~Buffy*Wants*Willow~ FIC: Lord of the House of Scooby -- part 1

["cdreramius" <o163210@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Lord of the House of Scooby  part 1
Authors: Mike and Tony McD
Rating: mild R
Category: season 7 AU/ season 3 AU.
Pairings: B/X, W/X, B/W, B/X/W
Summary: Follows `Looking into the House of Scooby'. How far would 
you go to protect the ones you love? 
Distribution: Anywhere, just let us know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any 
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for fun and 
enjoyment. 
Authors' notes: This is a collaborative effort between Tony and me 
due to Tony's illness. Feedback is appreciated.
Author's note 2: This will make sense if you remember that Buffy is 
in Xander's body and Xander is in Buffy's body.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

INTERVIEWER (INT): Today I have the real honour of interviewing 
Jonathan Levinson and Faith Lanoire, authors of the internationally 
best selling trilogy `The House of Scooby', `House of Scooby: 
Darkness Falls', and `Lord of the House of Scooby'. Thank you both 
for you time.

FAITH LANOIRE (FL): Not a problem.

JONATHAN LEVINSON (JL): Anytime.

IN: In the introduction to the books you've stated that its 
publication was delayed a number of years but you gave no indication 
as to the reason why. What was the reason for the delay?

FL: We made a promise to someone.

INT: And that promise was?

JL: When we first started writing the series the only way we could 
get Xander's input was agreeing to his demand that we could only 
release it after his death. I figured that he just wanted to live out 
his final years in peace. Anyway, after he died, we finished the 
story, started hunting for a publisher and the rest is history.

INT: When you say Xander you mean Alexander Harris, right?

FL: Yeah, but Xan didn't like people calling him Alexander or Alex. 
Red gave him the name Xander and that was the name he lived and died 
under.

JL: I don't know how many times Willow told that story, or as Buffy 
used to call it `The Great Naming and Yellow Crayon Day'.

INT: Of the three books, the two of you were only first hand 
witnesses for the events of `The House of Scooby' and you had to rely 
on interviews for the other two. Who were they?

FL: Well, the only two who were there for Darkness Falls was Tara and 
Xan. We had a hell of a time getting info for Lord. Giles was pretty 
reluctant at first to tell us his life story and trying to find 
people who knew him in his young and wild days was just as hard. A 
lot of them were dead. And not just from old age either.

INT: I'll get back to Giles in a moment. To say the release of your 
first book sent shockwaves around the world would be a complete 
understatement.

JL: No, the official confirmation that what we wrote was the truth 
sent the shockwaves. We just wrote the story to honour our friends. 
We're all alive because of them. Their story was a good one and 
deserved to be told.

FL: Back in the day I never expected to outlive Buffy. Live hard, die 
young, and leave a good-looking corpse.

JL: Yeah, preferably one that doesn't get up and eat people 
afterwards.

FL: Amen to that. Anyway, like I was saying, I always expected that 
it'd be Red and B putting flowers on my grave. Instead I'm old and 
grey with more wrinkles than a cheap suit and it's B and Red who've 
been dead for over 50 years. Like Tara told me yesterday, life never 
turns out the way you expect.

INT: Reading the books I'm amazed at resilience shown, especially at 
that young age. Fighting a war between good and evil, facing 
creatures straight out of nightmares, the possibility, indeed the 
probability of death day after day for years. It's a miracle you 
remained sane.

FL: If you read Darkness Falls you'll see what had happened when 
insanity set in. Not pretty. Whenever they used to talk about it Tara 
and Xan would go all quiet and sad.

JL: The last two survivors of a world destroyed by the people they 
loved? I'd count that as a pretty good reason to feel sad.

INT: Faith, the last of the series `Lord of the House of Scooby' is 
the story of your second Watcher, Rupert Giles. Now if I'm not 
mistaken, in the forward of the book you note that while it was the 
last book published, it was the first one you actively researched and 
quote `a labour of love' end quote. Could you tell us a little more 
about that?

FL: Let me make it perfectly clear, I was NOT screwing Giles. It's OK 
to love your Watcher but not to LOVE your Watcher, if you get my 
drift. The big change in my relationship with Giles happened back at 
the end of high school.

JL: But you never went to high school.

FL: Shut up Levinson, I'm telling the story. Where was I? Oh yeah, 
end of high school when B joined the `I think with my dick' club and 
Xan spent hours getting in `touch' with his feminine side...

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Do you think I'm getting too skinny?"

Standing in bra and panties, Xander was busy examining his... Buffy's 
body in the mirror. He'd stand side on and look at his profile, 
occasionally poking his rib cage and checking the thickness of his 
arms and legs.

Faith, who had been watching her housemate prance in front of the 
mirror for the last ten minutes, rolled her eyes.

"For fuck's sake Xan, will you quit asking me that? And while you're 
at it, put some clothes on. I haven't had a good lay in ages and you 
prancing around half naked in B's body is making me antsy." Faith 
preferred driving stick but right now she badly wanted to throw the 
blonde down on the bed and make her howl.

"I'm serious, Faith. When I first met Buffy she actually had hips and 
tits but she ended up anorexic as well as an evil bitch."

"I'm serious too. Put. Some. Fucking. Clothes. On. Now!"

Xander just stood there, looking hurt. Faith threw her hands in the 
air in resignation.

"Fine! We'll grab some cheeseburgers after patrol. Happy? Now will ya 
get dressed?"

"Alright, alright. Don't get ya panties in a twist." Xander mumbled 
as he started getting dressed. Faith left him to it and headed into 
the lounge room. From the bedroom Xander called out to Faith.

"Anything in the mail?"

"Dunno!"

"What do ya mean you don't know?"

"I haven't checked the mail."

"Why the hell not, Faith?"

"Never any mail for me so why bother looking?"

"Damn it! The electricity bill's due soon. Do ya wanna sit around in 
the dark?"

With an unhappy grunt, Faith picked herself off the couch and went to 
check the pile of unchecked mail.

"I can't wait for you to get your dick back, you whiny bitch." Faith 
muttered to herself

"Slayer hearing!" Xander sing-songed as he came into the room.

"Good. Now use your Slayer eyesight." Faith flicked the pile of mail 
at Xander who barely managed to catch it. He started sorting through 
it.

"Junk, junk, junk, exciting new opportunity to own time share, junk, 
Faith Elanora Lanoire."

"WHAT????" Faith leapt up and snatched the letter from him. Xander 
cocked his eyebrow up.

"Elanora Lanoire?" he smirked.

"Shut the fuck up LaVelle."

Faith stared at the letter in surprise.

"Who's it from?"

"Bank of Southern California."

"What's the big deal? It's probably just the bank telling you they've 
ripped you off for a truck load of fees." Shrugged Xander.

"I don't have a bank account with them. I've never had a bank account 
with any bank. Shit, I've never even told anyone my full name."

"I'm not surprised."

Faith flipped him off then tore open the envelope. In it was a letter 
and an ATM card. The more Faith read of the letter, the more her eyes 
grew in shock.

"No fucking way! NO FUCKING WAY!!!"

Xander grabbed the letter off her and started reading.

"Dear Ms Lanoire... blah, blah, blah... please find enclosed your new 
card... account balance HOLY SHIT!" Xander looked over to the dark 
haired slayer.

"Looks like the Antelope Trust strikes again."

"Yeah? Well, the Antelope trust can stick its money up its ass. I'm 
not taking it." Xander did a double take at Faith's words.

"Are you nuts? That's more money than most people see in a lifetime!"

"No way! I'm not taking it. Not now, not ever."

Faith was becoming more and more visibly upset with every second. 
Xander was deeply concerned for his friend.

"What's wrong? Faith, what's the matter?" Xander placed his hand on 
Faith's arm to try to reassure her but she shook it off.

"I'm not taking it. No way. I'm not taking it." The look of distant 
fear on her face shocked Xander.

"What can't you take it?" he asked gently, not wishing to spook her 
any further.

"You don't get it, do you? I take this money and I owe some sugar 
daddy big time and one day they'll turn up to collect and I'm not 
gonna let that happen ever again!" Faith yelled, wavering on the line 
between tears and rage.

"It's not like that! This Antelope Trust thing, it's not about you 
owing someone. It's about you being owed!"

"How could you know? How could you possibly know what this fucking 
trust wants?"

"Calm down and look at it objectively. It's not just you. Buffy, 
Willow, Joyce, Giles, they all got a truckload of cash from this 
Antelope Trust. If it was just you or the girls then the sugar daddy 
thing might hold water but GILES? I've seen some pretty sick fucked 
up shit in my time but someone trying to sugar daddy the Tweed-man is 
in a league of its own.

"Look, you live here rent free; don't even have to pay for food or 
anything. Does that mean I'm trying to sugar daddy my way into your 
pants?"

Faith had to smirk.

"You've knocked back so many of my offers, if it wasn't for your 
swinging threeway lifestyle with B and Red, I'd swear you were gay."

"Not gay, just committed to my relationships in my old age." He 
corrected her. "The reason I won't accept any money from you for 
living here is because I owe you."

Faith got confused.

"You owe me? What the hell have I done for you to owe me?"

"One  you're a Slayer. The whole fucking world owes you for 
protecting its oblivious ass. Two  you helped me with my little 
summer digging project."

"You ever gonna tell me what the hell we were digging for?"

"No. And three  living in this house by yourself can get pretty 
lonely and having my best friend here with me means I'm not alone."

Faith pulled up short at Xander's declaration.

"Isn't Red your best friend since, like, forever?"

Xander shook his head.

"Willow's my girlfriend. You're my best friend." He gently told her.

To her eternal embarrassment, Faith visibly choked up on the emotion 
of the moment. She never liked displaying `girly' emotions and tried 
to cover it with a huff.

"I still think you're gay."

Xander smiled.

"You ever get Willow and Buffy's permission to play and I'll show you 
just how gay I am." He taunted his best friend.

"I do kinks, not anal."

The two of them burst out laughing.

"So you gonna keep the money?" Xander asked. Faith shrugged her 
shoulders.

"Yeah, why not? It beats hustling pool at the local biker bar and I 
can get me some wicked shit with all this cash."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Sitting in his office in the library, it was a deeply troubled Giles 
that stared at the velvet-covered box that Travers had delivered 
earlier that night.

Years of tradition and generations of service to the Council warred 
with his heart.

Opening the box, Giles saw the two syringes and vials of suppressant 
and shuddered at the thought of what he was about to do.




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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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