FIC: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum (part 8)

["cdreramius" <mike_mcd@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum
Author: Tony McD
Rating: M (15+ for language and adult themes)
Summary: The events and consequences immediately after `Grave'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just keep my name on it. As long as I am
remembered, I will never truly die.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for your enjoyment.

*-*-*-*-*

"Anya."

In her time with Xander she had seen him at some of the lowest points
in his life. But as she materialised in his bathroom, the sight of a
broken man greeted her.

He lay curled up and fully clothed at the bottom of the shower,
mindless of the cold spray pelting him. His eyes, puffy and red from
hours of tears, slowly raised up to look upon the Vengeance Demon.

Their hollow, lifeless look briefly sent a shiver down Anya's spine.

She reached in and shut the water off, then hauled Xander to his feet
and stripped him of his sodden clothes. Grabbing a towel, she wrapped
him in it and led him into his bedroom.

"Get dressed."

"Huh?"

"I said get dressed, Xander!" Anya snapped. "My days of talking to you
while you're naked are long gone, so get dressed!" she ordered. When
Xander made no move to comply she opened his draws and started
flinging clothes at him.

"Put some goddamned clothes on!" she practically screamed at him.

Xander flinched a little at her outburst but slowly he got dressed.
The two ex lovers looked at each other.

"I know why you're here." Xander said flatly.

"Good. We can get this over with quickly and I can get on with my life
without ever seeing you again."

Xander just sat on his bed in silence.

"Well? Come on! I haven't got all day!"

Xander closed his eyes and struggled with a flood of mixed and
contrary emotions before he listened to his heart once again.

When he opened his eyes again, a spark of life had returned to them
with his decision.

"No."

Anya was shocked and outraged at his decision, but there was a small
part of her that wasn't. She ignored that part. After all, it was that
part of her that had allowed Xander to be able to hurt her so badly in
the first place.

"What?"

"I said no." he reaffirmed.

"You're joking, right?" one look at Xander confirmed that he wasn't.
"I don't believe it! No, wait. I actually DO believe it! After all,
you're Xander the Great and Noble who wouldn't wish vengeance on
anyone or do anything to hurt someone like, say, RUNNING OUT ON THEIR
WEDDING DAY!"

Anya's words stung like a slap across Xander's face. He felt he
deserved to be yelled at, to be slapped, to be punished for hurting
Anya the way he did that day.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Is that all you've got to say? Sorry? Sorry isn't good
enough! So it will be like, what, Willow can just say sorry and that
will be that? Damn it! This isn't about Willow taking the last slice
of pizza! She..."

"I know EXACTLY what she did!" Xander yelled back angrily.

"And yet you sit here and defend her. You're a fool."

"Always have been. Can't see a reason why I should stop being one at
this late stage of the game." Xander shrugged.

Anya stared intensely down at Xander before realising something.

"You're not going to tell them are you?"

Xander looked away and shook his head.

Anya burst out laughing.

"Xander Harris, you are unbelievable, you know that? You're just gonna
lie and lie and lie and keep on lying to them until it blows up in
their faces and you'll leave them to pick up the pieces."

Xander said nothing.

"I take it back. You're not a fool. You're a selfish coward."

"I have my reasons." He told her. Anya just snorted.

"You have your excuses, more like it."

Xander sighed in frustration.

"Are we done here yet? I'd like to get back to Buffy's."

Anya was seething.

"Damn you. Damn you to hell!"

A small, sad smile curled Xander's lips.

"I already am."

*-*-*-*-*

Cur clam fugisti et decepisti me, non indicans mihi, ut prosequerer te
cum gaudio et canticis et tympanis et citharis?

(Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and
didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and
with songs, with tabret, and with harp?)

*-*-*-*-*

Upon awaking the next morning, Buffy was greeted by the welcome sight
of a sleeping Xander snuggled up on the other side of Willow. Buffy
took the opportunity to closely examine her friends' faces.

By the peaceful expressions on their sleeping faces, a person could be
forgiven for thinking that neither of them had a worry in the world.
But a closer look revealed the tell-tail signs to the contrary.

Willow's skin, pale at the best of times, had an almost sickly pallor
to it and the dark patches under her eyes combined in such a way as to
remind Buffy of a heroin addict. Which in a way wasn't too far off the
truth.

Her hair was the beautiful shade of red that Buffy had always liked.
There was no trace of the deep black that had so signified the dark
impulses Willow had given herself over to. It was matted by
perspiration and tangled in the tossing and turning of nightmares.

Buffy wondered if Willow's nightmares would ever go away.

Xander's face was dominated by the large gashes across his cheek,
which were healing quickly thanks to Tara's salve. Xander's tan was
darker than what Buffy remembered, which made sense once she
remembered that he worked outdoors much of the time.

Buffy made a mental note to work on her own fading tan over the summer.

What surprised and saddened Buffy most about Xander's face were the
worry lines across his forehead. They weren't as bad as Giles' but
they were deeper and more numerous than anyone their age should have.

None of the Scoobies were teenagers any more. They were getting older,
more experienced, and more powerful as the years rolled on. Were they
getting wiser? She didn't know but hoped so.

She did know, however that she was getting hungry. Rolling over, she
saw that it was after ten. Slipping out of bed, she softly padded out
of the room and headed down to the kitchen.

*-*-*-*-*

Dixitque: Dimitte me, iam enim ascendit aurora. Respondit: Non
dimittam te, nisi benedixeris mihi.

(And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not
let thee go, except thou bless me.)

*-*-*-*-*






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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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