Fic: The Times In Between Part 4/?

["frank_8281" <frank_8281@xxxxxxxxx>]

Author: Bob Head
Disclaimer: None of the characters below belong to me. All the BtVS 
people belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox. I'm 
just trying to have fun.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow, of course.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including the Series Finale is possible 
Rating: NC-17, mostly for language, but who knows what might happen.
Feedback: Well, Yeah! frank_8281@xxxxxxxxx   



The Times In Between



May 24th, 2003 7:53 am

Willow woke to what Oz would have called a bass line thumping in her 
head, which felt at least three times its normal size. It felt so bad 
that for long minutes she was unaware that she wasn't alone in the 
bed. `Oh god, this is why I don't drink very often.' She thought

Gingerly Willow opened her eyes and saw that she was in a hotel 
room `Faith and Kennedy must have brought me to the hotel after& 
damn.' As she became more aware of her surroundings the witch noticed 
the warm body pressed against her own and turned her head expecting 
to see Kennedy, only to look into the hazel eyes of her best friend.

"Buffy?"

"Hi. How do you feel?" she said.

"Like someone left a cement mixer running in my head." Willow moaned 
as she tried to sit up.

The sudden movement was too much and she staggered toward the 
bathroom. Buffy gave her a few minutes and then followed, as she 
entered, Willow was still retching. The Slayer wordlessly dipped a 
washcloth into the ice bucket, which now contained mostly ice water, 
wrung it out and gently placed it against Willow's forehead with one 
hand while gathering her long red hair at the back of her neck with 
the other.

A long time later, Willow sat on the bathroom floor while Buffy knelt 
next to her gently washing her pale face with the last clean 
washcloth. Willow's aching head welcomed the coolness. Not a word had 
passed between them, but now bloodshot green eyes were searching 
hazel ones seeking an answer to the question that Buffy knew was 
coming.

"Why?" asked Will, in a flat tone of voice.

Buffy fidgeted, "Well, you looked after me in the hospital, so I 
figured it was my&"

"No," Willow interrupted, " you know what I mean. Tell me why you 
were just going to let yourself die."

Buffy looked down at the floor.

"LOOK at me dammit! Answer me! Don't you WANT to stay with Dawn? 
Don't you want to stay& with me?" 

"It& it wasn't about leaving you or Dawn or the others. I was just& 
so damn tired! The First was beaten, the Slayers had been activated 
and the Hellmouth was closed. It just seemed like my job was done. It 
was& I don't know& easier I guess, to just let go. I wasn't really 
thinking straight." Buffy shook her head as she finished.

"Easier? God Buffy, easier for WHO? What do you think the rest of us 
would have felt like? To actually win against the worst thing we'd 
ever faced only to lose you! What do you think Dawn would feel like 
to lose the only real family she has? Did you even think at all?"

Buffy said, "I just said I &"

"Stop!" she said putting her finger to Buffy's lips. "You don't get 
to do that this time! No more hiding, behind puns and quips and&  and 
stupid jokes! When you died stopping Glory, it was like a part of me 
died with you. That whole summer I was like a crazy person. 
Researching during the day, patrolling at night, keeping the Buffybot 
patched up. Then spending any spare minute I could find visiting 
your& your grave."

Buffy began, "Willow I&"

"Wait please, I-I have to get this out. If I stop I don't know if I 
can start again. So just listen, okay?"

Buffy nodded and sat back on her heels to wait. 

"I schemed and connived to get the things I needed to bring you back. 
I lied to Tara and hid things from Giles and Dawn. I kept telling the 
others that it was because you had to be in Hell and we had to rescue 
you, but I think I knew even before you told us, somewhere deep 
inside I knew." Tears started rolling down her cheeks. 

"Tara knew the real reason why I was so obsessed with bringing you 
back, even before I admitted it to myself. I didn't think she did but 
I found her journal hidden in some of our things when I moved back 
into your house. There were entries from that summer& about you& and 
about me and how she knew how I really felt." Willow paused and took 
a deep breath. "Buffy, I've never said it out loud before but& I 
brought you back because& I couldn't stand to live without you. Then, 
when it was done, you were so distant and cold! I knew why, even 
though I wouldn't admit it. That's when I started turning to magic 
more and more. I was& I think, unconsciously, I was looking for a way 
fix what I'd done. And then Tara left after my memory spell fiasco, 
and I got Dawn hurt& and I found out about you and Spike&"

"Wills, Spike was just& convenient. I can't say I never cared about 
him, but it was nothing like how I feel about you."

"Buffy, do you even know how you feel? How I feel? Do you know why I 
stopped that day on Kingman's Bluff?"

"Xander's yellow crayon speech?"

Willow laughed bitterly, "Let's just say, if that story was all the 
world had going for it that day& well, it would have been bad."

They both sat in silence for a few moments then Willow continued, "I 
could see you, did you know? In my head."

"No, I-I didn't know that." Buffy said.

"Xander was making his pitch about that stupid yellow crayon and I 
couldn't even see him. All I could see was you, down in that hole, 
fighting those things I had sent after you and Dawn. You wouldn't 
give up, no matter how many more appeared, you just kept cutting them 
down."

"I had to get to you, to save you." Buffy whispered.

"And you did Buffy. Xander thinks it was him, but what Giles had done 
by tricking me into taking the coven's power allowed me to see into 
the hearts and minds of all humanity. But there was just one heart 
that I wanted to see into, and past all that pain and the loneliness 
of being the Slayer I saw your love for me. Even after everything I 
did& Warren and Rack, trying to hurt Dawnie and& pulling you out of 
heaven, you still loved me. And I& I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill 
you. Then, after everything that's happened this year& for you to try 
and commit suicide! I-I& just don't know what to do."

Buffy was terrified that she knew where this talk was going but she 
couldn't stop it.

"Wills, you know that I love you right? I don't mean just best 
friends love; I mean I'm in love with you! Please god, tell me you 
know that!" A touch of panic crept into her voice as Buffy blurted it 
all out and started to pull Willow to her in an embrace.

"I can't see into your heart anymore Buffy," Willow said, "and at 
least for right now, I don't think I can be around you."

Buffy felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. After finally admitting 
to herself and to Willow how she felt, now THIS?

"Oh," Buffy said, letting go of her. "What& What are you going to do?"

"I think I have to go away for awhile& to work things out." 

"Go away? Now? Right now, when I've finally started figuring this 
thing out?" she asked.

"Buffy I think we both need some time&"

"Time? How much time have we already LOST Will?" Her eyes filled with 
tears.

"Buffy," the redhead began.

"No Will! I listened to you, now it's my turn." She rose and moved to 
stare out the window in the other room. Willow followed and sat on 
the bed.

The blonde Slayer took a deep breath. "I don't remember a whole lot 
about my time there. Everyday the memory fades a little bit more. I 
guess it's one of those things we're not supposed to know, but one of 
the things I do remember is WHY I was happy there. It was because of 
you Wills. It was because somehow I KNEW that you were alive and safe 
and that because of that, I could rest. Then I came back. You 
remember how I came back don't you Willow? You remember where don't 
you?" 

Willow tried to speak, but Buffy cut her off. "I was in a coffin 
Will. Buried six feet underground. I had gone from being warm and 
safe and loved to a cold, dark box at the bottom of a hole. And the 
stench in my&my coffin! Do you know what a dead body smells like 
after three months underground Willow? I do. Your spell restored my 
body, fixed everything that had& decayed. But it didn't take away the 
smell."


Again the witch tried to speak, but couldn't seem to find the words 
as a ball of lead seemed to materialize out of nowhere into the pit 
of her stomach.

"I was confused and scared. God Will I was so scared. I thought that 
I had done something to cause me to be thrown out. Of course then I 
didn't know what had really happened. That came later. The only thing 
I knew then was that I had to get out. So I clawed and tore my way 
through the silk and wood above me and the dirt beyond that, until I 
finally dug my way out of my own grave. I wasn't exactly& sane when I 
finally got out, but I had one thought running through my head, `Find 
Willow'."

Willow stepped up behind Buffy and tentatively placed her hands on 
her shoulders. "I thought you could fix it Will. Then when I found 
out you caused it, that you had pulled me away from that peace& God! 
I was sooo ANGRY with you! And yeah, I did things that I shouldn't 
have, things that hurt you. Maybe I even did them BECAUSE they would 
hurt you. I just don't know any more Will, and now with you 
activating all the Slayers& Well, like Faith said, I just have to 
live like a person, except I don't know how!" Almost unconsciously 
she leaned back against the redhead, who folded her arms around 
Buffy. "The only thing I DO know is that now more than ever, I need 
my Willow." 

Remembering the last time the Slayer had spoken those words; the 
young witch replied as she had that day, "You don't have to be 
afraid."

"But, you're still going, aren't you?" Buffy whispered.

Willow sighed, "I have to. For a long time now Buffy, I've been 
Willow Rosenberg, Oz's girlfriend or Tara's girlfriend& or Kennedy's 
girlfriend. Buffy, I have to figure out who the hell Willow Rosenberg 
is WITHOUT the qualifiers, before I can be your girlfriend. Can you 
understand that?"

"I only understand that you're doing the same thing you accused me 
of."

"Buffy&"

She turned to face her, "Dammit Will! You get pissed at me cause you 
think that what I did in a moment of& of stupidity means that I don't 
want you. Then, when I tell you that I do, you tell me that you can't 
be around me! How are we supposed to fix this if we can't be 
together?"

"Do you?" the redhead asked.

"What?"

"Want me."

Shaking her head in confusion, Buffy said, "God Willow, isn't that 
what this is all about? I want you, you want me but for some reason 
our twains never seem to meet?" Placing her hands on her hips she 
continued, "And did that sentence make ANY fucking sense?"

"Not really, but I know what you meant." After a moment she 
asked, "You know I still have to go don't you?"

"I know, but I don't have to like it." Buffy replied sadly.

Then her mouth hardened into a determined line, "One year."

"Huh?" Willow was confused.

"One year, that's all the time you get to figure out what you need 
to. I'll do some figuring of my own. 

"What if it's&"

"Not enough?" Buffy took the redhead in her arms and kissed her. 
Startled, Willow tensed for a moment and then melted, opening her 
lips slightly in invitation. One that was not ignored. Then the 
Slayer stepped away and said, "It'll have to be Will. Because if 
you're not back by then& I'm coming to get you."

With that she walked out of the room leaving a confused (and not a 
little frustrated) Willow staring at the closed door.

TBC&






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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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