RE: FIC: A Firm Foundation (7a of ?)

I so liked that! Little miss Casey better watch her ass, though I liked that she wanted to defend Tara. And Claire reminding Casey that they were the ones in the wrong...

Great stuff!

I didn’t care for Tara’s reminder of what Willow did to her, as though two wrongs made a right, but I did sympathize with it. And I liked that Willow let her know they were ok, and that she was still a Scooby. (Though I don’t imagine Tara will be able to look either of them in the eye anytime soon...)

The only thing that could have made this better is...

Wait for it...

Aww, you already know!

If you had written the scene that came (pun intended) after B/W watched the disk!

More please!

TheBear!

thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.papa-bear.com

-----Original Message-----
From: Red Willow [mailto:st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Sunday, September 14, 2003 11:23 PM
To: buffywantswillow
Subject: ~Buffy*Wants*Willow~ FIC: A Firm Foundation (7a of ?)

Title: A Firm Foundation
Author: Red Willow
Archive: www.papa-bear.com/RW/
Email: st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters or reference to belong to Joss Wedon, Mutant Enemy, and all them
other peeps. i'm just using them to make my own fun. Non-canon characters such as Casey, Claire,
Shelley, Andi, Markus (and co), as well as story ideas belong to me and are simply a product of my
warped brain. Girl/Girl action. You no like, you no read!
Pairing: B/W mainly.
Rating: NC-17 overall.
Summary: Sequal to Filling in the Gaps. Takes place not much later - give or take a week. Buffy
and Willow find out about 'the disc', smut, drama... all the good stuff.
Author's note: Thanks to Mudrat for the beta. And thanks to everyone else for being so gosh-darn
patient. ;)

***

"Was that Xander?"

I nodded, still smiling.

"He's going to be..." I paused for dramatic effect. "Barbeque Man!"

Dawn rolled her eyes but smiled. I think she still had a small crush on Xander. She offered me a
cola from the fridge before grabbing one for herself.

"So what's all this?" She asked, indicating the notes I had scribbled on index cards.

"For the cook out we're having."

"Um, Willow, y'know, its not rocket science. A few guests... some good food. Music. Y'know, the
basic."

I pouted. I couldn't help it. No one ever appreciated my planning skills.

"Oh... Not that you're not good... uh, with the planning, Will... I-it's just that... it's a cook
out."

I sighed and sat down, picking up my notes and putting them in a pile.

"I know, Dawnie. But the whole thing makes me nervous."

"A cook out?"

"No. W-well, yes... but no. The whole... coming out thing."

"Uhh... everyone knows you're gay, Willow."

I gave her a look.

"Not me. Us. Me and Buffy. No one knows about her. O-or that we're together."

"Do you think they'll be mad?"

"I... I don't think so. Not really. I mean... Xander and Giles... they both acted kinda weird at
first about Tara and me... A-and... I don't want them being all weird about this."

"But they were always okay with you and Tara." She countered. "Why wouldn't they be about you and
Buffy?"

I shrugged.

"She's the Slayer." I told her. "The... very straight Slayer."

"Oh, what? Slayers can't be gay?" She asked, incredulously. "Where does it say that?"

"Probably in the handbook." I mumbled before taking another swig from my cola.

"There's a Slayer Handbook?!" She asked, shocked.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Your sister reacted the same way." I told her. "Giles said he didn't think it applied to Buffy."

We both broke out into laughter. I think he was right; our Buffy was a one of a kind. Not that I
had had the pleasure of meeting many slayers, just Kendra and Faith. One was dead and the other
was psycho. So much the Slayer Handbook did for them.

"He's probably right." She agreed. "A-and anyway, she's not the very straight slayer. She never
was."

"Well, I know that. But they don't."

"Oh."

"A-and... I keep wondering... i-if they're going to blame me."

I ducked my head and pretended to concentrate on the can tab I was bending back and forth.

"Blame you?" She asked, not understanding.

I broke the tab off and let it drop into the empty can.

"Yeah." I nodded. "The way I manipulated Tara... the spells... mind control..." I whispered this
last bit, overwhelmed by shame again.

"No." Dawn said, putting her hand on mine. "No way. You were out of control, Willow. You were
like... letting the magic control you... o-or something... but... you're better now, right?"

I nodded. No spells in months. Even the temptation to do them wasn't there that often. Usually
only when I was upset or thought there was danger, like when that girl wouldn't let go of me at
the party.

"I know Buffy loves you, Will. There's no spell making her love you." She said, gently. "She's
always loved you."

I smiled, knowing how much that was true. And knowing I hadn't used any sort of spells to win her
love, ever.

"But I'm scared, Dawn." I went on, "Scared that they... that Xander and Giles... Anya... that
they'll think differently."

"So screw 'em." She said, defiantly.

"Dawn!"

I looked at her, feigning shock, but I couldn't help the smile that was trying to creep around the
corners of my mouth.

"What?" She asked. "You and I and Buffy know the truth. If they think you had to use some stupid
spell to get Buffy to love you, then they're all stupid!" She tossed her can into the trashcan.
"And I'll tell them myself!"

I smiled at her, taking her hand into mine.

"Thank you, Dawn." I said, genuinely grateful for her support.

She gave me a large smile, full of teeth.

"Not a problem." She said, giving me one nod before taking her hand from mine, and sliding off the
stool. "I have homework to finish." She informed me before leaving the room.

I threw my can in the trash, still smiling. Everything was going to be okay. No matter what
Xander and Giles thought about Buffy and me, I knew everything would turn out all right.

***

I watched Tara's friends slip past me to the door and disappear. I know I should have been kicking
their butts. But there's just something about using my skills on humans that doesn't always sit
right with me. Besides, the social workers would not be happy if there was another police report
involving me.

"I think I'll follow my sis..."

I turned to see the guy from the mall that'd caught Dawn's eye leaving after them.

"Yeah, you do that." I told him.

Had he really been as interested in Dawn as she seemed to be in him? I didn't even want to think
about how awkward that would've been. More awkward. Whatever. And there was no way I was letting
Dawn get involved in that family. No way, no how.

"And don't even think about calling my sister." I told him just before he got to the door.

He looked wounded. I guess me hindering his social life really hurt. Oh well! But he nodded that
he understood and then disappeared through the door. The rest of the boys just stood around, not
really looking at me or anything in particular. I think they were just waiting for me to leave.

"Now," I started, looking towards Tara and her friends, "How about that ride back to my place?"

Casey looked up, unsure I think, at first. But she nodded and shrugged before heading for the
door. Tara and Claire followed, silent.

I turned back to the boys.

"Remember what I said." I told them in my most threatening slayer voice. "I don't want to have to
come back here."

I didn't wait for a response. I was out the door and standing next to Casey's Civic moments
later. I slid into the back seat with Tara and stared out the window as Casey started down the
street. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was even supposed to be feeling. I was
still angry, but nowhere near what I still thought I should be feeling. I thought I should be
yelling, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Willow. I should have called her when I saw the video. I should have told her. What was I doing
bringing these people home to tell her? She was going to go nuts. I just knew it. Call her? I
could have called her then, in the car. Let her know we were on our way. Give her a heads up,
right? But, then she'd ask questions and if I didn't tell her what was up on the phone she would
worry. She'd think it was the end of the world or something again and she'd get all flustered...
which is kinda cute... but then she would be totally pissed with me for not telling her, on top of
how pissed off I knew she would be when she heard the news.

Call her or not call her? Call her or not call her? I couldn't decide.

I realized I was babbling internally again, probably channeling Willow. I glanced over at Tara who
sat as far away from me as possible, seeming to push her weight against the side of the car. I
think she was terrified. I really didn't blame her. She knew what I was capable of. She'd seen me
on plenty of patrols, killing very large, ugly things with my bare hands. She saw me battle Glory,
the very hell god who had sucked her brain. But I don't think I really could have hurt her. She
was a Scooby - an absent Scooby - but still a Scooby. Those were hard to hurt.

Yeah, what she did was wrong. No, more than that. It was fucking stupid! I don't think it matters
that she wasn't the one who recorded us. She obviously knew. She put it on disc to give to us! Who
on earth does that?

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad she did. I'm glad I knew we had been recorded because I would hate to
think of some strangers watching us while Willow and I were completely oblivious to it.

But see, it's that thought right there that kinda turns me on.

Who's seen it? I know those boys did. I know Tara and her friends must have. But was there anyone
else who had watched it? Very conflicting emotions. Anger and desire. Fear and curiosity. There
was that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach - worry. But also that down low tickle,
as Faith would say. How can a person feel both?

How can a person feel all of that at once?

But I did. Felt it all and it was confusing and I tried to sort it out in my head, these feelings,
but I just didn't know where to begin. I kept bouncing around. First there was the anger. The
intense raging kind. Then that would die down enough for the fear, which turned to worry which
turned into curiosity, until finally there was just desire. And my desire fueled my anger. It was
a vicious, fucked up, confusing cycle.

"I thought you would be angrier."

That was Tara. She was looking at my hands, watching as I clenched and unclenched them.

"I thought you would have kicked my ass out of Sunnydale by now." She said again, her voice soft.

I wasn't sure what to say. I'm sure she was grateful that, up to that point, I hadn't gotten
physical with her, and didn't plan to. But that confused her, I think, because I'm 'Action Girl'
and she did expect me to be angrier than I was. Hell, I expected me to be angrier than I was. Yet
there I sat, not doing anything but staring out the window, clenching my fists in frustration over
my own confusion.

I started speaking before it really came together clearly in my mind, not fully realized until I
voiced it.

"I know I should be angrier than I am." I told her. "This whole thing is pretty darn fucked up,
Tara."

She ducked her head, her hair falling to cover her face. In the front seat, both Casey and Claire
stayed facing front, remaining silent.

"I understand about doing things that are wrong." I started telling her, "That are... maybe
shameful. The way those things can cause a lot of guilt."

She looked at me, only meeting my eyes briefly before looking away again.

"I'm not a saint, Tara."

I shook my head, too many memories of time spent with Spike. Of hiding Angel. Of lying to my
friends and family.

"I understand mistakes. God knows I've made a whole bunch of them. And yes, I'm angry. Very angry.
And maybe a year ago, or even a few months ago, I would have acted differently, but I'm not the
same person I was a few months ago. I've realized a lot in that time."

I paused for a moment, knowing with absolute surety that I was a changed woman because of Willow.

"And part of what I realized is that people do make mistakes. Everyone does. Even slayers. Coming
clean about them is the key, I think. Being honest. Trying to make it better..."

I trailed off, realizing I was talking more about how I had acted in the past rather than the
current situation.

"I guess I'm just finding it really hard to be that pissed at you."

I didn't say anything else and Tara didn't respond. I turned and looked out the window again at
the passing lights of cars, streetlamps, and restaurants. I waited until we had turned onto my
street before saying anything else.

"I can't say the same thing about Willow, though."

***

"I guess I'm just finding it really hard to be that pissed at you."

Was that relief or disappointment I felt? Couldn't she at least threaten my life or something?

I didn't say anything in response though, just watched her turn to look out the window. I caught
Casey's eye in the rearview but didn't give her any indication of what I was feeling. I didn't
really know myself. I got what Buffy was saying about how everyone makes mistakes and the whole
thing about making them right... but 'making it right' wouldn't make me feel any better. And I
guess it wasn't supposed it.

I knew Buffy was referring more to her than to this whole fiasco, talking about what she had been
doing with Spike and hiding Angel when he came back. I didn't know all the details, but enough to
know that Buffy knew what she was talking about. She regrets a lot and I think sometimes she feels
like the mistakes far outweigh the good. I could see that she had changed a lot in the time since
last we talked in private, when she broke down and told me all about Spike. I knew she was telling
the truth when she said that a few months ago she would have acted a lot differently.

A few months ago she really didn't care about much. A few months ago she and Willow weren't
together with the major love. A few months ago, none of this would have happened.

I was glad that they had finally gotten together. Glad that their love could better them both.

But I didn't want to be let off the hook so easily. I wanted punishment for my crimes. How
ridiculous does that sound? But I was guilty... we all were. Andi and Shell got off way too easy
if you ask me.

We turned onto Revello and I took a deep breath, readying myself for the confrontation ahead. Was
Willow going to find it hard to be pissed at me too? Somehow I really doubted it. I knew Willow.
She had a temper, and when things were bad, she made her displeasure known.

"I can't say the same thing about Willow, though." Buffy said, turning to me as if we had been
talking the entire time.

No, I couldn't say the same thing about Willow either. I could only be grateful that she wasn't
using magic these days. I've experienced enough Willow-magic to last me a lifetime.

***

Every once in a while I pause to think about the turn of events that led me to being the
happy-in-love Willow that I am today.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that there was a time in my life that Buffy didn't know I was in
love with her. That I thought Tara was the next best thing. And that magic was an addiction. I
was in a big furry hurry to do something - anything - fast. Relationships. Magic. Education.
Etcetera. In the course of one night, I went from being totally miserable, to ecstatically happy.
And that happiness was only tripled when Buffy and I made love for the first time. That morning
will always be one of my most precious, even with the mini thumping headache Spike had given me
before Buffy dusted him.

Willow, 'the nobody.' That's what I though of myself most of my life until Buffy came along. Then
I was Willow, 'the mostly nobody, but friend of the Slayer.' Or something like that. With Tara,
for a time I didn't really feel like a nobody. I felt kind of special. I know now that a lot of
that had to do with the magic. Honing my skills. Developing my power. But when we brought Buffy
back and she hardly acknowledged me, and then Tara left, I was back to feeling like plain Willow,
'the nobody' again.

Then she told me about Spike. And I lost it. And then we talked and she told me how she felt. And
there was how I felt. And we were all with the feeling and the love and then kissing happened. And
then I wasn't Willow, 'the nobody' anymore. I was Willow, 'the girl Buffy Summers, the Slayer, was
in love with.' And I was nothing but thrilled and happy and floating on Cloud 9 - hell, past
Cloud 9 and up to Cloud 17 or something. How many happy clouds are there, anyway?

In all the time I've been Buffy's friend, been involved with battling the forces of evil, I hardly
ever stopped to think about what we were doing. What we had accomplished. But once it was evident
that Buffy wanted to spend the rest of her life with me - and I knew it was true, as sure as I
knew my name - I started to take a better look. I started to appreciate our lives and the things
we had been through. I began to take the time to stop and smell the roses, as it were.

Sometimes I'm doing the simplest things like washing the dishes or folding the towels - something
Buffy just can't seem to do right - and I'm overcome with joy and the knowledge that my life, for
once, makes absolute, complete sense. And it's all because I've made a life with Buffy.

It was during one of my little, happy musings that I heard Buffy call me from downstairs.

I left our bedroom, where I had been rearranging a few things in order to make room for both our
belongings, and made my way down the stairs. I paused halfway down when I realized Buffy had
company. They were back, which meant Buffy had gotten to the bottom of the weirdness from
earlier. Yay? It didn't look like a 'yay' moment.

"Hey... guys... what's up?" I asked them coming to the bottom step.

"Will." Buffy started, but stopped.

She had something to tell me, but wasn't saying.

"What is it?" I asked stepping toward her.

Casey and Claire were standing behind Buffy and Tara. Tara was staring at the floor, her hair
hanging in her face. Buffy looked as if telling me whatever news she had for me was going to be
really bad.

"Buffy...?"

"This is hard..." Buffy said.

She looked toward Tara, who looked up, but couldn't seem to train her eyes my way.

"You guys look like someone died." I told them with a crooked smile.

It hit me right away how that question is never funny.

"Oh God! Who died?" I asked, losing my smile.

"Wha-? Oh! No... Willow." Buffy shook her head, putting her hand on my arm for reassurance. "No
one, baby. No deaths." She gave me a weak smile before turning to face the others and adding, "At
least, not yet."

=====
"Everyone's gettin' spanked but me." - Willow

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