FIC : "Of Stakes & Spells" 20/?

["satanslilangl" <satanslilangl@xxxxxxxxx>]

= = = (* Understanding Reason *) = = = 

	Buffy sat quietly by the bed, taking in the surroundings.   
Starchy sheets, cold stone floors, and beeping machines with papers 
all reading out the daily bad news.   And worst of the worst: She 
didn't have to be here.   That may be good for her, but the sad part 
being it was her fault that Faith couldn't leave.   She was trapped, 
here in this bed, for almost eight months.   This fighting machine 
that always seemed so full of life and power and zest couldn't even 
open her eyes or climb out of bed.   

	And that was what caused the silence.   The sleep the 
brunette couldn't wake from.   They sat there, all alone, Faith's 
hand in the blonde's and no sounds but the gentle Beep-Beep of the 
heart monitor and one quiet set of feet making their way down the 
dead hall out-side.   It was deafening, and Buffy felt like her heart 
were going to implode . . .
	"How did you find me here?" Buffy called raspily, her voice 
dry and torn with the crying she had done all the way to the 
hospital.   The soft and silent feet made their way over to the back 
of the chair where the blonde sat, remaining quiet for a few extra 
seconds.
	"Magic." Came Willows whispered reply.   Sighing she laid a 
gentle hand on the Slayer's shoulder, but the blonde made no move to 
acknowledge the gesture.   "You gave me quite a Scare, Buffy.   I 
went back to the dorm and waited, but you didn't show.   I checked 
the graveyards alone  which I know you don't like me to do  but I 
wanted to find you . . . to apologize to you."   Willow sighed, and 
took in the worn and withered look of the brunette in the bed next to 
them.   

	"Tara and I did a spell to find Slayers . . . when it pointed 
me to the hospital, I thought it was leading me to the wrong one."   
Willow sighed.   "But I should have known I'd find you with her." It 
wasn't spiteful, but it made Buffy turn around to look at her.  

	"She was what we were yelling about, and I know you must feel 
bad about what you did Buff . . . that's part of who you are.   You 
care about people, regardless of who they are or what they've done.   
You believe so strongly in infallible goodness in each person 
that . . . well, sometimes I wonder if it affects your judgment."   
Buffy turned her empty, tired eyes back to the girl in the 
bed.   "She painted you into a corner, Buffy.   I think a part of her 
wanted it . . . and I think you know that." The red head gave the 
shoulder beneath her hand a small squeeze, and it was shrugged off.
	"I told her . . . ." Buffy said slowly, voice still rasped 
from emotion, "I told her we had no right to pass judgment onto 
others.   To play God and take lives when we saw fit.   That the 
strength and speed we were given were to save lives . . . not to end 
them." Buffy took in a deep shuddering breath and her voice 
shook.   "And that's what I did.   I killed her Will . . . God, I 
Killed A Slayer!" She sobbed suddenly, leaning her head against the 
hand in hers, tears running down her cheeks and onto the still 
fingers.   Picking her head up slightly, Buffy looked sadly down at 
the brunette.
	"She was always so full of life, you know?" She said, almost 
affectionately, pushing some loose hair behind the cold 
ears.   "Constant energy and excitement.   She always knew how to 
find the fun . . ." She said slowly, almost nostalgically.   "Now 
look at her . . . forced to stay trapped in this cell of a body, 
strapped to this bed, and no one to keep her company except a nurse 
every twelve hours and  that *Stupid* Beeping BOX!" Buffy screamed 
suddenly.   Taking a few shaky breaths the blonde quieted 
slightly.   "And I put her here.   I did the very thing that made us 
shun her . . . at least when she killed someone it was an accident." 
She said slowly, her voice dripping with self-disgust.
	"That's it." Willow said firmly.   Reaching and grabbing the 
Slayer's shoulders suddenly, she turned her around so fast the blonde 
almost fell out of her chair.  "Buffy.   Listen to me." Willow said 
sternly, Resolve Face set to full strength, "You are not a killer.   
You are not responsible for what Faith did, she made her own choices, 
and she knows it." Leaning in close the redhead whispered to 
her, "And I think we both know . . . if you wanted some one dead, 
Slayer or not . . . they'd be dead."   Now, that made Buffy blink.   
She suddenly had a look of confusion on her face, as though she 
couldn't understand the words coming out of the Wicca's mouth.
	"What?" the blonde's were nearly silent, but Willow heard 
them.   Taking the blonde's cheeks in her hands, Willow looked Buffy 
right in the eye, and saw exactly what she was looking for.   
Remorse, understanding, and ultimately acceptance could be seen 
within the hazel orbs.   Smiling sadly, Willow leaned forward and 
kissed the Slayer's forehead just as the tears started leaking down 
her girlfriend's cheeks.   

	"Buffy." Willow said firmly in a caring whisper, "When you 
told me the plan of how you were going to save Angel, I was 
angry . . . and I was scared.   I'd never seen you so intent on 
hurting someone, a human person, even with how much I hated Faith.   
She'd hurt us both so much, but all of a sudden that didn't matter 
because it was the morals you'd held . . . part of what I loved so 
much about you, they were crumbling.   But when I heard the news 
about you two, about her jumping and the way you sacrificed yourself 
to Angel . . . I knew it wasn't an accident."   At that Buffy quickly 
pulled away, looking deeply into those green eyes she was getting to 
know so well.
	"You knew?" Buffy said gently.   Willow nodded.

	"Yeah, I knew." Willow said gently, running her thumbs across 
the smooth cheeks of her Slayer, "I remembered the way you reacted 
when you'd thought you'd accidentally killed Ted, you're mom's 
boyfriend.   You were heart-broken, and not just for your mom.   I 
saw the stab wound, and I know, Buffy . . . I know why you aimed so 
low."   Buffy paled slightly, and an audible gulp was heard.   "You 
never planned on killing her.  But you did plan on hurting her.   You 
knew you could never feed her to Angel, even if it meant risking 
death yourself.   You wanted her out of the game, unable to help the 
Mayor, but you never wanted her here, like this." Willow nodded 
towards the bed.   "And I know, Buff, that you blame yourself for her 
coma."
	"But Will  "

	"No, Buffy." Willow cut her off quickly, "You never asked her 
to jump.   You can't blame her for deviating from a plan you never 
told her."  Willow kissed her head again gently, and before she could 
even blink, Buffy was wrapping her up in a air-tight hug.   Slowly, 
she felt the Slayer begin to shake and tremble, her sobs quiet yet 
heart-wrenching.   Gently running her hands over the soft golden hair 
pressed against her chest.   Shushing her gently, Willow let a tear 
run down her face.   "It's okay Buffy," She whispered, "It's okay, 
I'm here . . . I've got you."   

	Neither one was sure how long they stayed like that, but 
neither cared.   When they finally let go, two pairs of eyes fell on 
to the still figure in the bed.   Willow glared down at the 
brunette's form, hating how even in near-death her mere existence 
caused both of them pain.   With Buffy it was endless guilt over the 
fact that she would never wake-up, and Willow because she was not 
only forced to watch her love suffer but also because the details of 
their relationship stayed a well-hidden secret.   She watched as 
Buffy took her hand again, letting her thumb gently caress the 
fingers and sighing sadly, the tears springing again, though not 
falling.  Placing a gentle hand on the Blonde's shoulder, Buffy 
leaned down for one last kiss goodbye.   Both knew that Buffy 
probably wouldn't be back, or at least not for a while.
	"Goodbye, Faithy." She whispered against the brunette's 
forehead.   Sniffling slightly, Buffy allowed herself to be embraced 
and led from the hospital.   As both girls made their way slowly back 
to campus, they missed the Slayer's hand twitch on top the hospital 
bed, feebly trying to reach for the now long-gone hand that once held 
her so gently . . .
	.

	.

( To Be Continued . . .) 

	~VixenRaign ~

(Author's Note: Okay . . . I know that the last chapter wasn't taken 
very well, that the fighting was confusing, and that the lack of 
smoochies was up-setting,  not to mention that some people felt that 
it seemed rather out of left field.   It was.   And I wish I had 
thought that through a bit more, and eased into the plot a little 
more lightly.   But I promise that the next chapter will be chock-
full of smoochies and there will be an explanation later.   Hope 
y'all like that Buffy/Willow goodness, because there's plenty to 
come!)


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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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