FIC: Buffy's Confidant 1/?

["xenarip13" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title:  Buffy's Confidant
Author: Bynx
Rating: Pg to Nc-17 (eventually)
Disclaimer:  I don't own. I don't make money.  I just love the 
characters owned by Joss.
Spoilers: not sure there are any anymore, but pretty much all last 
season.
NOTE:  I haven't been writing between military duty and school, but 
I had this thought and I am running with it and writing on the fly 
with no beta.  So please forgive and I hope you enjoy.
Bynx


Buffy's Confidant 1/?

Buffy reaches her destination and slowly she takes a seat to begin 
her almost daily conversation.  She has gotten used to them now.  It 
was awkward at first, but her secret confidant is always here for 
her.  Today, she is under more stress and much more nervous than 
usual, but she knows it will be okay.  There is no judgement here 
only support.  She takes a deep breath and begins.

"She's coming back today.  Yeah, you probably know that.  I'm pretty 
sure that I told you already.  She's coming back today and I have 
nothing to say.  At least, I have nothing of any worth to say to 
her.  I already know what you are going to say, but we both know it 
doesn't matter.  I couldn't help her when she needed me before.  I 
couldn't help her when she was still here.  Then, when it was all 
over, no thanks to me, I couldn't even say goodbye to her.  I 
couldn't stand to look at her when Giles took her away.  It wasn't 
what I know she thinks.  It wasn't anger or anything at all like 
that.  It was only that I was so afraid.  I was terrified to open my 
mouth.  I was so ashamed of what would come out of it.  It would 
have hurt her.  I couldn't hurt her anymore than she already was and 
I would have.  I couldn't bring myself to do that to her.  She was 
so full of grief and pain.  What right did I have to say what I 
needed to and wanted to say to her right then.  None.  I had none at 
all.  The absolute torture she was lost in was so beyond my feeble 
words.  It was so far beyond any solace that I might have had to 
offer and again what right did I have to offer it?  NONE.  All my 
life that she has known me, all I have ever done is run from her.  
The one time I could have said something...anything I didn't.  She 
could read thoughts by the time I should have said something.  She 
would have known the truth and it would only have caused her more 
pain.  I hope you see that as I do.  I'm sorry I have lied to you 
too, but I know you had an idea of the truth all along."  Buffy 
takes a deep cleansing breath before starting again.

"I have been so hard on Xander after she left.  He has stuck through 
it all to help me though.  Good Ol' Xander.  He was the one that 
saved us all.  He always thought he was so useless as anything other 
than a joke, but in the end he had the right words to say.  The 
right words with the right meaning behind them.  He saved the day 
when I couldn't.  He saved his best friend when I couldn't save 
her.  He saved the most important person to me where I couldn't.  
Thank whatever Powers the Be for Xander saving my life when he saved 
hers, because I was too much of a coward to say what he could."  
Buffy stands and straightens out her clothes.

"She'll be coming soon so I should go, but thanks for listening as 
always.  Please watch over the woman we both love for me."  Buffy 
softly places a rose on the tombstone of Tara Maclay, "Until next 
time, Tara."

Buffy wipes tears of guilt from her face as she slowly walks out of 
the cemetary to greet Willow Rosenberg at the airport.

TBC..
Not sure where or if this is going on.  We'll see. Thanks for 
reading.





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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