FIC: "Madness Used To Be Mine" (1/?)

Author: TidalWave (TidalWave@xxxxxxxxxx)

URL: http://site.voila.fr/sunnydalelegends

Rating: Adult content.

Pairing: Buffy/Willow, Buffy/Riley, Buffy/Faith, Willow/Tara?

Disclaimer: Joss Almighty, M.E., and co are the proud parents of these brilliant characters that I borrowed...

Summary: Starts from ?Something Blue?.

Feedback: It?s always wonderful and inspiring to get response to what had been written, so, please, if you can? Thanks.

Part 1

Buffy slumped on her bed with a sigh. Willow closed the door behind them. She looked upset. She sat on her bed and stared at Buffy, lying on hers, in the room they shared together this year.

Willow then looked outside, darkness was all around town. She'd tried her best for the last couple of hours to make her friends forget about her noxious mistake. She was exhausted especially since the day's debacle far from helped her deal with her pain.

She stared at Buffy.

"Do you really think you can forgive me one day?"

Buffy took her hands away from her face and smiled at her best friend, "Come on, Will. I already have, you know that."

"I can't believe I did something like that."

"Yep, guess you just need more practice with magic. Though if you wanna stop now, you know? Feel free."

Buffy smiled as Willow pouted.

"I'm kidding, Will. I know it's important for you. And I trust you. I know that with today, you?ve understood and you will be careful now."

"That I will."

Buffy yawned, "I'm done. I'm going to the bathroom and that's bedtime for me. But you can stay up if you want, it won't bother me."

"No, wait for me. Going to bed too."

The two friends headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Buffy crept in her bed but then she noticed the sad look on her friend's face as the redhead was staring at a picture of herself and Oz.

"I wish there was something I could do, Will."

Willow smiled at her, "No it's my issue, really. You've already done a lot by forgiving today's mess."

"You're my best friend and I love you. I know what you're going through, if I could spare you this I would. And if I can make you feel better you know I also will."

Willow smiled at her then looked sad again, she stared at the picture once more, "It's weird you know. Supposedly it gets better with time, but right now, it's killing me to think of another night without him. It's like, his absence is stressing me out and bedtime is always the worse time. Lying alone in bed, thinking of him, wondering?" Willow trailed off.

Buffy looked sad but then gave Willow a bright smile as she opened wide her sheets. Willow frowned.

"Come on. Let's not be alone tonight. Let's pretend we're not single and desperate for once."

Willow smiled and after a slight hesitation she took her pillow and joined Buffy in her bed.

"We're going to be squeezed, you know."

"It's ok. I can do squeeze once in a while. It's part of college living conditions."

"Yep, college and experimenting all sorts of things like tight beds and broken hearts."

Buffy squeezed her best friend's shoulder, "Don't think about this. It'll be alright. Come on cheer up, Will."

Willow smiled.

"At least you don't have the Spike taste in mouth, yuck." Buffy looked disgusted.

Willow smiled, "Well, from what Anya said you didn't seem to hate it that much then."

"Great; Anya. Let's kill her."

"Can I help?"

They laughed ever so lightly.

"No seriously, it was?" Buffy took a deep breath, "It is horrible."

"Really? You really still have his 'taste'."

Buffy looked embarrassed, "No," she hesitated, "What is horrible is how horny I was feeling."

Willow held back a laugh, "Sorry, it's not funny."

"That you don't say. I was so hot for him, Will. I wanted, oh God forgive me for even thinking about it. If we'd been alone in a room... I can't stress enough how glad I am this didn't happen."

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

"Now I'm thinking about Parker."

Willow looked sad.

"Oh no, don't worry, Will. Not thinking about him this way, I?m over him. But the bastard had skills."

Willow held back another laugh then gave Buffy a fake shocked look, ?Damn, Spike really did get you hot?" She almost scolded.

"You have NO idea how hot we're talking about there. You know the shower earlier, I took it cold."

"I see. So is it better now?"

"Well, is it a crime to lie to your best friend?"

They smiled at each other then Willow sighed,

"I really never thought I could do something like that. I hope you'll be ok soon."

"It's not your fault you know. I mean, I got horny because of the spell but then, it's been a while, you know. I don't need spells to get like that. It's hard to cool this down. Dunno if it's being a slayer that does that."

"Yes, I remember how Faith was. I always wondered about that."

"About what?"

"About how she was. I mean, sometimes she was horny like that, it showed, and sometimes, well, you looked just like her, and, well, now I know you're just like her. I mean, on that level, I mean not like her-like her, I know you're still you, Buffy. You wouldn't do the first body around just to itch a scratch but still? "

"The urge is here." Buffy completed the sentence then looked more thoughtful all of a sudden, "And you know, she wasn?t that promiscuous in fact. She wasn't sleeping with a different guy every night. I believe she had a group of 'friends,' at list acquaintances. And ok, the group relationship was probably fleshier than us Scooby but? still, she wasn't all that bad."

Willow looked intensely at Buffy, ?Did you two?"

"Willow?!"

Buffy looked surprised Willow even thought about this.

The slayer didn't look mad or offended though.

"Sorry Buffy it's just, thinking about it, I don't think Faith was all that straight, you know. I mean, I know she liked boys but-"

"She liked sex."

"So that's true, right??

?How would I know? Cause to answer your first question, no, we NEVER did anything."

"But you thought about it, didn?t you?"

Buffy blushed, Willow smiled, "I knew it."

"No, I didn't think about it. I mean, ok, I admit I did wonder about whether or not she was bisexual, you know. And maybe I did wonder about how it was, but there was Angel at the time so I never really thought consciously of 'doing it'. I did get horny a couple of times while slaying with her. But it stopped there; going home and cold showers."

Buffy sighed.

"Yep. I can't believe it's college and we're here, without boyfriends and desperate as it is."

"And we still have to take cold showers. Why does everybody say college is so enticing, huh? Where's my fun?"

"Yes, they're all, ?you'll see, college, you can do everything, it's all about trying out and enjoying everything. It's freedom?. So far, I like high school better."

"Can?t believe I?m saying this but; so do I. Talk about experimentation. I got nailed by a player; what a great experience."

"I thought you said Parker was good." Willow teased her.

"Yes and that's the problem, cause now I want more. I mean, how do you do it? Don't you miss Oz?" Buffy looked upset about her words, "Sorry Will, I didn't mean to say that. Of course you miss him or I wouldn't have talked wedding with Spike today. But my point was, well, you know what it was, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, don't worry. Well, I guess the pain is still too strong to really think about *this* part of the relationship. But yes, I guess, I start to feel the need inside. The pain has been kind of covering it enough for now though."

"Maybe we should just do like Faith. Find some boys we know but don't really know? You know."

"I don't think I could ever do that. I really hate the idea of another man in my bed right now. Horny or not, I think I'd rather satisfy myself on my own."

Buffy nodded, ?Me too. But damn I'm really turned on tonight. Too bad. Maybe I should go take another cold shower." Buffy distractedly said while staring at the ceiling.

"Or maybe..."

Buffy turned to look at Willow as she hadn't completed her sentence, "Yes Will?"

"Err, no, nothing."

Buffy frowned at the look on her friend's face, "What's wrong, what did you want to say?"

Buffy noticed Willow wasn't looking at her in the eye.

"No really it's nothing."

The redhead's cheeks were slightly red.

"What was your idea, Will? Come on you can tell me, you know I won't laugh."

"No, I can't. I don't even know how I even? I can't tell you."

"Oh my God."

Willow closed her eyes and blushed even more as she realized Buffy had understood.

Buffy cleared her throat, "Wow, you really did think about this? together?"

"No, I didn't I swear... I mean, maybe it crossed my mind but just a fraction of second. That's because we had all this talk and - and but it's not? I was-"

"It's ok, Will. We were just talking. I understand."

"You're not mad?"

"Come on, we're not in high school anymore. I can actually have sex now and you know all about it too, so I think we can have grown ups talk about it now. Ain?t that cool?"

Willow smiled.

An awkward silence then took over.