Re: Fic: Resurrection 1/? Out of Nothing B/W PG13

[Red Q <cocoachanel67@xxxxxxxxx>]

MORE, GODDESS PLEASE!!!!!

 

Ahem, excellent, more would be of the appreciated.

Silverna <silvernawolfe@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Out of Nothing
> by Silverna
> (silvernawolfe@xxxxxxxxx)
>
> This is a stand alone angsty fic dealing with Buffy's
> resurrection. There will be a sequel: 'Into
> Everything'. 
>
> DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Buffy and
> Co. Grizzle, Argh! 
>
> RATING: PG13
>
> SPOILERS: Set beginning of season 6. Departs from
> canon. 
> * * *
>
>
> The breath flowed in, the blood flowed out. The breath
> flowed in, the blood flowed out. Buffy stared at the
> cold linoleum floor of her kitchen and wondered if she
> could actually feel it, warm and sticky, sliding down
> her arms, changing the color of her pale pink shirt...
>
> "Buffy!" She looked up slowly into the outraged eyes
> of Willow. Willow, her best friend. No wait, Willow's
> eyes weren't outraged, they were worried. Questioning.
> Boring into her with questions.
>
> "U
> h," Buffy
>
>  said. "Uh, yes? I mean, what was that
> again?" She glanced hurriedly down at her shirt to
> find there was no blood. She wasn't bleeding. She
> wasn't even sweating. Hmm.
>
> "You've gone total space cadet on us again," said Dawn
> from where she was eating Tara's funny-shaped pancakes
> at the table. She stared at her sister somewhat
> accusingly.
>
> "Is something wrong?" Willow asked. Buffy thought she
> looked oddly nervous as she said it, as though she
> desperately wanted the answer to be "No, everything's
> peachy." Of course, everything wasn't peachy, unless
> the peach had the putrid flesh and rotting stench of a
> fruit that had been buried 6 feet under all of summer.
> 'I'm morbid-girl,' Buffy thought to herself with an
> inner pang. 'And I can't turn it off.'
>
> She looked up into Willow's anxiety, Tara's compassion
> and Dawn's desperation to pretend things were normal.
> Were okay. When of course they weren't. They never
> would be a
> gain.
>  'Because of you,' she thought, now
> staring back at Willow. 'My supposed best friend. My
> confidante whom I'm never gonna confide in again,
> thank you very much. Is it whom or who? I never know.'
>
> "You need time, right Buffy?" suggested Tara. Buffy
> was surprised to see her best friend's girlfriend
> (yes, that was how she still thought of her, yes
> unfairly) had come over and was touching her arm. She
> watched as Tara looked meaningfully to Willow, clearly
> signaling for the witch to back off and let Buffy sink
> back into her hellish inner world. Not that they knew
> that was where she was sinking into. They probably
> thought she was in medical shock or something like
> that. Hell she probably was. It had been less than a
> week since the defining night of her life.
>
> "I know she needs time," grated Willow, a strange
> mixture of annoyance at the obvious and almost
> overwhelming desire to reach out to her best friend
> before... She did
> n't know
>  what before, just that it
> felt like a before it is too late. Had Buffy come back
> wrong? Was she hurting somehow? Did the denizens of
> hell do some sort of torment to her that she needed
> help, even perhaps magical assistance to get over? Why
> wouldn't the slayer look at her with anything
> approaching the old easy affection? Why were her slate
> eyes so cold and veiled? Or else empty and turned
> away? "What was bloody WRONG?"
>
> "Excuse me?" said Buffy and Tara in unison and Willow
> realized she'd spoken the last aloud and with clear
> frustration. Dawn's mouth was hanging open, revealing
> bits of half-chewed pancake, Tara had taken a step
> back involuntarily and Buffy was staring back at her
> with even more intensity than before. And in the
> sudden silence, in the charged tension of having said
> what they all thought, she was rewarded. Buffy spoke.
>
> "You want to know what's wrong?" she said, and her
> voice was almost monotone and ee
> rily
>  quiet. Willow and
> Tara both leaned forward to hear what she said. 
>
> "Buffy, no," said Tara, distressed. "You don't have
> to..."
>
> "Yes, I do," said Buffy, and was that a hint of anger?
> "The mighty sorceress demands an answer and who
> gainsays her power?" She outright glared at Willow who
> blanched. 
>
> "Witch," piped up Dawn nervously, "not sorceress.
> Tara's explained to me how they're different." Buffy
> didn't appear to register her sister speaking.
>
> "My shirt has got blood all over it," she said
> instead, matter-of-factly. "I'm up to my elbows in it
> and the smell is so..." She trailed off almost
> dreamily. The other three girls stared at her. At the
> slayer in her pristine shirt, bloodless, maybe
> mindless. And then she changed tack abruptly and it
> all came out to play.
>
> "I was in heaven." Said while meeting Willow's wide
> green eyes head on, daring her to look away. A long
> horrible silence. Willow's eyes grow
> ing
>  wider, her
> bottom lip starting to quiver, realization sinking in.
> From beside her, Tara's small stifled gasp. Then it
> sounded like she was gagging. Dawn's voice speaking
> now, soft and so very young. She sounded terrified.
>
> "What...what does that mean? You were in heaven? When
> you w...were dead?"
>
> "Dead and happy." Buffy smiled. Like she smiled when
> she got a good hit in against Glory.
>
> "Finished," said Tara weakly. "You were finished."
> More silence. 'At least Willow's girlfriend
> understands', thought Buffy. 'Gets it. But can Will
> ever get it after she did it?' She was surprised at
> herself reverting to the old nickname even if it was
> only in her mind. How could she when she was angry, so
> bitterly enraged against the witch? But was she? Was
> she angry seeing as how mostly all she felt was the
> numbness of the grave? And did Willow get it? She
> looked to see.
>
> Willow was crying silently, great anguished tears th
> at
> ran
>
>  messily down her face and her eyes were eating
> into Buffy's soul or what was left of it. 
>
> "Forgive me," she said raggedly. "Forgive me, Buffy. I
> love you."
>
> 'Do you?' thought the slayer. 'How can you think that?
> How can you claim it now?' Her accusation was clear in
> her jutting jaw and folded arms. But she wasn't
> prepared for her best friend's knees to give out, for
> Willow (her Willow, the Willow of 5 solid years of
> life-changing friendship) to fall at her feet and
> clutch at her knees and cry out:
>
> "I'm in love with you. Oh God, oh God...I love you,
> Buffy. I can't live without you. Can't you see it, I
> need you. I need you so much. You can't die, Buffy,
> you can't go and leave me. I love you, damn you, I
> love you." 
>
> Buffy's mouth formed an 'O'. She was dimly aware of
> Tara also falling down nearby; Tara crying. She sensed
> Dawn rushing to Tara's aid and she could almost smell
> the teenager's fear. This isn't 
> what
>  Dawnie wanted, oh
> no. She wanted normalcy. Well, who didn't?
>
> Willow was crying into her pants and Tara and Dawn
> were holding each other and Buffy was standing, still
> standing, a statue made of granite, a woman without a
> heart, minus a living heart. She sighed and it came
> out so weary. 'I'm tired,' she thought, 'tired of
> everything, of life, of revelations, of these my
> friends and family, of standing here when I could be
> lying in bed and thinking about nothing.' Out loud she
> said and she didn't really mean to say it:
>
> "I understand why you raised me."
>
> Willow looked up, still crying, face all blotchy, eyes
> shining with hope. "You do?"
>
> "Yeah." Buffy said. And then she didn't have the
> energy or the inclination to say anymore. She pulled
> her legs away from Willow's desperate grasp, didn't
> even look at the other two huddling, crossed to the
> table and mechanically sat down. She buttered a
> pancake. It was a wei
> rd shape,
>
>  she noticed, blotchy
> like Will's face. There it was again. That strange
> tendency to call her friend that nickname when what
> she really wanted to call her was...well, never mind.
> She decided on jam. Jam that was red like blood.
>
> It might have been 5 minutes or 20, before the others
> joined her. All time was slow and stilted to her now
> so she didn't know. She didn't much care. Dawn was
> sitting down next to her and playing with her
> smiley-faced pancake; Willow and Tara were making
> their combined way to sit across from them. Tara was
> half supporting her girlfriend, who looked pale and
> sick. Not that Buffy was looking. She just ate her
> pancake. Mechanically. To keep them off her case.
> Maybe she really was in shock. It seemed wrong not to
> feel anything, when Willow looked like that. Maybe
> she'd left her human reactions in the grave.
>
> "Buffy," said Tara finally, carefully. Buffy looked at
> her. "Th...this is gonna t...take 
> a while.
>  Y'know to
> sort out. But w...we're all in it together." She
> looked earnest. "We'll support you through it."
>
> "We will." That was Dawn, just as earnest, sounding
> almost maternal as she tentatively squeezed her
> sister’s arm. Buffy's hard bicep squeezed back and
> Dawn grinned and began to make a crack and then
> remembered and fell silent.
>
> "Is that okay?" Willow was speaking now and Buffy had
> never heard her sound this way. She couldn't even
> identify the mix of emotional content as her best
> friend pleaded with her across the breakfast table.
> Once again she surprised herself by being a stranger
> to what her mind thought.
>
> "Okay," she said and there was no malice in her tone.
> Her heart twinged and the feeling was odd and painful.
> She shrugged and took a bite of tasteless pancake.
>
> It was a start.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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>
> Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
> Buffy: "I kinda love you."
> —'Choices'
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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      —'Choices'

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