Fic Repost: A Firm Foundation (6/11) NC17

[Red Willow <st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: A Firm Foundation
Author: Red Willow
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and all
those others peeps... See previous parts for full disclaimer. 

**

"Was that Xander?" 

I nodded, still smiling. 

"He's going to be..." I paused for dramatic effect. "Barbeque Man!" 

Dawn rolled her eyes but smiled. I think she still had a small crush on Xander. She offered me a
cola from the fridge before grabbing one for herself. 

"So what's all this?" She asked, indicating the notes I had scribbled on index cards. 

"For the cook out we're having." 

"Um, Willow, y'know, its not rocket science. A few guests... some good food. Music. Y'know, the
basic." 

I pouted. I couldn't help it. No one ever appreciated my planning skills. 

"Oh... Not that you're not good... uh, with the planning, Will... I-it's just that... it's a cook
out."

I sighed and sat down, picking up my notes and putting them in a pile. 

"I know, Dawnie. But the whole thing makes me nervous."

"A cook out?"  

"No. W-well, yes... but no. The whole... coming out thing." 

"Uhh... everyone knows you're gay, Willow."

I gave her a look. 

"Not me. Us. Me and Buffy. No one knows about her. O-or that we're together." 

"Do you think they'll be mad?"

"I... I don't think so. Not really. I mean... Xander and Giles... they both acted kinda weird at
first about Tara and me... A-and... I don't want them being all weird about this."

"But they were always okay with you and Tara." She countered. "Why wouldn't they be about you and
Buffy?"

I shrugged. 

"She's the Slayer." I told her. "The... very straight Slayer." 

"Oh, what? Slayers can't be gay?" She asked, incredulously. "Where does it say that?"

"Probably in the handbook." I mumbled before taking another swig from my cola. 

"There's a Slayer Handbook?!" She asked, shocked. 

I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Your sister reacted the same way." I told her. "Giles said he didn't think it applied to Buffy." 

We both broke out into laughter. I think he was right; our Buffy was a one of a kind. Not that I
had had the pleasure of meeting many slayers, just Kendra and Faith. One was dead and the other
was psycho. So much the Slayer Handbook did for them.

"He's probably right."  She agreed. "A-and anyway, she's not the very straight slayer. She never
was." 

"Well, I know that. But they don't." 

"Oh." 

"A-and... I keep wondering... i-if they're going to blame me."  

I ducked my head and pretended to concentrate on the can tab I was bending back and forth. 

"Blame you?" She asked, not understanding. 

I broke the tab off and let it drop into the empty can. 

"Yeah." I nodded. "The way I manipulated Tara... the spells... mind control..." I whispered this
last bit, overwhelmed by shame again.

"No." Dawn said, putting her hand on mine. "No way. You were out of control, Willow. You were
like... letting the magic control you... o-or something... but... you're better now, right?" 

I nodded. No spells in months. Even the temptation to do them wasn't there that often. Usually
only when I was upset or thought there was danger, like when that girl wouldn't let go of me at
the party. 

"I know Buffy loves you, Will. There's no spell making her love you." She said, gently. "She's
always loved you." 

I smiled, knowing how much that was true. And knowing I hadn't used any sort of spells to win her
love, ever. 

"But I'm scared, Dawn." I went on, "Scared that they... that Xander and Giles... Anya... that
they'll think differently." 

"So screw 'em."  She said, defiantly. 

"Dawn!" 

I looked at her, feigning shock, but I couldn't help the smile that was trying to creep around the
corners of my mouth. 

"What?" She asked. "You and I and Buffy know the truth. If they think you had to use some stupid
spell to get Buffy to love you, then they're all stupid!" She tossed her can into the trashcan.
"And I'll tell them myself!" 

I smiled at her, taking her hand into mine. 

"Thank you, Dawn." I said, genuinely grateful for her support. 

She gave me a large smile, full of teeth. 

"Not a problem." She said, giving me one nod before taking her hand from mine, and sliding off the
stool. "I have homework to finish." She informed me before leaving the room. 

I threw my can in the trash, still smiling. Everything was going to be okay.  No matter what
Xander and Giles thought about Buffy and me, I knew everything would turn out all right.  

***


I watched Tara's friends slip past me to the door and disappear. I know I should have been kicking
their butts. But there's just something about using my skills on humans that doesn't always sit
right with me.  Besides, the social workers would not be happy if there was another police report
involving me. 

"I think I'll follow my sis..." 

I turned to see the guy from the mall that'd caught Dawn's eye leaving after them.  

"Yeah, you do that." I told him.

Had he really been as interested in Dawn as she seemed to be in him?  I didn't even want to think
about how awkward that would've been. More awkward. Whatever. And there was no way I was letting
Dawn get involved in that family. No way, no how.  

"And don't even think about calling my sister." I told him just before he got to the door. 

He looked wounded. I guess me hindering his social life really hurt. Oh well!  But he nodded that
he understood and then disappeared through the door.  The rest of the boys just stood around, not
really looking at me or anything in particular. I think they were just waiting for me to leave.  

"Now," I started, looking towards Tara and her friends, "How about that ride back to my place?"

Casey looked up, unsure I think, at first.  But she nodded and shrugged before heading for the
door. Tara and Claire followed, silent. 

I turned back to the boys.  

"Remember what I said." I told them in my most threatening slayer voice. "I don't want to have to
come back here."  

I didn't wait for a response.  I was out the door and standing next to Casey's Civic moments
later. I slid into the back seat with Tara and stared out the window as Casey started down the
street.  I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was even supposed to be feeling. I was
still angry, but nowhere near what I still thought I should be feeling. I thought I should be
yelling, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  

Willow. I should have called her when I saw the video. I should have told her. What was I doing
bringing these people home to tell her? She was going to go nuts. I just knew it. Call her? I
could have called her then, in the car. Let her know we were on our way. Give her a heads up,
right? But, then she'd ask questions and if I didn't tell her what was up on the phone she would
worry. She'd think it was the end of the world or something again and she'd get all flustered...
which is kinda cute... but then she would be totally pissed with me for not telling her, on top of
how pissed off I knew she would be when she heard the news. 

Call her or not call her?  Call her or not call her? I couldn't decide. 

I realized I was babbling internally again, probably channeling Willow. I glanced over at Tara who
sat as far away from me as possible, seeming to push her weight against the side of the car. I
think she was terrified. I really didn't blame her. She knew what I was capable of. She'd seen me
on plenty of patrols, killing very large, ugly things with my bare hands. She saw me battle Glory,
the very hell god who had sucked her brain. But I don't think I really could have hurt her. She
was a Scooby - an absent Scooby - but still a Scooby. Those were hard to hurt.

Yeah, what she did was wrong. No, more than that. It was fucking stupid! I don't think it matters
that she wasn't the one who recorded us. She obviously knew. She put it on disc to give to us! Who
on earth does that? 

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad she did. I'm glad I knew we had been recorded because I would hate to
think of some strangers watching us while Willow and I were completely oblivious to it.  

But see, it's that thought right there that kinda turns me on. 

Who's seen it? I know those boys did. I know Tara and her friends must have.  But was there anyone
else who had watched it?  Very conflicting emotions.  Anger and desire. Fear and curiosity.  There
was that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach - worry. But also that down low tickle,
as Faith would say.  How can a person feel both?  

How can a person feel all of that at once?  

But I did. Felt it all and it was confusing and I tried to sort it out in my head, these feelings,
but I just didn't know where to begin.  I kept bouncing around. First there was the anger. The
intense raging kind. Then that would die down enough for the fear, which turned to worry which
turned into curiosity, until finally there was just desire. And my desire fueled my anger. It was
a vicious, fucked up, confusing cycle. 

"I thought you would be angrier."  

That was Tara. She was looking at my hands, watching as I clenched and unclenched them. 

"I thought you would have kicked my ass out of Sunnydale by now."  She said again, her voice soft.


I wasn't sure what to say. I'm sure she was grateful that, up to that point, I hadn't gotten
physical with her, and didn't plan to. But that confused her, I think, because I'm 'Action Girl'
and she did expect me to be angrier than I was. Hell, I expected me to be angrier than I was. Yet
there I sat, not doing anything but staring out the window, clenching my fists in frustration over
my own confusion. 

I started speaking before it really came together clearly in my mind, not fully realized until I
voiced it. 

"I know I should be angrier than I am." I told her. "This whole thing is pretty darn fucked up,
Tara." 

She ducked her head, her hair falling to cover her face. In the front seat, both Casey and Claire
stayed facing front, remaining silent. 

"I understand about doing things that are wrong." I started telling her, "That are... maybe
shameful. The way those things can cause a lot of guilt." 

She looked at me, only meeting my eyes briefly before looking away again. 

"I'm not a saint, Tara." 

I shook my head, too many memories of time spent with Spike. Of hiding Angel. Of lying to my
friends and family. 

"I understand mistakes. God knows I've made a whole bunch of them. And yes, I'm angry. Very angry.
And maybe a year ago, or even a few months ago, I would have acted differently, but I'm not the
same person I was a few months ago. I've realized a lot in that time." 

I paused for a moment, knowing with absolute surety that I was a changed woman because of Willow. 

"And part of what I realized is that people do make mistakes. Everyone does. Even slayers. Coming
clean about them is the key, I think. Being honest. Trying to make it better..." 

I trailed off, realizing I was talking more about how I had acted in the past rather than the
current situation. 

"I guess I'm just finding it really hard to be that pissed at you." 

I didn't say anything else and Tara didn't respond. I turned and looked out the window again at
the passing lights of cars, streetlamps, and restaurants. I waited until we had turned onto my
street before saying anything else. 

"I can't say the same thing about Willow, though." 

***

"I guess I'm just finding it really hard to be that pissed at you."

Was that relief or disappointment I felt? Couldn't she at least threaten my life or something? 

I didn't say anything in response though, just watched her turn to look out the window.  I caught
Casey's eye in the rearview but didn't give her any indication of what I was feeling. I didn't
really know myself. I got what Buffy was saying about how everyone makes mistakes and the whole
thing about making them right... but 'making it right' wouldn't make me feel any better. And I
guess it wasn't supposed it. 

I knew Buffy was referring more to her than to this whole fiasco, talking about what she had been
doing with Spike and hiding Angel when he came back. I didn't know all the details, but enough to
know that Buffy knew what she was talking about. She regrets a lot and I think sometimes she feels
like the mistakes far outweigh the good. I could see that she had changed a lot in the time since
last we talked in private, when she broke down and told me all about Spike. I knew she was telling
the truth when she said that a few months ago she would have acted a lot differently. 

A few months ago she really didn't care about much. A few months ago she and Willow weren't
together with the major love. A few months ago, none of this would have happened. 

I was glad that they had finally gotten together. Glad that their love could better them both. 

But I didn't want to be let off the hook so easily. I wanted punishment for my crimes. How
ridiculous does that sound? But I was guilty... we all were. Andi and Shell got off way too easy
if you ask me. 

We turned onto Revello and I took a deep breath, readying myself for the confrontation ahead. Was
Willow going to find it hard to be pissed at me too? Somehow I really doubted it. I knew Willow.
She had a temper, and when things were bad, she made her displeasure known. 

"I can't say the same thing about Willow, though." Buffy said, turning to me as if we had been
talking the entire time. 

No, I couldn't say the same thing about Willow either. I could only be grateful that she wasn't
using magic these days. I've experienced enough Willow-magic to last me a lifetime. 

***

Every once in a while I pause to think about the turn of events that led me to being the
happy-in-love Willow that I am today. 

Sometimes it's hard to believe that there was a time in my life that Buffy didn't know I was in
love with her. That I thought Tara was the next best thing. And that magic was an addiction.  I
was in a big furry hurry to do something - anything - fast. Relationships. Magic. Education.
Etcetera. In the course of one night, I went from being totally miserable, to ecstatically happy.
And that happiness was only tripled when Buffy and I made love for the first time.  That morning
will always be one of my most precious, even with the mini thumping headache Spike had given me
before Buffy dusted him. 

Willow, 'the nobody.' That's what I though of myself most of my life until Buffy came along. Then
I was Willow, 'the mostly nobody, but friend of the Slayer.' Or something like that. With Tara,
for a time I didn't really feel like a nobody. I felt kind of special. I know now that a lot of
that had to do with the magic. Honing my skills. Developing my power.  But when we brought Buffy
back and she hardly acknowledged me, and then Tara left, I was back to feeling like plain Willow,
'the nobody' again. 

Then she told me about Spike. And I lost it. And then we talked and she told me how she felt. And
there was how I felt. And we were all with the feeling and the love and then kissing happened. And
then I wasn't Willow, 'the nobody' anymore. I was Willow, 'the girl Buffy Summers, the Slayer, was
in love with.'  And I was nothing but thrilled and happy and floating on Cloud 9 - hell, past
Cloud 9 and up to Cloud 17 or something. How many happy clouds are there, anyway? 

In all the time I've been Buffy's friend, been involved with battling the forces of evil, I hardly
ever stopped to think about what we were doing. What we had accomplished. But once it was evident
that Buffy wanted to spend the rest of her life with me - and I knew it was true, as sure as I
knew my name - I started to take a better look. I started to appreciate our lives and the things
we had been through. I began to take the time to stop and smell the roses, as it were. 

Sometimes I'm doing the simplest things like washing the dishes or folding the towels - something
Buffy just can't seem to do right - and I'm overcome with joy and the knowledge that my life, for
once, makes absolute, complete sense. And it's all because I've made a life with Buffy. 

It was during one of my little, happy musings that I heard Buffy call me from downstairs. 

I left our bedroom, where I had been rearranging a few things in order to make room for both our
belongings, and made my way down the stairs.  I paused halfway down when I realized Buffy had
company.  They were back, which meant Buffy had gotten to the bottom of the weirdness from
earlier. Yay? It didn't look like a 'yay' moment. 

"Hey... guys... what's up?" I asked them coming to the bottom step. 

"Will." Buffy started, but stopped. 

She had something to tell me, but wasn't saying. 

"What is it?" I asked stepping toward her. 

Casey and Claire were standing behind Buffy and Tara. Tara was staring at the floor, her hair
hanging in her face. Buffy looked as if telling me whatever news she had for me was going to be
really bad. 

"Buffy...?" 

"This is hard..." Buffy said. 

She looked toward Tara, who looked up, but couldn't seem to train her eyes my way. 

"You guys look like someone died." I told them with a crooked smile. 

It hit me right away how that question is never funny.

"Oh God! Who died?" I asked, losing my smile. 

"Wha-? Oh! No... Willow." Buffy shook her head, putting her hand on my arm for reassurance. "No
one, baby. No deaths." She gave me a weak smile before turning to face the others and adding, "At
least, not yet."  

***

Willow was obviously confused and I was definitely not helping to clear things up. 

"You guys look like someone died." She said, lighthearted. 

After a moment she paled and the smile was gone. 

"Oh God! Who died?" 

"Wha-? Oh! No... Willow." I shook my head and put my hand on her arm. "No one, baby. No deaths."  

I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile before turning to face the others. 

However, I couldn't help but add, "At least, not yet." 

"O-okay, what's up?" Willow said in an annoyed tone. "You've just scared me half to death and
you're still not telling me what's going on... a-and I want to know!" She put her hands on her
hips, resting her weight on one leg. 

I knew something had to be done and quickly. Willow was not going to be happy. In fact, I was
willing to bet money I didn't have that she was going to fly off the handle. I wanted to be in
total control of the situation. 

"Will," I started, keeping my eyes on Tara. "There's something you have to know." 

"Yeah, I got that, Buff. So what's the what?" 

"Tara has something to tell you, don't you Tara?" 

Tara looked like she had been caught in the headlights of a speeding truck.  

"I-I-I... W-w-well, there's a-a um... a d-d-d..." She shook her head, unable to form the words. 

She was terrified. 

"Tara?" Willow stepped to her and put her hand on Tara's arm. "Tara, what is it?" she asked in the
most gentle of voices. 

"I-I d-didn't mean... I... w-w-we w-were wrong..." 

I couldn't stand this. The longer it took for Tara to tell Willow, the worse it was going to be. I
held up the discs that I'd been holding on to. 

"Will, you might want to have a look at this." I told her. 

"W-w-what?!" Tara looked at me, her eyes big, blue, panicky orbs. "No... Buffy..."

Willow looked back and forth from Tara and to the discs in my hand. 

"What are they?" She asked, cautiously. 

"They're of us." I told her simply. This couldn't go on any longer. 

"Us?" she asked, confused. 

She reached for the discs and I felt a terrible drop in my stomach. 

"Wait!" Tara cried out, reaching for Will's arm. "Don't." 

I glared at her. Either she told Willow exactly what was on those discs or Willow was going to see
for herself, just like I did. 

"Th-they're of you... both of you... together." 

Willow gave me a questioning look. "Again, I ask... us?"

I nodded. 

Tara wiped the tears from her eyes. 

"Willow," she started, "A-at the party... you w-were..." She paused and took a deep breath. "You
were... r-recorded."

Willow paled worse than I thought possible. 

"What do you mean, recorded?" 

Willow and Tara were solely focused on each other. Casey and Claire were trying their hardest to
disappear back into the wall behind them. I watched Tara and Willow, suddenly feeling nauseous. 

Tara took another deep breath, letting it out slowly, calming herself. 

"A-Andi and Shell... the apartment we were at... their guest bedroom is... rigged... w-with
recording equipment." 

Willow was silent, absorbing what Tara was telling her. 

"W-when you and Buffy w-went in there... to..." She trailed off, glancing at me. 

Willow looked my way again, asking "A-and those?" 

"Of us." I told her quietly. 

"Us." She stated again, her voice eerily calm. 

Tara croaked out an almost inaudible "Y-yes."

"I see." Willow said. 

After a moment of complete silence in which I wasn't sure if my heart was going to start beating
again, Willow turned fully to face me. She didn't say anything, though, and I was a bit worried. I
decided it was time I did some explaining as well. Tara only seemed willing to offer as little
information as possible, and I knew there was never going to be any help from her friends.

"Will," I started, "Tara had them put it on this disc... see, and um... she came over earlier to
give it to us."  

Willow continued to just look at me. I wasn't sure if any of this was actually registering or not.


"A-and um... but see, she lost it... I mean... at first, right Tara?"  

Tara nodded but didn't say anything. Great help she was. 

"Right... and when I went looking for them... well, I saw it... I mean, I found them and then I
saw it... us... and I made them give it to me... a-and a copy. There was a copy." I held up both
discs. "But I got them."

"Let me get this straight." Willow said, backing up so that she had space to move around in. It
was coming, the little red fury my girlfriend had inside. I could feel it. "Tara's friends
recorded us in the spare bedroom at that party we went to."

"Yeah." I nodded.

"A-and Tara was... what, bringing us a copy for fun?"

"N-no!" Tara cried, "I-I didn't think it was right... I-I w-wanted you to see... to know..."

"A-and then you lost the copy you were bringing us?" 

"I-it... umm... yes..." 

"But you found it?" Willow was turning, unable to look at any of us. 

"Yes!" Tara was nodding her head emphatically.

"And the people who had it?"

No one said anything.

"They watched it." She deduced for herself, "And made a copy." 

"Will..." I tried, but she cut me off.

"A-and you... Buffy... you saw it?" 

"Yeah... through a window... they... were watching it and I went in there and got both copies and
so... you know..." I trailed off. 

I felt like the bad guy. I hadn't done anything wrong. Tara and her friends were the culprits and
yet there I was, feeling like I was responsible.

"Buffy," Willow's voice was so calm it was scaring me. "How do you know there wasn't another
copy?" 

I hadn't thought of that. 

"How do you know the file isn't still on someone's hard drive?" Her voice was starting to rise,
her anger finally showing through. "How do you know we're not all over the fucking internet?!" She
screamed suddenly.

I really hadn't thought of that.  

Tara started, "W-willow, I'm sure-" 

"You're sure what?!" Willow cried, turning on her heels to face Tara. "I can't believe this!" She
shouted, throwing her arms in the air. 

Then back to me, "And you did nothing?! You just took the discs and brought them back with you?"

"I didn't think..."

"No, of course you didn't!" She shouted. 

I was angry. She was making me into the bad guy and not saying anything to Tara or her friends.
And why had I let those other two off so easily?

"W-willow," Tara started, coming toward her. "I-it's not her fault..." 

Willow turned suddenly, bringing her hand up. I wasn't fast enough and before I could stop her, we
heard a resounding 'smack' as her hand met Tara's face. 

It was like we were all just stuck there, unable to process what had just happened. Tara's face
was frozen in shock. Willow's face was mixture of both anger and surprise. 

All of a sudden Casey pushed Willow away from Tara, shouting "Lay off! It wasn't her fault
either!"

And we all know no one touches my Willow. 

I dropped the discs to the floor and jumped in, grabbing Casey by the arms, holding her back from
Willow. She struggled out of my grip and fell into a fighting stance. 

"Don't even think about it." I said calmly. "You are so not one of my favorite people right now
and you really don't want to piss me off." 

"Whatever." Casey rolled her eyes. "I'm not afraid of you." 

"You haven't seen me angry yet." I told her. "And I'm thinking you really don't want to.  I can do
a lot more damage than you can imagine. Tara knows." I nodded in her direction; she knew what I
was capable of. "Don't make me prove it to you." 

Without heeding my warning, she lunged forward, putting her weight into what would have been a
solid punch if I hadn't blocked her and knocked her backward. I took another step toward her. 

"You really don't want this." I told her.

"Casey!" Claire shouted, "Don't!" 

But Casey didn't listen and she lunged for me again, only this time I caught her up in my arms,
securing hers behind her back, my forearm against the back of her neck. 

She tried struggling from my grip, but I held her tight. "Hey! Get off!" She spat through gritted
teeth. 

"Buffy!" Tara and Claire both shouted. 

Willow put her hand on my shoulder, a recognized sign for me to let up. 

"Everyone's okay here, right?" she asked with a somewhat trembly voice. 

"Right." Tara agreed. "Casey... just calm down. Buffy... please." 

I let her go. She stumbled a few feet, but didn't fall.  Turning, she glared at me. I glared right
back, facing off with her. I was prepared to fight if it was really what she wanted. 

"Casey, baby..." Claire pleaded, "We're in the wrong here... remember?" 

Willow squeezed my shoulder, "Come on Buff... leave it alone for now." 

We both backed off, keeping our distance. We kept on looking at each other though, and I wondered
if she was still trying to size me up, still trying to see if she could get one up on me.  

No one said anything for a few moments. The tension in the room felt like a rubber band being
pulled taut, about to snap. 

Willow was the one to speak first, her voice calm again. 

"I guess you guys should leave. Tara, I'm sorry... about the..."

Tara nodded that she understood. "It's okay, Will..." She told her softly before adding, "I guess
we're even." 

"Even?" Willow asked, confused. 

"Now we've both done really shitty things to each other." 

That hurt, even me. 

Willow croaked out a simple, "Oh." 

"We'll find out if there's any more copies." Claire said softly. "We're really sorry. About
everything."

Casey glared. I glared back. 

The three of them stepped to the door, Casey in the lead. Tara was about to exit when Willow
stopped her, putting a hand on her shoulder. The blonde turned back, questioning Willow with her
eyes. 

"You know... once you have Scooby status..."

"Yeah?" Tara asked, cocking her head.

"W-well... it's just that... it's hard to lose." She gave her a crooked smile before stepping
back. 

Tara didn't say anything, only returned her own crooked smile and nodded slightly. She turned and
then they were gone into the night, disappearing behind the closed door. 

I wrapped my arms around Willow and we stayed like that for a few moments, quiet. 

"I'm sorry." I told her. 

I guess she was right, I could have done better. 

"I want to see it." She said, softly. 

My breath hitched. 

"Will... I don't think..."

"No. I want to see it Buffy." She turned in my arms, looking at me. "They had no right."

"I know, baby."

"But... now that we have it... I want to see." 

"Okay." I nodded. 

We bent, each picking up a disc. We made our way into the living room and I really wished we
hadn't given Dawn our other TV. 

"Do you think Dawn heard any of that?" I asked, realizing my sister was home and that she
generally shows up for any kind of drama. 

"She probably has her head phones on." Willow offered.

"Headphones?" I asked, "Why headphones?" 

Willow gave me a look. 

"She... can hear things... she says she'd... um... rather not." 

"She...?" 

Willow wiggled her eyebrows and I know exactly what she meant. 

"Oh. Right..." 

She hit the eject button on the DVD player and popped the disc out of the slim, clear case that
held it. 

"Ooh, pretty purple." She noted amused. 

After turning the TV on and pressing play, Willow sat down next to me on the couch.

I kept my ears trained on the stairs so that I would know if Dawn was headed down. 

"I'm not sure I want to see this." Willow said suddenly. 

The video popped on, showing the room. 

"Then let's not watch it." I picked up the remote. 

"No. I do... want to watch it. I just... I'm not sure what I'm expecting." 

I hit the 'pause' button and turned toward her. 

"It's us, Will. Everything we did in that room... that's what we'll see." 

"I-I know that... I mean... I-I don't know how I'm going to react. I'm not sure if I'm going to be
angry... er... o-or... what."

"Are you sure you want to see?" 

She nodded before asking, "How much did you see?" 

"Not a lot." I admitted. "Enough to know that it was us. Enough to go through a whole slew of
reactions."

"You weren't just angry?" She asked. "I thought you would have stormed in there and gone all
slayery." 

"I wanted to." I told her. "But... honestly?"

She nodded, urging me to go on.

"I wasn't as angry as I thought I'd be. Still not. A-and... watching it... seeing it... it
kinda... made me... y'know..."

"Kinda made you what?" 

"It kind of turned me on, Will." 

Her surprise was plain to see and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel bad or laugh. I
suppressed the giggles and went on. 

"It's us. And... we're hot." I explained. "And..." I could feel the blush racing across my cheeks.
"They were watching it... the boys that had found the disc... they were watching it and... the
idea of them..."

"The idea of someone else watching us turned you on?" She asked for clarification. 

"Yes." I said simply, slumping my shoulders. 

I thought she was going to think I was a freak. I thought she was going to be disgusted. I really
thought she was going to go off on me again. 

Instead she started to laugh. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. 

"You're adorable." She told me. 

"I... I am?" I asked, incredulously. 

"Baby... we do it in public all the time." She pointed out. "I know how much the idea of someone
seeing us turns you on. That's not new news." 

"I... oh." I pouted. 

She knew me better than I did.

"A-and you should know by now... that I feel the same way."

I looked at her, surprised.

"You do?" 

She gave me a lopsided grin.

"Of course, silly! I would never ever have let you ravish me all over Sunnydale if I didn't!" 

"Oh. Yeah... that does make sense." I giggled, leaning into her. 

After a moment I said, "We should be a lot angrier... shouldn't we?" 

"Yeah..." She nodded. 

We didn't say anything else. I hit 'play' on the remote and watched as we entered the room,
kissing and groping, our clothes flying everywhere. Willow leaned into me, allowing me to wrap my
arm around her shoulder and we willed ourselves to watch the entire video. 
**


=====
"Everyone's gettin' spanked but me."  - Willow


	
		
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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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