Fic: Pillow Talk 2/3 Vampire Stories, prelude

[Crys Loch <pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

"Nope.  Sorry.  All my relationships have been very above board.  
Pierced tongue not withstanding."  Willow grinned in certain innocence.



"I don't know.  I seem to recall your first boyfriend was a cyber demon 
in a robot jumpsuit."  Buffy countered.



"That doesn't count.  And he wasn't my first boyfriend.  Xander was my 
first boyfriend."  Willow corrected.



"Xander doesn't count.  You were like five at the time if I remember 
right.  Plus, then, you had a boyfriend who was a werewolf.  There had 
to be some kink in that."  Buffy pressed on.  She was enjoying this 
night so far.  It was working better at taking her mind off the future 
than listening to the waves.



"No kink."  Willow reiterated.  "Oz was very sweet.  And there was no 
biting of course.  He was even afraid to nibble, so no hickeys even."



Buffy laughed.  "Okay, okay.  But then there's the whole sleeping with a 
woman thing." 



"That's not kinky."  Willow didn't mind all the teasing tonight, but she 
was going to turn the tables first opening she had.



"It is to straight women."  Buffy corrected.  "We put it up there with 
walk on the wild side after too much to drink stuff."



Willow laughed and wished she wasn't using her pillow so she could throw 
it at Buffy right now.  "It's not kinky!"  She stressed again.  "And 
anyway, you with the whole kink confession, have you ever done that?" 
Willow decided turning table time was in order.



"What?  Sleep with a woman?  No!"  Buffy wondered what even put that 
question into Willow's head.



"So you and Faith never..."  Willow suggested, hoping to push Buffy for 
the answer to that years running debate between herself and Xander.



Buffy just laughed at the suggestion.  "Is that what everyone thought?  
No.  No, no, no, no.  And a thousand no's beyond that." 



"Me thinks she doeth protest too much."  Willow pointed out.



"No.  I'm just setting the record straight.  Pun intended."  Buffy 
countered, still grinning.  "So... was that why there was the whole 
jealous Willow vibe?"  Buffy turned it back around, starting to see the 
whole thing in a different light.



"Hold on."  Willow sat up.  "Crossing the teasing line.  You don't wanna 
go there."  Willow warned, more worried for herself at the moment than 
for Buffy.



"Sorry.  It's just.  I just realized something."  Buffy didn't really 
notice Willow's panic.  Her mind was too busy piecing thoughts together.



"What?"  Willow asked, worry evident on her face even if Buffy wasn't 
looking.



"That you're gay."  Buffy looked at Willow with surprise showing in her 
eyes.



Willow was stunned for a moment and just stared down at her friend.  
Finally she started to chuckle despite her recent fear.  "You're just 
realizing that now, Buffy?"



"Wait.  I can explain."  Buffy attempted to clarify.  "Before, with 
Tara.  I thought maybe it was just Tara.  You know?  That whole, I'm in 
love with the person it doesn't matter what gender they are thing.  But 
now there's Kennedy.  And I wasn't really thinking about it.  Till just 
now.  You're attracted to women."  Buffy grinned, her own understanding 
triumphant on her face.



Willow groaned and threw herself back down on the bed, covering her face 
in her hands.  She couldn't believe she was having to come out again.  
Taking a deep breath, she turned on her side again to face Buffy and her 
realization.  "Yes, I'm attracted to women.  Still.  Plural.  You know 
Xander caught on much quicker than this."  Willow chided.



"Well, you and Xander have something in common."  Buffy defended 
lightly.  "I bet you both checked out women together at the mall and stuff."



"Buffy, you're begging for another slap."  Willow cautioned through her 
wide smile.  "So, finally catching up girl, are you alright with this?"



Buffy laughed a little at herself.  "Yeah.  A little winded.  But I'm 
good."  She turned toward Willow, a thoughtful look in her eyes and a 
mischievous grin on her face.  "Of course, now there really is a gay 
woman laying on my bed.  And she's still possibly a vampire."



Willow expression grew puzzled, though her smile continued.  "Buffy, 
what is it with you and vampires?"



"Well, what is it with you and women?"  Buffy countered.



"Buffy!  That is so not a comforting answer.  I think that hits a 
negative on any comfort scale."  Willow's mind was quickly reeling and 
rebelling with the thought that it could possibly be the same thing.



"Sorry."  Though Buffy's grin said otherwise.  "It's the answer that 
came with the question.  There's only been the two vampires.  And I'm 
tired of trying to figure out the why of Spike."



"No, that's not what I mean."  Willow sought to clarify.  "It's just, it 
popped in my head, with all the teasing.  Plus, you're forgetting 
Dracula."  She pointed out.



Buffy's face turned thoughtful for a moment and she rested back on the 
bed.  "Dracula doesn't count.  I mean, he's Dracula.  Even you were all 
remarking on the penetrating eyes."



"Yes, but Buffy, that's all he was going to penetrate me with."  Willow 
asserted, making sure her voice still held a playful tone.



Buffy groaned.  "I don't want to think about this," she protested. 



"Okay."  Willow relented.  "I just don't want you to be disappointed 
that I'm not a vampire."



Buffy smiled a little and shook her head.  They settled again into a 
comfortable silence in the semi dark room.



"Willow?"  Buffy's mind kept running, skimming briefly on moments over 
the past years.



"Yeah, Buffy?"  Willow turned and faced her friend, feeling by Buffy's 
tone that something more serious was coming up.



"Can I ask you something personal?  And well, kinda hard, about 
something you were?"  Buffy quietly started.



Willow braced herself before honestly replying.  "Yeah, Buffy.  You can 
ask me anything." 



"Do you remember, what it felt like, when you were like one of the big 
bads?  Did it feel good?  Cause it seems every big bad I've faced is 
having fun at it.  Even Spike kept bragging about how much fun it was."  
Buffy asked, then waited, staring at the ceiling.



Willow gave herself a moment to collect a real answer to that.  "This 
doesn't go beyond this room?"



"Never."  Buffy assured. 



"Yeah, I remember."  Willow started.  Turning on her back to focus on 
the nothing of the ceiling, she continued.  "I remember it all.  To 
answer the question, yes, it feels good.  Really, really good.  You feel 
like you can have anything you want.  And there's no consequences.  Of 
course, there's really not feeling much at all.  Except for all the 
wanting.  So..."  Willow shrugged.  "I'm kinda glad I didn't end the world."



"Wow."  Buffy wasn't sure why she had asked or what to say now.  She 
turned on her side again, reaching for Willow's hand, she squeezed it 
gently and smiled.  "I'm kinda glad too."



Willow smiled and tried to push the memories from her mind.  "And I'm 
really sorry I kicked your ass."



"Hey!"  Buffy protested, disbelief evident on her face.  "You in no 
way..."  At seeing Willow's knowing look, she relented with a smile.  
"Okay, you totally kicked my ass."



Willow was shocked speechless and turned to look at Buffy.



"Not beyond this room."  Buffy warned, enjoying the look on her friend's 
face.



"I just never thought there'd come a day..."  Willow teased.



"I've done alright as far as Slayers go."  Buffy jumped in at her own 
defense.



Willow's face softened instantly as she whispered.  "You've done 
incredibly, impossibly."



Buffy squeezed Willow's hand again.  "With a lot of help from my 
friends.  I'm so glad I have you back, Willow."



"Well yeah, the very First was a little over the top for any Slayer."  
Willow acknowledged.



"Not just that.  I mean now, too."  Buffy confided, ducking her head a 
little and noticing the incredibly ugly motel bedspread.



Willow felt a small wave of joy lift her mind from her recent memories.  
Scooting a little closer to Buffy and holding tight to her hand, she 
offered an admission of her own.  "Hey.  I kinda love you, too.  It was 
a damn good fight," Willow asserted, "and I'm glad I stayed in."  When 
Buffy raised her head to meet her eyes, Willow answered the questioning 
look evident on her friend's face.  "Don't get me wrong.  It had it's 
moments.  So did I.  And I'm glad, at least for a time, that it's over."



"It is kinda over, isn't it?"  Buffy shook her head a little in wonder.  
"I think I've done about as much to Sunnydale as I could do."  She dryly 
acknowledged and closing her eyes; relaxed in the moment.



Willow smiled in response and without thinking about it, started 
stroking Buffy's hair.  Comfort and silence filled the room.  She 
listened to the faint sound of waves as her eyes caressed Buffy, her 
fingers running smoothly through her hair.  Willow indulged briefly in 
the attraction, even desire, she's held secret for so many years, before 
she tucked it carefully back into her heart.  "You sleepy?"  She asked, 
needing to break the moment.



"Mmm.  No."  Buffy stretched a little and relaxed again into a loose 
curl on her side, her hand still holding Willow's.  "You?"



"Not even a little."  Willow pulled her hand back from Buffy's hair and 
rested it on her side.  Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes; with 
a small shake of her head, she steadied herself again.  Opening her 
eyes, she found herself gazing into Buffy's.



Buffy held Willow's eyes, a small smile remained from the comfort of the 
friendly caresses.  She looked warmly at her friend and recognized a 
more heated gaze looking back at her.  Buffy noticed Willow's breath had 
stopped and felt her own heart beating as time seemed to pause.  She 
wondered for a moment if it was desire she was seeing and started to 
voice the question when Willow looked away suddenly and she thought 
better of it.  Instead she rolled onto her back and let the question 
settle to the back of her mind for the moment.



Willow breathed again, grateful Buffy seemed to let what almost came up 
in the moment go.  She tried to softly pull her hand from Buffy's and 
was surprised when Buffy wouldn't let it slip away.  She waited to see 
what would come up next.



Buffy retraced some of her memories, pausing at the year they shared a 
room at college.  There were moments in the beginning when they were 
close, connected; sharing everything that was happening in their lives 
as best friends will.  Then at the end, the relationships with others 
that almost tore them apart.  She remembered what it was that truly 
brought them all together again.



"You know what I think our best battle was?"  Buffy seemed to voice out 
of the blue.



"Huh?  Ah, no."  Willow was grateful for the sudden turn, but was wary 
of the non sequitur. 



"When we were fighting Adam and we all joined in the spell.  I felt all 
the slayers.  I felt you and Xander and Giles.  I felt like I could do 
anything.  And it wasn't from the power boost.  It was finally feeling 
so connected to everyone who mattered in my life.  I could do anything 
because I had friends with me.  In the case of fighting Adam, that was a 
little more literal than usual."  Buffy smiled a little to herself and 
stared at the ceiling as the meanings behind the moments of her past 
focused a little clearer in her mind.



Willow smiled at the memory, but her smile faltered.  "I remember.  But 
what I remember most was the power boost."  Willow paused then forced 
herself to continue with the small confession.  "It was so ancient and 
deep.  You had so much confidence and strength.  After that, I always 
tried to get that feeling back."



Buffy looked over at Willow, implications tallying in her mind.



Willow noticed the look and squeezed Buffy's hand reassuringly.  Letting 
a grin soften her words, she tried to lighten the current mood.  "It 
wasn't your fault, Buffy.  It was my reaction and remember; of the two 
people here, who's the boss of me?  If I weren't Jewish and also Wiccan, 
I might say I'd taken a bite of forbidden fruit.  Anyway, I should have 
at least taken the warning of your First Slayer trying to kill us all in 
our sleep."



Buffy gratefully let the flow of the conversation move on.  "Yeah, she 
wasn't much with the social skills, or bonding.  Professor Walsh should 
have studied me instead of trying to kill me.  I have a Id full of demon 
juice mixed with a hygiene deprived lone warrior.  She was good in a 
fight, but playing well with others in full Slayer mode?  Well, you know 
how well I was at that."  Buffy watched carefully as Willow's face 
contorted in concentration.  "Willow?"



Willow's focus snapped back to the present. "Huh?  Oh, sorry.  Just, 
world making sense, pieces falling into place stuff."



"Hey!"  Buffy playfully protested.



Willow smiled, then her expression grew curious.  "Do you still feel the 
lone warrior inside you now?  After the spell I mean."



Buffy adjusted her body to stare at the ceiling again and give herself a 
moment to think.  "I feel something and it's still strong, but it's not 
as separate now.  Like it's mixing with the other parts of me.  Probably 
why I can even tell you any of this, I think.  I've spent the last few 
days just feeling it all blend together."  She turned to see Willow's 
reaction.  "Willow, you have that look in your eyes that Riley used to 
get.  That look of someone who wants to put me in a little room and do 
experiments."



"Hey!"  It was Willow's turn to protest.  "It's just... wow."



"Yeah."  Buffy continued, marveling at how easy this felt now.  "Before, 
I always felt alone and felt I should be alone.  No matter how hard I 
tried to connect with everyone.  I was the only one in all the world, 
yada yada.  Even when that wasn't true.  I thought maybe with Faith... 
but we know how that turned out."



"Well, Faith turned out to be a sociopath."  Willow pointed out.



Buffy smiled.  "You liked her too, once," she pointed back.  "It didn't 
matter anyway.  Still alone: big ol' wall.  Now the wall's come down 
like Sunnydale.  And I'm just wondering if I have any friends left to 
connect with."  She was suddenly so grateful to Willow for coming to her 
tonight, and so fearful of what the deep down answer might be.



"You do Buffy!  You so do, I mean, if you can deal, forgive, me, and 
what I've done, and everything, that's you know, happened, cause I'd 
like, I want."  Willow was quick to answer, so quick that her words were 
tangled in the rush to get it all heard.



Buffy's smile reached her eyes and as the relief flooded her body, she 
reacted.  She engulfed Willow in a hug that knocked them over till she 
was resting on top of her friend.  She felt Willow hug her tightly in 
return.  As the embrace continued, she felt Willow's hand tracing random 
patterns on her back.  Buffy relaxed, enjoying the feeling of holding 
and being held.  Eventually, her mind wondered what she was doing and 
she pulled up a little, ducking her head; her hair spilling around her 
face.  "Sorry.  Just, a reaction to all the relief."





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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