Fic: In Rome 12: Leather Pants In Rome

["ebailey140" <ebailey140@xxxxxxx>]

Title:  Leather Pants In Rome
Writer:  E
Email:  ebailey140@xxxxxxx
Rating:  R, for sexual situations, and a cuss word.
Category:  Comedy
Spoilers:  All of BtVS, and Angel through Shells.
Disclaimer:  Don't own 'em.  They're owned by Mutant Enemy and Fox, 
who would never do these things with them.
The Story So Far:  Buffy and Willow are in love, living in Rome with 
Dawn and Faith (Dawn being the magically created love child of the 
three other women), and the increasingly sentient Buffybot, and have 
visitors.  Lots of visitors.  Giles and Xander arrived with Faith.  
Cordy dropped in after being accidentally resurrected by Buffy.  
Harmony showed up, in pursuit of Cordy.  Angel's son, and Cordy's 
ex, Connor, is visiting current girlfriend Dawn.  Unfortunately for 
our oversexed heroes, a certain vengeful gypsy clan is also in 
town.  They seek revenge on Willow for a variety of things, 
including killing the most hated son of their tribe.  To do so, they 
seek to take from Willow what is most precious to her, and have 
cursed Buffy, while her lover sleeps, peacefully.  Cordy has had a 
warning vision, but is it too late?...


A hallway in Buffy's House of Slayage...

Harmony:  (trying to help Cordy to her feet)  OK...  Vision...  Got 
it!  You're having a vision...  Um...  Of what?

Cordy:  Buffy....

Harmony:  You're delirious...  I understand...  I'm not Buffy...  
I'm Harmony...

Cordy:  I KNOW that...

Harmony:  Shouldn't be surprised that she's the first person you 
call for....  I mean, I just grew UP with you...

Cordy:  HARM!!!  The vision...  is....  about...  BUFFY!!!

Harmony:  Oh!  Um...  I knew that...  Well, we'll go find her, then.

Cordy:  NO!!!

Harmony:  I'm sure she won't mind being woken up, if it's 
important...  Oh, here she is, now!

Cordy:  (terrified)  No...  no...

Harmony:  Buffy!  We were just going to see you...

Buffy:  (smiling, wickedly)  Really?

Cordy:  (whispering)  Harm, we need to get away...  now.

Harmony:  Don't be silly.  Buffy's here.  (to Buffy)  Sorry for 
Cordy acting so weird, and stuff.  She's had one of her, you know, 
vision thingies...

Buffy:  (Nods, still smiling wickedly)  Has she, now?

Cordy attempts to escape, only to be grabbed and secured by 
Harmony...

Cordy:  Oof!!!

Harmony:  Am I going to have to sit on you?  (sits on Cordy)  So, as 
soon as we calm her down, she can tell us what the danger is.  Will 
you stop sqirming down there?  It's distracting.  Actually, I kinda 
like it!  

Buffy:  Look like fun...

Harmony:  Yeah...  Sigh...  

Cordy:  Groan...

Harmony:  mmmm...  Like that sound.  Y'know, I'm sorry if I've been 
Jealous Girl, lately...

Buffy:  I'd noticed the green leather pants...

Harmony:  Yeah...  Normally not my color, but, well...  I love 
Cordy, y'know?  So, I was always jealous of you.  I mean, she dumped 
me to be with you back when we were in school.  Not that I don't get 
it...  You're her dashing knight who was always coming to her 
rescue, and all...  I understand, really...  But, then there was 
Blondie Bear, and it was the same thing all over again!  I was 
really having an inferiority compex about it!  But, y'know, since, 
I've been doing a lot of reading, going to seminars, and stuff, and 
I realized that it wasn't about you doing things to me...  It was 
that I needed to feel good about MYSELF!  And...  (WHAM!)

Buffy has decked Harmony, who is sprawled unconcious over Cordy... 

Buffy:  (to Cordy)  She's actually pretty cute when you can shut her 
up for a minute...

Cordy:  Gulp!


The bedroom...

Willow stirs, looks around...

Willow:  Buffy?  


Faith's bedroom, where she is asleep with Buffybot...

Faith:  (awakens, springs up)  B!!!

Buffybot:  Yes?

Faith:  No!!!  The OTHER B!!!


Somewhere...

Harmony awakens, findind herself on a floor...

Harmony:  Ow!  Now, why'd you...?  (looks around)  Where...?

Cordy's voice:  Harm?

Harmony gets to her feet, and sees Cordy handcuffed naked to a bed.

Harmony;  Whoa!!!  (entranced, approaches Cordy)  

Cordy:  Will you snap out of it?!!!  We're in trouble!!!

Harmony:  What happened?  Someone kidnap us?  Where's Buffy?

Cordy:  Sigh...  BUFFY kidnapped us!  And she's in the next room, 
changing.

Harmony:  Oh.  Why'd she do that?

Cordy:  Well, seeing as I'm handcuffed naked on a bed, I have a 
pretty good idea...

Harmony:  Wow!  Didn't think she was into that...

Cordy:  You remember that little vision I was trying to tell you 
about?!!  Buffy's lost her soul.  

Harmony:  Is that a problem?

Cordy:  She knocked you unconcious and...  Well, LOOK at me!!!

Harmony:  Mmmm...

Cordy:  Sigh...  Hello, Miss Attention Span!  She ATTACKED us!  And 
she's gonna do who knows what with us!  So, yeah, it's kind of a 
problem!!!

Harmony:  Oh!  Well, let me get you free, then...

Cordy:  Not an option, right now.  She's right in the next room, and 
she told me to tell you not to touch me, or else...  Or Mr. Gordo 
here, either...  (Motions to Mr. Gordo, who is in the bed with Cordy)

Harmony:  Piggy!!!  That's so CUTE!!!

Cordy:  Sigh...  Look, we have to figure out what she's up to...  
And try to get word out, so someone can rescue us!

Harmony:  Hmm...  If she's wearing leather pants, we'll...

Cordy:  (exasperated)  Harm!!!  I love discussing clothes as much 
as, if not more than, anybody, but this isn't the time!!!

Harmony:  No, I mean...  If she's wearing leather pants, we'll have 
an idea what she's up to!

Cordy:  Huh?!!

Harmony:  Leather pants are always representative of what's going on 
with a supernatural person wearing them.  Each color represents 
something.  Let's see...  There's the Black Leather Pants of Evil, 
which means the person is all dark and about to do evil stuff...  
There's the Red Leather Pants of Moral Ambiguity, when you're going 
to do something morally ambiguous...  There's the Green Leather 
Pants of Jealousy...  The Gold Leather Pants of Poetic Justice...  
And the Pink Leather Pants of Enthrallment and Seduction!  I think I 
hear her coming...  (goes to door)

Cordy:  Is she wearing leather pants?

Harmony:  Yeah!  Yummy...

Cordy:  Sigh...  Which color?!!

Harmony:  She's gone with the pink.

Cordy:  Oh, shit!





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                     'Choices'

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