Scales, Labels, And the Advantages of Petite Women

["ebailey140" <ebailey140@xxxxxxx>]

Title:  Scales, Labels, and the Advantages of Petite Women
Writer:  E
Email:  ebailsy140@xxxxxxx
Category:  Comedy
Rating:  R, I guess
Summary:  Buffy's seen a movie, Willow's split from Kennedy, whih
leads to debate.


Willow:  Um...  If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were coming on
to me...

Buffy:  Why do you say that?

Willow:  Well, the...  Some of the things you're saying...  I don't
know if you realize this...  but they're kind of suggestive...  And
the looking me over like that while you're saying it...

Buffy:  (shrug)  It always worked for Faith.  The constant "I love
you"s and touching you at every opportunity never seemed to make an
impression, so...

Willow:  What?!  Wait...  You ARE coming on to me?

Buffy:  Well, since you and Kennedy have busted up, I figured...

Willow:  What?  Buffy...  Not that I'm not fond, but...  You're straight.

Buffy:  I am?

Willow:  Yes!  You like guys!  

Buffy:  True...

Willow:  So, you're straight!

Buffy:  Maybe unlike some people, I refuse to be labeled.

Willow:  Labeled?!!  This isn't about labels!  You're either straight
or you're gay!  There's no in between!

Buffy:  Ever hear of the Kinsey Scale?

Willow:  Great...  She goes and sees a movie and she's now the expert
on human sexuality...  The Kinsey Scale is CRAP, Buffy.

Buffy:  Oh, you're just saying that because you wouldn't regester a six...

Willow:  I would, too!  If there was anything to that.  And before you
say anything, my thing with Oz was because I was confused.  I was
doing what Society made me think I was supposed to do.  So, there.

Buffy:  Society made you think you were supposed to fool around on Oz
by making out with Xander?

Willow:  Yes!  Um, I mean...  There were mitigating factors involved!
Clothes!  Xander in a tux!  

Buffy:  (smiles)  He did look nice...

Willow:  Aha!  You noticed!  See, you're not gay!

Buffy:  I never said I was.  I'm probably about two or three on the
Scale...  But, when it's a very, VERY, special woman...

Willow:  Ohhh no, you don't.  You've never done that with a woman, before.

Buffy:  Remember what I said about what always worked for Faith?  How
do you think I know?

Willow:  Um...  You heard it from someone?  I mean, come on...  Faith?
FAITH?!!!  Clevagey Slut Bomb Faith?!!!

Buffy:  I thought you two were getting along, now.  And you didn't
react like this over Spike!

Willow:  That was different!  You were all...  messed up, and stuff! 
So, you made some bad choices!  It's understandable!  But, Faith...
Buffy:  (smiles)  Do I detect a little jealousy?

Willow:  NO!  No jealousy...  I mean, why would I be jealous?

Buffy:  Oh, just Faith having me...  and Xander...

Willow:  Look...  It was JUST...  a clothes fluke, OK?!!!

Buffy:  Sure.  

Willow:  And fine, so you experimented...  That doesn't mean anything!
Lots of people experiment!  And, it obviously wasn't THAT great since
you never did it, again...

Buffy:  That was cause she went psycho...

Willow:  Although, having THAT as your first experience with a woman
would turn you off the whole gender, anyway...

Buffy:  Yeah, no jealousy, here...

Willow:  But still...  You were just experimenting...  None of this
Scale stuff.  Notice you never slept with another woman AFTER that...

Buffy:  Maybe I was just waiting for a certain someone to be ready,
and availiable.

Willow:  Like who?!!  Oh...  Um...  You're under a spell...  That's it...

Buffy:  Under YOUR spell.

Willow:  I haven't put you under a...  Look, Buffy, you're straight,
and...  um...  I don't like you like that.

Buffy:  Yeah, I know...  "Breast girl".

Willow:  You think I'm that shallow?!!!

Buffy:  Personally, I think there's something to be said for petite
girls.  I certainly like them...  Well, one, at any rate...  You know
one advantage to smaller boobies?  They don't sag when you get older.
Look at Goldie Hawn.  STILL looks great.  And her daughter looks just
like her...

Willow:  (softly)  Uh huh...  (catchers herself)  Um, not that I'm
into petite blondes, or anything...

Buffy:  I figure being the same size makes 69ing a lot more
comfortable, too.  No straining to reach anything, or having to adjust
positions...  We also have the best nipples, don't you think?  What we
lack in tonnage we make up for with expressiveness...

Willow:  Oh, Goddess...  How is that, anyway?!!  I mean, back in high
school, when we'd be showering after gym class, I could always tell
what your mood was!  Same with when you didn't wear a bra!  Um, not
that I was paying any special attention to your nipples, or
anything...  And, if I was, how could I HELP but notice?!!!  They were
so...  THERE!!!  And, was it just cold in that shower, or what,
because you weren't always in THAT good a mood...  

Buffy:  Speaking of...  Thanks for not wearing a bra, today.  I like
the view.

Willow:  (looks down)  Damn!  Behave, you two!  How long have I been
standing here being pokey?

Buffy:  Since you were discussing me in the shower after gym class.  

Willow:  Oh.  Well...  It's just cold in this room, is all.

Buffy:  (laughs)  No, it's not!  In fact...  I think it's a little too
warm...

Willow:  Oh, no...

Buffy:  I think I need to get out of some of these clothes, don't you?
(removes sweater)  

Willow:  Ah...  Um, you're supposed to wear a bra under that.  And
there, you see?  It IS cold in here!  Because, you're straight, so 
you're not all pokey over me...
Buffy:  Well, how about you warm me up, then?

Willow:  Look...  Buffy, if I accept this whole Scale thing...  OK,
you're STILL not into women, you just want ONE woman!  And maybe Faith...

Buffy:  And wanting you is a problem...  how?

Willow:  Well...  It's...  OK, IF the whole Scale thing is accurate...
Yes, I love you, and I want you...

Buffy:  But?

Willow:  My whole world and sense of identity falls apart!  Because
that might mean I still want Xander, too!  Then, we're going to spiral
into some inevitable threesome!!!

Buffy:  (raises eyebrow)  Not a bad idea...  I've been wanting us all
to reconnect...

Willow:  But...  That'd mean we're back like we were in Sophmore year,
the dateless wonders, just having each other!!!  And, in THAT case,
maybe we should have just been fooling around with each other, THEN!

Buffy:  Would have saved us all a lot of grief...

Willow:  Good point...






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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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