FIC: Again 5/5

["Jay" <Swanrvr80@xxxxxxx>]

Title: Again

PART FIVE

Willow's eyes popped open.  Startled, it took a moment for her to 
realize where she was and that she had fallen asleep in the chair 
facing Kennedy.  The drapes were drawn so she wasn't sure how late in 
the afternoon it was until she glanced at the clock on the dresser.  
She stood up, her eyes lingering on Kennedy.  Making her way to the 
open doorway that separated the two rooms, Willow stood there until 
Buffy looked over at her.  Leigh was asleep in a sitting position, 
her back against the wall.  Buffy stood up from the edge of the bed 
and smiled.

"You actually slept for almost two hours.  How'ya feelin'?" asked 
Buffy.

"Meh," shrugged Willow, rubbing her neck.  "How's our guest?"

"Dead to the world," deadpanned Buffy.

"But not dead to Kennedy," frowned Willow.

"Willow..."

"Sorry.  Not much of a morning person.  Or, okay, in this case a late 
afternoon person.  Where's Xander?"

"He went to get some pizzas.  It's early but I think he needed to get 
out of here for a while," replied Buffy.  "Kennedy's still sleeping.  
Is that a good?"

"I guess.  Thought she'd be awake by now."

"You worried?" asked Buffy, now standing next to Willow.  She put a 
hand on Willow's arm.  Unseen behind them, Leigh opened one eye.

"Not about her physical wounds.  The spell is helping her heal.  
She'll wake up soon," nodded Willow.

"Willow, last night...why were you surprised that Leigh was hurt?  
You were there in some kinda witchy way, right?"

"I kinda snuck in around the last act but didn't stick around for the 
curtain call," explained Willow.

"But, but you said it was over," questioned Buffy.

"Buffy, you know how she killed it?  After she snapped its neck she, 
um...she severed the head," cringed Willow.

"Makes sense," shrugged Buffy.  "So?"

"With her teeth," finished Willow.  Even Buffy winced.

"Ew!" groaned Buffy.

"Yeah, didn't need to stick around for that.  And when I said the 
fight was over, well, I meant the fight for Kennedy," winked Willow.

"Oh!" grinned Buffy.  "Okay.  Hey, I'm going to lay down for a bit, 
catch a few zees."

"That's a good idea," nodded Willow.  Buffy stepped forward and 
hugged Willow, catching her by surprise.  Willow hesitated but then 
returned the embrace, closing her eyes and holding Buffy tightly.  
Buffy made to release her arms but Willow held on just a moment 
longer.

"Thanks," whispered Willow, finally letting go.  Buffy nodded with a 
smile and went into the other room.

Willow sat down on the floor across from Leigh, just out of arms 
reach.  Unbidden, the image of this girl's arms around Kennedy 
overwhelmed Willow, the two entwined, their lips...Willow turned away 
and took in a deep breath.  Slowly she raised her eyes and again 
looked at her.  She wanted to touch the anger she should be feeling, 
she needed to hate this thing that had masqueraded as herself to take 
advantage of Kennedy...but she couldn't.  

Willow wondered why it bothered her so that Leigh wasn't breathing 
when she had spent so much time around Angel.  Why did it hurt when 
she thought about Kennedy being with a girl who was dead?

"It'll be dark soon," said Willow.

Leigh opened her eyes and quickly focused on Willow's stare.  She 
rubbed her arm and winced but didn't take her eyes away from Willow.

"How is she?" asked Leigh.

"Still sleeping," answered Willow flatly.

"Because of the spell you did?" asked Leigh.

"Probably," answered Willow.

Leigh raised her eyebrows at this doubt.

"This spell...to help her she needs to believe in something other 
than the past...well, the recent past.  What I mean is..."

Willow sighed and took in another deep breath.

"I touched her mind.  There's no actual words, it's more like warm, 
fuzzy, happy butterfly feelings.  And it's not a forgetting spell!  
See, if she has any doubts the spell can't work.  Her fears would 
trap her, play tricks...Kennedy needed to believe that I love her," 
said Willow quickly, almost spitting out the words.

"She would know that if you felt that way.  We both know that isn't 
true," said Leigh in a calmly measured tone.  "You don't."

Willow looked down at the floor and nodded once.

"I don't," she whispered.  "Not in the way she loves me."

Willow closed her eyes.

"She's trying to understand why you don't want her," said Leigh.

"I know.  The spell will dissipate and she'll wake up, maybe in an 
hour or two.  She won't...she won't remember.  It's just so that her 
body can heal," frowned Willow, still not looking at Leigh as if that 
alone would get her to change this painful subject.

"You're lying to her.  Again," spat Leigh.

"No.  No, it's not like that!" protested Willow.

"Whatever," sighed Leigh.

Willow looked at her hand, startled to see it clenched in a fist.  
She slowly eased her hand open and put it behind her.

"So...where do we go from here?" asked Willow, though she said it 
more to the room than to Leigh, knowing that she herself wasn't sure 
of the answer.

"Isn't that up to her?" replied Leigh, her tone surprisingly 
sympathetic.

"In a perfect world.  And wow, is this so not a perfect world."

Leigh rubbed her eyes and then slowly lowered her hands so that she 
rested her chin on her thumbs.

"When she walks into a room, your face lights up.  You don't see or 
hear the person next to you, so drawn in are you, so consumed...when 
she's close, when she absently touches your arm or shoulder, your 
knee opens to one side, inviting her closer even though you don't 
realize you're doing it.  And I know she's unaware of it too," said 
Leigh, sadly shaking her head.  Puzzled, Willow narrowed her eyes.

"Maybe at first.  You're talking once upon a time," sighed Willow.  

"I'm talking about Buffy," said Leigh.

Willow blinked.  Instead of protesting or laughing at the idea, she 
thought about what Leigh had said.

"That's power, Willow.  That's special.  I can hear your heart beat 
faster when she just stands next to you."

"But..."

"Willow!  Think about that kiss.  Remember what you were feeling, how 
her lips..."

"Okay!  Getting the picture!" squirmed Willow uncomfortably.

"Are you?"

"It's not that easy!" protested Willow weakly.

"It never is.  That's why it's worth it."

"She's my best friend.  What if...what if..."

Willow just shook her head and looked away.

"Yeah.  What if?  Isn't that what it's all about?"

Willow remained still, though she glanced at Leigh, only to look 
quickly away.

"Thinking about that kiss?" asked Leigh, smiling.

"Are we talkin' about again or the first time?" laughed Willow weakly.

"Again," nodded Leigh.  Willow's smile faded.

"Again," agreed Willow, nodding.  "Um...can we not, you know..."

"Sure.  Let's talk about that pink elephant in the next room.  Are 
you being fair to her?  Are you being fair to yourself?" asked Leigh.

"What do you mean?" replied Willow suspiciously.

"Giving her a false hope...isn't that worse, isn't that just plain 
cruel?"

"Compared to what you're doing to her!?  She's trapped, she can't 
move on!"

"She doesn't want to move on!  I give her what she wants.  You have 
this hold on her and you don't even love her!"

"What you're doing...how can that be good for her?" winced Willow.

"What about what you're doing to her?" snapped Leigh.  

"It's not the same!" yelled Willow.  She looked back over her 
shoulder, hoping that Buffy hadn't heard.

"Willow...what else can I do?" answered Leigh softly.  She sat up, 
wincing in pain but Willow realized that she was doing this as a 
diversion to hide the sadness in her tone, the regret.

"How about leave?" suggested Willow.

"You'd let me?" asked Leigh, one corner of her mouth turned up in 
sarcasm.  

"You'd be alive," shrugged Willow.

"Surviving isn't living.  There's an emptiness in that you can't 
escape."

Willow almost nodded in agreement but caught herself.  Why was it so 
hard to hate this girl?

"Maybe I should leave.  Maybe it's the best thing for her.  I hear 
myself saying the words,
but...no.  No, I can't.  I can't let go.  Believe me, Willow, I've 
asked myself why would Kennedy want me?  I'm a vampire, she's...look, 
I know she'll never really love me.  But it's her choice.   I'll take 
what I can get." 

"Why?  Love, it can't last for you...you don't die."

"I can die!  No matter how long you live or, or how short the time is 
that you're given, the next moment is there, waiting.  Anything can 
happen," said Leigh, almost yelling.

Willow just stared at her, chewing on her lower lip.

"I know you don't trust me, just because of what I am," said Leigh.

"A threat to Kennedy?" suggested Willow.

"No!  Hey, you have a chance at an afterlife, whatever that might 
be.  Me?  My fate's a done deal on that.  My heaven is here, it's 
now.  A touch, a smile, her scent...that's my heaven.  Why would I 
ruin that?" demanded Leigh.

Willow glanced at the doorway to the other room.

"Sex is a primal emotion but it's more about trust than anything 
else.  To connect like that you can't hold back, you can't hide.  
You're naked and I ain't talking clothes here.  Kennedy trusts me, 
she knows I wouldn't hurt her," said Leigh softly.

"Trust," laughed Willow.  "You're like the scorpion in that fable."

"I'm...huh?"

"You know.  The scorpion asks the fox for a ride on its back to cross 
the river.  The fox refuses because it knows the scorpion will sting 
the fox but the scorpion says then you'd drown and we'd both die.  
The fox agrees and of course the scorpion stings.  As the fox dies it 
asks why?  The scorpion replies that it can't fight nature, that it 
can't be but what it is.  Leigh, you can't change what you are."

"Wow.  I'm disappointed.  I thought you of all people would 
understand."

"She doesn't love you.  She's using you.  Can you trust that she 
won't hurt you?" asked Willow.  Leigh closed her eyes and leaned her 
head back against the wall.  

"She hurts me," whispered Leigh, wincing.  "But I need her.  I can't 
explain it, I just feel it."

Willow exhaled, puffing out her cheeks.  Leigh gingerly stood up, 
grimacing.  Willow stood and took a step away from her.

"The sun has set.  I can smell it.  It's time for me to go," 
announced Leigh.

"Where are you going?" asked Willow.

"Does it matter?  Whatever Kennedy decides, she'll know where to find 
me.  I mean, if she wants to.  Willow, when Buffy stands next to you, 
her heart beats faster too.  Just thought you should know," shrugged 
Leigh.

Willow crossed her arms and glanced again at the doorway to Kennedy's 
room.

"Kennedy tells me that you and Buffy haven't talked...haven't really 
talked...since you brought her back.  Not even when you came back 
from England, after..."

Leigh stopped, noticing the warning glare from Willow.

"You have to get past those barriers you've built up between the two 
of you.  You'll never be happy, really happy, unless you find out the 
truth.  Stop hiding.  Get naked.  Um, again, not talking about 
clothes here," explained Leigh.

"Got it," smiled Willow.

"Then again..."

Willow's smile grew into a grin. 

"Go.  Before I change my mind," ordered Willow.  Leigh hesitated, not 
moving.  And then she nodded, almost smiling.

"Thank you.  And Willow? Seize the moment," encouraged Leigh, 
glancing past Willow.  Willow's eyes opened wide, remembering.  Leigh 
nodded once and then limped to the door, shutting it loudly behind 
her as she left.  Willow stared at the door, her hand slowly 
clenching into a fist.  Shaking her head, she walked into the next 
room. 

"Sol," whispered Willow.

"Hey," greeted Buffy, standing up from the chair.

"Hey yourself," smiled Willow.

"Um...did you just wiggle your nose?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind.  So, where's Leigh?"

"I gave her what she wanted.  She's gone," replied Willow, trying not 
to smile.

"She's...wait.  You gave her...isn't sol Latin for sunshine?"

"Someone's been studying," nodded Willow approvingly.  "You know, she 
was damn good."

"With the talking?" asked Buffy knowingly.

"Oh yeah.  Had to tell her to go before I changed my mind," sighed 
Willow.

"So she's dust?" 

"In the wind," nodded Willow.  

"Cool," smiled Buffy.  

"Yeah, but there goes the crime rate," pouted Willow.

"Um..."

"It's nothing.  Nothing that a healed Slayer can't handle, that is," 
nodded Willow.  But Willow didn't smile.  

"Hey, you okay?"  asked Buffy.

"Yeah.  Just seizing the moment.  Not always the easiest path to 
take," answered Willow.

"Okay," replied Buffy, puzzled.  "Why so grim?  You're doing what you 
had to do.  It's what Kennedy needed."

"Yep.  Only...I'm not done yet," whispered Willow.

"Huh?"

"Nothing.  Nothing," repeated Willow, shaking her head.  Buffy 
studied her for a moment and then shrugged.

"Alright.  You know, I can't sleep.  Might as well wait for Xander.  
You need anything?  Do you wanna lay down for a while?  I'll sit with 
her," said Buffy, slowly reaching out until her hand rested on 
Willow's shoulder.  Willow kept her eyes on Kennedy and shook her 
head.

"No.  Thanks.  I need to be here."

"Want some tea?  Um...not that I can make you some here," laughed 
Buffy.  "I could go get you..."

"Um, no. No, I'm good."     

"Maybe we could talk?"

"Oh boy," whispered Willow.  

"Willow?"

"Maybe later."  

"Okay," agreed Buffy, running her hand through Willow's hair, 
brushing it away from the side of her face.  "I'm going to sit 
outside.  Xander should've been back with those pizzas by now."

Buffy leaned forward and kissed the top of Willow's head.  Unseen, 
Willow closed her eyes.

"She's going to be alright, Will.  Just call out if you need me."

"'Kay," whispered Willow.

When Willow opened her eyes she was alone with Kennedy.  She reached 
over and gave her hand a little squeeze but got no reaction.  Taking 
in a deep breath, Willow looked back at the open door between their 
two rooms and then looked back at Kennedy.  Slowly, Willow let go of 
her hand and then almost ran to the door.

"Buffy?"

She had caught Buffy just before she was going to step outside.

"Willow.  Is something wrong?"

Willow didn't answer at first so Buffy took a step towards her.

"Are you okay?" asked Buffy, growing concerned.

"Yes.  No.  I don't know," winced Willow, shifting her weight from 
foot to foot.

"Hey.  What's wrong?" asked Buffy, now standing next to her.  Willow 
took in a deep breath but couldn't look at her.

"You want to sit down?" asked Buffy.  Willow shook her head.

"Come on, Will. You can tell me anything, you know that," said Buffy 
in a soothing tone.  Willow swallowed once and slowly turned her head 
to look at her.

"I know.  Buffy...there's something I need to tell you," whispered 
Willow.  Buffy smiled and that made Willow smile too.

"Some things, if they're important...especially if they're 
important... need to be said, no matter how hard," said Willow, 
almost forcing the words out.

"Yes, I believe a very wise person once said those words," nodded 
Buffy, smiling.  Willow laughed nervously.

"Willow, what's going on?" smiled Buffy.

"See?  That just it.  It's the what's not going on that's going on."

"Um..."

"What I mean is...Buffy, I...I..."

"Willow?" 

It was Kennedy's voice.

Willow's mouth remained open...but no words came out.  It took a 
moment for Buffy to realize that Willow was now fighting back tears.  
Willow looked back over her shoulder and then looked back at Buffy.

"I...she...Buffy, she needs me," sniffed Willow.

"It's okay.  We'll talk later," reassured Buffy.  

"That's just it.  We won't.  We don't."  

Now Willow couldn't hide her tears.  She hesitated, torn between 
going to Kennedy and needing to explain, to talk, to hug...anything 
but leave.  Then, suddenly, Willow stepped forward and placed her 
hands on Buffy's shoulders.  She just stood there, not moving, not 
even breathing, her lips so close to Buffy's mouth, her eyes drawn to 
the Slayer's lips.  Eyes wide at first, her body tense, Buffy 
relaxed, tilting her head slightly, leaning closer, anticipating, 
waiting.  Willow closed her eyes, her mouth almost touching Buffy.  
Then, just as Buffy slowly closed her own eyes, Willow released her, 
turned and left Buffy standing there.

"I'm here," called out Willow, her voice breaking.

Buffy stood there for a moment, her eyes slowly opening wide.  Her 
hand made its way to her mouth, one finger barely brushing across her 
lower lip.  She staggered backward and sat down on the edge of the 
bed, staring in the direction that Willow had gone.

The door opened and Xander entered, juggling two white boxes and a 
large bottle of soda.

"Hope you're hungry.  I got pepperoni," smiled Xander.  

Buffy just sat there, looking at him.

"Hey.  Everything okay?" asked Xander, suddenly worried.

"Um, yeah.  Yeah, it's just...hey, Kennedy's awake," said Buffy, 
forcing a smile.

"Oh great!" winced Xander.

"Xander!"

"Oh, um, no, that is great.  I just meant that I should've gotten 
another pizza.  You ever see that girl eat?"

Buffy ignored Xander, slowly inhaled, sat up and made her way into 
the next room.

"Hey, Kennedy.  You hungry?  Pizza man is here," smiled Buffy.  
Kennedy smiled and looked up at Willow.

"We'll be there in a little while.  I'm going to help her get cleaned 
up," said Willow, her eyes locked on Buffy.  Buffy smiled.

"I'll be waiting," said Buffy very slowly.

"No, go ahead and start, the pizza will get cold.  We might be a 
while," shrugged Willow.

"I'll be waiting," said Buffy, even slower this time.

Willow looked at her, narrowed her eyes...and then her mouth opened 
ever so slightly.  Buffy merely nodded.

"Might not wanna take too long, Kennedy.  You know how Xander likes 
pizza," said Buffy.

"I can match him piece for piece," smiled Kennedy, sitting 
up.  "Isn't that right, Willow?"

Willow just stood there, staring at Buffy until Buffy opened her eyes 
to indicate that Kennedy was waiting for a response.

"Huh?  Oh.  Oh, right!  Pizza.  Um...yeah," nodded Willow absently.  
She smiled at Kennedy with a glance and then looked back at Buffy.

Buffy met Willow's eyes one more time and smiled her warmest smile.  
Only Buffy noticed the smallest quiver of Willow's lower lip, 
fighting the smile that wanted to burst out.  Willow looked down, 
swallowed once and took in a deep breath but didn't dare to look up 
at Buffy again.  

Buffy turned and left them alone.  Xander was standing behind her, 
just about to take a bite from a slice of pizza.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, never mind, I thought you said something," shrugged Xander.

"Sometimes you can say something without talking," smiled Buffy.  
Xander gave her a puzzled look and Buffy snatched the pizza from his 
hand, taking a huge bite while walking past him.

THE END 







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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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