fic Buffyspringer; PG Willow appears on Jerry Springer to tell Buffy a secret

["goolecaptain" <goolecaptain@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

my last fic was, how should say? not universally well recieved? so 
here's something a little lighter as peace offering
Summary; How Xander SHOULD have found out about Spike/Anya/Buffy and 
how Will should have told Buffy 
Spoilers; End of season 6
Rating; PG
Pairing; light Buffy/Willow/Tara although it features all the 
character relationships.
Disclaimer; these characters do not belong to me but to Mutant Enemy 
productions and this fic is purely for fun and with no profit motive 
whatsoever. As for Jerry Springer, well I guess he belongs to 
himself? Anyway, this is purely for fun and no defamation of his 
character intended, pure fiction. you may have seen an earlier draft 
of this on adultfanfic if it seems familar. 
Distribution; As you like it (are there any Jerry Springer fan sites?)
Feedback; goolecaptain@xxxxxxxxxxx


BuffySpringer



"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" the crowd chanted as though the Christians 
were about to be thrown to the lions.
"WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" Al thundered, striding through the corridors 
like General Patton. Clarice was unimpressed, leaning against the 
wall outside the dressing room and laconically taking another drag 
from her Marlboro Light.
"Under the table. Again"
Al let out a sigh. "Do you want me to go get the bouncers?" Clarice 
asked.
He shook his head. "No, they almost broke his fingers last time. Go 
tell catering to get ready"
Clarice shrugged and held up her mobile phone. "Got them on speedial"
*

"Jerry?" He rapped lightly on the door.
"I'm not coming out"
Al poked his head around the door. "Jerry you know you've got to come 
out and do the show. It's in your contract" he spoke softly.
"I don't care, I'm not doing it" Al noted that he'd tried to prise 
the bars off the window in order to escape. He was so glad they'd had 
them reinforced. He bent down to see him crouched under the table, 
gripping onto its' leg for dear life. 
"But Jerry..."
"I don't care, I'm not doing it. You can't make me. I can't go out 
there again, I just can't" He began to cry a little. Al took out a 
freshly laundered handkerchief and dabbed his tears.
"Now Jerry, it's only half an hour of your life then it's all over. 
The limo will take you back to the hotel where they'll be a nice pot 
of hot tea waiting for you in your suite"
Jerry wavered. "Nice tea?" 
"Earl Grey" Al assured him. He noticed Jerry's grip on the table was 
loosening. 
"Can there be cake?" Al helped him up and put his arm around his 
shoulders.
"For you Jerry, I'll get doughnuts" Al walked him to the door.
*

"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!"
He strode out, dapper, self-assured, effortlessly finding his mark 
and giving a charismatic smile to the camera. He extended his hand to 
the audience who obediently quietened down, listening avidly to his 
every word.
"Hello everybody, now first on the show today we have Xander, hello 
Xander"
He seemed uncomfortable. "Poor sap" thought Jerry "Hasn't a clue what 
he's in for"
"Uh, hi Jerry, I just gotta say I'm a really big fan of the show and 
I'd like to say hello to all the guys at the construction site"
"Thank you, now Xander we've got a little surprise for you, can we 
roll the clip please"
He didn't watch the clip, he'd seen it before. Instead he watched 
Xander's jaw drop to the floor as he witnessed Spike and Anya on top 
of the table and each other at the magic shop. The crowd ummmed and 
ahhhed appreciatively at the clip.
"Wow!" thought Jerry. "Better reserve myself a copy of that tape 
before the crew snap them all up!" The clip ended and he turned to 
his guest. 
"Well Xander, can you explain a little about that?"
"Uh...ah..." He appeared to have lost the ability to speak.
"That was your former fiancée Anya with your sworn enemy Spike, yes?"
Xander nodded, his eyes seemed very white.
"Well, lets hear from the 'lady' herself, welcome Anya!"
Al held up the big sign saying "BOOOO NOW!" The audience responded 
with enthusiasm. Anya walked in looking flustered. She held out her 
palms to the audience.
"What? What?"
She sat down next to Xander. He looked at her with murder in his 
eyes. "How could you let that evil, unclean thing touch you?"
"I don't know Xander how could you LEAVE ME AT THE ALTAR?" she turned 
to the audience who were gasping in disbelief and pointed to him for 
effect, "He (censored) LEFT me at the (censored) ALTAR! In front of 
(censored) everyone!"
Al held up the sign again but there was no need. They were already 
booing. Xander quailed. 
"Time to stir up the mix" Jerry thought. "Well, let's hear from the 
other side of the story, everyone welcome Spike!"
The bouncers really were professionals, they're timing was perfect. 
They let Xander strike Spike fully over the head with the chair 
before they broke them up. The crowd roared. "This is what it's all 
about" Jerry thought, "This is truly great TV"
Something new was happening. A tiny blonde woman had appeared in the 
middle of the stage and was chucking bouncers around like they were 
rag dolls. Eventually she restored order and sat everyone down. Jerry 
was a little perturbed but he was a pro, he was unflappable.
"Now Miss, please tell everyone who you are"
"I'm Buffy, I'm a friend"
"And what do you do?"
"I work at the Double Meat Palace"
"Big surprise there" thought Jerry. "Now Xander you were saying 
something to Anya?"
"How could you let that (censored) piece of (censored) touch you?" he 
demanded again.
"Well if it's good enough for Buffy?" Spike lit up a cigarette. 
The audience went wild. Xander glared at Buffy who looked towards the 
floor in shame. 
"Oh boy, this is terrific!" Jerry thought. He offered the mic to a 
woman in the audience wearing polyester and a huge, terrible, 
perm. "I'd like to ask a question of the trashy blonde..."
"Buffy or Spike?"
"Buffy. What I'd like to know is..."
Buffy leapt from the chair and seized the woman around the 
throat. "Who you calling 'trashy' you (censored) ugly BITCH?!"
The woman fainted. The bouncers carried her away whilst Xander and 
Spike hauled a struggling Buffy back to her seat. Jerry decided they 
couldn't really stand this much fun, it was time to calm things down 
a little. "Now Buffy we have a little suprise for you. Please welcome 
Willow and Tara"
They came out holding hands. Xander, Buffy and Anya looked surprised 
and then broke out into a series of big smiles. Even Spike gave a 
happy shrug. 
"Now Tara, tell us a little bit about you and Willow"
"Well first of all I'd like to say hello to my family who never miss 
a show and have asked me to get your autograph" She gave a little 
wave to the camera. 
"Sure" Jerry agreed. 
"Well, I've helped Willow solve her magic addiction and now we're 
back together" The audience and guests gave a huge 'awwww'. 
"And would you like to show Willow how you feel about her?"
They kissed. The studio was filled with clapping and joyous hooting. 
Jerry beckoned Al over. "Print that and we'll use it out of context 
in our next lesbian show" Al nodded.
"But I've got something else to say" Willow intervened. She turned 
and looked at Buffy.
"I love you. I've always loved you.From the very first moment i 
clapped eyes on you. I know it's complex but Tara and I have talked 
it over and we want you to join us"
Buffy looked alarmed. "Join you...?"
"Join us" Tara repeated holding out her hand. 
Buffy made her decison. She got to her feet and walked over to them.  
She Tara's hand and kissed Willow long and hard.
"What does it take?" Spike asked, despairing.
"Great!" exclaimed Anya, "Now I'm the only straight girl in the 
group!"    
"I think Dawn is too" Xander pointed out, never taking his eyes off 
the trio for a moment.
Jerry turned to the camera "Time for my final thought. Love is a 
tempestuous and sometimes demanding thing. But if Willow, Buffy and 
Tara can get over magic addiction and find each other again why can't 
we all just get along with one another and find our own magic? Until 
next week, take care of yourselves. And each other"
The audience clapped along until their palms hurt. Jerry Springer 
basked in their applause. He faced the camera again "Be sure to tune 
in next week when our guest will be Mr Giles and the topic 'My 
Slayer's dress like hookers"
Buffy snatched the mic from his hand and thrust her face into the 
camera. "If he's not too busy HAVING-SEX-WITH-MY-MOTHER!"
"Boy, that's going to be a good show" Jerry thought as the audience 
went into hysteria.
*

"Play it again!" Faith shrieked. She appeared to have lost all 
control of her body
"No, no!" Andrew exclaimed, rolling on the floor and kicking his feet 
in the air "I can't take it again"
Dawn struggled to remain upright through her tears of laughter. She 
spotted Buffy standing in the doorway holding Willow's hand but still 
couldn't stop giggling. 
"Way to go B! No wonder they never let us watch this in prison" Faith 
observed as Buffy walked past her and wrenched the tape from the 
hotel room VCR. She wiped her eyes and stopped laughing for a few 
seconds in order to breathe. When she had sufficiently recovered she 
began again and broke out into fresh peals of mirth. 
Buffy held the tape up in front of Dawn, who still couldn't stop 
grinning. "Of all the things you could have salvaged from the 
wreckage of our home it had to be this?"
"Buff" Willow chided gently.
"Relax sis" Dawn produced a piece of battered pink material from her 
kitbag. "It wasn't the only thing I found"
"Mr Gordo" Buffy took him in her arms and held him tightly. He seemed 
a little the worse for wear but nothing a needle and thread wouldn't 
fix.
"And we found this at the edge of the crater" Faith was serious for a 
moment, motioning to Andrew who removed a broken picture frame from 
his jacket pocket. Buffy, Joyce and Dawn lying together on the bed. 
Buffy was certain that her father would have plenty of family photo's 
for them but this one was special. The Summer's girls. She traced her 
fingers over the precious, slightly creased image. Willow storked her 
arm affectionately Dawn joined her and held on to her other arm. 
"Thanks guys"
"Now can we watch the tape again?" Andrew asked.
"Wait second" protested Faith pushing past him, "I better go to the 
bathroom first"
"Yeah, good idea" he agreed hurrying after her.
"I suppose we can" Buffy relented. She gave a slight, coy, smile. 







------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> 
$9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/RoMolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~-> 

Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

Community email addresses:
     Post message: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     Subscribe:    buffywantswillow-subscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     Unsubscribe:  buffywantswillow-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     List owner:   buffywantswillow-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shortcut URL to this page:
     http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow

Official archive for the list:
     http://www.ikoly.com/fanfic

Other links to Buffy/Willow fics:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow/links  
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
   http://groups.yahoo.com/group/buffywantswillow/

<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
   buffywantswillow-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
   http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/