FIC: Girl's Night Out-Too (4A/?) B/W PG

Title: Girl's Night Out *TOO*

Author: Ivy Gort

Spoilers: Fifth Season

Email: Ivygort@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rating:PG

Feedback: Yes, Please! I live on it!

Archive: Please Ask.

Pairing: Buffy and Willow

Previous Parts: http://www.fanfiction.net/~ivygort

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just torturing them for you.

BETA: Ann Marie is the BETA Great Goddess. And thanks to BH Virgo and Japmap for Prereading.

Note: I'm playing fast and loose with canon.

Summary: Willow met Buffy on patrol so that they could talk about Buffy's strange behavior. They were attacked by both Glory's demon minions and the God herself. Buffy was able to defeat the minions and Willow was able to teleport Glory. Willow woke-up in a cave being held by Buffy. After they share an "experience" Buffy runs away.

Part Four

You Darkness

You Darkness, that I come from,

I love you more than all the fires

That fence in the world,

For the fires makes

A circle of light for everyone,

And then no one learns of you.

But the darkness pulls in everything:

Shapes and fires, animals and myself,

How easily it gathers them!-

Powers and people-

And it is possible a great energy

Is moving near me.

I have faith in the nights.--Rilke

?What in the world just happened?? is the first thing I think.

?How dare she!? is the second, and I stare at the daylight shining on the floor from the open trapdoor.

?Oh no you don?t!? is the third thing, and I?m halfway up the wooden ladder before I realize that I have no clothes on. That makes me stop in mid-step and then all my indignation just begins to drain out of me. All my energy goes with it, so that I end up sitting on the bottom riser staring off into space.

The only thought I have is: ?What in the Hell just happened?? It?s repeating over and over because I really don?t know. I woke up, Buffy and I made love, but it was more than ?making love? it was like ? the deepest connection I?ve ever known.

Buffy was, she was ? so beautiful, so incredibly alive; all her attention was focused just on me. On me, and I was connected to that, to her, to everything, and now I?m not. Now I?m back in my skin, I?m no longer connected with Buffy. I have no weird second or overlapping vision, no sense of what?s through the trap door above me

I?m totally alone.

I don't understand how I can doubt her love for me now; but I do. How could she just take off like that if she didn't regret what we did? How could she leave me here in this hole in the ground, after what we just shared?

Unless she didn't? Leave me that is ?.

We should still be in bed talking, about what just happened, the connection. Or cuddling, I could go with cuddling ? not sitting here alone and cold.

"What just happened?" I ask again, and things don?t magically clear up for me. But I do begin to feel ? anger and fear. I am mad at the fates every bit as much as I'm frustrated at her. It's not something as mundane as a relationship issue; it's more, or deeper.

"Oh Buffy, what's wrong with you?" I ask aloud and ? did I just hear something from above? It doesn't matter if she's still up there or not ? she's beyond me at the moment.

I start looking around at the cave, it has a bed, a compact fridge, and a line with my drying clothes hanging from it.

Well. that answers the issue of clothes, and with that I start having flashes of Buffy holding me up in a lukewarm shower. I remember that we were covered in demon gore, and now that I think of it I can see the stains on my clothes. I have a flash of her touching me, she was being so gentle, so careful, as if I was made of glass. I could feel her worry, too. I think harder trying to capture the vague images in my mind, but they were more feelings of soft touches and a sense of being loved than actual images? she was worried, she was just so worried ? the memory slips away. And I'm upset, saddened that I can't bring it out. I think something might have happened that was important ? but it's lost, gone.

I suddenly have to yawn, and I feel so exhausted that all I can think about is how comfortable the bed looks, how it would smell like her, and I want to just climb back into it. Climb back into it and pretend that the sheets and covers are her. That she's still holding me so tightly, that her sleepy emotions are washing over me ?. I wake when I nearly fall off the stair.

"Come on Willow!" I say the words aloud to shake myself awake. I don't know where I am or if this place is safe without Buffy here. Only, I know I'm safe here, as safe as my dorm room, anyway. I think I asked her about it last night ? I wish I could remember!

I have to find her; I know that she wouldn't just leave me here! I know it, so she must be close.

I stumble over to my clothes and notice that the stains aren't as bad as I thought, they look a little rough, but they aren't torn. As I put them on I think about how to find Buffy or make her come out of hiding and then I realize that it's useless. Even if I could she wouldn't talk.

"Why are you so stubborn! You can tell me! You can tell me anything!" I shout at the hole in the ceiling.

Then I whirl around because it was almost like she was in the room with me. I felt her presence so intensely that I?m stunned when I don?t see her standing there. Which makes me mad at her for leaving me here.

"Hear that Buffy! This is now your deal!" I shout the words as I pretend that she's standing in front me. "I don't know what's the up with you; I want to help you, I do ? I love you damn it!" And the pain of separation washes over me again, making it impossible to breathe. "Oh, God Buffy I don't want to give up, I loved waking up in your arms!. But it just can?t be one way.? I finish sadly.

A shimmery tingling touches the back of my mind for only a second. Just a feather's touch, so light that I'm not really sure it happened. Only if it did, then it means that Buffy does care, maybe she will be able to work her way back to me ?. Hope rises up and burns some of the exhaustion away. I hadn't realized that I was on my knees until I taste the salt of my tears.

?Please Buffy, let me in!? I cry ? to silence. The feeling is gone. The sense of presence is gone; nothing is left but me in a big hole in the ground.

I?m so tired by the time I make it back to my dorm that all I want to do is sleep. I took the bus because I realized that Buffy?s little hidey hole was on the other side of Sunnydale from the College. Why she carried me there is yet another mystery. The bus ride was horrible with crying babies, teenage lovers who wouldn?t speak to each other, and one desperate single mother. All I could do the entire way was sit facing the window hoping that no one would talk to me, and thank God they didn?t.

But I don?t care right now; I don?t care about anything except for collapsing into my soft, warm bed. I strip off the clothes and just pass out on the bed, I have no idea what time it is, I have no idea if I had a test today, all I want to do is sleep.

And I dream:

I find myself outside in the bright sunlight. I?m standing in front of a High School as the classes let out for the day. I don?t know how I know this, I just do. I also realize that no one can see me standing here.

My attention is brought to three prissy little girls walking down the sidewalk. And I recognize the Cordiela-like hanger-on?s to the one in the middle. She has bright blonde hair and an incredible smile; I instantly feel like I must try to protect her.

I?m drawn to her. She?s so tiny and terribly young. There is innocence, a childlike quality about her that makes her absolutely lovely. I see an old man in a suit walk up to her and I feel a deep sense of loss wash over me. I try to stand between them but they look right through me as if I?m not there. The beautiful little girl is about to meet a horrible fate ? and then I recognize her? Buffy.

Buffy before I met her, before she had the guarded look in her eyes. Before her eyes turned old. Before I would look into them and wonder if they were that shade of blue because the Slayer was peering out of them, or if the lighting of the room or sun changed the color. Xander and I once spent an entire afternoon discussing Buffy?s eyes and how they seemed to change. He was sure it was the light and I ?didn?t know.

Now I know, I am drawn to watching her eyes as she sits there talking to the old man, she sounds so confused ? so incredibly fragile. Her eyes are a brilliant green in the bright afternoon sun. But even as I observe her conversation with this man, a man that has Watcher written all over his face, his clothes, his self importance ? I start to see a her eyes changing, I begin to see tiny hint of blue fire peeking out.

?So now you?ve seen ?.?

And the truth is starting to form in my mind. The truth that I?d known all along and didn?t want to face. The truth is staring at the man, Buffy?s first Watcher, and he sees it, he knows he has the right little girl ? the truth is the Slayer.

I sit down on the stairs next to her; I want to beg her not to go with the man, Merrick is his name. I?m sick and wish I?ve never seen the untouched light Buffy had before she was called.

The scene stops and then flows again, only now it?s night. I see a flash of blonde hair behind some trees so I go to her. I can?t help myself, I have to follow wherever she might lead me.

She?s sitting on the ground with the old man?s head in her lap. The fact that her first Watcher was killed never really hit me before. I knew the facts, just not what it meant.

She?s sitting there crying, no, not so much crying as whispering to him to wake up, to please not be dead. That?s she?s so sorry! She only wanted to feel what it was like to be normal one last time ? she wants him to please live and let her die instead ? anything. She?d do anything to stop the pain, to know that this isn't her fault ? anything.

?So now you?ve seen ?.?

The green in her eyes is the color of fresh spring grass, made brighter because of her tears. A boy comes up to her, he?s talking to her and she?s trying to listen. Trying to draw comfort from him, I can see little threads of white magical light leave her heart and touch his--but it doesn?t work?he can?t feel her pain. So the light sadly withdrawals, she can?t make him something he isn?t.

I hear a sound and she does too. Instantly her eyes change into the blue fire and now I?m sure.

?So now you?ve seen ?? Yes, I have, but more importantly, now I know.

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Continued in Part Four B