FIC: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum 15

["cdreramius" <mike_mcd@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Per Omnia Saecula Saeculorum
Author: Tony McD
Rating: M (15+ for language and adult themes)
Summary: The events and consequences immediately after `Grave'.
Distribution: Anywhere, just keep my name on it. As long as I am
remembered, I will never truly die.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor do I own any
other characters. This is a work of fiction written for your enjoyment.

*-*-*-*-*

Buffy ducked under the wild punch thrown at her head and delivered a
powerful uppercut that caught the vamp square on the chin and knocked
him flat on his back. Before he could regain his feet, Buffy plunged
her stake through its heart and watched as the ashes settled into the
grass. Turning around she checked on Xander to see how he was going
with his vampire.

What she saw disturbed her.

It was clear that Xander had the upper hand in the fight. A fledgling
vamp not two hours risen from her grave fighting an experienced Scooby
usually meant a relatively one sided affair with a quick and dusty ending.

But not tonight.

Xander was punching and kicking the vamp all over the place. Rather
than staking the vamp, Xander was intent on using it as his personal
punching bag. His jaw was set and a look of anger burned in his eyes.
A kick sent the vampire reeling into the side of a mausoleum and
Xander proceeded in delivering one angry punch after another to the
hapless vampire's head.

He would have kept on punching the vamp until his strength gave way
but Buffy had seen enough. She shoved Xander aside and staked the
vamp, ending its suffering.

"Goddamn it! Why the hell did you do that for?" Xander bellowed at Buffy.

"What's wrong with you tonight?" Buffy yelled back. She was equal
parts concerned for Xander and angry at his outburst.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You spend the whole night brooding then start beating on a
vamp like a madman and you say it's nothing?"

Normally when the two of them went on patrol together he was talkative
and animated, sharing jokes and treating the patrol as more of a
social occasion than a deadly serious enterprise. But tonight Xander
had been quiet and withdrawn the whole night. He hadn't said more than
three or four words once they had left Buffy's and her attempts at
starting a conversation had been met with little more than grunts.

"I didn't need your help."

"Xander, what the hell's going on?"

Xander snorted angrily.

"Just leave me alone!"

Buffy could only watch as Xander turned and stomped off into the night.

*-*-*-*-*

si fieri potest, quod ex vobis est, cum omnibus hominibus pacem habentes;

(If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.)

*-*-*-*-*

Standing at the door, Buffy looked at Xander sitting on the steps of
the back porch and hesitated. On her return to the Summers house Buffy
had been greeted by Dawn who wanted to know what Buffy had done to
piss Xander off so much.

Buffy wanted to know too.

She was tempted to leave him alone; to give him space and time to get
over whatever problem it was that had him so worked up.

The kind of approach that had gotten the Scooby Gang in trouble in the
first place.

Buffy opened the back door and sat down beside Xander.

After a long and uncomfortable silence it was Xander who finally spoke.

"Sorry."

Buffy waved him off.

"I think that's supposed to be my line. Mind you I'd like to know what
exactly I did to be sorry about."

Xander looked at her a little confused.

"What makes you think you've got anything to be sorry about?"

"Because it pretty much always turns out that way. This time I know
it's not about dusting that vamp but other than that I'm drawing a blank."

"Me being angry has nothing to do with you."

"Really?" Buffy said with a touch of sarcasm "Let's look at all the
times you've been uber pissed off, shall we?" Buffy started ticking a
list with her hand.

"There was Spring Fling where I rejected you for the living dead, the
time you threatened to kill me when Willow nearly got sacrificed to
raise the Master, me not killing Angel when he lost his soul, me not
killing Angel after he killed Miss Calendar... hell, let's just say my
entire relationship with Angel. Then there's me cutting you out of my
life back in college, and let's not forget about all that stuff with
Spike."

"I'd like to forget about everything to do with Spike." Xander mumbled.

"It happened, Xander. It happened and we can't pretend otherwise, no
matter how much we wish we could."

They sat there for a while, enjoying the warm Californian summer
night. Xander reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"I didn't know you smoked." A surprised Buffy remarked.

"I don't. I found this in one of the boxes of Giles stuff in the
basement."

"I didn't know he smoked any more." The only time that Buffy had seen
Giles smoke was under the influence of Band Candy when he had
regressed back to his younger and wilder days.

"On and off. Usually when he's ultra stressed or upset." Xander
informed her as he turned the packet over in his hand.

"With everything that goes on in this town it's a wonder he isn't a
chain smoker."

Xander grunted in agreement then put the packet back in his pocket.

Buffy sat wondering what else she would learn about Giles and her
friends and how it would affect the way she saw them. So far, what she
had seen had made them more reassuringly human.

A quiet sniffle beside her made Buffy look over at Xander and was
shocked to see him crying. She was unsure how she should react at
first before her friendship instincts kicked in and she hugged him.

As he wept, Buffy remembered all the times Xander had held her when
she needed comforting. She remembered that in her darkest of times
back in high school he would be there for her.

Now, finally, she could be there for him.

Gradually his sobs diminished and he held her back. They held each
other for a long time, neither wanting to let go of the other.

Sitting there, Buffy realised that she was witnessing a side of Xander
that previously only Willow had been allowed to see.

Vulnerable Xander.

Buffy had seen Unhappy Xander, and she had seen Sad Xander. But seeing
Vulnerable Xander was a Willow privilege.

Buffy mentally pulled herself up. Privilege?

Thinking for a moment, she realised that it really was a privilege. It
was a sign that Xander trusted her completely in the same way he
trusted Willow.

"Sorry." Xander mumbled and wiped his eyes, trying to regain what
little manly pride was left after his display of waterworks.

"Don't be." Buffy told him. She made an educated guess at what was
bothering Xander so much.

"You miss her, don't you?"

Xander nodded.

"Before this, the longest and furthest me and Wills had been apart was
my trip to Oxnard. Even as kids Willow's parents would take me with
them when they went to Arizona to visit Willow's cousins."

Buffy tried to imagine growing up with someone the way Xander and
Willow had grown up with each other. Buffy envied them for that.

But then Buffy realised that since she came to Sunnydale, Willow and
Xander had shared their life with her. Even in her pre-Slayer days,
Buffy had never felt as close to any of her friends as she did to her
fellow Scoobies. They would risk their lives, even their immortal
souls for each other and for Buffy.

Buffy felt like she was the luckiest person in the whole world.

"I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you."

"Huh?" Buffy was confused.

"You were right, I've been way too harsh on you for stuff... stuff
that I had no right or say in."

Buffy shrugged.

"True. But just because you were a complete asshat at times didn't
mean you were automatically wrong either."

"Still, it's no excuse."

"No it's not; and neither is me being Queen Bitch to you."

Xander gave a little chuckle.

"We're pretty screwed up, aren't we?"

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"You can say that again."

Xander grunted in agreement.

Buffy wriggled closer to Xander and rested her head on his shoulder.
Xander put his arm around her and rested his head on hers.

"When do you think Willow will be back?"

"Not soon enough."

> From her window upstairs, Dawn looked down on her sister and Xander
with approval.

*-*-*-*-*

et lacrimatus est Iesus

(Jesus wept.)

*-*-*-*-*

Saturday morning saw Dawn and Buffy at the mall shopping for birthday
presents for Xander who was busy with the extensions to the house. It
was a frustrating exercise for Buffy.

"I don't know what to get him. I've got no idea what he likes." Buffy
complained after two hours of searching.

"You've gone shopping for presents for Xander before."

"Yeah, but I always went with Willow who, lets face it, holds a PhD in
Xander present buying." She sulked. "I don't want to get him a crappy
lame present, but he's pretty much got everything he needs."

Dawn rolled her eyes at the stupidity of her sister.

"It's not about getting what people need; it's about getting what
people want. No wonder all the presents I get from you suck."

"Hey!" protested Buffy.

"Do you want my help or not?" Dawn asked her sister who just nodded.

Dawn thought for a minute before grabbing Buffy's hand and dragging
her off to the other side of the mall.

"Where are we going?"

"In here." Dawn told her as she led them into a surf wear shop.

"But I don't know Xander's size."

"We're not getting clothes for him; we're getting something for you."
Dawn explained as she went through a rack of bikinis.

"Uh?"

"We're gonna take him to the beach for the day. We can all work on our
tans and there will be plenty of eye candy for Xander to look at.
Here, try this on." 

Dawn handed Buffy a bikini.

"I can't wear this! There's not even all that much to wear."

"You're gonna wear it for two reasons. One: this is Southern
California and this is the sort of thing you wear to the beach if you
want to compete in the eye candy game. And two: one of us is wearing
this."

"You're not wearing this and who said I wanted to compete?"

"Please, I'm not blind. I've seen the way you've been looking at
Xander lately."

"I have not!" Buffy denied.

"This morning you spent twenty minutes watching him haul lumber."

Buffy went a deep shade of red.

"I did not!" Buffy squeaked. Dawn just stood there with her hands on
her hips.

"It's good to see you can swim the length and breadth of denial. Face
it Buffy, you've got more than friendly feelings for him and as acting
president of the 'We Love Xander Club', all I can say is that it's
about time. The only two who haven't had some kind of lusty feelings
for the big doofus was you and Tara. Mind you, I half expected Tara to
be fluking her lips off with Xander long before you got a clue. I
guess it took seeing him naked to get your interest."

"How did you know..." Buffy was too stunned to even try denying she'd
seen him naked.

"How dense do you think I am? I bring in Willow's clothes and she and
Xander are naked in your bed."

"It's not what you're thinking." Buffy countered.

"You looked after your friends when they couldn't look after themselves."

"OK, maybe it is what you're thinking." Buffy paused and shook her
head "Why am I even discussing this with you?"

"Because even if Willow was here I'd still be the only one you could
talk to about this whole matter openly. Because I'm pretty much the
only impartial party to this whole love triangle you guys have going."

"I don't have feelings for Xander, there is no love triangle, and I'm
NOT wearing this!" Buffy insisted forcefully, jamming the bikini back
on the rack. 

"Could we not discuss this right now?"

"Fine. But this isn't the last time we're talking about this." Dawn
warned her sister.

By the time they left the shop, Dawn had gotten Buffy to buy the bikini.

*-*-*-*-*

Guttur illius suavissimum, et totus desiderabilis. Talis est dilectus
meus, et ipse est amicus meus, filiae Ierusalem.

(His mouth is most sweet; Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my
beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.)

*-*-*-*-*





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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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