FIC: This Wasn't The Plan II

["xenarip13" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Please see part one for disclaimer.  



This Wasn't the Plan II



Buffy turned her head to the door with tears in her eyes.  She had 
felt Willow's presence the moment she walked into the house.  She 
had been waiting for it.  If her `big gun' had taken any longer to 
appear she would have went out for her.  Willow's thoughts invaded 
Buffy's mind.  She could feel the loneliness and pain that radiated 
from the quiet redhead as she had looked in on her.

`Willow must not know that she is still projecting her thoughts to 
me.'  Buffy thinks to herself, `Why can't she hear mine?  I must 
still be closing myself off from her.'  She reaches up to wipe a 
tear before it can fall.

"Buffy, am I hurting you?"  Dawn asks concerned.

"Huh, oh&no Dawn just stings a little.  You did a great job.  
Thanks." Buffy tries to reassure her sister.

"You should rest.  That baddie really took it out of you."  Dawn 
looks hopefully at her sister.

"I can't yet Dawnie.  I have to go get Spike.  You know I have to.  
I won't leave him there."  Buffy stands.

"B-buffy?"  Dawn stammers out shyly.

"Yeah."

"Do you&do you love him?" Dawn doesn't look at her sister.

Buffy looks at her sister before walking over to her and lifting her 
face up to her, "No, Dawn.  I don't love him&not like how you mean.  
I just won't leave him there.  There are a lot of reasons and I 
don't know if you will understand.  One, I think we need him.  The 
First talks to him, uses him.  Maybe we can use that.  We need his 
power.  He is still Spike.  What I don't know if you can understand 
is that I used him Dawn.  He did what he did and went to get his 
soul back because of me&for me.  He loves me Dawn.  I can't leave 
him there.  Can you understand?"  Buffy lets go of Dawn's chin to 
wait.

"Yeah, I understand.  I just want you to be safe."  She reaches out 
to hug her sister.

Buffy hugs her back, "That just isn't in the cards right now, 
Dawnie, but with him we have a better chance.  I have to go.  Look 
in on Willow for me and make sure she is okay."

"Alright."  Dawn watches as Buffy leaves the bathroom and then hears 
her leave the house.  She walks toward Willow's room and knocks on 
the door, "Willow, are you alright?"

"Yeah sweetie, I am just worn out.  I just need to rest.  Can you 
make sure no one disturbs me for a little while?"  Willow controls 
her voice.

"Sure no problem, Willow."  Dawn shrugs and walks downstairs to join 
the others for a little mini celebration.

Buffy walks with a purpose to free Spike.  She pays no attention to 
the bringers she smashes and kills on her way.  She has more 
important things on her mind than roadblocks.  "Why would Willow 
love me?"  She says out loud to no one.  "I haven't been there for 
her like I should be.  I haven't ever done for her all the things 
that she has done for me.  I ask her to use a power that she is 
afraid of and she does with no questions asked.  Not only does she 
use it, she shares it and herself with me freely.  I'm sure that she 
wasn't planning on sharing her love with me, but she did.  How could 
she love me?!"  Buffy rants on.

`The important thing here is how do you feel about her?!'  Her mind 
screams back impatiently.

"I don't know&I&" Buffy stammers into the night air, "I have always 
had her in my life.  She believed in me when even I didn't believe 
in me.  I can imagine my life without so many things, but not 
without her.  I have always thought it was simply, because she was 
my friend, my big gun, and okay, so I noticed she is way hot and 
stuff, but who wouldn't?"  She finishes feeling foolish as she comes 
upon the cave.

She walks in quickly dispatching the few bringers still there to 
guard Spike.  She walks down the large tunnel into the pit where 
Spike stands tied to the rock face.  Bringer knife in hand, she 
stands there looking at him.

`I'm sorry, Spike.  I can't forget what you tried to do, but I can 
forgive you since I know some of it was my doing.'  She looks on at 
him, but she knows what she told Dawn is the truth, `I don't love 
you, Spike.  I&I love Willow.  I know that I probably always have, 
but now I know just how much I love her and how much I need her 
besides what she can help me do.'

Spike raises his head to look at what he believes to be the 
first, "So, now it's a knife is it?"  He smirks, but it comes out 
looking like barely a movement at all, "You can't hurt me at all.  
You're just a figment that's what you are."

Buffy looks at him sympathetically as she moves to cut the ropes 
holding the beaten vampire.  He looks at his rescuer with 
recognition.  Buffy has come for him as he knew she would.  She 
offers him her shoulder and together they begin the walk back to his 
home as well as hers.  

`She came for me.  I knew she would, because she believes in me.'  
His thoughts wander through his mind, `something isn't right 
though.  Not saying nothing to me at all.  She is gone in thought 
somewhere.'  He looks at her as best he can through his swollen eyes.

"Buffy, I knew you would come.  It kept telling me you wouldn't, but 
I knew you would."  He coughs out, "Said you wouldn't risk your skin 
for the likes of me.  You came though."

"I wouldn't leave you, Spike."  Buffy answers robotically.

"Buffy, you believe in me&I told it that, but it said I was a fool 
to think that you could love me."  He ventures out on a limb.

"Spike, I&you're not a fool, but I can't love you the way that you 
want."  Buffy stops walking and looks directly at Spike, "I just 
can't and I won't lie to you.  I used you once before and I won't do 
that again.  I do care about you.  I hope that is enough."

"Buffy, I&I'll take what I can get.  You came for me and&and that 
means a lot.  I know you can't love an evil, crazy bugger like me&" 
he lowers her head.

"It isn't that&not mainly anyway.  I just sort of realized there is 
and in a way always has been someone else.  I'm sorry."  Buffy gets 
them walking again.  They are more than half way there now.

"It's about time you realized you loved that redheaded bird."  Spike 
tries to lighten the pain in his heart by being accepting of 
something he thought they would never see.  He knows well that the 
dead sometimes see and feel more than living will ever know.

"I&I'm not going to ask how you know that.  I am just going to say I 
suppose it is."  She keeps them moving.

It isn't long and they walk into the Summer's house.  No one pays 
them much attention until Dawn begins to get up to help Buffy with 
the wounded vampire.  

"That's alright, bit.  I'm only going to let big sis' get me down 
into the basement then she comes back up, too.  I just need to be 
left to heal is all." Spike groans out.

Buffy puts the manacles on Spike as he lies down on the mattress 
provided.  He looks up at her thoughtfully, "Thank you, pet."

"I don't like leaving you untended Spike."  Buffy looks guiltily at 
his injuries and restraints.

"It's for the best.  I am weak and I just need to heal.  I can't be 
trusted and you know it."

"I know, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it."  Buffy begins 
her trek upstairs.

"Pet, you have to talk to her."  Is the last thing Spike offers 
before falling into a deep sleep.

Dawn walks up to Buffy as she closes the door to the 
basement, "Willow didn't want anything and wouldn't let me in.  She 
didn't sound good Buffy."

"I was just going to check on her.  Please make it clear that no on 
is to go to the basement.  That includes you too, Dawn."  Buffy 
heads for the steps.

Buffy climbs the stairs wondering just how she is supposed to have 
this conversation with her best friend.  `How do you tell your best 
friend that you know how she feels about you and then convince her 
that you feel the same way?'  she stops outside Willow's door, `You 
just start at the beginning and hope she understands.'  Her mind 
feeds back to her as she lightly knocks on the door.

"Go away please.  I just n-need to be alone."  Willow's voice comes 
out weak sounding.

"Willow, it's Buffy.  I&I need to talk to you."  Buffy is feels a 
sense of worry surround her at the distress sound in Willow's voice.

"I&I need to rest, Buffy&can't it wait," Willow practically pleads.

"Willow, I don't think this can wait.  Please?"

"The door is unlocked."

Buffy takes a deep breath and slowly turns the doorknob in front of 
her. 

TBC







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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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