had ever heard. She 
did, however, admire his mental fortitude. If she had listened to 
that much country music she would have slit her wrists ages ago.

There was a problem, more than one more likely. But Buffy wasn't 
talking about it, neither was Xander, and Willow just was just plain 
old not talking to Faith, period.

She didn't know what she could do to help her only friend. Serious 
relationships were something that other people had. `Get some, get 
gone' was her motto and seeing the crap the Scoobies were going 
through at the moment, her attitude was not about change in a hurry.

With a frustrated sigh, Faith went back to her room.

The only ones who could do something now were B, Red, and Xan.

*-*-*-*

Joyce Summers took part in a ritual shared by millions of people the 
world over. Every month she went down to the bank to deposit yet 
another mortgage payment. She could have organised it that the 
payments automatically came out of her account, but there was 
something satisfying about doing it in person.

She waited in line, mentally going through her list of things to do 
for the day. Fishing out her deposit book Joyce smiled at the woman 
behind the counter.

"Hi Andrea."

"Hi Joyce." Andrea and Joyce were on the PTA together; Andrea's 
daughter was in the year below Buffy's. Joyce slid the deposit slip 
across the counter and Andrea entered Joyce's details into the 
computer.

"One down, another 137 to go." Joyce joked to her friend. Andrea 
frowned and double-checked the computer.

"I can't accept this." Andrea told her, sliding the deposit slip back 
to Joyce who looked at her in confusion.

"Why? Is there something wrong with.."

"No. I'm sorry; I can't take it because your mortgage has a zero 
balance."

"Zero balance?"

"Someone's already paid the mortgage off."

"Who?"

Andrea gave Joyce a printout of her accounts. Joyce wondered just 
what or who in the hell The Antelope Trust was.

*-*-*-*

"Hey Mrs. Summers, how's things?" Xander asked as Joyce opened the 
door and ushered him in.

"Great. Couldn't be better, actually." She told him happily.

"So what's the special occasion?" Joyce had called him earlier that 
afternoon and invited him to a special dinner at her house.

"Had some good news today and I thought I'd like to celebrate with a 
little party."

"Cool."

Giles, Faith, Cordelia, Willow, and Buffy were in the dining room 
just starting to serve out the sumptuous feast that Joyce had 
produced in an amazingly short period of time.

Giles, Joyce, and Cordelia spent the dinner in a lively conversation 
about Joyce's windfall and the possible identity behind it. Faith 
occasionally added her two cents worth to the conversation, but 
mostly she watched the three silent and sullen Scoobies at the other 
end of the table.

Cordelia leaned over to Faith and in a none to quiet voice asked what 
was the problem with the three.

"They've got a bug up their asses about something. Isn't that right 
B?"

"Honey, what's the matter? You haven't said a single word all 
evening." A concerned Joyce asked her only child.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Pfft! These three have been walking around school like 
misery on a stick for weeks." Cordelia informed them.

Buffy shoved her chair back and she got to her feet.

"Just get off my back! My life is my own business!" Buffy headed to 
the front door with the others in tow.

"Buffy! We need to talk! Buffy!" Willow called out as Buffy reached 
for the door.

"No we don't Willow. We're not doing this now. Not now, not ever!" 
Buffy yelled back as she opened the door.

Something inside Willow snapped. Anger, rage, and desperation filled 
her. With a flick of her wrist, Willow used her magic to slam the 
door shut and block Buffy's exit.

Everyone looked at Willow in surprise.

Willow herself was also surprised. The biggest thing she had been 
able to move using her magic so far had been her math textbook. But 
her anger and fear now fueled her magic and her boldness.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you two! There's stuff 
going on, nobody's talking to each other, and it's killing us!" 
Willow focused on Buffy.

"First off; ever since we fought evil us, you've been giving us the 
cold shoulder treatment. Secondly, I do not automatically take 
Xander's side OK? It's not the Willow and Xander Show guest staring 
Buffy. I know Xander and I trust Xander with my life." Willow wheeled 
on Xander now.

"And you! You talk about us needing to trust you, but what about you 
trusting us? What the hell have you been doing? You've been Mr. 
Distant all summer, figuratively and non figuratively. You guys have 
issues that you have to deal with NOW!"

"We're not the only ones with issues Wills." Xander told her.

"I do not have issues."

"One word Willow, `Faith'."

"That's issue, singular; not issues, plural, like you two have."

Willow watched as Buffy and Xander looked way. Willow saw the 
stubborn look on their faces and knew she had better do something 
real quick if they were to get through this.

What Willow did next shocked everyone, especially herself.

Willow grabbed Xander by his ear, then grabbed Buffy by hers and lead 
the two protesting Scoobies to the basement door where she 
unceremoniously shoved them into the basement and locked the door on 
them.

"You two aren't coming out until you've worked out your problems, ya 
hear?" The redhead yelled out to them through the door.

Buffy started banging on the door and demanding to be let out. With 
her Slayer strength she could have easily smashed the door open but 
if she did that then she'd have to contend with the fury of her 
mother. After a bit she stopped banging on the door and just glared 
at the door as if she was daring it to open.

To Buffy's surprise there was a click of the lock and the door opened 
to reveal her mother.

"Mom..." Buffy started but Joyce picked up a basket of washing and 
shoved it into Buffy's arms.

"While you're down there could you do a load? Oh, and don't forget 
the fabric softener."

Before a stunned Buffy could reply Joyce closed and locked the door 
again.

Faith looked like she was just about to bust her gut laughing.

"The expression on B's face! Priceless. The whole stunned goldfish 
look was a killer."

Even Giles had a slight smirk on his face.

"Thanks for the dinner Mrs. S but I gotta go slay. Besides, I don't 
wanna get locked in a room with Red to work out our issues." With a 
nod to Joyce, the younger Slayer departed with a laugh.

"Ditto, but without the slaying bit." Cordelia said rapidly following 
Faith out the door.

The three that remained looked at each other wondering what to do 
next.

"According to Buffy you're something of a computer whiz." Joyce said 
to Willow.

"If ever a whiz there was." Joyce smiled at Willow's reply.

"Good. Would it be too much in asking for your help finding out about 
this Antelope Trust?" A huge smile spread across Willow's face which 
lit up the room. Joyce could understand a little better why Buffy and 
Xander had fallen for the redhead. Willow's smile could melt the 
hardest heart.

"No trouble at all! I've got my laptop in my bag."

Retrieving the laptop, Willow logged on.

"What bank are you with?" Willow asked Joyce.

"First State California."

"Cool. I've got an account there. That'll make it easier." Willow 
logged into her account which also held a backdoor Willow had made 
during her `exploration' of the banks system.

Willow stopped cold when she looked at her account. A very, very 
large deposit had been made into her account that day by the Antelope 
Trust.

"Holy shit!" Willow squeaked. Giles adjusted his glasses.

"Remind me to check my account first thing tomorrow." He told the two 
women.

"OK Willow, calm down." She said to herself "think about tracking 
down the Antelope Trust and not the truck load of cash sitting in 
your account."

They all looked up at the door to the basement as the sound of 
somebody yelling something reached them. They couldn't tell what was 
being yelled but they could guess.

"Do you think it'll take long for Buffy and Xander to work things 
out?" Joyce asked Willow.

"If I was you Mrs. Summers I'd plan on working out how to get their 
breakfast under the door in the morning."

*-*-*-*

Down in the basement, Buffy was concentrating on putting the clothes 
in the machine rather than thinking about Xander who sat on the 
bottom step of the stairs. Xander, for his part, was rubbing his ear 
where Willow had grabbed it.

It wasn't his ear that hurt so much as his heart. Willow was right. 
They had problems and they weren't dealing with them.

One of the bad habits of the House of Scooby.

Xander stood up and moved beside Buffy.

*I wonder if we can settle this without the usual Buffy/Xander 
blowup.* Xander thought to himself.

"I.. um.. Buff.."

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?"

*Obviously not.* thought Xander as his temper flared.

"Not being all snuggle monkey to Angel for starters." Buffy stiffened.

"You were spying on me?"

"No."

"Oh, so you just happened to be in the neighborhood and decided to 
pop round to see your best friend Angel?" Buffy asked sarcastically.

"What I was doing at Angel's is my business, Buffy."

"So, what you do is your business and nobody else's but what I do is 
suddenly your business as well? You're such a hypocrite Xander."

"Hypocrite? Try a vampire loving vampire slayer. Look, I'm used to 
it; first Angel, then Spike. But Willow isn't. I broke her heart too 
many times before and I promised to God I'd never let it happen 
again. Damn you for breaking it now!"

"See! I can't do this anymore!"

"But you can do Angel."

"I don't love Angel! This has nothing to do with Angel!"

"Then what does it have to do with!" Xander demanded.

"YOU DIED!"

"I died."

"You died and Willow died. Because of me! As long as you two are with 
me I'm gonna get you killed!" Buffy's anger drained out of her and 
her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

It all fell into place for Xander. Buffy feared getting them killed 
if Xander and Willow were with her. So Buffy started to push them 
away from her. If they weren't with her then she couldn't get them 
killed. It wasn't malice.

It was love.

The heat of the argument had gone, leaving cold hard truths in its 
wake.

"It's our choice Buffy. You didn't have a choice, that's why you're 
called the Chosen One. We did have a choice and we made it. As 
important you are to us you don't get a say in our choice."

"But you'll die."

Xander started pacing around in agitation.

"In all the years, in all the fights, I only died once. You, on the 
other hand, die so often you're a regular Kenny. It's like `Oh my 
God! They killed Buffy! You bastards!'"

Xander slumped down on the bottom step, a defeated look on his face

"Three times Buffy. Three times you lay dead at my feet. First time 
the Master killed you and I brought you back. Second time you killed 
yourself and we all brought you back. The last time... I killed you."

"You saved us."

"I murdered you and Willow. I knew that when I used the Heartstone 
that I'd kill the two people I loved more than anything in the world. 
I only wish you would've let me stay dead like I deserved."

"NO!" Buffy yelled at the young man, startling him with her 
vehemence. She hauled Xander to his feet and dragged him into the 
middle of the basement.

"We're not them. Say it!"

Xander looked at her uncertainly.

"Uh?"

"We're not them! Say it!" Buffy demanded poking him in the chest.

"Er, you're not them?"

Buffy poked him harder.

"Say it like you mean it!"

"You're not them."

"Louder!" Buffy shoved Xander back a step.

"You're not them!" stated Xander forcefully.

"Do you love us or them?" another shove, harder this time.

"You."

"Who?" this shove drove Xander into the washing machine and he could 
feel the heat rising inside of him.

"YOU!" Xander bellowed at the top of his lungs, the fire in his eyes 
mirrored by Buffy's own. The two of them were breathing heavily now 
and the air was thick with tension.

And raw passion.

They descended upon each other in a wave of lust.

*-*-*-*

(Author's note: Insert `Hot Night's in the House of Scooby: 
Slayer/White Knight' here)

*-*-*-*

Waking up was never a pleasant experience for Buffy, even at the best 
of times. Waking up naked on the cold floor of her basement was even 
less so. She stretched and rolled over.

And came face to face with herself.

With a startled flick she rolled over and away from her body which 
was now awake and staring at her in shock. Rapidly they got up and 
stood gaping at each other for a moment.

"What the hell..." Buffy started to say then stopped.

It wasn't her voice that came out of her mouth. Looking down at 
herself she got the shock of her life.

A penis.

She had a penis.

Xander's penis to be exact.

Buffy looked up to see her body reach between its legs in panic only 
to find nothing.

Buffy gazed at her body and a realization dawned on her.

"Xander?" she asked tentatively. Buffy's body blinked at her then did 
a very un-Buffy like thing.

It fainted.



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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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