Repost: Revenge

[Mad Hamlet <Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx>]

Greetings,
I wrote this for Halloween oh...nearly two years ago I'd guess. The ending is no longer quite so valid but I think the overall it's still fun as hell.
Either way, the fic is in the attachment.
I remain, as always, Mad-Hamlet

A requirement that literature or art conform to some norm prescribed by an official smacks of an ideology foreign to our system. William O. Douglas Supreme Court Justice


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Look upon my work ye mighty and...ah skip it. http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/madhamlet.htm -Mad Hamlet

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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in." Buffy:  "I kinda love you." —'Choices'
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{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg932\deff0\deflang1033\deflangfe1041{\fonttbl{\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Arial;}} \viewkind4\uc1\pard\lang1041\f0\fs20 Disclaimers: All this belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Inc. \par (Grrr..arrggh) and boy, if this does happen, he's screwed.\par \par \par \par Drain Brameged Inc. Feebly presents\par A Mad-Hamlet Production\par \par \par \par \par \tab\tab\tab Revenge\par \par \par \par Mad-Hamlet idly flicked the power switch on 'his' computer. It was \par always the same machine he worked with at the Cyber Cafe of which he \par was part owner. So he felt a little more 'ownership' over this \par particular machine than any of the rest.\par \par Besides this was where he stored all hit BtVS parapenila. Images, \par stories he had written, Manips etc..etc..\par \par With the flick of the mouse he opened up his email and checked for the \par latest posts from his peers. One message got his attention. The \par sujbect read...\par \par 'Fortune Cookie'.\par \par He groanded inwardly tired of all the junk mail but checked it anyway. \par Sometimes his friends sent him weird stuff. It was best to make sure. \par \par The message opened and on was a single word.\par \par 'Tonight.'\par \par "What the.." He muttered to himself.\par \par Then the power went out. \par \par He sat in the gloomy darkness of the cafe drumming his fingers on the \par table top. There was something oddly famliar about all this. Something \par that nagged at the back of his memory. Something about...things he had \par read about before..before the List, before..Buffy...\par \par The FFML!!\par \par Revenge..\par \par "Oh...shit." He breathed the words quietly.\par \par "I think that sums up the siutation nicely." Said another voice.\par \par A light, chirpy voice.\par \par A warm voice, something you migh hear just before being saved from the \par jaws of some undefinable beastie and you'd swear it was the most \par beautiful sound in all of creation. \par \par Odd that the voice, now could also be somewhat menacing in it's own \par right.\par \par "Hello Buffy." Mad-Hamlet said spinning in his chair slowly. \par \par What little light that did shine through the picture window silliouted \par the slayers form. The edge of the illumination was just enough to \par allow half her face to be seen.\par \par Despite the fact he had spent a good portion of the last year \par _wanting_ to see her face in real life Mad-Hamlet was suddenly all to \par aware of the ancient saying 'Be Carful What You Wish For.'\par \par She didn't look happy.\par \par Now that in and of itself was not saying a lot. \par If you didn't know Elizabeth Anne Summers she would not look any more \par dangerous, being unhappy, than any other average teenaged girl.\par \par But if you did know her..\par \par Well, in that case her expression spoke volumes.\par \par The slight tick on the left side of her face meant she wondered how \par you'd look with your joints backwards. The crease in her forehead \par wondered how the recipaint of 'the look' would appear as one giant rug \par burn. The set of her shoulders meant she was curious as how you'd feel \par about drowning in your own blood and the final note, her clechning and \par relaxing her hands, why those meant she wondered how your throat would \par feel...and she was intending to find out soon.\par \par Mad-Hamlet wasn't that concerned. He had talked his way out of tougher \par situations than this. 'Oh yeah?' His brain screamed at him. 'When!?'\par \par "Don't I get a hello Hamlet?"\par \par That was another voice.\par \par He hadn't noticed her before. She was standing in the opposite corner \par of the room. Long red dress, a baggy brown sweater hanging over her \par shoulders, arms crossed over her chest. She wouldn't have looked too \par odd in that position, save that she was floating a good two feet off \par the ground. \par \par "Uh. Hi Willow." He spoke weakly.\par \par 'That's it.' His brain piped up. 'We're screwed...and not in the good \par way either.'\par \par That was just panic talking, the more rationale part of his \par mind..well..that had gone on vacation. \par \par 'I've read about this before.' He mused quickly. 'Charactesr of \par fanfiction coming into our world to enact revenge for what we authors \par have put them through...but what have I ever done?'\par \par Panic spoke up.\par \par 'You raped Willow. Oh and let's see... then you killed Buffy, turned \par Willow into a walking corpse, and..oh yes, our latest truimph..killed \par Buffy _again_, gutting Willow like a fish, brought her back from the \par dead and had her kill Faith.'\par \par 'In other words,' Hamlet thought finally agreeing with his sense of \par panic. 'We're screwed.'\par \par 'I'm outta here.' Panic informed him and promtly left the building.\par \par "That's right." Willow said softly. "You are screwed."\par \par Taking a deep breath Mad-Hamlet replied. "Reading my mind Willow, \par height of bad manners. What would Giles say?"\par \par "Actually," Buffy interupted. "Giles said, 'Can I come along? \par Mad-Hamlet and I have a matter to discuss.' but there wasn't enough \par room in the portal for more than Willow and me. Can I kill him now \par Will?"\par \par "No." Willow said slowly. "I get first dibs, you got the short straw."\par \par "Awww... C'mon Will." \par \par "No. Now behave or I we can't play our fun games when we get back." \par Willow shook a finger at the Slayer.\par \par Mad-Hamlet's eyes nearlly popped out of his head. "Fun games? I don't \par remember writing about any 'games'." He muttered.\par \par "Yeah!" Buffy spun to face him. "Which is one of the things we wanted \par to 'talk' to you about!"\par \par "It's always pain." Willow added. "Gut wrenching pain and agony. What \par is it with you and pain anyway?"\par \par "I..." Mad-Hamlet, for the first time ever, found himself at a loss \par for words. He compensated quickly. By running like a coward.\par \par Course that didn't work. Buffy merely snagged him by the collar of his \par jacket and hoisted him in the air effortlessly. His feet peddled \par making no contact with the ground for a few seconds.\par \par 'I don't know what's worse.' He complained to himself. 'I'm going to \par die or the fact that she's only..what..five, four?'\par \par "I'm five, five!" Buffy snapped tossing him back in his chair. \par \par "Great." Mad-Hamlet muttered. "Mind linked? I KNOW I never wrote \par that...yet."\par \par "So you asked about pain Willow." Mad-Hamlet spun his seat to face the \par witch. He tried very hard to ignore her black eyes, the etheral glow \par surrounding her body the..the..eldricth, arcane bolts of white \par lightniging that crawled impatiently around her fingers like a caged \par tiger. He tried to ignore them..and he realised he wasn't doing a very \par good job. \par \par "Pain let's you feel alive.." He said grandly. "After going through \par the dark is not the light of day that much warmer? Does the sun not \par shine in a way that let's you believe, for no matter how brief a time, \par that is shines for you and yours alone? Are the trees not a miracle \par now? Emerald green and offering shade, strenght and comfort? Does the \par grass not feel like cool velvet as you role upon it with your beloved? \par Are the birds not a glorious choir now that would make angels weep? \par Does not every bit of food and drink now dance upone your tounge with \par merry jest that you have never felt before or since? Are you not, at \par that moment, more alive than you have ever been?"\par \par "Oh God." Buffy covered her face with her hands. "He's soliquizing."\par \par Mad-Hamlet gave her a hurt look. "I like to think I soliquise very \par well thank you."\par \par Willow shook her head slightly. "Impressive last words." She growled. \par Buffy, grab him.\par \par A split second and one full nelson later Mad-Hamlet found himself face \par to face with an angry Wiccan, totally imobilised. It was impressive, \par what with Willow being nose to nose with him, that meant she still had \par to be, at least, five inches off the ground. \par \par "I have a soliloqy for you." She breathed into his face. Her finger \par graced his left cheek, sliding down slowly and oddly enogh the \par crackling energy did not hurt a bit. 'Maybe she still has it on a \par leash.' Mad-Hamlet thought.\par \par "What a piece of work is a man!" Willow smiled, gently tweaking \par Mad-Hamlet's nose. "How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In \par form and moving how express and admirable!"\par \par "Peachy." Mad-Hamlet grumbled. "Rosencranzt and Guildenstern talking \par to Hamlet, outside the castle. Act 2, scene 2."\par \par Willow patted his cheek. "Indulge me." \par \par She continued. "In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like \par a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!"\par \par As Willow spoke her tone changed, from warm and soft to something \par harder. It was a gradual transformation, each syllable slowly changing \par from something whispered and flowing to guttaral short bites. Her \par jawline grew tense and the pitch of her voice lowered so by the end \par she had to snarl out the last line.\par \par Silence reigned in the cafe. Mad-Hamlet was aware he could only hear \par his own breathing. Maybe it was the dull roar in his ears, he couldn't \par be sure and events would not allow him time to be that introspective.\par \par Willow began shrieking. " And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of \par dust?"\par \par She floated away from the doomed fanficcer and her head now brushed \par the cieling, raising her hands slowly the arcane energies spun and \par whirled about her clawed fingers, snapping loudly like hungry beasts \par eager to feed.\par \par "Man delights not me." Willow screamed. \par \par "Duh!" Mad-Hamlet shouted back.\par \par Mad-Hamlet would be the first to admit he was not in the best of \par shape, and even if he was he figured Van Damme wouldn't have a chance \par against the Slayer. Still...\par \par He snapped his head back slamming the back of his skull into the \par Slayer's face. \par \par "Ow." She said.\par \par "Ow." He said.\par \par Buffy didn't let go.\par \par "Damn." Mad-Hamlet muttered. He wished he could move his arms, he \par really wanted to rub the back of his head. "That always works in the \par movies."\par \par The crowing pitch of magic forces built to a towering climax.\par \par And Mad-Hamlet found his tounge.\par \par "NOR WOMEN NEITHER!" He shouted. "But by your smiling you seem to \par think so!"\par \par "How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of \par this world!" He continued. "Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded \par garden, that grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it \par merely. That it should come to this!"\par \par \par Willow paused. Confused. "That's not..that's not how it goes. You got \par your lines crossed."\par \par "Somebody has their wires crossed alright." Mad-Hamlet grumbled.\par \par "Hey!!" Both the women shouted in protest.\par \par "Well excuse me!" Mad-Hamlet protested back. "I'm sorry but that's how \par I view this world. So I make my own. And guess what, it would appear \par I'm not better than the creator at this game. Okay, people hurt, \par people even die..but you're still here arn't you? You still live and \par love and laugh and sing? And when thes sun goes down are there not \par other activities that you delight in, matters of flesh and heat, white \par and beautiful."\par \par "You're soliquising again." Buffy growled in his ear. "About deeply \par personal stuff."\par \par "I gave you that personal stuff." Mad-Hamlet protested again.\par \par "Oh yeah?" Willow challenged. "When?"\par \par Mad-Hamlet boggled. "HeeeelllOOOoo..Feather Roads ring any bells? How \par about On Occasions? Hmm..well? I'm WWAAAIIITTTINNNGGG!!"\par \par "Feather Roads?" Buffy looked confused.\par \par "On Occasions?" Willow echoed the sentiment.\par \par "And you call yourselves reasearchers." Mad-Hamlet smirked, he \par thought, maybe..just maybe..he had a reprieve. A chance.\par \par "If you'll let me go...thanks..they're right here. Gimmie a sec."\par \par "I can do it." Willow challenged. "I am a hacker y'know." \par \par "Fine...fine." Mad-Hamlet backed away from the machine, holding his \par hands up. \par \par The next half hour was spent nervously wringing his hands while the \par two..suddenly not so fictional characters poured over his other works. \par He thought about trying to slip out the door and run like hell, \par but..he decided he wasn't that stupid.\par \par Mild bursts of outrage were heard from time to time but as they \par progressed the 'flavor' of the hushed whispers changed.\par \par "Oh my God." He heard Buffy mutter.\par \par "We have got to try that." Willow echoed.\par \par "Hey..I didn't write all of them." They spun to face him. "I can't \par take all the blam..I mean credit. Shyfox and Kirayoshi helped."\par \par "Kirayoshi.." Buffy said thoughtfully. "Didn't he send me to hell?"\par \par "Shyfox...I like Shyfox." Willow giggled. "She gave me a baby."\par \par "And knocked Buffy off a three story building." Mad-Hamlet added. Hey, \par if he was going down he wasn't going down alone. \par \par "But I got better." Buffy snapped. \par \par "And you did in my stories too!" Mad-Hamlet pointed out. "One way or \par the other."\par \par "Ashes?" Willow asked.\par \par "Even then."\par \par "We were dead!" Buffy exclaimed outraged.\par \par "Yeah but you were together." Mad-Hamlet said.\par \par "Oh sure. Heaven. That helps so much." Buffy snorted.\par \par "Do..do they have mochas in Heaven?" Willow asked quietly.\par \par "Uh..." Mad-Hamlet uhed.\par \par "Do..." Willow squirmed in her seat alkwardly. "Do they have duel \par headed, strap o.."\par \par "I HAVE NO IDEA!!" Mad-Hamlet bellowed loudly not wanting her to \par finish the sentence. "NO IDEA! NOT ME! NOT HERE! IDEA MAN HAS LEFT THE \par BUILDING!!"\par \par He held his hands firmly over his ears. "I CAN'T HEEEARRR YOU!! LA LA \par DEE DAAA I AM THE EGGMAN I AM THE WALRUS COO COO CACHU!!"\par \par Strong hands pulled his hands away from the sides of his head.\par \par "Just..stop." Buffy appeared to be begging. "Stop. Stop singing. \par Cease, desist, ixnay, pause, ..and so forth."\par \par "Okay." Mad-Hamlet agreed. The two girls nodded and went back to \par reading.\par \par More time passed in overall silence.\par \par The computer was shut off with an audiable 'click'.\par \par The two girls stood up and approached Mad-Hamlet. He was standing in \par the corner smoking a ciggarette. \par \par "Those will kill you you know." Willow said.\par \par "I thought with you being here it was a moot point." Mad-Hamlet said.\par \par "Nope." Buffy shook her head.\par \par "Feather Roads saved your ass." Willow chirruped.\par \par Mad-Hamlet and Buffy boggled at the wiccan.\par \par "What?" She said. "I can say ass!"\par \par "My world is crumbling around me." Mad-Hamlet grumbled.\par \par "Sheesh." Buffy groaned. "Delusionsal much?"\par \par "Every chance I get." Mad-Hamlet snapped back. "So..I get to live?"\par \par "Yes." The two girls said at the same time. The Blonde didn't appear \par to happy at the idea.\par \par Mad-Hamlet nodded slowly. "Cool." A split second later he was pinned \par to the wall by the slayers hand at his throat. \par \par "More happy stuff." She hissed in his face. "After Ashes..." She let \par her voice drift off, the threat being more effective being unsaid.\par \par \par "Happy stuff." Mad-Hamlet gasped around the iron hand. "Gotcha."\par \par The Slayer released him and he collapsed on the ground coughing.\par \par "C'mon Will." The Slayer said. "Let's go."\par \par The two girls quickly exited the cafe letting the door swing shut \par behind them silently. \par \par Mad-Hamlet sat on the floor of the Cyber Cafe. The power was still out \par so it was still dark. \par \par The door opened and Willow's head popped around the corner. "Just a \par teensy revenge." She said with a giggle. An arcane bolt of energy \par launched itself across the room impacting with the Author's head. \par \par "There." Willow smirked. "Complete spoilers for every season of BtVS \par yet to be made. You'll never be surprised again."\par \par She closed the door silently satisfied with her work. \par \par Inside a dark room a dark man seethed. \par \par "Yer angry sport." Another voice popped up.\par \par "You here for revenge too?" Mad-Hamlet growled. The pain of the spell \par and the knowledge now upon him, ruining forever the rest of the show, \par was palpable in his voice.\par \par "Heck no mate. You stayed loyal with me. I figure I owe you. The \par question is: Do you want revenge?"\par \par "Tell me what you have in mind." Mad-Hamlet choked out between \par clenched teeth.\par \par "C'mon friend, we'll go have a beer and 'discuss' it."\par \par "Sounds like a plan." Mad-Hamlet pulled himself to his feet slowly.\par \par Spike held open the door and the two of them went off, on a dark \par night, to drink beer and plan dark deeds.\par \par \par END-Revenge\par \par Authors Notes: 'Revenge Fics'- When the Fanficced characers enter our \par reality to ...discuss..what's been done to them with the respective \par creators of various fanfics.\par \par I don't know how common those are in this particualar genre but on \par the FFML(Fan Fiction Mailing List- An Anime focused branch of \par fanfiction) they are commonplace. But on Hallowee, or near it, the \par gloves come off. Generally they're pretty mean. More often than not \par the fanficcer gets beaten up, forced to 'be' a hero, or..worst of \par all..dunked in the nyannichiuan.(Spring of Drowned Girl) And if anyone \par here is familiar with Ranma 1/2 you know that means. \par This all came to a head about three or four years back with 'The \par Revenge Wars'. A HUGE fic where a lot of anime characters got revenge \par on a lot of fanficcers and the fanficcers wanted revenge back. It got \par to be pretty bloody, with fanficcers throttling the hell out of their \par beloved characters..untill it was revealed that a mysterious third \par party had instigated the whole shebang to gain 'Univeral Domination'.\par I stopped reading about there. \par But it was fun.\par \par Anyone else want to try?\par \par It's Halloween..they're free..and they're looking for a bit O'Revenge.\par \par }