FIC: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum (part 1)

["cdreramius" <mike_mcd@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

As most of you would be aware, my younger brother Tony lost his battle
with cancer last year. I made a promise to him to keep working on his
(and our) stories and I am keeping my promise to him.

This story was Tony's last story. He wrote it in the last months of
his life. Some of it is on a number of floppy disks, some on scraps of
paper, and some on dictaphone tapes when he was too ill to physically
write.

It's tough to put this story together, much like a jigsaw puzzle. Even
tougher is listening to his voice on the tapes.

The work of putting it back together is still on going, but I've
decided to start putting out those parts which are finished.


Rest easy, little brother.



Title: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum
Author: Tony McD
Rating: M (15+ for language and adult themes)
Summary: The events and consequences immediately after `Grave'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just keep my name on it. As long as I am
remembered, I will never truly die.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for your enjoyment.

*-*-*-*-*

He walked all the way to Kingman's Bluff.

Had to, Willow had half melted his car.

The long walk gave him time to think. Actually it wasn't so much as
thinking, more like listening to his heart.

He was going to die.

It was surprising just how calmly he was taking that fact. The Scooby
Gang had saved the world so many times from demons and vampires and
Hell Gods. But this time the question was who would save the world
from the Scooby Gang?

The answer, Xander realized with amazing fatalism, was nobody. The
Scooby Gang had fucked up, lost its way, and now the world was going
end by the hand of one of their own.

For the first time in a very long time, Xander listened to his heart.

The end of the world had come and there was really only one place he
wanted to be. Giles and Anya were together at the Magic Box; Buffy and
Dawn were together in the pit at the graveyard.

No one should be alone when the world was ending.

Not even the one who was ending it.

He was going up to Willow on Kingman's Bluff.

He was going up there to die.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem.

(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.)
(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.)
(Lamb of God, Who takest away the sins of the world, grant us peace.)

*-*-*-*-*-*

Her rage and anger had gone, replaced by overwhelming pain, sadness,
and grief. The feelings washed over them like waves that threatened to
drag Willow into the cold, black depths.

He could feel her pain almost as if it where his own.

Almost.

Holding the weeping Willow, he made a number of decisions about his
life. Things had gone outstandingly badly and the price they had paid
for the lessons learned and the wisdom gained was far too high to ignore.

With all his heart, with all his soul, Xander vowed to dedicate his
life to those who meant most to him.

Especially the one he was holding right then.

They had been given a second chance and Xander was determined to make
the most of it.

They owed the dead at least that much.

Slowly, little by little, Willow's sobs diminished. As the last of her
energy disappeared, she fell silent. Completely drained, both
physically and emotionally, she crumpled in Xander's embrace bonelessly.

Catatonic.

Gently he scooped her up into his arms, hissing as the pain rippled
across him from his cracked ribs and deep gashes. Picking Willow up, a
flash of a memory crossed his mind.

When they were 10 years old, Jessie's parents got a pool. That summer
the three of them spent nearly everyday in and around that pool. Much
to the amusement of Jessie, Xander would pick Willow up, carry the
resisting redhead to the edge of the pool and let go of her.

More than a decade later and on a hilltop overlooking Sunnydale,
Xander would vow never to let go of her again.

He was dead tired from lack of sleep. He was drained emotionally from
everything that happened. He was in great pain from his injuries.

He was three miles from Buffy's place.

Doing his best to ignore the pain, he adjusted his hold on Willow, and
started the long, painful journey home.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Beatus vir cuius est auxilium abs te, ascensiones in corde suo disposuit.

(Blessed is the man whose help is from Thee: his heart is set upon the
journey.)

*-*-*-*-*-*

The moment they had gotten home, Dawn headed upstairs to have a shower
then flop into bed, her need for sleep overcoming all else. Down
stairs, Buffy paced nervously.

The world hadn't ended, but her worry remained.

What had happened? Was Willow still alive? Was Giles? Where was Xander?

Buffy felt herself being pulled in so many different directions at the
same time.

Should she go up to Kingman's Bluff? Or to the Magic Box? Or the hospital?

Or the morgue?

In the end she decided to remain at the casa Summers. Dawn needed her
to be there. Buffy felt a twinge of guilt at not having been there for
Dawn during the long dark months just passed. The guilt compounded as
she realized she hadn't been there for her friends either. All that
was gonna change.

Provided they were still alive.

That particular line of thought produced a shudder of fear and Buffy
shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She kept telling
herself that they had all survived, that she was gonna have a chance
to make it better this time.

Her anxious wait for news of her friends overrode her need for a
shower and sleep.

By this stage any attempt by her to analyze any of the million or so
issues and problems she and the rest of the Scoobies had was doomed to
failure. She was too tired, too flattened emotionally by the weight of
everything.

All she knew... all she wanted... was for Willow and Xander and Giles
to come back to her alive.

So she sat.

And waited.

Anya's materialization in front of her made Buffy's heart leap into
her mouth and Buffy herself to leap to her feet.

"Anya! Giles... is he..."

"He sent me here from the hospital. He's fine. Well, fine considering
what happened. He told me to tell you that he'll be OK and that the
doctors just want to keep him overnight for observation and he also
asked could you pick him up from the hospital tomorrow morning."

"And Willow? Xander?"

Anya looked away for a moment, a look of pain or... something, on her
face. Buffy's breath caught in her chest. It seemed like an eternity
before Anya replied.

"They're alive."

Buffy's knees buckled and she slumped onto the couch. Buffy closed her
eyes and silently gave a prayer of thanks.

She would get her second chance.

Buffy opened her eyes and gazed up at the Vengeance demon.

"What stopped her? Willow that is. What stopped her..." Buffy couldn't
bring herself to even say what it was Willow had almost done.

Not yet. It was still too... much.

"Xander. He..." Anya trailed off. She turned to leave but stopped.
"They'll be here soon." Anya turned back around and looked directly
into Buffy's eyes.

"Look after them. They need you." With that Anya teleported herself
out of there.

Buffy stared into the space Anya has just been occupying, thinking
about Anya's last words to her.

"And I need them."

*-*-*-*-*-*

Non sum dignus, ut inters sub tectum meum: sed tantum dic verbo, et
sanabitur anima mea.

(I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof; but only say
the word, and my soul will be healed.)

*-*-*-*-*-*





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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