Fic: The First Time

["Mandy" <agentmandarin@xxxxxxxxx>]

Author: Mandy
Disclaimer: All the Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant 
Enemy and other corporate types.  I own nothing.  If I did, there'd 
be a lot more lovin goin on  :D
Pairing: Buffy/Willow
Spoilers: Season 2 Finale: Becoming Part 2
Rating: PG
Feedback: As long as you don't hurt me _too_ much.  
AN: This is just a tiny lil glimpse into what might go through 
Will's head when she remembers her first time.  This is my first 
post, but not my first written.  If someone (anyone :D) likes this 
maybe I'll work up the nerve to post my bigger stuff. 





       It was kinda funny now, the way that it started.  Sitting in 
her hospital bed with Oz and Cordy on either side, burning herbs and 
speaking words that none of them really understood.  All she'd 
wanted was to fix Angel, give Buffy back some semblance of a normal 
life.  She knew she could do it, she was Ms.Calender's best 
student.  It was literally Jenny's dying  wish  that Buffy and Angel 
be restored to their former happy place, the least she could do was 
try and finish it for her.  
	She'd been halfway into the ritual when it began- a slight 
tingling in her belly.  She figured it was just the hospital jello, 
that stuff was just not a nice shade of green- and those chunks... 
yuck.  Then it started to burn, mildly at first but steadily growing 
as the ritual progressed.  Her mind flashed back through the 
warnings that Giles, Buffy and even Xander had voiced when she 
originally suggested that she could be the one to bring Angel's soul 
back.  They'd all been afraid for her.  The magick was too strong,  
they said.  But she wanted to help, she wanted to show them that she 
was good for something other than cracking open books and code for 
the cause.  
	She pushed the warnings to the back of her mind and tried to 
ignore the growing fire in her tummy.  She chastised herself for 
thinking about giving up so soon, just for a little pain.  Buffy 
deals with worse all the time, she reminded herself.  She held onto 
that for as long as she could think coherently.  Soon after she 
began her inner mantra, the burning stopped - was replaced by 
something that not even Buffy had felt before.
	The way that it pulled and bit at her insides, like an 
arcticly cold blade sawing through raw flesh.  It was beyond the 
worst feeling she'd ever imagined.  The bump on her head was nothing 
in comparison.  She couldn't even feel that bump anymore- or her 
head-or anything for that matter.  Dimly she heard what sounded like 
her voice, forcefully shouting  in some strange language.  But that 
couldn't be right, she would never shout in a hospital where sick 
people were trying to sleep and get well- would she?  She pondered 
this for a moment (or was it a lifetime?) until the dark reached out 
and caressed her.  
	The pain was all gone now.  The dark told her she'd never 
have to feel it again and wrapped it's warm, liquid tentacles around 
her.  It crooned to her in an ancient wordless mother's tongue that 
she was finally home and safe and loved.  And somehow it was true 
and she promised to never leave.
	But then there was a tiny niggling in the back of her mind.  
It told her this was wrong, that she needed to come back.  She tried 
to ignore that voice, snuggling into the dark like a sleepy child 
who doesn't want to get out of bed, but it was no use.  All it had 
to do was remind her why she'd come this way, and the tickle gained 
strength.  The thought of her bright and shiny Slayer cut a swath 
through the darkness and led her home.  
	She blinked her eyes and looked up at the worried faces of 
her friends- and smiled.  Because what else could she do?  She'd 
never be able to explain the tiny bit of wrongness that had followed 
her back.  She would never tell Buffy what she had truly sacrificed 
this day.  But most of all she could never acknowledge, even to 
herself, that Buffy was the only thing that brought her back.




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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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