FIC: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum 13

["cdreramius" <mike_mcd@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum
Author: Tony McD
Rating: M (15+ for language and adult themes)
Summary: The events and consequences immediately after `Grave'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just keep my name on it. As long as I am
remembered, I will never truly die.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for your enjoyment.

*-*-*-*-*

"The summer has been pretty quiet, even by the normal Sunnydale
standards. I guess that most of the demon population ran once Willow
started her rampage. I'd run too if was them. A very pissed off, uber
powerful Scooby would be something I'd want to avoid if I was a vamp."
Xander chuckled of a moment then turned serious.

"I wish I could be there with her. I don't like the idea of being too
far from Willow these days. I know that she's gotta do what she's
gotta do. But I still miss her." Xander swallowed the lump that
threatened to form in his throat and struggled to compose himself.

"Dawnie. What can I say, other than wow? She's growing up so fast.
Smart and beautiful, as you'd expect from a Summers woman. Tough too.
She's patrolling with us these days. I'm not all that comfortable with
it and Buffy down right hates it, but we haven't got much of a choice.

"Dawn wants to do her part in the good fight. She pointed out that me
and Willow chose to take up the fight when we were her age. Pointed
out how much it hurt me when Buffy and Willow tried to keep me safe by
keeping me out of the fight. Her mental judo worked. She got me on
side and together we got Buffy to cave in and let her patrol. Buffy
trains her which is Dawn's concession to us.

"Of course Dawn bringing up the 'You hurt Xander when you tried to
push him away for his own safety' thing got Buffy wanting to talk to
me about it. Ordinarily I'd be happy to, but I want Willow to be here
as well for this discussion. It's not just a Buffy-Xander issue. It's
a Buffy-Xandr-Willow issue. Most of our issues are.

"When Willow gets back, we'll deal with them. We have to if we're
going to avoid the mistakes of the past. I've got to try to fix things
before... before it's too late." Xander looked away and tried to blink
away the tears that started filling his eyes.

"Anyway, I hope you like the flowers. I tried to remember what you
liked. I'm gonna head over and talk with Tara for a bit. I hope she
likes her flowers too."

Xander gently brushed his finger tips against Joyce's headstone.

"I'll see you later." he promised before walking towards Tara's grave.

*-*-*-*-*

Propterea accipite armaturam Dei, ut possitis resistere in die malo
et, omnibus perfectis, stare.

(Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to
resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.)

*-*-*-*-*

Saturday nights had become something of a ritual for the remaining
Scoobies. Dubbed the `Saturday Night Social' by Dawn, it saw Xander
and the two Summers sisters do an early patrol (being summer the vamp
activity was pretty low) then head back to the house for a night in
together. Buffy had been against taking Dawn with them on patrol but
Xander and Dawn had managed to talk her around.

After a couple of patrols Buffy had to admit that Dawn was becoming
pretty good, not that Buffy was all that happy with Dawn patrolling in
the first place.

After patrol they would go back home for a late dinner and a night on
the couch, watching TV, or just plain hanging out together. Sometimes
Dawn would stay at a friends place, allowing Buffy and Xander to talk
about issues that they didn't feel comfortable talking about in front
of Dawn.

Which, if it helped Buffy and Xander get their lives back together
again, Dawn didn't mind.

It also let Buffy and Xander share a couple of glasses of wine while
they talked.

"Really? I didn't think Anya swung that way." A tipsy Buffy exclaimed
halfway through her fourth glass for the night.

The two of them were comfortably lounging on the couch, Buffy in her
pajamas while Xander relaxed in his boxers and an old t shirt.

"She doesn't. She just wanted to know what it was that Willow to
jumped the fence for. Anya figured that Tara must have been dynamite
in the sack and Anya was all for trying new things in the bedroom at
least once."

"She didn't... you know..." hinted Buffy with a motion of her free hand.

"No, but it was touch and go. She was just gonna march up to Tara and
proposition her. I had a hell of a time trying to talk her out of it."

"How'd you do it?"

"Well, there was a part of me that didn't want to talk her out of it.
The idea of watching two beautiful women getting it on is a classic
male fantasy." Xander explained.

"Men are such pigs." Buffy observed rolling her eyes. "Hang on" she
said a few seconds later "you said watch. Anya was going to let you
watch?"

"She insisted. Which, as I'll explain in a second, gave me the opening
to talk her out of it.

"Now, the actual chances of Tara agreeing to Anya's request was slim
to none in the first place. But that wouldn't stop her from asking
Tara, thus guaranteeing a world of awkwardness when Tara rejected her,
which we all know now that Anya doesn't take rejection all that well."

Two big issues that Xander and Buffy had avoided so far had been Spike
and Xander's failed wedding. They had touched on it every now and then
but no discussion of the nitty gritty yet. Soon they would, but not
yet and probably not before Willow returned.

"So how did you talk her out of it?"

"I tried convincing her that Tara wouldn't be interested in Anya. Big
mistake. The next couple of days Anya was all `why not? Don't you
think I'm attractive enough? Who's more attractive, Willow or me?'"

Buffy burst out laughing.

"I bet that was a fun time to be you." She snickered.

"Yeah, real fun." Xander grumped. "So I changed tracks on her. I
explained that Anya may not be the only one who wanted to experiment
and that Tara might want to make a visit to Xandertown."

"I take it that this argument didn't stop her."

"Nope. Anya only figured it to be fair and that Tara would have no
interest in me beyond a once off encounter. Did wonders for my ego to
hear that. So I had to play one last desperate hand and use my ace in
the hole. The Willow card."

"Oh boy." Buffy winced. When it came to Willow and Xander, Anya went
nuts with paranoia. Buffy thought Anya overreacted at times but Willow
and Xander did have a history and there was definitely something deep
between the two. Xander had tried very hard to smooth things out
between his best friend and his girlfriend and their rivalry over him
drove him insane. So to stoke that particular fire was truly an act of
a desperate man.

"You can say that again. I think I did too good a job because after
that Anya just flat out did not trust Willow for ages. When you think
about it, it was pretty stupid. Anya worried about me and Willow, who
was all about the girls, being alone for more than five seconds but
she never really worried about you and me spending all night together
patrolling. I'm not all that sure if I should be happy about what that
says about me. Or you for that matter."

The comment made Buffy think about her and Xander's relationship. She
knew that Xander had had a huge crush on her back in high school and
she also knew that Xander still found her attractive. She'd catch him
checking her out occasionally which gave her a bit of an ego boost.

Suddenly Buffy wondered why she hadn't shown more interest in Xander
before now. If she was honest with herself she had to admit that
Xander had a lot going for him. He was kind and funny and brave. She
trusted him with her life and the lives of everyone she held dear.

And to be completely and utterly honest she had found herself
physically attracted to him on quite a few occasions, especially
lately. She would wake up in the morning, curled up against him,
feeling so safe and loved. A couple of times she very nearly kissed
the sleeping Scooby.

But whenever she did she dismissed it, pushed it out of her mind,
convinced herself that she didn't think of Xander that way. 

But she did.

So where did that leave them now?

"Earth to Buffy, come in Buffy." Xander said waving his hand in front
of her face.

"Sorry about that." She apologized.

"Deep thoughts?"

"The deepest." She confirmed.

"Care to share?"

"When I figure what exactly they are I'll give you a call."

"I'm here for you anytime if you need me." He reassured.

"You always are." She told him, sipping her wine and adding that
thought into her previous ones.

Her feelings towards Xander were changing. But changing to what?

*-*-*-*-*

Ego diligentes me diligo; et, qui mane vigilant ad me, invenient me.

(I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me.)

*-*-*-*-*

Sitting under an oak tree, Willow enjoyed a moment of solitude in the
afternoon sun. In her lap were two letters, one from Buffy and Dawn
and the other from Xander, the latter surprising Willow greatly. You
had to virtually put a gun to Xander's head to get him to put pen to
paper, but here she was reading six pages of Xander's chicken
scratching style of handwriting.

It was so hard to cope sometimes.

When she had come here she had expected to be punished, thrown in the
deepest dungeon and stripped of her magic. Maybe even killed outright.
Instead Giles and the Coven helped her with her grief and her magic.
The Coven had taught her the true ways of Wicca that the books Willow
had studied never did. They helped her learn to balance and control
her magic and use it wisely. By getting in touch with all the aspects
of Wicca, Willow found herself discovering more of the fundamental
elements of Tara that she never really got until now.

Thoughts of Tara made her heart ache.

Not a day passed when she didn't think of her. Loosing Tara was still
an open wound that was slowly closing but would never fully heal. What
she did after Tara's death was something that Willow couldn't make up
for with just a simple apology.

She would spend the rest of her life trying to atone for her sins.
That was something she swore to Tara to do.

Soon she would have to return to Sunnydale to restart her life and
face her friends. It was a terrifying prospect made a little easier
with the love and support that came through the letters she held.

Willow learned that nothing in nature is truly above it all, that
everything was dependent on something else for its survival. Willow
was dependent on her friends and together they were dependent on each
other. Not just for survival on the Hellmouth, but for balance.

Hand.

Heart.

Spirit.

Mind.

Each had their role and all were needed.

Even her.

The task filled her with fear and dread.

*-*-*-*-*

intendens ad sapientiam aurem tuam, inclinans cor tuum ad cognoscendam
prudentiam; 

(Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding)

*-*-*-*-*






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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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