Fic: Survivors 2/2

[Crys Loch <pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Buffy opened her eyes and sighed when she saw Willow barely moving.  She 
looked strained and afraid, like when she first met her in high school.  
She knew Willow had spent the years since then opening with self 
confidence and even sexual energy.  She knew Willow knew how to dance.  
She moved towards her, putting her hands on Willow's hips to draw her in 
even closer and leaning up to place her lips near her ear to be heard 
over the music.  "Willow, dance.  Dance with me even.  Just feel the 
music at least.  Let go."  She stayed close, her hands remaining on 
Willow's hips as they started to move.  Buffy smiled when Willow's arms 
rested over her shoulders and she felt her relax.  She started into a 
rhythm they could move to together, holding Willow close.  Buffy was 
determined to pull Willow back towards life and hold her there.



The music never stopped, blending one song into the next till they lost 
count.  Buffy watched the effects of magical energy from the fight 
ebbing from her friend and through the crowded dance floor.  The urgency 
in the crowd's dancing heightened.  Their gazes glowed with more fire.  
They needed and their desire grew and they didn't know why.  She was the 
only one who noticed that it was change.  But it wouldn't hurt them.  
Whatever possessed them tonight would fade with the day, and whatever 
consequences there were, they could just deal with it themselves.  
Everything was relative, and compared to what they've done before, this 
was nothing.  What she really wondered about was how easy it was dancing 
with Willow.  She thought maybe the magic was affecting her as well.  
Willow of course was used to dancing with a woman.  And she had danced 
before with Faith.  But the more they relaxed into the music, the closer 
they became.  She thought maybe it was as simple as they both needed to 
feel someone was close right now.  Buffy felt Willow rest her head on 
her shoulder, then she watched as Willow suddenly pulled up and away, 
stopped dancing, turned and walked though the crowd and out of the 
Bronze.  Cursing a little to herself, she followed.



Finding Willow near the entrance to a dead end alley beside the club, 
Buffy approached slowly.  "Willow, what's wrong?"



"What's wrong?  What isn't wrong?  What those people are feeling in 
there right now, that's wrong.  You thought I didn't notice?  What I'm 
almost feeling, that's really wrong."  Willow started pacing and backing 
further down the alley. 



Buffy noticed Willow was backing herself almost against the back wall 
and hid in the shadows.  She followed, slowly.  And when Willow stopped, 
she stopped and leaned calmly against a side wall.  "What are you 
feeling, Willow?"



At the question, Willow started pacing again, never looking directly at 
Buffy, and nearly shouting.  "You know, Buffy.  At least you keep saying 
you know.  And I'm guessing you could at least catch a clue.  I feel so 
cut off.  God, I just want to connect to something.  And the music isn't 
doing it, babe."  Willow stopped again and tried to calm down.  In a 
quieter voice, "I know what I could connect to; but it's really not 
cold, dark power I want to feel any more.  And... and anything else, I'd 
just hurt someone right now."



"You wouldn't hurt me."  Buffy almost didn't believe she said that.  But 
her need to pull Willow back from the void was now mixing with her own 
need to feel life as well.  She knew what Willow was feeling, what she 
wanted.  She briefly reasoned that doing this was certainly less evil 
than having sex with Spike, then never thought of it again.  She wanted 
so desperately to feel connected to Willow again.  While they were 
dancing, she almost felt Willow open up.  She realized if she wanted 
Willow to open up, she would have to first let her in.



When Willow's only reaction was to shake what she'd heard out of her 
head, Buffy tried again.  "Willow..."  Still, Willow only looked at the 
ground.  "Willow, look at me."  Willow then raised her head and Buffy's 
breath caught with the intensity of the black eyes as they traveled over 
her body and finally held her eyes.  Her breathing resumed a little 
deeper than before, her pulse racing a little faster.  Willow broke her 
stare, only to let it wander over Buffy's body again.  "Will, I tore 
through five vamps trying to reach you in time.  You don't think I know 
what you're feeling right now?  Or what I'm saying?"



Willow charged Buffy, stopping directly before her.  Placing both hands 
against the wall, she trapped Buffy between her arms and leaned in.  "I 
think you have no idea what you're saying.  Or what it does to me."  She 
closed her eyes, but opened them again to stare at Buffy's lips.



Buffy watched Willow watching her.  She licked her lips unconsciously in 
response.  'How long has Willow wanted me?  Have I ever wanted Willow?'  
Buffy pushed the thoughts from her mind.  Even through the coal eyes, 
she could see the hunger and thirst.  She remembered what it was like: 
starving to feel connected to someone again, terrified you'd only hurt 
them, sure that the only way you'd feel anything ever again was through 
overwhelming passion.  The passion could be from anger or lust, or 
both.  But at first it seemed that passion was the only thing that could 
get through the cold.  She placed her hands on Willow's hips and relaxed 
against the wall.  "You can't hurt me, Willow."



She watched Willow's eyes respond to the challenge, a fire finally 
tinting the cold black as Willow stared into her own open, accepting 
gaze.  She let Willow fall forward into her arms and against her body, 
welcomed the crushing kiss that quickly deepened.  Her arms circled and 
held Willow tighter, a moan escaping around the kiss when she felt 
Willow's thigh move between her legs and press against her center.  
Willow pulled back slightly, breathing deeply as a predatory grin spread 
over her flushed face.  Buffy felt Willow's hand slip between them to 
knead her breast, pinching a nipple.  She shuddered in response, her 
eyes willing Willow to continue.  Nails dragged over her chest and she 
leaned her head back and moaned, pressing herself forward into Willow's 
hand and moving against the thigh between her legs, increasing the 
pressure.  She whispered Willow's name when she felt her arms untangled 
from Willow's back and pressed to her sides against the wall.  A tingled 
pressure covered her body as she heard Willow's whispered command, 
"Stay," and she realized she was pinned, immobile.  The look of passion 
and desire that now filled Willow's eyes stalled any reaction and a moan 
as Willow's fingers traced under her skirt and up her thigh was her only 
response.  She gasped as a spark of heat from magic removed her panties 
and Willow's fingers slid through her wet cunt and slipped inside.  Her 
eyes closed as Willow pressed against her and another kiss began. 



Buffy never mentioned that she couldn't move below the neck.  She simply 
responded to the kiss, reacted to her touch and let it consume her.  She 
only wanted to feel Willow, know her, let her behind every wall she had, 
let her inside.  And in return, she would drive herself into Willow, let 
her know she wasn't alone.  She would give her herself, her body, a 
thousand times over for Willow.  And always would have if only asked.  
Still a lone thought managed to be heard through the haze, 'One of these 
nights, maybe tonight, this reaction to darkness and danger is going to 
hurt you.'  It wasn't taken as a warning, only a thrill.  She wished her 
body could shudder as the sensations rolled through her.  It felt like 
Willow filled her and she wasn't sure how.  She could feel the fingers 
inside her, pounding and reaching for her center.  The heel of Willow's 
hand pressed roughly over her clit.  Her other hand was pinching her 
nipples.  Willow's mouth was now kissing her neck, biting her collar 
bone.  God, if she could only shudder, shake, move into the hands that 
now had her, possessed her.  She stood prone and frozen against the wall 
as Willow drove her to a mind blinding climax, her body's only possible 
reaction an almost muted screaming of her name.  She wished her body 
could slump to the ground.



Buffy recovered, slowing her pulse, mentally finding and filling the 
rest of her body.  She watched Willow slowly take in what happened.  She 
could see regret warring with victory, fear facing need move across her 
face.  She was relieved to find Willow's eyes had lost their black 
emptiness.  She noted that still, with the magic that held her, the red 
hair was tinged in dark.  Quietly, she whispered the reminder.  "Willow, 
release me."



Willow look up, confused for a moment before realization followed.  With 
a motion Buffy was freed from the spell.  "Buffy, I'm so sorry.  I knew 
I would hurt you.  Oh God, I... I..."



Buffy cut her off.  Once again able to move, she closed the distance 
between them and holding Willow's head brought their lips together, 
deepening the kiss when Willow was startled into parting her lips.  She 
moved her hands down to her back, holding her as close as she could.  
She wanted to cut off the regrets and fears that fueled the apology.  
She had better ideas for an explosion and wanted Willow to know she 
wasn't alone.  She was loved and wanted.



Willow pulled away after a moment, then turned and ran out of the 
alley.  Cursing again, Buffy carefully followed, waiting till Willow 
slowed to a halt in front of a closed store front to approach her again.



"Again, I'll ask, what's wrong?"  Buffy was confused.  She could tell by 
the kiss that Willow still wanted more.  She could feel the desire and 
passion awaken the friend she was trying to reach all night and still, 
she pulled away.



Willow looked defeated.  "Buffy, I forced myself on you."



"I practically dared you to, Willow."  Buffy reminded her.



"I guess since I couldn't destroy the world, I chose to ruin our 
friendship."  Willow admitted the fear in a faint voice, staring at the 
pavement.



"Hey, I'm right here.  I'm not going anywhere."  Buffy smiled and 
wrapped her arms loosely around Willow.



Willow looked into her eyes, disbelieving.  "I pinned you against a wall 
with magic."



"And I didn't say anything, did I?"  Buffy pointed out.



"Buffy, just how much with the kink did Spike turn you?"  Willow accused 
suddenly.  She couldn't believe something like what she had just done 
would ever be alright with Buffy. 



The question made Buffy pause a moment, her smile fading.  Deciding it 
was more confusion than accusation, she shrugged and let a smile again 
soften her features.  "Let's leave that confession for another moment of 
insanity."  Buffy noticed the store had a solid door, and the front 
windows were blocked by displays.  'Perfect.'  She released Willow, 
taking her hand and leading her to the door.  Breaking the lock with a 
kick, she pulled them inside and closed the door.



"What are you doing?"  Willow was shaking slightly.  "Buffy, I said I'm 
sorry.  I just... It just..."



Buffy's smile grew seductive as she pulled Willow to her and kissed her 
again.  "Believe me, I know what you did.  I can still feel you."  Her 
eyes held Willow's, she watched the fear tangle with the need.  "Willow, 
trust me," she whispered once again and leaned in slowly, beginning 
another kiss. 



This time Willow responded.  Buffy felt arms wrapping around her, 
stroking her back, tangling in her hair and pulling her closer.  When 
the kiss paused, Buffy continued to try and ease Willow's fears.  "I 
want you to feel what I felt.  That we aren't alone.  That I know: what 
the constant fight has done to you, what you feel now, what you need to 
feel connected back to life in the daylight world."  Buffy backed Willow 
against the door, kissing her again and pressing her thigh against 
Willow's center in a mirror image of what had happened in the alley.



Buffy heard Willow moan around the kiss and felt her relax against the 
door.  Buffy's hands on her shoulders kept her as pinned and steady as 
the earlier spell.  She moved a hand down over Willow's breasts and 
continued down to undo her pants.  Slipping her hand inside, she traced 
the wetness through and around her lips. 



"Buffy.  Yes, please."  Willow arched against Buffy's touch.



Buffy found her clit and started to lightly circle it.  She brought her 
other hand to Willow's right breast, gently stroking the nipple.  
Smiling at Willow's words, she traced an ear with her tongue and laid 
kisses down her neck.



Willow groaned, a little frustrated, and started to move against Buffy's 
hands, trying to increase the contact.  "This is payback, for the spell, 
isn't it?"



Buffy chuckled and increased the pressure.  "No.  This is me, never 
really doing this before."



"Mmm.  Better."  Willow smiled, letting herself finally feel, letting go 
to the sensations.  Noticing the scar on Buffy's neck, she traced it 
with a finger.  "Did Spike ever bite you?"



Buffy couldn't feel the touch over her scar, but her mind flooded with 
the memories.  Her body reacted.  She increased the speed and pressure 
over Willow's clit.  She ran a fingernail over her breast and across her 
nipple, causing Willow to gasp.  Her whole body began to move against 
and with Willow's.  Whispering directly into her ear, "No.  Why do you ask?"



"Ah, um, I just imagine it feels something like this."  Willow managed 
with some effort to get out.



Buffy smiled at Willow's response and her reaction.  She felt Willow 
pull her closer and she pressed Willow harder against the door, melding 
their bodies, trying to push herself inside if she could.



"It does, when it's not taken from you, when it's something that you 
give, it feels very much like this."  Buffy confessed.  "Should I ask 
Spike to bite you so you know how it feels?"  She teased then started to 
nibble Willow's neck.



"No!  No, that's okay.  I'll let Spike be your after fighting work it 
out guy."  Willow shuddered at Buffy's touch and tilted her head as 
Buffy nipped at her pulse point.



Buffy could feel Willow was nearing a climax.  She felt Willow relax in 
her arms as she shook and jumped in rhythm to her touch.



"Then I'll be yours."  Buffy promised.  She pressed hard on Willow's 
clit and bit down on her neck.  She didn't draw blood, but sucked at the 
skin, trying to draw Willow to her.  She heard Willow scream her name 
and shake in her arms.  She felt Willow's hand on the back of her head, 
holding her against her neck, so she deepened the bite, reacting to 
Willow's reaction.



Buffy stopped when she felt the shaking end and Willow stood limp in her 
arms.  Buffy raised her head and closed her eyes, not daring to see 
Willow's as realization of what she'd done caught up with her.  "Will, 
I'm so sorry."  She felt a finger over her lips, stopping her from 
saying anything more and she opened her eyes.



"Don't.  You feel strong.  I feel safe, and warm and whole again."  
Willow closed her eyes and relaxed into Buffy's arms.



Buffy just watched the friend in her arms as she breathed deeply, 
regaining her strength.  Then Willow's smile faded and she noticed fear 
return to Willow's face as what happened tonight finally settled in.  
She wondered if fear would ever leave the features of the once confident 
woman. 



"Buffy?"  Willow asked as she opened her eyes and pulled back.



"Yeah, Willow.  I'm right here.  I'm not going anywhere.  Well, we 
should get home."  Buffy assured her, though she was unsure herself 
about what would happen next.  If Willow regretted this, it would cut 
deeper than any words before, than any of the silences now. 



Willow let a breath escape and relaxed.  "Good.  I was just worried.  
You know.  That we just screwed us up."



Buffy felt Willow pull her closer and held her in return.  "Well, I'd 
have to say we were closer now than we've ever been."  She smirked then 
grew more serious.  Holding Willow tight and softening her tone, Buffy 
tried to take any sting out of her next words.  "You know this doesn't 
mean... I mean we aren't or can't be..."



"I know."  Willow cut her off and pulled away enough to let Buffy see 
her smile.  "And thank you."



Buffy smiled and relaxed, letting her arms loosely wrap around Willow's 
waist.  "Friends?"  At Willow's answering nod, she reached up to stroke 
away stray strands of hair from Willow's face.  "It's nice to see your 
natural hair and eye color again."



Willow laughed softly and leaned her head back against the door, 
exhausted from the events of the night and relief.  "You gonna do this 
every time I go all Black Magic Woman?"



"Every time."  Buffy smiled.  "Seriously, you go down into the darkness 
to stand at the edge of the abyss, I'll go in after ya.  What happens 
after that... end of the world, sex in an alley..."  Buffy shrugged.  
"Damn near the same thing, really."



Willow's grin was sweet and soft and she put her arms up around Buffy's 
shoulders and started to play with her hair.  "And when you get all 
edgy?  Can I come in and play, too?"



"Will, my edges all have violent tendencies."  Even if she felt she 
couldn't turn to Willow in those times, just admitting it to her felt 
like so much more than was even possible just earlier in the night.



"We'll see.  I'm stronger than I look."  Willow warned her.  "Buffy, 
lets help each other.  Lets finally just fucking help each other instead 
of always protecting the other."



Buffy's eyebrows rose at the curse but she got over it quickly.  "Agreed."



"Good.  Now all I gotta do is deal with wanting you since high school 
and we're all set."  It was Willow's turn to smirk.



"Willow!"  Buffy's shocked expression quickly faded into her blush and 
she lowered her head to hide it.



Willow laughed, genuinely laughed.  "With all that happened tonight, you 
blush at that?"  Willow tilted Buffy's head with a finger till the 
warmth in her eyes could travel to Buffy's.  "Don't worry, I can deal 
with a crush on a friend.  In fact, it will be easier now."



"I know, it's just... well, I don't know what it's just."  Buffy took a 
calming breath.  "We should go."



"Yeah, lets get on home."  Willow agreed.



Before Buffy thought better of it, she leaned in and gave Willow a quick 
kiss on the lips.  "We'll be okay."  Willow smiled and nodded.



They walked home in a silence easier than any conversations they'd had 
in years.




Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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