Fic: All's Fair 4/4 Vampire Stories B/W/X NC17

[Crys Loch <pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Buffy smiled and sat up, regretting the loss as Willow's finger slipped 
out, but intent on her actions.  "It's your turn now," she informed 
Xander.  She grabbed the end of Xander's t-shirt and pulled it roughly 
up and off.  Pushing him back on the bed, she removed the rest of his 
clothing.  She licked her lips as she watched Xander's cock twitch, 
erect and angled over him.  This, she knew how to do.  She just never 
thought she would be doing it with Xander.  Buffy gently stroked his 
length, her thumb smoothing the precum over the head.  She straddled his 
thighs and lifted herself over his cock, guiding it to the right 
position, she slowly lowered herself.  He filled her: the erection, the 
connection, it all felt like it belonged.  They were bonded, bound to 
each other.  She fell forward, her hair falling around her face and 
stared at him.  Slowly, she started rocking her hips, feeling him slide 
back and forth through her, flexing and contracting her muscles around 
him.  She stared at him, smiling at the wonder evident on his face.  'So 
full, so right,' her mind chanted.



Xander lay still, stunned by the force of the desire that suddenly 
flooded him, drowning in the memories that cascaded over his mind.  He 
lost himself in her eyes as Buffy bowed over him, her hair draped around 
her face, the scent of purely aching arousal surrounding them.  He 
remembered the first time, that clear sudden moment, when he fell in 
love with Buffy.  It was the night of the Harvest.  Buffy was on the 
stage, confronting the Master's vessel, fighting for her life.   Chaos 
was around them as they tried to lead the people out the door to safety 
and the vampires attacked, fed, and tried to keep everyone inside.  He 
was in trouble, struggling with a monster so much stronger than himself 
and losing.  Desperate, he called out.  And Buffy, in the middle of her 
own struggle, responded.  He heard her call out to him, barely ducked 
under the flying cymbal, and was suddenly released as the vampire 
holding him was beheaded and turned to dust.  He looked up at her.  She 
was on stage, flooded and bathed in the spotlight, and he fell in love.  
Xander looked up at her now.  A smile softened her face, her eyes 
fluttered shut as she slowly lifted herself and rocked back down over 
and over and over his cock.  Love.  He felt it, needed to feel it.  His 
hands clasped her hips and he began arching up, meeting her, matching 
the slow rhythm. 



Willow sat up and watched her friends beside her.  They were naked, slow 
fucking in front of her.  She watched fascinated at first.  Their bodies 
joined, Buffy lifting up, revealing Xander's cock, then lowering and 
sliding it back inside.  When Buffy bent forward and started to kiss 
Xander, her hair falling over their faces, his hands roaming over her 
back, fascination turned cold.  Willow sat apart, alone and empty.  
Buffy and Xander seemed to melt into each other; their movements growing 
faster, their passion greater; as one, their bodies rocked, slid and 
thrust.  Willow was left to the side, merely an observer.



Suddenly Buffy arched up and sat back.  Continuing her rise and fall 
over Xander's cock, she ran her hand through her hair, pulling it away 
from her face, and turned back towards Willow.  She expected Willow to 
be watching them, but was crushed at the closed looked on Willow's 
face.  Buffy reached back and beckoned Willow over to them.  When Willow 
resettled on her knees beside them, Buffy leaned over and kissed her, 
passionately, urgently, needing to pour into Willow everything fucking 
Xander was making her feel.  She remembered the high school courtyard in 
the sun, the three of them tangled together on the couch watching 
movies, dancing at the Bronze, and last battles, so many last battles.  
And now their dark death, together.  Buffy undid Willow's jeans and 
slipped her hand inside, stroking her, needing more.  She whispered 
directly into Willow's ear, "Take off your clothes."



Willow nodded and turned to look down at Xander.  She undid the two 
buttons holding her shirt closed and let it slide off her shoulders, 
smiling when Xander smiled.  Willow reached down and removed her jeans.  
It was Xander that then reached out to her and pulled her to him, 
wrapping his arm around her as she laid down on the bed beside them.  
Willow started stoking his chest, circling his nipples with her 
fingers.  He was gazing up at her with his goofy grin, the one that had 
always made her heart leap before.  She had always loved this man, for 
so long she couldn't place exactly when she had fallen in love with 
him.  She needed to feel that again.  Willow leaned down and kissed him, 
felt his tongue thrust into her mouth and finally got her friend back.  
She felt Buffy's hand over her ass, then a finger slip inside her and 
start to move slowly in and out with the same rhythm Buffy moved over 
Xander.  Willow broke the kiss with a moan and at Xander's questioning 
look, she whispered in his ear.  "Buffy's finger fucking me, Xander."



Xander groaned with Willow's words, the image slamming into his mind.  
Willow was licking and kissing his ear and down his neck.  Her hands 
playing over his nipples and chest.  He could feel her body sliding 
against his, her breasts on his chest, her leg draped over theirs.  
Buffy was sitting up, watching.  She set a faster pace now, her body 
pulling up and almost leaving him then falling back down, twisting a 
little at each down stroke.  It was a barely controlled bounce, her 
breasts swaying a little and her hair falling again over her face.  He 
couldn't see what she was doing to Willow, but he could hear and feel 
through Willow was it was doing to her.  His mind ceased to function as 
the sensations condensed and tightened inside him and finally snapped 
loose, sending him over the edge.  He could feel Buffy clenching and 
shuddering over him.  He tasted blood and didn't remember biting down on 
Willow's shoulder.  He gently slipped his fangs out and lapped at the 
blood that had trickled down.  "Sorry," he mumbled as his head fell back 
onto the pillow, exhausted.  He felt Willow chuckle in response.



Buffy remained seated on Xander, still and limp.  Her hand traced random 
patterns over his chest.  Willow lay half beside them, half across 
Xander.  Buffy smiled and moved her hand from Xander's chest to Willow's 
back when her friend pushed against the finger still inside her, subtly 
reminding her of what she was doing just before.  "Poor Willow," Buffy 
teased as she restarted the slow finger fuck.  She gently nudged Willow 
off Xander and over onto her back beside them, letting her finger slip 
out from Willow and promising with a seductive smile something more.  
Carefully, she lifted herself off Xander and resettled over Willow, 
resting her body over her friend's and starting a slow deep kiss.  She 
felt their breasts moving against each others', felt Willow trying to 
stroke herself along her thigh, felt hands in her hair and on her back.  
Buffy let their bodies tangle into each other.  She continued the kiss 
over Willow's lips, across her jaw and down her neck.  Buffy kissed her 
way down to Willow's chest, wrapping and curling her tongue around her 
nipples and over her chest.  She looked across Willow's body to Xander.  
He was still, smiling, intently watching her.  She winked at him 
impulsively and continued down Willow's stomach.  She felt Willow 
arching into her touch now, heard her name softly called again and 
again.  She watched as Willow reached blindly out and found Xander's 
hand, wrapping her fingers through his and holding on.  She kissed her 
way down to Willow's thigh and paused as Willow's legs spread open to 
her.  She had never done this before.  Buffy took an experimental 
breath, then leaned in and ran her tongue through Willow's pussy.  She 
smiled when she realized she could enjoy this, wanted this.  Buffy 
looked up at Willow and met the intense gaze following her every move.  
She closed her eyes and leaned in; kissing, licking, sucking every part 
of Willow's pussy, exploring.  She let Willow's movements inform her, 
felt a hand on the back of her head, guiding her.  She heard her name 
called out with force and need.  Buffy focused on Willow's clit, licking 
and sucking.  She felt Willow twitch and rock against her face, felt 
nails dig into her scalp so she quickened the pace; letting herself go, 
letting Willow's reactions lead her.  She didn't stop until she heard 
and felt Willow's orgasm crash through her.



Buffy sat up and saw Willow's eyes flutter open and Xander staring up at 
her.  She licked her lips, suddenly uncertain and very aware of 
everything that had just happened between them.  Still, her body told 
her this was right; she was whole, they were her friends, and now they 
truly had done everything together.  She laughed quietly and reached out 
to wrap her hand around theirs.  Buffy laid down on her side next to 
Willow.  She could feel the sun rising into the sky and knew the night 
was well over.  "I'm thinking sleep now."  She draped her arm over 
Willow and rested her head.  "I've had about as much strangeness as I 
can handle in one night."



Willow held Buffy close, idly running her fingers along Buffy's back.  
Her mind was running crazy circles around what just happened: Buffy and 
Xander, and especially Buffy and no less, Xander.  She closed her eyes 
and the image of Buffy between her legs played over and over.  Her mind 
told her sleep might not come easy even as her body pulled her into 
contented, exhausted rest.  "Curious and curiouser.  Alice fell down the 
rabbit hole and this must be what drugs are like."  Willow mumbled and 
felt Buffy's lips on hers, briefly.  A goodnight kiss? 



Xander rolled onto his side, trapping Willow between them and wrapped 
his arm over Buffy's and Willow.  "Better than drugs, Will.  I feel..."  
He watched as Buffy opened her eyes and smiled knowingly at him.  "That 
was better than sex."  Willow opened her eyes at him and he shrugged.  
She leaned up and kissed him.  He leaned over her and kissed Buffy.  Her 
lips were soft, moist and he slipped his tongue out to taste.  He felt 
her pull back and heard her amused admonishment, "sleep Xander."  "Sweet 
dreams," he wished them and settled back down next to Willow.  The three 
of them fell as one into sleep.



When they woke, the sun was still out and it was late afternoon.  The 
room held a haze of muted light and pale shadows.  Buffy stretched and 
sat up.  She turned and watched her friends struggle more slowly into 
wakefulness.  Willow was now turned on her side with her back up against 
Xander's chest.  His arm was still wrapped around Willow and his body 
was curled beside her.  Buffy stroked the hair from Willow's face then 
ran her fingers down Xander's arm.  "I'm gonna shower," she quietly 
murmured, the look in her eyes clearly lost in other thoughts.  She rose 
off the bed, gathered her clothes and walked into the bathroom.  Soon, 
the sound of the shower traveled through the open door and into the room.



Willow followed Buffy's movements into the bathroom, then closed her 
eyes and snuggled back against Xander.  She felt his erection behind her 
and open her eyes in surprise.  She remembered this, with Oz, but that 
had been many years ago.  In the mornings, most mornings, they would 
make love.  No, that was wrong; morning breath, bed hair, half asleep; 
it wasn't making love.  They would fuck.  It was simple, caring but not 
passionate, and unmitigated.  "Xander?" she quietly asked, trying to 
find out if he was also awake. 



"Hmm?" he replied.  He tightened his arm around her and kissed the back 
of her shoulder. 



"You're awake."  Willow's voice shook a little.  She ran her hand over 
his arm to calm herself.  "Very awake."



"You sound scared."  Xander stilled his body and relaxed his hold.



"Nervous."  Willow corrected.  "It's been a long time since I woke up in 
a man's arms.  And we, you and I, never did..."  Her voice trailed off 
when she felt him arch and move suggestively against her back.



"Do you want to?"  Xander teased in her ear then kissed her shoulder again.



Willow was quiet for a moment.  Memories of life with Xander filled her 
mind as an answer: not so secret unrequited love, clandestine moments of 
stolen kisses that ended in disaster, and last night.  There was last 
night and still they had never done this.  "Yes.  For a long time, yes."



Xander started to kiss Willow's neck and shoulder.  His hand cupped her 
breast, kneading as his thumb grazed over her nipple.  He ran his hand 
down her body and between her legs.  He started stoking her as she 
parted her thighs and placed a leg back over his.  "You're so wet.  Is 
it me?  Do I turn you on?"



"Yes," Willow confirmed.  She started rocking against him.



"Not just a crush?  Not just a fluke?"  He continued whispering in her ear.



Xander's voice held more insecurity than seduction and Willow found it 
maddening.  This was finally happening and if she was willing to give in 
to it, he was gonna have to get over it and believe it too.  "Xander," 
her voice held an edge, "just fuck me.  I want you to fuck me."  She 
reached between her legs and stroked his erection, pulling it gently 
forward and guiding him inside her as she felt him push forward.  He 
stretched her, filled her, and she gasped.  His fingers continued to 
play over her clit as he rocked his hips, thrusting into her.  Her body 
was forced up at each thrust as he pumped himself deeper inside.  She 
started to rock her hips back, pushing and meeting him, setting a 
rhythm, speeding his motions until they were moving together, shaking 
the bed.  "Yes," she encouraged him.  "Yes!" she demanded.  Her muscles 
started to clench around him as his finger danced rapidly over her 
clit.  All the years; she felt all the years of knowing him, belonging 
to each other, condense into this one moment, binding them.  His 
movements became more frantic, urgent.  She felt his fangs at her 
shoulder, scraping but not entering.  "It's okay, Xander.  Bite me.  
It's okay.  Fuck me."  She felt him shudder behind her, and the sting of 
fangs slipping into her shoulder and the pull of his mouth at the 
wound.  His finger stilled and pushed roughly against her clit as his 
orgasm overtook him, pushing her over the edge as well.



Xander first released his fangs from Willow's shoulder and lapped the 
blood that had trickled down.  Kissing the wound, he slipped gently out 
of her and rested, limp, his arm now draped loosely over her hip.  
Willow clasped his hand and laced her fingers through his.  She noticed 
the shower was stopped and looked over at the bathroom door.  Buffy 
stood there, dressed, leaning against the door jam, watching.  She met 
Buffy's eyes and was relieved when she saw Buffy smile and nod.  Willow 
stretched with a groan and forced herself to sit up.  She turned to 
Xander, watching his eye open at her movement.  Bending forward, she 
gave him a short, sweet kiss.  "I'm gonna shower now."  Willow gathered 
her clothes and walked past Buffy into the bathroom. 



Buffy watched as Willow dropped her clothes unceremoniously on the 
bathroom floor and started the water.  She turned to the mirror, shaking 
her head as she saw only an empty room.  "Clothes," Buffy voiced her 
distaste and reminding Willow they had nothing clean to change into.  
She smiled as she heard the answering, "I know," from the shower stall.  
Buffy turned and walked over to the bed, sitting down a short distance 
from Xander.  He was laying on his back, nude, and seemingly unconcerned 
with it.



"Clothes?" Xander questioned as he watched Buffy sit down. 



"Yeah."  Buffy tried to keep her eyes to his face, only every so often 
glancing down.  "As in these are stolen and nothing clean to change 
into.  We need clothes.  And a hairbrush."  She added as she ran her 
fingers through her hair.



Xander shrugged.  "Okay."  He noticed Buffy glancing down his body 
again.  "Whatcha' thinking?"



Buffy shook her head a little.  "What am I thinking?  Let's see, last 
night there was three way sex.  This morning, I watch you and Willow 
having sex.  What could I be thinking?  Actually, I haven't even thought 
about all that yet."  Buffy smiled at Xander.  "If you really want to 
know what I was just thinking... I was noticing you don't look half 
bad.  I never let myself notice that before.  Strange new world, now."



Xander beamed a smile back.  "I don't know, this new world is suddenly 
feeling pretty great."



"So you're not mad at us anymore?"  Buffy settled back on the bed, 
resting against the headboard.  She was growing more comfortable with 
Xander laying naked beside her.  "You've seemed pretty angry."



Xander shrugged and turned on his side to face her.  "Last night and 
this morning forgave a lot of sins."  He reached out and took her hand 
in his, gently holding it.



Buffy laughed, comforted by the connection that sparked at his touch.  
"So that's it, huh?"



"It's just, I remember who I was when I'm with you, or Willow."  He 
suddenly tried to explain.  "And I want to hold onto that.  But the 
world, it's all wrong.  And I don't know what's wrong.  I feel something 
missing now, and it wasn't like that, before, when I woke up last 
night.  Last night, I felt a calling.  I could feel the world tilt and 
night open like the jaws of a monster and devour it.  I was part of that 
monster.  Now... maybe it's because it's still day out.  There's a 
hole."  Xander shook his head and looked up into Buffy's eyes.  "The 
sex- a great fix," he assured.



Buffy squeezed his hand, unsure what to say.  She hadn't felt any 
calling with her turning.  In fact, it separated her from a calling that 
had become as much a part of her as the other things now missing: her 
breath and heartbeat.  She wondered if it was her blood that was pulling 
him from his, or if it really was just because it was daylight.  She 
understood how empty he felt without it and thought maybe they should 
leave him simply a vampire.  'But these moments with us, when he 
remembers himself, they'll drive him mad,' Buffy thought as she 
remembered Angel and Spike.  'It's probably why vampires always just 
kill, never turn, their friends and family.  So they don't have to 
remember.'  Before she could think of any reply, Willow appeared from 
the bathroom and announced it was Xander's turn.  Xander got up off the 
bed, picked up his clothes and headed to the bathroom.  Buffy shook the 
thoughts from her head.  Instead, she watched Willow try to comb her 
hair with her fingers.



"Does my hair look alright?" Willow asked Buffy, her arms falling to her 
side in frustration.



"Yeah," Buffy assured her.  "Does mine?"



"Yeah, just, come here a sec."  Willow motioned Buffy up to the edge of 
the bed and started to fix and form Buffy's longer hair into how she 
usually kept it.  "We're gonna have to rely on each other now, you 
know.  This no mirror thing is getting to me.  So no tricks!"



"Promise."  Buffy swore in all seriousness.  "You?"



"Promise."  Willow smiled her assurance.  They both looked over to the 
bathroom as they heard Xander calling their names.



Willow and Buffy entered the bathroom; both looking to the mirror, 
understanding why Xander was calling to them.  Buffy walked up behind 
him and wrapped her arms around his chest, peering at the mirror.  
"Kinda messed up, huh?"



Xander stared at the mirror; not seeing himself, or Buffy, or Willow 
when he glanced over to where she should be.  "Yeah."



Buffy turned him away from the mirror.  "Just take a shower, Xander."



"Yeah," he mumbled as he started the water and climbed in. 



Buffy and Willow left him to his shower and settled on the bed.  Buffy 
sat cross legged with her back leaning on the headboard.  Willow curled 
up right next to her, automatically took Buffy's hand in her own and 
placed them both on Buffy's lap.  "So.." Willow started.  "Is Xander 
alright?"



"I guess.  I don't know."  Buffy shrugged, then smirked.  "So, you and 
Xander..."



"Yeah."  Willow smiled in response.  "You jealous?"



Buffy startled a little at the question.  "No.  Were you jealous?  Last 
night I mean."



"No, not jealous."  Willow confirmed.  "Just for a moment, I felt a 
little left out.  And worried," she admitted.  "I do remember that you 
prefer men.  That you aren't really..."



Buffy quickly squeezed Willow's hand.  A smile slowly spread across her 
face and she rolled her eyes a little.  "I gotta admit, I'm getting used 
to this."  She brought Willow's hand to her lips and kissed it.  She 
felt Willow settle closer to her in response.  "What about you with 
Xander?  Was that a little strange?"



"I was too busy wanting it to worry about it."  Willow smirked, grateful 
that she could no longer blush.



Buffy laughed.  "We're freaks now."



Willow laughed with her.  Her eyes caught Buffy's.  Slowly, she leaned 
forward across Buffy and brushed some hair away from her face.  The kiss 
that followed started gently, lips brushing over lips.  Willow pressed 
forward; bracing her hand on the headboard, she traced Buffy's lips with 
her tongue and slipped it inside when Buffy answered by parting her 
lips.  Slowly, she kissed Buffy, content to simply kiss.



Buffy opened herself to the kiss; tilting her head, she responded, 
kissing Willow back.  Her hand let go of Willow's and started absently 
caressing her back.  She was growing to love Willow's kisses, the way 
Willow focused on nothing but the kiss.  She was beginning to want this, 
want Willow.  It wasn't just about a connection anymore.  They broke the 
kiss when they heard movement in the room and watched as Xander sat in a 
chair beside the bed.



"No, no, keep going," Xander protested. 



Willow sat back against the headboard beside Buffy.  "Shower feel good?"



"Yeah."  Xander could see the moment that started was done.  He rested 
his feet up on the bed and leaned back in the chair.  "Mind if I ask you 
guys a few things now?"



Buffy smiled and rested her hands on her lap.  Nodding towards Xander, 
she adjusted her mind from kissing to conversation.  "Go for it."



"What happened?"  Xander simply started.



"When?"  Willow's face puzzled.  So many things had happened in only a 
short amount of time.



"This."  Xander motioned the three of them.  "When this happened.  How 
did we get from the tired victors yet again to vampires on the run?  Is 
everyone else dead?  What happened?"



"We're the only ones dead."  Buffy answered part of the questions.  The 
others were Willow's.  "Well, us and you know, strangers."



"Oh, that when."  Willow jumped in.  "Two, no, three nights ago now, I 
went for a walk.  I was going to try and talk to Buffy.  So, I went for 
a walk to think of a way to talk to her.  It was dark, but..."  She 
paused and made sure she could look at him as she said the next part.  
"I got jumped.  I got bit.  I didn't want to just die."



Xander stared at Willow as she said it.  He shook his head a little.  It 
still didn't make sense.  "That's it?  You went for a walk and got bit?  
No fight against overwhelming numbers?  No revenge plan of a master 
vampire?  You just got bit?"



"Yeah."  Willow looked down for a moment then looked back at her 
friend.  "I woke up in his apartment.  He started going on about how I 
was beautiful and he was my Sire, so I staked him.  He was nothing, 
Xander.  No-one.  He just... he had the element of surprise and it 
happened too fast.  That's all."



Xander was growing angrier as her story continued.  "It doesn't make 
sense.  You wouldn't just let... He couldn't just do that.  Not after so 
many years in Sunnydale."



"I tried to do a spell."  Willow defended.  "To keep my soul.  I was 
already dieing by then.  But, it didn't work all the way.  I'm stronger 
than the demon, though."



Xander laughed shortly at that.  "Not really.  Cause I'm guessing next 
came Buffy's turn."  He looked over to Buffy.  "And what, you also 
didn't fight back?"



Buffy didn't flinch.  She met his glare.  "I didn't.  And I'm not going 
to defend myself to you now, either."



"Right, cause it's hard to justify getting what you've wanted."  
Xander's voice was quietly cold.  It was all achingly clear again: the 
Hellmouth and the evil it brought into his town and eventually his home; 
the secret pride he took in doing what he could to fight it, doing 
anything to fight it.  It wasn't supposed to take him down.  Kill him, 
maybe, but not take him down.  It was all so vivid again, close to the 
surface, and anger was rising to swallow it.



"I never wanted this!"  Buffy sat forward; challenging him, ignoring her 
earlier statement.  "I've never wanted this!"  Buffy sat back, her anger 
fleeting.  "It was Willow, you know?" she quietly admitted.  As she 
looked at the stone coolness of his face, she realized maybe he didn't 
know.  He had fought back, even though it was her.  He had fought it, 
only failed.  And when he remembered who he was, he still fought it.  
They shouldn't have done this.  She reached over and took Willow's hand 
in her own.



Willow watched Xander's eye narrow when Buffy took her hand.  "Xander?" 
she tentatively called to him.



He glanced over to Willow and his face softened, the anger retreating a 
little.  "Then came me, right?  What about the others?  What happened then?"



"We left them notes."  Willow quietly continued.  She hoped her voice 
would continue to calm him.  "Told them how we need space, time, 
whatever.  Then we left.  The idea is if they can't find us, then 
they'll never know.  I don't want them to feel they have to kill us.  
And I don't want to have to kill them.  Xander, we couldn't just leave you."



Xander nodded.  "You left them notes.  Dawn, Giles, Kennedy, Faith; they 
got notes."  He shook his head and leaned it back on the seat. 



"We know it's not fair."  Buffy jumped in.  "None of this is fair."



Xander erupted again, this time with laughter in his voice.  "It's all 
fair, Buffy.  What's the saying?  'All's fair in love and war.'  That's 
all our lives have been: love and war.  Every moment, one or the other.  
It's all fair."  His laughter continued briefly and he stretched his 
neck, tilted his head.  The demon slipped to his face then retreated, 
the anger letting it break through to the surface and push the memories 
back.  "It's all good.  I got superpowers.  I'm finally one of you."  He 
stood up, clapped his hands together and started pacing around the 
room.  "I'm starved.  So, who do we have to kill to get some food around 
here?"



"Xander, we can't.  Not now, not here."  Buffy admonished.



Seeing Xander turn on Buffy, Willow jumped in.  "I used my new name to 
get us the room.  The police would be all over the place, and it's 
daylight, so we can't just leave."



Xander turned on Willow instead.  "So we kill the police, too.  What 
does it matter?  We shouldn't be staying in hotels anyway."



"No, Xander," Willow quickly tried to tell him the rest of their plans.  
"We all have new names.  We'll have money soon.  We can get far enough 
away and settle down, live our own lives.  We won't have to keep 
running.  After everything we've done, we deserve it."



"We're vampires.  What we've done is kill people.  What we deserve is 
underground in the day and to hunt at night."  Xander corrected.  He 
looked at Buffy, Willow, their joined hands.  He addressed Buffy.  "So, 
you're just following along with this now, this big plan.  Will really 
is the boss of us.  I remember how well that worked out last time."



Buffy rose off the bed and stood in front of him, challenging him.  
"Xander, I think your demon's a girl, cause you're being a real bitch 
right now."



Xander took a step back, but only one step.  He swung his arms, 
indicating the room, and tried to appeal to the hard, dark edge his 
demon so readily recognized in Buffy.  "You know we don't belong here.  
Showers and clean clothes, you're trying to live like humans."



"We don't belong anywhere, me least of all."  Buffy glanced at the 
curtained window and looked around the dull hotel room.  "But I swear to 
you, Xander, that I'm not going to live in some crypt or sewer.  I'm not 
going to live like some animal.  And even if I have to let you drain me 
30 times, you're not gonna be one, either.  You're gonna evolve, 
damn-it.  There's gonna be some Darwin happening, even if it kills you."



"So, I'm not like you."  Xander closed his eye in defeat.  "I'm still 
not like either of you."



Buffy stepped forward and closed her arms around him. When he open his 
eye, she met his gaze with a smile.  "You belong with us, Xander," she 
assured him.



Willow sat with her knees bent up, curled into herself, watching 
silenced as the argument wound down.  She could feel the daylight fading 
as the sun fell.  Hunger grew and stretched awake inside her.  She had 
been thinking what Xander had said about her not being stronger than the 
demon, how she had turned Buffy.  And she wondered which part of her 
decided to turn Buffy.  If it was the human part, didn't that make it 
more evil?



Xander wrapped his arms around Buffy and held her close.  He bent his 
head to hers, aching for a kiss, needing to confirm what she said.  He 
was thrilled when he felt her respond, urging the kiss deeper.  The tug 
of war between his demon and self over the gulf of void that once 
contained his conscience ceased.  The missing piece replaced with the 
sated feeling of belonging, of love.  The duel no longer mattered as he 
felt her acceptance of all of him.  Xander ended the kiss slowly and 
looked over Buffy's shoulder to the curtained window.  "It's getting dark."



"Yes."  Buffy rested her head on Xander's chest.  "We'll leave soon, 
hunt, then drive some more I guess.  But we'll hunt, Xander, as soon as 
the sun goes down," she promised.



Willow watched the hunger show itself in their kiss.  She no longer felt 
apart, even with the passion of the display.  Understanding, acceptance 
was beginning to make way for the demon as it was pulled towards the 
night.  She remembered her recovery in England and what the coven had 
said.  She had to learn to live with every part of her or it would 
destroy her.  It was all connected, like roots.  Willow let her legs 
fall back to the bed and turning her head a little to the side, let the 
demon show on her face.  "Xander," she smiled as they both turned to 
face her, "we belong with you.  Don't forget it, don't doubt it.  We 
belong together."



Xander smiled, revealing his fangs as his face morphed in response.  
Buffy tightened her hold around him, moving her body into his and 
reached up to pull his face down to her's for another kiss.  She laced 
her tongue around his fangs, her own face sliding into the demon's 
form.  Breaking the kiss, she laughed a little as his eye widened when 
opening and seeing her own yellow ones meeting him.  "Trust us, 
Xander."  Buffy licked her lips.  "We're not about to start on some 
pig's blood diet.  There's just no need to cause a commotion, draw any 
attention.  We'll just slip away and live our own lives."



"Speaking of which," Willow cut in, "give me your driver's licenses, 
both of you.  I'll change your names."



Xander automatically grabbed his wallet and removed the license, handing 
it to her.  "Okay, this part, I still don't get.  What does it matter 
about the names?"



Willow took the license and placing a hand over it, started the glamour 
spell.  "Well, this way, we can't be traced by our new slayer friends.  
And I created trust accounts in our new names and stole a few million 
for them each."  She grinned up at Xander and wiggled her eyebrows.  
"I'm sure you'll want to get into that.  Besides, if that isn't good 
enough, keeping our licenses current means we can get into bars to 
hunt.  I'm sure we'll be carded for the rest of our unlives."



"Oh, that's a good reason."  Buffy readily agreed and handed Willow her 
license. 



Xander looked down at the card showing his new name.  "Alexander 
Corazon," he read aloud.  "Why Corazon?"



Willow handed Buffy back her new license and looked up sheepishly at 
Xander.  "Um, it means heart.  The irony is kinda unintended."



Xander just shook his head.  "And yours?" he asked Buffy.



"Joan Morte," Buffy supplied.  When Xander looked at her in question for 
the story, she shrugged.  "It's a long story, a Willow process.  Just go 
with it," Buffy advised.



"Hey!"  Willow half protested in her own defense.  When Xander turned to 
her with the obvious next question, she answered before it was asked, 
"Willameena Flamme."  When Xander started to laugh, she offered him a 
mild threat.  "I can take the millions right back."  Seeing he stopped 
laughing but still smiled, she shrugged.  "There is a logic, but it 
doesn't matter.  What matters is no-one can trace it and we can still 
call each other by our names."



"Joan?"  Xander countered.



"Buffy's the nickname."  Buffy explained.  "Everyone thought is was just 
a nickname anyway.  But no, my parents really were that strange."



"Can we go now?"  Xander urged them.  The sun had set and he was anxious 
to get out into the night.



"Yeah."  Buffy bounced on her toes.  "We can go now."



They left the room and waited outside while Willow returned the key.  
The air was chilled and damp, much different than the night before or 
what they remembered of Sunnydale.  People walked by them, glancing 
curiously at their thin, light clothes and closed their own coats around 
them in response. 



"No, we don't stick out at all right now."  Buffy watched as two ladies 
turned and stared at her as they walked by.



"They must actually get winter up here."  Xander suggested.  "Well, we 
could always hunt indoors.  Bar hopping, tonight?"



Buffy smiled at the idea.  "Bar hopping it is."



Willow joined them and was startled as Buffy linked their arms together 
and started walking her down the sidewalk.  This part of the city was 
filled with closed office buildings, hotels and lined with museums of 
all sorts.  Restaurants filled in the gaps and young well dressed office 
workers crowded in, not anxious to join the rush hour traffic and return 
to empty apartments.  It was too early for any clubs to be open, but the 
restaurant lounges would do nicely.



"We're going out tonight."  Buffy happily informed her friend.



Willow was a little puzzled.  "Well, yeah."



Buffy laughed a little, scanning the street ahead, she looked for a good 
first stop.  "I mean, if you hadn't noticed, we're a little underdressed 
with our lack of coats.  Conspicuous they call it.  So, we're going bar 
hopping."



"Oh," Willow's face lit in understanding.  "Okay, sound's fun."



Buffy noticed a lively bar and grill up ahead and started towards it.  
Just before they reached the door, they noticed a pair of young women 
approaching from the other direction.  One of the ladies pointed 
suddenly at a man who was just entering the building, and pulled her 
friend off to the side into the alley, animated in sudden frantic 
conversation. 



Xander watched as they disappeared just beside the restaurant.  "Um, you 
ladies go on in.  I'll join you in a sec."  He jogged ahead and cut into 
the alley.



Willow watched as Xander disappeared and followed Buffy into the bar 
section.  She let Buffy slip away into the crowd and started to scan the 
room.  It was smaller than the Bronze she was used to.  High tables 
dotted the floor, the stools surrounding them occupied by an older crowd 
than she was used to seeing.  A din of conversation and laughter drown 
out the background music and silent TV's showed the news and sports at 
each corner of the room.  The bar stood at the center, its stools 
filling more slowly.  The waitresses rushed back and forth at each end.  
Willow smiled as Buffy settled onto the seat next to a young man in a 
black leather jacket and started talking to him.  She scanned the room 
again, but in the end, chose to sit at the far end of the bar and watch.



Buffy chatted for a while with the young man next to her, letting him 
buy her a drink and giving him her undivided attention.  He was good 
looking and she found he was surprisingly easy to talk with.  She 
guessed it was only an inability to commit that kept him single.  A 
little like Parker she surmised.  Guessing she could play on that, she 
offered that they go outside for a moment, for some fresh air.  They 
left the restaurant and she brought him just beside the entrance and 
near the alley.  She smiled as he removed his jacket and placed it over 
her shoulders so she wouldn't be cold.  "You're a nice guy," Buffy 
complimented.  "What do you do?"



He smiled sheepishly as he looked down into her eyes.  "I'm a courier."  
He shrugged.  "I run papers back and forth.  But really, I'm an actor 
and a writer.  I'm working on a screenplay." 



Buffy smiled at him and taking his hand, pulled him towards the alley.



"What are you doing?" he asked, only slightly resisting.



"I've always wanted to kiss an actor," Buffy teased, "but I don't want 
to do it out here in the open."  She hoped he would just follow and he 
did.  They turned the corner and walked a short way into the darker 
alley.  She was relieved that Xander had already left and that he had 
the sense to not just leave the bodies around.  She backed herself 
against the wall and pulled him willingly to her.  As he bent down for 
the kiss and his eyes closed, she let the demon out and sank her fangs 
quickly into his neck.  She made it quick and in a way, gentle.  He 
never even cried out.  Buffy brought his body back further into the 
alley by a dumpster and returned to the bar. 



Buffy looked across the bar finding Willow sitting alone at the end and 
no sign of Xander.  She pulled the jacket a little tighter around her, 
disappointed she just couldn't walk up and surprise him with it.  She 
walked up behind Willow and reaching around, grabbed her drink and stole 
a sip, startling her friend. 



Willow turned to face Buffy and slapped her arm.  "Don't do that."  She 
looked at the addition to her attire.  "You stole his jacket?"



"He gave it to me."  Buffy corrected.  "Sort of.  I was going to give it 
to Xander.  Any sign of him?"



"No."  Willow finished her drink.  "Shall we move on anyway?  Nothing 
here really catches my eye."



"Okay."  Buffy shrugged.  They should probably leave before they're 
remembered anyway.  "Where to next?"



"I saw a place just ahead as we were going here."  Willow took Buffy's 
hand once they were out the door and led her to another entrance down 
the way.  She pulled Buffy into the bar, stopping to assure the bouncer 
they were of age, and led her deeper inside to a table.  This was more 
like a bar than a restaurant.  Pool tables filled one side of the room 
and tables filled the other.  A bar spanned the length of one wall and 
booths lined the rest.  Willow sat back, watched Buffy, and waited.



Buffy looked around the dark bar.  It was quieter than the other, the 
patrons more casually dressed.  It took a while to notice but as she 
studied the people, looking for her next mark, her eyes widened in 
recognition.  "Willow, this is a gay bar!"



Willow laughed and some of the people closest to them turn and looked.  
"Might want to keep your voice down a little," Willow admonished amusedly. 



"How'd you know?"  Buffy asked curiously.  Nothing on the outside gave 
any indication that she noticed and to her knowledge, Willow had never 
been to Portland.



"It's all in the sign."  Willow admitted.  "The place is called 'The 
Otherside'.  The only thing I was worried about it that it might just be 
men."  Willow looked around and smiled when she realized how wrong that 
was.  The bar was mostly women. 



"And what happened to 'not killing your own kind'?" Buffy teased.  She 
wasn't uncomfortable, but kept scanning the room curiously.



"You pointed out that didn't make any sense."  Willow shrugged.  "What 
am I going to do?  Live on guys who try to pick me up in bars?"  Willow 
shook her head at the idea and smiled.  "I'm just gonna, you know," 
Willow said by way of explanation as she rose from her seat and headed 
to the bar.  She sat in the middle and ordered a drink from the 
bartender, smiling as she was flirted with.



Buffy shook her head and sat back to watch.  A couple of times she had 
to decline a woman's offer to sit with her by stating she was waiting 
for a friend.  She was going to get Willow back for this, Buffy promised 
herself.  She was amused more than anything and ordered a drink from the 
waitress, relaxing and watching Willow.  Soon she saw a woman sit down 
next to her friend.  They started talking and Buffy noticed the woman's 
hand cover Willow's on the bar, fingers stroking the back of her hand.  
Buffy tilted her head, trying to get a better look.  Black leather dress 
coat, skirt, long blond hair and what she could see of her face, pretty; 
Buffy had to admit Willow attracted beautiful women.  Buffy was 
surprised by how soon Willow got her to rise and be led out, and was 
shocked when instead of leaving the bar, they walked to a back hall 
passing a sign indicating the bathrooms.  Buffy remained seated, staring 
at the hall entrance and absently nursed her drink, waiting for Willow 
to emerge.



Buffy jumped as Xander took a seat in front of her.  "There you are," he 
exclaimed.  "Where's Will?"



"Working her magic."  Buffy smirked.  Seeing Xander's confused look, she 
clarified.  "She's getting a bite to eat."



"Oh, good.  Why'd you guys leave?"  When Xander couldn't find them at 
the first restaurant, he stepped into each one down the road until he 
found Buffy.



Buffy grinned mischievously and indicated the room with a nod of her 
head.  "Look around.  I'm not sure you should be in here."



Xander looked around as instructed, and with a goofy smile, returned to 
Buffy.  "Oh, I think this is a great place to be."



Buffy laughed.  "Yes, but it's only the two guys in the booth next to us 
that are checking you out."



"What!"  Xander forced himself not to look, and glared at the amusement 
evident in Buffy's eyes.  "So, where exactly is Willow?" he hoped to 
change the subject.



"In the bathroom, I think."  Buffy indicated the hall at the end of the 
room.



"But we don't need to..."  Xander cut himself off when he noticed Buffy 
roll her eyes.



"What, did you only eat blonds tonight or something?"  Buffy teased him.



"Hey, you're blond yourself, I'll remind you."  Xander defended.  He 
looked back again at the hallway.  "You don't think she's... you know, 
getting an appetizer too, do you?"



"No."  Buffy was quick to cut off the idea.  "She wouldn't do that.  
That's just wrong.  Like serial killer wrong.  Even you wouldn't do 
that."  She gave Xander an appraising look.  "You don't do that, do you?"



"No."  Xander sat back and thought about it a moment.  "What's that about?"



Buffy was relieved and shrugged.  "Maybe she's right.  Maybe we're not 
really evil."



Xander ordered a beer when the waitress came around.  "Nice jacket."



Buffy looked down and remembering the jacket, removed it and handed it 
to Xander.  "It was from a nice guy.  Here, it's for you."



Xander smiled and put it on.  They chatted quietly, waiting for Willow 
to reappear, and Xander snuck a couple of glances at the men in the 
booth beside them. 



The body of a dead woman lay prone on the bathroom floor.  Willow washed 
her face in the sink.  She had on the woman's leather jacket and an open 
purse sat on the counter.  Willow dried her face with hand towels and 
looked into the blank mirror.  She could feel she was smiling, though 
she didn't see it.  It all happened so easily that it still surprised 
her.  She had simply let the woman pick her up.  Willow had noticed the 
bartender's disapproving glare when the woman sat down next to her.  
Heard the pick-up lines for what they were and just played along.  She 
felt the predator in the woman, the demon easily recognized it.  Still, 
it surprised her when the woman so readily and simply suggested that 
they have some fun in one of the bathrooms.  Leave it to a gay bar to 
have a hall filled with separate bathrooms, instead of one room with 
many stalls.  She hoped the bartender didn't really notice her quickly 
leaving and wouldn't wonder about the obvious regular missing for a 
while.  She wondered what Buffy was doing out in the bar after being 
left alone.  Willow locked the bathroom door behind her and re-entered 
the bar.  She spotted Buffy talking with someone at their table and 
hoped she could just pull her friend out and away.



Buffy spotted Willow heading toward them and stood up.  Xander turned to 
look and started up as well.  "See that smile on her face?"  Buffy asked 
him.  "She gets that little half smile when she feeds."



"Really?"  Xander was surprised, but believed her when Buffy nodded. 



Willow reached the table and stopped when she realized who Buffy's 
companion was.  "Hey, Xander.  Um, we probably should be going now."  
She started for the door, hearing her friends following.  They slipped 
outside and started walking down the sidewalk.  "In fact, maybe we 
should take this party to another street altogether," Willow further 
suggested.



"Wait up a little."  Buffy caught up to Willow and linked their arms 
together.  "I want details.  You leave me alone in a gay bar and slip 
away with some woman to the bathroom, I get details."



"Me too."  Xander joined in, putting his arm around Willow's shoulder. 



"You know what happens."  Willow deflected. 



"So you didn't then.  You know..."  Buffy had to erase the possibility 
that Xander earlier suggestion brought to her mind.



"No!"  Willow stopped.  "You both don't..."  "No. No." she heard them 
both chime in.  "You're just jealous that I didn't have to go to some 
cold dirty alley."  She started walking again.



"Impressed."  Buffy corrected.  "Nice coat," she added. 



"And lots of cash."  Willow supplied.



"Everyone now has a coat except me."  Buffy whined playfully.



"Well, what can I get for the lady?"  Xander offered.  "See anything you 
want?"



Buffy studied the people walking down the sidewalks, shuffling between 
the bars.  "That one."  She pointed across the street to a woman wearing 
a full length black leather overcoat.



Xander shook his head.  "This is Spike's influence you know.  I'll be 
right back."  He jotted across the street and approached the woman from 
behind.  Checking and not seeing anyone behind him and no-one paying 
much attention, he paced himself with the woman and waited till she 
neared an alley entrance.  When she was almost across the mouth of the 
alley, Xander stepped up suddenly and with blurry speed, grabbed the 
woman around the waist and covered her mouth with his hand.  He spun her 
into the alley before anyone could notice and in the cover of the dark, 
drank her life away.  He pulled the body back further into the shadows 
and removed her coat.  Folding it over his arm, he stepped lightly out 
of the alley and back to his friends.



Willow and Buffy watched, stunned and astonished by his speed, grace and 
ease with the kill.  It was only moments between his swift disappearance 
into the alley and his reemergence, black coat over his arm.  They 
watched as he jogged across the street to them and with exaggerated 
gallantry, held the coat up for Buffy to slip into.



"Better?"  Xander asked, his voice full of humor.



"Thank you."  Buffy politely accepted, still shocked.



"Why don't we walk by the river, maybe even cross the bridges.  Get away 
from this street for a while."  Willow again suggested.



"Or maybe we should just leave altogether."  Xander nodded at the police 
car pulling up to the bar they had recently exited.



"Good idea."  Buffy confirmed.  They crossed the street and headed back 
to hotel parking lot as a crowd began to form outside the bar.  They 
were used to casually giving the police the slip.



Willow negotiated the car back onto I-5 north and they crossed the 
Columbia river into Washington state.  The stereo was turned up loud, 
one of Buffy's stolen CD's playing.  Buffy took her usual spot in the 
front passenger seat, leaving Xander to take the back.



"At least I get to see the ride this time."  Xander called over the 
music.  He looked out the window and saw only night and shadowed shapes 
passing by.  "Of course, there's nothing to see."



"Just long hours of this."  Buffy confirmed.  "Be glad you were sleeping 
before."  She turned to Willow.  "We still need clothes."



"First Walmart sign you see, let me know."  Willow volleyed back.



"Walmart!"  Buffy exclaimed.



"Know anything else open this time of night along a freeway?"  Willow 
pointed out.  "It's just for now.  We settle down and you can order from 
all the catalogs you want.  If Xander's little show for your coat is any 
indication, I figure we can slip out of there with a few things and be 
gone before they realize their buzzers sounded."



"Fine.  As long as we're stealing."  Buffy grudgingly agreed.  
"Walmart's evil."



Xander laughed behind them.  "Whatever."  He settled back in the seat 
and watched out the window, content to simply follow them now.  He felt 
calmer, but still ached to be out in the night, hunting.  It wasn't 
hunger now, he had his fill.  There was still the call, muted some 
compared to the night before, that urged him to come help destroy the 
world.  They were right though, he belong with them.  The bond they 
shared after the trials of all those years could not be broken by any 
demon or calling. 



Buffy watched the road ahead as it blindly stretched out before them 
into the darkness.  "Willow, where are we going?  To settle down I mean."



Willow turned to Buffy then looked back to the road.  She noticed Xander 
sit forward between the seats to better listen.  "Do you trust me?"



Buffy arched her eyebrows and laughed shortly.  She leaned to the side 
against the door and considered Willow and the question.  "Sure, what 
the hell."  She shook her head at the absurdity of it all.



Willow smiled a little.  Buffy's reaction was fair.  She turned and 
glanced at Xander.  "I've been looking at the map.  I figured we would 
need a big enough town to get lost in, go unnoticed.  But the major 
cities are bound to get slayers assigned to them when Giles gets things 
organized and that's a headache and possible detection we don't need.  
There's a small city, near the border, Bellingham.  I thought we'd go 
there and give that a try.  It has a state university, so plenty of 
transplants, students.  Okay?"



Buffy smiled.  One thing she always trusted was Willow's research.  
"Okay.  When do you think we'll get there?"



"Tonight."  Willow assured them. 



"Good."  Xander granted his accent and leaned back again in the seat.  
He had slept through each of the drives so far and still, already, he 
was tired of this.



"Oh, god help me, Walmart."  Buffy pointed up ahead.



"God help you?"  Willow laughed.



"What does it matter?"  Buffy countered.  "They can't hear me now."



Grand, or not so grand, theft proved easy.  They quickly grabbed jeans, 
shirts, socks and underwear.  Buffy remembered shampoo, soap and a 
hairbrush.  She refused to consider the cosmetics.  They were in, out, 
and making their get-away before anyone even realized they were in the 
store.  Tossing their bounty in the backseat with Xander, they continued 
north.  Buffy kept the music changing and playing.  No-one spoke much 
along the way.  The nothing beside the freeway turned to urban sprawl as 
the freeway opened to four lanes.  Traffic stayed beside them even deep 
into the night.  They watched cities appear then fade.  The only real 
site of interest was Seattle, glowing off to the side and seemingly 
swallowing them as they tunneled below downtown.  Hills filled with 
homes surrounded them when they reemerged and crossed a bridge over a 
bay.  As suddenly as it appeared, Seattle was behind them and the 
freeway narrowed to three lanes, and then two, and then the nothing of 
blank darkness was beside them again.  Eventually the road stretched up 
and wound its way through steep hills.  Dropping out the other side, 
exit signs for Bellingham started to emerge.



"We're saved."  Buffy sighed as she noticed the signs.  She stretched in 
her seat.  "Where's our first stop?  The day's coming up pretty fast."



"A hotel until we find a place?"  Willow hoped they would just go along 
with the simple plan.  She looked to Xander in the backseat.



"I'm good with that."  He shrugged.  He had cast his lot in with them 
earlier in the night and saw no reason to second guess his decision 
now.  'Or ever', he honestly admitted to himself.



They waited for a hotel sign and wondered what would happen next. 
             





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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